Baggage Claim

Love in the Blender: Navigating Romance While Raising Four Kids

• Greg and Jess • Season 1 • Episode 5

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Greg and Jess share their dating journey from first meeting through getting engaged and married, exploring how they've maintained their relationship while raising four children in a blended family.

• Started with Facebook messages and texts before meeting at Waffle House for their first date 
• Second date was at a rock climbing gym in Atlanta 
• Realized they were in love on the same day while Greg was installing a bike rack
• Nanny (Jess's grandmother) gave Jess a ring to give to Greg, unknowingly answering his private prayer
• Got engaged at St. Simon's Island after dating for just months, with all four children present
• Married in October 2012, only eight months after meeting
• Made dating each other a priority throughout their marriage despite busy schedules with four kids
• Found creative ways to connect including coffee dates before grocery shopping
• Took annual trips without children to invest in their relationship
• Emphasized putting phones down and being present with each other

Remember to date each other no matter how chaotic life gets. When kids eventually leave home, your relationship needs to be strong enough to continue thriving as a couple.


Greg:

Hey guys, what's up? I'm Greg. I hope you guys are ready to unpack and get into some good conversations today.

Jess:

And I'm Jess, and this is our podcast Baggage Claim. Thank you for joining us.

Greg:

Welcome to Baggage Claim man. What a crazy few weeks we've had. This is our fifth episode, so I want to encourage you wherever you're at riding in your car, sitting at your table, grab your favorite drink, whatever that may be, whatever kind of day you had.

Greg:

That's completely yes, metaphorically. If you're driving down the road, hopefully that favorite drink is a good chai tea or ice water or ice water or a mocha with almond milk, and just enjoy and let's unpack together as we jump into a new episode tonight. So thank you guys for listening so much and joining us. I want to say right off the get-go though, before we get too much into it we want to give a special shout out.

Jess:

Yes to brother jack woodworking as west price.

Greg:

Yes, yes, gainesville, georgia yes, amazing dude does some incredibly cool uh, woodworking a true craftsman including our beautiful logo. Yes, he helped us, uh, get our logo and our table and our chairs to help create our set. If you're in the Gainesville area and if you're not in the Gainesville area, if you're in the Atlanta area. He's done some really cool stuff on HGTV, so go check him out. His brother, jack Woodworking, is an awesome dude, so make sure you check him out. Love that dude. He's like my brother.

Jess:

I love that guy. He's the little brother you never had.

Greg:

Yes, I love him to death, thank you Wes. Yes, absolutely so. As we jump in tonight, I just want to say again right off the get-go I know we've said this before, but I want to say it again Jess and I are not perfect. No, we don't have this figured out. We're still 13 years in and still trying to get our feet wet and figure out what we're doing and how we're doing it now, because we had small kids. Now they're adult kids, just so you know, jess and I we're not perfect.

Greg:

We're not perfect and we're completely opposites, we're opposite people, we don't know what we're doing.

Jess:

But we're just trying to have fun while we figure it out.

Greg:

We're going to share our lives and continue to share our lives and things we've learned, things we've jacked up and screwed up over the years, but in the same time, hoping you can grab some nuggets out of it to make your family better, whether you're brand new being married, whether you're about to be married, whether you're in your second marriage, wherever you're at, yeah, whether you're a core family or a blended family. Yeah, hopefully there's something you can grab out of all of this. Yeah.

Jess:

So tonight we want to talk about what it was like when you and I dated.

Greg:

Ooh the dating. I wasn't very good at dating because I had not done a whole lot of that.

Jess:

I hadn't either.

Greg:

And so I wasn't really sure what to expect and what to do. So we talked about our first date being at Waffle House, which you know us being high rollers. That's just the way we roll. We're fancy, yes, we are fancy, and so every Valentine's Day, we do go to Waffle House.

Jess:

Yeah, because we met in February.

Greg:

Yes, and it's just a—.

Jess:

It was a Valentine's Day, but it counts.

Greg:

Yeah, it's just kind of fun to go there on Waffle House and they have amazing waffles, but anyway, it's not a pitch for Waffle House, no. But so that was our first date. Our second date we led off to and we hinted around to this, that I want to do something fun and something adventurous. My life's kind of been a lot of adventure things over the years doing fun stuff. So we went rock climbing, which you had never been really.

Jess:

No, but before we go there.

Greg:

Okay, whoa, all right, sorry, I'll put the brakes on.

Jess:

Yeah, how did you know you were ready to date?

Greg:

Oh, wow, man, that's a good question. Yeah, if I'm a hundred percent, yes, that's what I prefer honesty. Okay, thank you. I I didn't know if I did.

Greg:

I said yes to the coffee and so we had coffee tell me a little bit more about that though so when we said I said yes to coffee with you at Waffle House, that led into, we talked about not just 30 minutes but hours and hours into. It was just a connection there. It felt comfortable, it felt easy to have a conversation with you. It felt natural, it didn't feel forced, it didn't feel like I was having to dig for conversations. We were just having a good time sitting at the booth. I still remember the same booth we were at. I still remember what you had on actually and so, yeah, you look really good in those jeans. But past that, I think it was just really easy.

Greg:

And so I didn't know 100%. If you were to ask me are you ready to date? I don't know, I don't really know. Maybe, maybe not. Everyone in my life would have told me absolutely, not, probably, just said but I move at a different pace than a lot of people do Sometimes. I know that's extremely frustrating to you, but it's kind of fast and this is the way my mind works. So, to answer that question, I don't know if I was, but I really liked you and I wanted to go on another date.

