Baggage Claim
Baggage Claim is a space for blended families, marriage, and friendship.
Here, we dive into real-life conversations about the ups and downs of relationships, from navigating second marriages to unpacking the baggage we all bring. Hosted by Greg and Jessica, who both have rich experiences with love, loss, and family, this community is about sharing stories, learning together, and growing stronger as couples and individuals. Grab a drink and join us as we unpack, laugh, and claim our baggage—one conversation at a time
Baggage Claim
From Victim to Victory: Rewiring Your Perspective on Life and Love
Your perspective shapes everything about how you experience your marriage. Are you constantly focusing on what your partner does wrong, or are you actively looking for the good? In this candid conversation, Greg and Jessica share how their vastly different life experiences shaped their mindsets about family, relationships, and overcoming trauma.
Jessica reveals the profound shift that occurred when she had to decide whether to live as "the widow" after losing her first husband at 32 with two small children. Through counseling and learning about "Eucharisto" - the practice of active gratitude - she discovered how to find joy even amidst devastating loss. Her powerful realization: "He's there to do it" became her response when hearing others complain about their spouses' annoying habits. The simple gift of presence became everything.
Greg opens up about his transformative experience running a half-marathon with zero training after his divorce, sobbing through the final mile as he processed years of pain and the fear of becoming like his abusive father. This physical challenge became a metaphor for his life: "I can do more than I think I can."
Both hosts emphasize that choosing not to be victims doesn't mean denying their trauma - it means refusing to let their hardest moments define them. This mindset has shaped how they parent their blended family and approach their marriage, deliberately looking for positive rather than dwelling on annoyances.
Try this simple exercise: pause right now and text your partner three things you love about them. As Greg brilliantly sums up: "You will find what you're looking for. If you're looking for positive, you're going to find it."
Hey guys, what's up? I'm Greg. I hope you guys are ready to unpack and get into some good conversations today.
Speaker 2:And I'm Jess, and this is our podcast Baggage Claim. Thank you for joining us.
Speaker 1:Welcome to Baggage Claim everybody. Thank you so much for joining in with us. Wherever you're at, whatever you're doing, grab that favorite drink. Whatever that may be for you Depends on your day Pull up to the table and we're going to get ready to unpack tonight Before we get into Also.
Speaker 2:I'm loving your hat. Oh, thank you, thank you.
Speaker 1:I just want to say, when this hits, it's the day after St Paddy's Day. I really have no idea what St Paddy's Day celebrates other than drinking green beer, like maybe.
Speaker 2:So woo Friends that are just listening he has on what would resemble, maybe, a top hat.
Speaker 1:It's massive.
Speaker 2:It's about two and a half feet tall and it's green, with the giant brim and shamrocks. It's a situation.
Speaker 1:We'll try to post a picture on social.
Speaker 2:And a green shirt. I also have on a shirt that has lucky and, like it's, festive. Hey, this is a green shirt.
Speaker 1:This is a master's shirt.
Speaker 2:I'm sorry. Thank you very much. It's festive in here.
Speaker 1:Yeah, it has pimento cheese sandwiches on it, all kind of good stuff. It is green, it is green, so it's about the only green thing I have. So anyway, in other words, I'm going to get rid of my big hat.
Speaker 2:Thank you, it's distracting.
Speaker 1:Because it's really big. So I want to do some. Like we are amazed every time I am. When I look at stats of our podcast of people who are listening to us around the United States it of people who are listening to us around the United States it blows my mind. I just want to say thank you first off for doing that.
Speaker 2:Did I say something stupid? No, I burped. Okay, I'm sorry, I mean just to be honest.
Speaker 1:Welcome to our podcast, Well. I mean, we ate dinner and then here we are, okay so I'm going to do some shout-outs to some people around, wherever they may be, and hopefully Jess doesn't throw up or burp in her microphone again. Oh my. So everyone who's in Nashville listening to us, thank you so much. Yes, thank you In Nashville. We love Nashville. We've been there a couple of times, have some friends who live, who are up there. They're near there. Yeah yeah, people in Houston, texas listening to us. San Francisco, california, that's crazy.
Speaker 1:Yeah, there's some people in Hawaii who are listening to us. I don't know how to say the island that they're on. I'm sorry, starts with a K. I'm a country boy. Yes, Thank you so much for listening. Tuning in One of our newest places was someone in Memphis. Hey, if you're in Memphis and you're listening to us, thank you so much. We really appreciate it. And for you guys okay, I can't say it, I know.
Speaker 2:I feel like I'm saying it the right way because I do teach first grade, but I think the name of the city is Euclid.
Speaker 1:Yeah, so if we're butchering that, we're so sorry. Yeah, please DM us and be like you're an idiot.
Speaker 2:I use my phonics rules that I teach my six and seven-year-olds and I feel like that's how you say it.
Speaker 1:But anyway, we just want to say thank you so much for tuning in and listening. We hope you share it with someone that you know that is walking through the same kind of thing or just may find this information helpful or content of what we're sharing, because that's the whole purpose, is that we share and help someone Because we know everybody's not like us and we know that everybody has not walked through what we've walked through.
Speaker 2:But we're just trying to share what has worked and what our experience is and hopefully there's pieces that are helpful for other friends.