Jess:

But you didn't know if you liked me yet.

Greg:

I did from that first coffee date, but I liked you.

Jess:

Okay, how did you know you liked me?

Greg:

Well, because you were so sweet and so kind, because I had a four-hour conversation with you at a Waffle House booth. That's why I knew that.

Jess:

But even before that, I didn't know before that.

Greg:

That's why I just said, I'll have coffee.

Jess:

So let's back up. Before that, though, okay. Okay, when our friends, our mutual friends, said, okay, you two have to meet. Okay, we didn't meet face-to-face at first, no, it was three or four weeks of texting, but first it was Facebook messaging.

Greg:

It was. That's how we did it. Well, okay, our first phone call was. I remember calling you. I was walking.

Jess:

We had messaged back and forth on Facebook and then we tiptoed into texting.

Greg:

We swapped numbers.

Jess:

We did.

Greg:

So we knew each other's phone numbers and I called you to kind of set up the first date.

Jess:

Yes, but before that you had said is it okay if I call you?

Greg:

Okay, you're going to have to fill me in on details. I don't know.

Jess:

All of those Maybe, I don't know, I barely remember what I had for lunch yesterday, so bear with me, we messaged first on Facebook because we became like Facebook friends. This is before Instagram and all the other things. Yep, it was like a million years ago in 2012.

Greg:

Yeah.

Jess:

And then through the course of that is when you asked for my phone number and then you texted me a little bit, did you have a diary.

Greg:

Were you documenting all this?

Jess:

No, my girl, we remember these things.

Greg:

Okay, gotcha All right.

Jess:

And then you ask for my phone number, and then you ask me after a little bit. Are you okay if I call you?

Greg:

Yeah.

Jess:

And so then the first phone call. Do you remember that? Yes, I remember that.

Greg:

Yes, I remember that. I was trying to say that when you interrupted me and gave me more details for the first phone call. Okay, well, I appreciate that.

Jess:

Girl we appreciate details.

Greg:

I appreciate details sometimes, sometimes Right. So I was walking in the parking lot of Chestnut Mountain Church. I was going to play a cornhole tournament.

Jess:

I thought it was 12-stone.

Greg:

No, it was Chestnut Mountain Church. It was in their gym area. They were having a cornhole tournament and Michael Coach Parker was my teammate. Shout out to Cherokee Bluff Go Coach Parker. Amazing dude, he was in my student ministry for years Still been friends and so he was my partner and I mean I'm not bragging or anything, but I think we came in top three of that tournament. You were up there. Yeah, we were up there. I mean we were dominating. My games fell off since then, but anyway, I remember walking in and having that conversation with you about, well, there was all that magical things going on with you.

Greg:

Yes.

Jess:

And I, on the receiving end of that phone call, was walking into the grocery store with my two children.

Greg:

Okay, yeah, so there you have it, and I remember that's when we set up the actual first date and then, before the date we had connected through, we were just Facebooking face messaging each other. And I was like what are you doing right now?

Jess:

Like it's weird, I'm watching Step Brothers. I just put my kids to bed.

Greg:

Yeah, it was weird because I literally was watching the exact same show you had done the same thing.

Jess:

You put your kids to bed and we were watching the same thing. It was on TBS or something.

Greg:

It was on local TV and so I was watching Stepbrothers also and we just started quoting that to each other and just laughing and we had a common bond really quick.

Jess:

Also the really stupid movies, stupid movies.

Greg:

Yes, and that still continues to this day. We still love to watch stupid movies together.

Jess:

Throughout our getting to know each other, our love of stupid movies just kind of remains.

Greg:

Yeah, it's just grown.

Jess:

Literally 13 years later, that's still kind of where we're at Try to pass that on to our kids.

Greg:

I don't know if they all caught it. Some like them, some don't.

Jess:

A couple of them.

Greg:

It hasn't grabbed like we thought it would, but you know I tried Give it a good old college try.

Jess:

It's okay, yeah, yeah.

Greg:

So I remember that, all of those fun things leading up to that date so I guess that was a lot of front-loading to the date that we actually went on, which was at a climbing gym in Atlanta, a massive climbing gym that I'd been to a lot of times and so I just went and I packed a picnic lunch with some fruit and some just some snacks for us to go.

Jess:

And I had never been climbing of any sort, ever.

Greg:

Right. So I have no idea. We were rock climbing, had a good time. It was just kind of fun just playing around, just letting you get the feel of it. So it was just something adventurous to do, and then we wound up at—.

Jess:

No, I teased you while we were at the climbing gym of why you wanted to see me in a harness.

Greg:

Yeah, we referred to that in one of the other episodes that I want to see your butt in a harness, and that's 1,000% true. I don't deny that at all, and so I wasn't disappointed. So you know. It's just saying what it is. It is what it is Anyway.

Jess:

You're welcome.

Greg:

Yeah, so it led to dinner. We went to dinner and weird thing is we left both our phones in the truck. We did dinner and weird thing is we left both our phones in the truck. We did and just went to dinner and, um, I thought dinner was amazing, I thought it went over swimmingly. I remember where we sat, uh, is that arena tavern there? And so we were, um, I don't know if arena tavern still thing, but we were sitting over there in the bar area and just kind of just chatting In a big old booth, yeah, just talking about life and in general of the goods, the bad, the ugly, the fun stuff.

Jess:

I thought it was going well, apparently, yeah, you had a different perspective. Your perspective of the day is very different than mine, and so, on my side of the table, I remember you giving me the speech of why you will never trust a woman and you can't see yourself getting to know another woman or getting into another relationship with a woman, or why women can't be trusted.

Greg:

Okay, public service announcement. Fellas, apparently that's not a good thing to share on your first date.

Jess:

It's not, it's not cute.

Greg:

It wasn't meant to be cute? Oh, it was not. I was still dealing to be cute. I 100? Oh it was not. I was. I was still dealing with a lot of that was some hurt I had some baggage.

Jess:

You brought baggage, I definitely had the baggage to the first real date.

Greg:

Yeah, I was unpacking it, trying to show it to you, you threw it on the table. Yeah, I was like here's my. What do you think about that, liar? So I had hurt. I agree with that you did. I don't remember it being quite what you said it was. I think you may have been reading into that. It's okay, but anyway, apparently I did something right because you went out with me again.

Jess:

I did.

Greg:

So you know.

Jess:

Oh, here's a fun question, oh God. Okay, go ahead, because I don't know the answer to this either I bet not either. Our first real date was that night after we indoor rock climbed and went to the restaurant. Do you remember our next date after that? Oh man, Because I don't.

Greg:

Do you? No, I don't remember either no. I don't, because we went kind of incognito, we went undercover.

Jess:

We didn't want.

Greg:

Because I didn't know if you would go out with me after my great speech. You didn't even know if I liked you. Right, I was like you know, I just gave my. You know, this is me, this is who I am speech.

Jess:

I was like okay, great, that's not where I'm at.

Greg:

Okay, thanks. Luckily you hung around. I don't know why, but you did. It's your eyes. That's why Then it was like when we would date, I had my kids seven days and they were gone for seven days. We tried to be very. If they were at church on Wednesday, we would go to a restaurant.

Jess:

Because it took us okay, I say it took us a long time Our dating, from dating to here yes, we are going to move forward together to yes, we're going to get married. And then married Was fast.

Greg:

In some minds yes.

Jess:

In a lot of minds.

Greg:

yeah, yeah it's not like Vegas fast, no, but it's fast. You know, like Vegas fast is like hey, you look good throwing those dices, let's get married. We want to get married. Yeah, it was a little longer than that.

Jess:

Yeah, no.

Greg:

About a couple minutes.

Jess:

We met in February 2012.

Greg:

Yes.

Jess:

You proposed in July, and then we got married in October 2012.

Greg:

And everyone would tell you don't, don't, don't do that, it's crazy. And I would probably tell you don't do that.

Jess:

Don't do that, hey.

Greg:

But 13 years later, yeah, I think it's working out.

Jess:

I think it's going to work out. We're doing okay. I feel good about it. I feel good about it too.

Greg:

So I think, leading up to that though you just can't just say that and not like we dated and we'll talk in another episode about how we involved our kids and how the kids got involved.

Jess:

But right now, the kids did not know that. My children didn't know I was dating anybody. Your children didn't know you were dating anybody no, except for the one time.

Greg:

Uh, we, we, we really got into the date we got in the conversation and it was a local restaurant, we're really into it. And then I looked down I was like holy crap, I gotta go it was a wednesday night yes, it, I got to go. It was a Wednesday night. Yes, it was a Wednesday night, so Callie was at church.

Jess:

It's church night, not just Callie. Callie, thomas, aaron, grace and Cody.

Greg:

Well, you're two in the mind. I was just responsible for mine. No, cody, I don't remember Cody he was not at church that night.

Jess:

Callie is the one.

Greg:

Anyway, Callie throws this up in my face to this day.

Jess:

And she's 25 years old and she still brought it up just a couple months ago.

Greg:

Yeah, I was in Pensacola a couple months ago just hanging out with her for a few days and she brought it up.

Jess:

She did, I was like baby that's like a long time ago. That's 150 years ago.

Greg:

So I was late to pick her up. Every single person in the student ministry was gone, it was her and the youth pastor sitting on the steps on the front porch and she was mortified, mortified, and so she lets me know that, every single time that we're together, that you forgot and left me at church.

Jess:

But of all the places to forget, to pick up, that's a great place. Okay, let me back up. You didn't forget to pick up. That's a great place. Okay, let me back up.

Greg:

You didn't forget to pick up Cali? No, I just got distracted. It's your fault, it's mainly your fault that I distracted. No Moving past that, so our kids didn't know.

Jess:

No.

Greg:

But there was a time when we introduced the kids into that and we'll get into that later.

Jess:

That's a different story, but can we just rewind back a little bit?

Greg:

Okay, go ahead. I'm trying to move forward, but go ahead. You stay there. I feel like you're about to throw another stone. Go ahead.

Jess:

When we were at Arena Tavern. Again, I don't know if that place is still open or not.

Greg:

I'm pretty sure it is.

Jess:

Okay, so there was some weather.

Greg:

Yeah, tornadoes, yeah other stuff.

Jess:

So at that time, all the way until she passed away my grandmother, nanny, she needed to be where I was, and then, once we got married, she needed to be where you were to feel safe in a storm. Well, at that time I just giggled thinking about it. At that time I was still living pretty much with my friends Chad and Lisa that I mentioned and the how do we get here? Yeah, and so when we left our phones in the car yes, because we were trying to like have conversation, because we knew where our children were and everything was okay Well, we were in another county, and then the bad weather was happening closer to home. And then the bad weather was happening closer to home, and so Nanny had called my phone five million times and left five million voicemails about the bad weather. Jessie, I'm going to need you to come get me. Jessie, what are we going to do about the weather? Jessie? This Jessie that when she didn't get me, she started calling Chad and Lisa and I got the same voicemails from them, like a million.

Greg:

I had none.

Jess:

None, but I had 50 million voice messages from Nanny, Chad and Lisa and text, all the things, and we had no idea.

Greg:

Yeah, so everybody was ticked at me right off the get-go.

Jess:

Immediately, because you put me in danger.

Greg:

Yes, I was distracting you from the storms and therefore put you in danger.

Jess:

Yes.

Greg:

Well, Nanny and I became buddies after that. Yes, you did, but needless to say, arena Tavern kind of holds a special spot. With that being said, like we had, we had dated we we had not introduced the kids we had done those things.

Jess:

It was several weeks before we even we did.

Greg:

We got the kids involved, but the first time that we actually realized that we loved each other yeah, it's a weird kind of thing. We never talked about it until years and years later.

Jess:

It was a while, years.

Greg:

But I realized. You asked me when was the first time that you realized that?

Jess:

It was a book kind of like this book the Year of Us that we used a couple's journal. It was a book like that that brought this question up.

Greg:

I was putting on a bike rack on the on your car. Our kids were running around playing in the yard, um, and I was laying under the car, literally bolting this thing to the.

Jess:

I was just sitting in the driveway just talking to you.

Greg:

Yeah, and I don't know, it's just weird. But I realized then I was like I, this lady, yeah, this is good, this is good, actually, like I love her.

Jess:

Yeah, it was the same day I had the same thought, because all four of our kids were running around like maniacs in the yard, like littles should do.

Greg:

Yes.

Jess:

And sitting there and there was music playing from somebody's phone or whatever, and I had the same thought. I was like, oh wow.

Greg:

So from that day forward, I started this thing. I went home that night and I prayed. I was like, okay, god, if this is the person you want me to marry, if this is her and I love her, I'm not going into debt and I need a ring in order to propose to her. So if you want me to marry this lady, give me a ring.

Jess:

And so I started.

Greg:

I didn't tell anybody that.

Jess:

Like no one. Yeah, I didn't know.

Greg:

Yeah. So I started just praying that prayer to myself when I was there God, give me a ring. If you want me to marry her, give me a ring. And we continued Like, show yourself.

Jess:

We continued to date one another. We continued After we introduced our children to one another I mean, we all family dated but then an easy way for us to have a date night alone was while we dropped our children off at church on Wednesdays. We just continued to get to know each other, although neither one of us knew at that point that we loved one another until and we didn't even talk about this beforehand but the DVD presentation that you made.

Greg:

I did.

Jess:

Sweetest thing ever.

Greg:

Yeah, it was by Ray LaMontagne, a song called you Are the Best Thing.

Jess:

Which was our wedding song.

Greg:

And it was pictures of us from the very first post that we have actually here, the very first post that we were here.

Jess:

Yes, behind me.

Greg:

Yep, that we posted on social media. I used a bunch of pictures and at the end I told you I loved you, and so I remember showing you as a slideshow, because video wasn't a really big thing then. And so we remember showing you as a slideshow, because video wasn't a really big thing then, and so we did that.

Jess:

But what you're getting at was I'm not going into debt. God please provide.

Greg:

No, I think I kind of wanted to. I knew myself personally where I was at with you and I was like I love this lady, I don't want to move too fast, I don't want to do something that's hurtful to my kids, to me, to you, to your kids. So I was like, okay, god, if the timing is right, I'm waiting on your timing you show me what it is you want. And so I started praying that prayer. Okay, god, give me a ring. If you want me to marry her, give me a ring.

Jess:

And so at that point and this is a very emotional thing for me and you too, because you got to know her, know her, my grandmother, nanny, those friends and family that know her, if you knew her, whether you're related or not, her name's Nanny. She was always very special to me because I was the only granddaughter. So I was rotten At one point because she just did life with me. She had the fortunate circumstance to be able to retire. She was a young great-grandmother to my children, but she was a young great-grandmother and anyway, she was very involved in my life.

Jess:

And at some point, obviously prior to when Greg and I got engaged, she came to me and said I have this ring that is set aside for you and my will when I pass away. But I just really feel like God's telling me to give that to you right now. And I was like okay, that's weird, but I'm going to trust you. Are you sure you know this, that and the other? She was like, yeah, I mean because she had already fallen in to trust you. Are you sure you know this, that and the other. She was like, yeah, I mean because she had already fallen in love with you. Yeah, the first or second time she met you. She was hugging on you and smacked you on the bottom.

Greg:

Yeah, we had a very fun relationship, to say the least. Yeah, yeah.

Jess:

Yeah, yeah. So she just gave it to me and she said I feel like you don't need to wait. And I was just like yes, ma'am, Okay, so I'm just going to put this away.

Greg:

No, keep in mind, I never had this conversation with anyone.

Jess:

No.

Greg:

Like I didn't have this conversation with Nanny and I carried—Nanny and I became really good buddies later on in our marriage that I would take her to all not all a large majority of her doctor visits. I knew all her doctors by first name. They knew me. We didn't know how to introduce me, so she just started calling you her grandson, yeah grandson, because it's weird. We were trying to explain it the first couple times. It just got odd, yeah, so we never. I never told her, I never told anyone the idea of.

Jess:

You and I had talked about like we can see a future together.

Greg:

Yeah, but I never said, hey, I want to marry you. No, I never said any of those words to you. I never said that was internally for me. Yeah, From that point where I knew I loved you and so I was just praying God, if you really want this to happen, I'm waiting on you. So when you give me a ring, I'm going to know it's Stan.

Jess:

And I can remember standing in my kitchen at my house.

Greg:

Yeah, kids were in the backyard running around screaming, yelling, playing.

Jess:

As usual.

Greg:

Yeah.

Jess:

And I remember saying so I don't know where you're at, but here. Nanny gave me this ring and she was like, because it was her.

Jess:

It was the first ring Her and Papa had bought a wedding set and, honestly, me and my mama and my aunt, we didn't know this particular ring even existed. That she gave me there was an entirely different wedding set that she had worn, so we're not real sure at what timeline of the I mean 60 years that they were married, where that my particular ring came from. None of us do. And so I was just like, okay, so Nanny gave me this ring because she feels like that, she knows that you and I are supposed to be together. I'm just going to put it in this box and I'm going to give it to you.

Greg:

See, I don't remember any of that. All I remember, literally is we're in your kitchen. My kitchen, yeah, and you literally said hey, my nanny gave this to me and she told me to give it to you and it doesn't mean anything, it doesn't.

Jess:

Do with it what you feel, yeah.

Greg:

And I remember and I was like what do you mean? And I opened my hand and you just set this ring in my hand.

Jess:

The little black box.

Greg:

And I was like what is that? And I remember opening it up and it was a ring and I literally it was one of those moments where you're just like it's not to be over religious because I'm not a, but at the same time I was like I didn't pray, but at the same time there's a lot of like, there's a lot of for you and I. My faith is a huge part of who I am.

Jess:

Right.

Greg:

If you meet me, you're not going to go. That guy's a Bible thumping guy. But at the same time my faith is a huge part of my life. But when you set that ring box in my hand, it was a literal answer to prayer. Yeah, it's like God said here you go.

Jess:

But I didn't know you were praying that.

Greg:

No, I had no idea. I was the only one who knew that. Yeah, and I was just like speechless. I was like, okay, I got to go, and I remember just walking outside it was like really, God, Like, really, Like.

Greg:

This is it Like really. And so I remember being flo floored and stunned and I was like okay, so this is what we're going to do, so this is it, here's where we're going. And so from that point on, I was like okay, so we're going to get engaged and here's how it's going to happen. Yeah, and so I started involving our kids in trying to figure it out.

Jess:

Only Callie and Cody knew about the proposal plan Right. But I love that story when we like me and Thomas and Aaron Grace, you and Callie and Cody, and then my friends Chad and Lisa and their girlies Molly and Ellie we all went to St Simon's together and we rented this big house and everybody had rooms, and you, you had this little pitiful servants quarters.

Greg:

I was in the call. Closet under the closet, yes.

Jess:

The closet under the stairs, yes you were such a good sport, but it's so funny yeah, I was like I'll just you know what I'll sleep in the closet air conditioning vent in there no, it was rough.

Greg:

It was rough. I'd rather sleep on the couch, but I you know I'll do it but at that point I still was clueless.

Jess:

I didn't know where we were going. I mean, we had talked about it, but not like actual plans of where we were going, and so I didn't know that, behind the scenes, that you had asked your sister to have the ring size to fit me and that you and Callie and Cody had had this elaborate proposal plan that didn't involve me and Thomas and Aaron Grace, because you wanted Thomas and Aaron Grace to be surprised as well.

Greg:

No, so I did for the seven days we were there I took these little cool little Chinese little box things that you get Chinese food in and I wrote a note on the front of each one of them. That was just for me, yeah, something I loved about you. So I did seven things that I really enjoyed and loved about you, and then I usually put a gift in there that had to do with it.

Jess:

And most of them had a gift attached to it.

Greg:

Yeah, so it was like it was simple gifts, like when was the DVD of Stupid Movies? When was your favorite candy Anch? What was your favorite candy Anchorman? So it was just lots of different things. Well, once you put all of those seven notes together. This is how my mind works. It's kind of weird, but you put those seven notes together. If you flip them over and put them all together, there was a treasure map. I know when I look back at it I'm like so cheesy but it's so sweet. But at the same time I had this treasure map drawn out with this big X on there and Cody and I and I was scared to death that if your grandmother's but you didn't bury the ring.

Jess:

You buried the box. I did.

Greg:

You had the ring in your pocket Because I was like I am not putting your grandmother's ring on the beach and there was this big axe that we made out of wood and we buried it and so we videoed it Somewhere. That video is out there.

Jess:

It's somewhere.

Greg:

We'll have to see if we can find it, but it was us. It was probably one of our kids' video because it was lots of screaming and yelling, but we actually, when you opened the box, it got on one knee, so all four kids were there and there was another letter attached to it. Yeah, all four kids were there I have all of those and so we did a whole proposal and so it was there at St Salmon's Island and then we were married in October.

Jess:

So the end, february, the end From February 2012 to October 2012. That's our whole whirlwind romance. Whirlwind romance, but the whole point of what we're talking about tonight is how did we make sure that we still dated each other, because marriage is about each other, not just children, whether it's the core family or a blended family Like. The whole point is, how do we keep dating one another and keep like our I mean the girl word our romance alive? So we.

Greg:

We were very much like dating, trying to figure out how do we date each other with four kids. It's insane, it's crazy. So we were very tried to be very intentional about our dates. Yes, we're going to have at least every other week we're going to have some time where you and I sit down together. Well, that turned out to be Starbucks at Kroger before we went to buy groceries. So we would actually go early get a coffee and we would just sit and hang out and chat and talk, just the two of us.

Greg:

It would help us plan our menu, but then also our week, so that we could also figure out what happened and what was going on, what's coming up, what kid's going where it wasn't.

Jess:

A whose kid is going where it was? Which kid needs what? And this is how we're going to divide our time. But then also, where do you and I connect?

Greg:

So we were very intentional about how we were spending that time. We always used to do dates together. Like even as our kids got older, we would go on dates and we'd just be like, hey, you guys hanging out at home. We always used the phrase and our kids hated it. I was like you guys are going to leave us one day and it's going to be me and you, jess and I, so we're going to go on a date. You guys have fun here, we're coming back, but we need to spend time together. There's a statistic that's kind of crazy.

Jess:

It's sad it says, and this is not marriages first, second core blended, whatever marriages first, second core blended whatever Marriages in general is 40% of marriages end after kids leave home.

Greg:

Yeah, I think so many reasons because we're not intentional and our lives become about our kids and ball fields and not about each other.

Jess:

There's no common ground left.

Greg:

And so, looking at the long game for us, we were looking at the long term and the loan game, saying, when these guys leave, I still want to have a relationship with Jess, I want to still be connected to her. So how do we do that? So we were very intentional about every year we would go on a week trip with some friends just adults In the summer.

Greg:

Yeah, without kids Alone. Yeah, just the two of us, and we tried to continue that as much as we could, as we could afford it. The money was tight at times, but we always tried to get away at least just us once a year that way.

Jess:

And we always made a big deal about our anniversary.

Greg:

Yes, we always went away on our anniversary.

Jess:

We tried to for a couple days, which worked out great because I'm a teacher and that's when fall break usually landed. We were fortunate with that, yeah.

Greg:

But it was just a great reminder of— we also planned it on an off weekend of Georgia football, so that's why it kind of fell in fall break.

Jess:

Duh. That's why our anniversary is what it is because it was an off weekend.

Greg:

But, regardless, the whole idea behind it was is we tried to be very, very intentional about spending time with each other? Yeah, because it's very easy to get caught up in life Mm-hmm, I'm sorry, and our lives were incredibly busy. We had a lot of kids and a lot of stuff going on.

Jess:

It was a circus, yeah, so I get life's busy it doesn't matter if it was a four-kid week, that's how we referred to it. If it was a four-kid week or a two-kid week, we're going to show up to all four kids' events.

Greg:

Right.

Jess:

Every single day of whatever it was, and so it's not even like, oh well, you've just got Thomas and Aaron Grace this week. No, we still have Callie and Cody this week. It's just that they're not sleeping at our house, so it was never an off week or a whatever week it was. We have four kids in general, so that's why it was so important to make sure that you and I still maintained our connection.

Greg:

Okay, yeah, I agree a thousand percent. So let's get if you're still with us. Thank you, Thank you. Because we've been all over the place. But also, too, we're going to reach that section in our podcast where we do unpacking.

Jess:

We're going to unpack.

Greg:

We're going to unpack and give you some really practical things.

Jess:

Yeah, thank you for being patient, for listening to us on like our story. It's fun to talk about our story because it's been fun, but also the whole reason why we share all of this is so that you can know that there's okay. And then what?

Greg:

Yeah, there's. This is our life Like. This is our life Like. This is stuff we've lived and gone through. So this is very, very real for us.

Greg:

But we also, too, know we want to give you practical things that you sit down with your significant other and you do, whether it's that coffee at the Starbucks at Kroger, or whether it's going out to a date, whatever it is. I want to give you something that makes your marriage better, because I cannot stand the fact that 70% of marriages second marriages with kids is going to end in divorce. I'm not okay with that. So I'm going to give you as much as I can give you to help make that better. And here's my encouragement to you. We share a lot of stuff in here about our lives and what we've done and what's worked and what hasn't worked. But I'll tell you this If there's anything I want you to do, I want you to apply something, do something Like. I heard this phrase and it so sticks with me and it's like if you don't do something, nothing's going to change. So you have to do something as a couple. If you find yourself in not a great place, then change something. If you don't change something, nothing's going to change?

Greg:

Yeah, it's a simple phrase, but just apply it. So unpacking.

Jess:

It's simple, but it's not Right At the same time.

Greg:

Well, it's hard to start.

Jess:

Yeah, that's the problem.

Greg:

So where do we start unpacking? What do you got for us in this fun phase of practicality?

Jess:

And if you're looking on video, I have my handy dandy outline and this is just what helps me. But the biggest part that stands out to me right now is to live in the chaos. You can't avoid it.

Greg:

You can manage it.

Jess:

You can. I keep saying this phrase, whether it's a core family or a blended family. You've got to live in the chaos, you can't deny it, and you've got to work with it to benefit everybody. Right, and that may seem impossible. However, if you keep your eye on the prize, because, like you said earlier, when all those kids leave, it's going to be me and you.

Greg:

Yeah.

Jess:

It's going to be me and you, yeah, so it's even like little bitty things, like our dates, when we would go to have coffee before we would do our groceries, or whatever. The calendar is not romantic, I mean, it's just not.

Greg:

No.

Jess:

It's truly not.

Greg:

But it's practical, it's real.

Jess:

It's practical and it's real.

Greg:

You put it on my calendar. I'm going to see it. I'm going to do it.

Jess:

A million percent.

Greg:

Yep.

Jess:

A shared calendar. I will say this a shared calendar is a must, whether it's on your phone or if it's some fancy thing, I don't know about, that you can share on an app or whatever the case may be. A calendar is a must if you've got a lot of kids, or even if you just got two kids and there's a thousand sports going on or whatever.

Jess:

It's not romantic, but it it is what it is right it's, it's communication so put on the counter schedule it even if you have to schedule a date night or if you have to, if you got to schedule alone time or schedule a cocktail at the end of the night. Yeah.

Greg:

Well, whatever it is, if that's how, schedule it and then put your phone down. Put your freaking phone down, yeah, and be where you're at. Yeah, like be in the moment.

Jess:

Make eye contact.

Greg:

Yeah, put your phone down and be in the moment Like you do. That that speaks volumes. It's a game changer. There's something I do and I've caught crap about it and people ask me why do you do it? But every morning my alarm's set for 6.15, because I know you get up at 5 o'clock and you do your God knows what you do for an hour and 15 minutes, but at 6.15, my alarm goes off. I get up, I brush my teeth and I go make you coffee?

Greg:

you do uh every my water with lime, yes, I do water with lime and I make coffee and I know how the coffee goes, how to make your coffee. Try to every. I'm gonna say I do it every morning, but I'm almost 95, like I'm pretty good, yeah, um, then someone asked me one time they go, why do you do that?

Jess:

and I was like you don't have to quote, unquote, have to, you don't have to get up that early, 100%.

Greg:

Like I'm pretty good. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And someone asked me one time they go why do you do that? Because you don't have to quote unquote, have to, you don't have to get up that early. No, I don't. My job doesn't require me to get up that early at all.

Greg:

No, but I do because I get to see you and I told— You're going to make me cry. I told my friends I remember when I used to wake up at my house and it was just me. I remember how that felt. I remember how it sounded and I was like, if I have somebody who's there that I can make coffee for, I'm going to get my butt out of bed and go make them coffee. The benefit for me is, once you leave, it's me and the dogs and the house is quiet.

Greg:

You get your little buddies and so, yeah, I get my alone time and I get to kind of chill and have a moment, but it's also that it's something that I get to do for you, that I want to show you that I appreciate you and I love you. It's something simple. And then on the flip side for me not to be like a downer.

Jess:

but you never know. You never know when that last cup of coffee might be, you never know when that last kind gesture might be. And I feel like if married, when married folks would look at their lives like you and I look at it, you're saying it's the kind gesture that you can do for me and I'm saying you just never know.

Greg:

Yeah.

Jess:

If you could just treasure those moments of when the calendar is chaotic. Don't forget to date each other right when you have a two and a four-year-old yeah, it's not easy don't forget to date each other. Call on aunts, call on cousins that are grown up, call on grandparents yep, because although that time seems chaotic, because we've been there both without each other and with each other, don't forget that part. That's what brought your family together in the first place.

Greg:

So be intentional. Calendar, put it on. Ladies. I'm telling you right now, right now, as this podcast comes out, right now is the iron is is hot strike. There's no football on. Golf hasn't get cranked up, oh, that's so. There's nothing really out there. The masters really hasn't happened. Golf doesn't start till the masters happens really at our house anyway, um, and so it's just like. It's like right now. There's no nfl draft, there's no. Like we're talking like this is the time to sit down with your significant other and plan out the rest of your year, not to say that when you're going to go away for the weekend when you're going to do some date nights Like you have it.

Greg:

Get his attention now and plan those things out. I mean NASCAR's going, but you know it's four and a half hours. You can grab some time in a four and a Half hour race. Yeah, I'm sorry, Ashley. Anyway, my best to you. So, unpacking, unpacking, let's wrap it up, let's wrap up.

Jess:

Plan intentionally plan time as a couple.

Greg:

Okay.

Jess:

Period.

Greg:

Yep.

Jess:

No matter what it looks like.

Greg:

Okay, plan time. Be intentional, ladies. Now's the time let's do this. Men, get over ourselves. Put your phone down, spend some time with your wife. Plan out your year, what you're going to do, what you're going to check out. Be intentional. Don't just put it on the calendar, freaking. Do it, do something.

Jess:

Don't forget the reason why you got together in the first place.

Greg:

Perfect, the one thing that we said we were going to the reason why you got together in the first place. Okay, perfect. And then the one thing that we say we're going to start and we haven't done because we keep forgetting, is the book. So we're going back to a book that we actually love. It's called A Year of Us and it's something that we just have lots of questions. It just sparks conversations. Yeah, it's by.

Jess:

Alicia Munoz. We've never met her. We plan on reaching out to her. So in an upcoming reel I'm going to ask Greg a question that he's never heard before from a year of us. So be looking for we're going to do it now.

Greg:

Let's do it right now.

Jess:

Production team.

Greg:

Yeah, we're done. Let's's go give it to me. Come on, okay. Oh, reading glasses, reading glasses. She's so prepared glasses, so sexy with those glasses I'm so excited because I remember them get it, grandma, you ready?

Jess:

yeah, I'm ready I'm so excited about this because we love history, so much what historical event do you wish you could have witnessed firsthand, and why?

Greg:

Whoa really Okay. So two things Okay. Historical event, such a good question, isn't it?

Jess:

Okay so?

Greg:

historical being like documented historically it is not specific.

Jess:

What historical event do you wish you could have been witness to firsthand? Why?

Greg:

I have two.

Jess:

I'm so excited I've had this page like literally folded in half for like weeks.

Greg:

These are the first two that popped in my mind and I'm going to pick. As I share these two, I'm going to pick two, Okay.

Jess:

I feel like I know what one of them.

Greg:

One of them is the parting of the Red Sea. Oh, from the story where Moses parted the Red Sea. When I've seen historical it's just phenomenal and I don't know why my mind went straight to the Bible. Part of history, because we love history.

Jess:

Because you're a Christian first of all, and we love history.

Greg:

I do, I do, I would love to be just to see that. That's interesting, because there's so many histories about seeing wagon wheels and the documents of stuff. That's actually where that happened at, and just to be able to see that in person would be phenomenal. And another one, it's another Bible story the feeding of the 5,000. Ooh, that's a good one the fishes and loaves, and they fed 5,000 people. Here's the thing I think I didn't grow up in church. I think I didn't grow up in church. And so when I see God do these really cool, crazy things and show out and just reminds us where we are in all of this huge story and this journey, it just dude. It gets me emotional and it gets me. I get fired up about it, like I have some stories where I've seen God just show up.

Jess:

You do you have your fishes and loaves story I did.

Greg:

It was feeding some guys, feeding a bunch of the guys in Atlanta for Thanksgiving.

Jess:

Production team. Will you write that down? Greg's fishes and loaves story.

Greg:

I'll share that sometime, but it was. It was Atlanta story, Don't? Okay, I just so those are my two, that just kind of pop in my head that I would love to. Just I don't know.

Jess:

I love it when God shows up.

Greg:

Yes, absolutely.

Jess:

I didn't know we were in two. I'm going to share two.

Greg:

You don't have to share one. I I'm going to share two.

Jess:

You don't have to you can share one, I have two, okay Okay. First is Jesus' crucifixion.

Greg:

You want to witness that.

Jess:

Just because like heaven came down and it was a whole like the earth.

Greg:

It seems scary to me.

Jess:

honestly, it would be terrifying, and I don't like scary things.

Greg:

Yeah. But it's like that moment I do, but that scares me.

Jess:

Yeah, but it was that moment when it, like literally became reality. It's interesting because I chose that and I'm thinking about this in my own mind rather than his resurrection, because there's only a select few people that got to witness that.

Greg:

Actually it's documented that several hundred people. Yeah, it really depends on Comparatively speaking. Yes, I mean, yeah, not a lot of people, but there were hundreds of people.

Jess:

Then okay, then a literally historical fact is not biblical at all.

Greg:

Yeah, wait.

Jess:

Okay, sorry, you got to talk again.

Greg:

Wow, yeah, I yeah, Wait, okay sorry.

Jess:

You're about to talk again. Wow, yeah, I was.

Jess:

Wait, you scared me. Go ahead To see. I don't know why this is so fascinating in my mind, but it is when Abraham Lincoln delivered the Emancipation Proclamation. Can you imagine?

Greg:

Yeah, he was a stud. He was yeah, that was yeah. Yeah, I was about to go like yeah, I literally went like quote unquote historical, but that's always been fascinating to me.

Jess:

Like did he know?

Greg:

No, there's no way, did he?

Jess:

know, I don't know. I imagine he hoped, but who knew?

Greg:

No, there's no way. Did he know? I don't know. I imagine he hoped. But who knew?

Jess:

Hoped yeah.

Greg:

Anyway.

Jess:

Our hope is.

Greg:

Did you take some of this stuff and apply it?

Jess:

Not the last part, but that it makes any sense at all. Yes, at all, and that my hope is, honestly, that you remember to date each other, because dating each other is the whole reason why you're a family in the first place, and after you raise these people that are the children of your family, whether you had them together or you blended them together them together or you blended them together they are going to leave and it's still going to be you two.

Greg:

My walk away, unpacking everything being done.

Jess:

What did you unpack, Greg?

Greg:

Fight for that woman, fight for your relationship. Everything has a shelf life, and so you get to determine in your marriage what that shelf life looks like. You can renew it, you can pour into it, you can do everything and focus on it. No matter if it's your first marriage or third marriage, I don't care what marriage you're on. If you choose to fight for it and focus for it, it will win and fight and fight to win.

Jess:

So, all that being, said, dating helps that the word is choice, yeah dating helps make that more fun. It. Does you choose to date each other?

Greg:

Yeah. And so we say all that to say Jess and I are completely different people. We think different, we act different, we see life differently, but we've chosen to say we love each other and we're going to fight for each other and we're going to continue to pour out our lives for you guys through baggage claim, just hoping that you grab one nugget, whether in your car, whether at your table, whether you're drinking your coffee, and say my marriage is worth fighting for and I'm going to keep fighting and I'm going to keep going and I'm going to make it work. So that's kind of where we're at tonight, and so thank you for joining us. I know tonight was a little longer than normal.

Jess:

Yeah, thank you so much.

Greg:

So you guys.

Jess:

It's longer than normal, but it's worth it, yeah.

Greg:

And it the normal, but it's worth it. Yeah, and it's important. Love you guys and thank you guys so much. I mean it's insane for me that there are people all across the united states listening to us, from oregon to chicago to, I mean, hawaii yeah, like you, you name it we have really just simply want to hear what we have to say, whether it's through a family member or a friend that has shared this podcast with you.

Jess:

We truly, genuinely, genuinely appreciate it because, like we said before, we have no idea what we're doing, but I know in my heart that God has called us to this, but we don't know what to do with it yet. So thank you for exploring this with us.

Greg:

So if you're real people and you have questions or you want to just talk to us, reach out to us and we would love to chat with you, interact with you. We're just living life and having fun, so thank you for joining us tonight.

Jess:

Thank you for unpacking your baggage with us.

Greg:

Yeah, thanks for unpacking. We'll see you again.

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