Speaker 1:Yeah, we've said it once, we'll say it a thousand times and a thousand times more we're not perfect. We don't have this figured out. We're just telling you what we've learned, how we screwed it up, what we've done that we feel like has worked, and things we are trying to figure out as we go.
Speaker 2:So just, join us in this journey and enjoy your drink.
Speaker 1:Whatever baby.
Speaker 2:What are we talking about tonight? Tonight we're going to talk about— Today, whatever this morning, this morning, this evening, whichever this time this podcast we're going to talk about your mindset.
Speaker 1:I love this. This is my sweet spot.
Speaker 2:And mindset can mean different things to different people, but mostly it's kind of like what's your filter? How do you look at your marriage? What's your? Even perspective might be a word.
Speaker 1:Like a half glass, half full glass, half empty kind of person.
Speaker 2:Yep, what you looking for, gotcha yeah.
Speaker 1:Gotcha, I love this. I've read a couple books on mindset, like how to change your mindset, mapping your mind.
Speaker 2:Oh, you read that FBI book and I thought you were playing mind games.
Speaker 1:That was like how to read body language. I was trying to see if Jess was really lying to me, so I read this body language book. I really didn't, just because I thought it was cool. So I read it as like an FBI agent's body language book. But I read this other book that was talking about. You can remap your brain, but you have to trick your brain into remapping.
Speaker 2:That's when you started brushing your teeth with the wrong hand.
Speaker 1:Yes, I started because, if you don't know this, when you brush your teeth in the morning and if you're listening to this when you're brushing your teeth, you brush your teeth with the same hand every morning.
Speaker 1:Well, because if I'm right-handed, I'm going to brush my teeth with my right hand and what I realized is we put our hand on our hip when we brush our teeth. No, we don't you do. No, you do it too, because I look over at you and your hand's on your hip. We're brushing our teeth and I'm just thing and I was like I got to brush my teeth with the opposite hand. Yeah, it just tricked my mind. It's so flipping hard Like it's just weird how—but I started my day that way and then I was just—I would say positive things to myself in the mirror In the mirror.
Speaker 1:Yes, I would. I'm a weirdo, I know that I do not, but I was just. The whole idea was I wanted to think more positive about my life, because I'm a I'm not always positive, but I don't have an off button.
Speaker 2:You're not positive, but you're not negative either. You're just always like picking things apart. I think.
Speaker 1:Yeah, I overanalyze and think a lot, lot, lot, lot, so that causes me to have to actually slow down.
Speaker 2:Yeah, meanwhile I'm like there's a silver lining around every corner and there's rainbows and butterflies.
Speaker 1:To tell you where my mindset is in life. This is my mindset and I've shared this as a struggle for me, and I've shared this with Jess. I believe every rain dance works.
Speaker 2:I have it written down, what you're about to say.
Speaker 1:I really believe that In my notes.
Speaker 2:I'm flipping through my little handy dandy notebook.
Speaker 1:You're going to see if I say it the right way.
Speaker 2:Yeah, I am actually.
Speaker 1:My mindset in life is that I believe that every rain dance works because you just keep dancing until it rains.
Speaker 2:Oh my gosh, you're so close to your actual quote. Yeah, it's on the first page of my notebook. Every rain dance works as long as you keep dancing until it rains, okay.
Speaker 1:Yeah, same idea Pretty close.
Speaker 2:It's one of my favorite things you said, because that's why it's the first thing in my head.
Speaker 1:So it's one of those ideas Like I just sometimes I don't know when to quit and I should quit and I just keep going and I don't need to. But that's my mindset, so you help even that out in me some and just be like, hey, tap the brakes a little bit Slow down the other Saturday morning I walked in I was like, what are we going to do?
Speaker 1:Let's do something. Get off the couch, let's go and you go. Why do we always have to be doing something and to be doing something? And I was like, I don't know, but it sounds fun, let's go. It was a beautiful day out.
Speaker 2:Can I just sit on the couch for a little while, because our days are very different?
Speaker 1:Yes, they are.
Speaker 2:Very, very different. I get up super early, get dressed, leave the house super early when it's still dark to go teach littles for nine hours a day, and sometimes you work at home. Sometimes you're not in the house, but a lot of the times you do, you're working alone, and so that's our mindset, that's our perspective. So on a Saturday when I'm home, you're like woohoo, let's go do all the things, and I'm like can I just sit here and just drink my coffee without 18 children?
Speaker 1:So when we I say that for you guys to hear, because you may be listening going oh guys are so much alike. We are not alike like in the way we think, the way we act, uh, we're not. So when we share the stuff that we have resolved or landing at it. We've went through some turbulence and we went through some things to get there to just find a place that we feel comfortable, like for us as a couple. So, uh, I say that not to get caught up in remapping your brain. I mean, if you guys are interested, there's some really fun books out there. We can.
Speaker 2:It's a whole thing. If you want to get greg talking about yeah in a later day, I love that that's not today, okay, yeah so just talking about how we see our family, yeah, like I said, what's your filter, what's your perspective?
Speaker 2:and it can be even like, what is even your view of what family is? What does that mean to you, what does family mean to you, what does marriage mean to you? And that could even come from, like, how you feel about family. How you feel about marriage comes from even how you were raised, which we touched on a little bit a couple episodes ago. With how you were raised. I was raised I mean, mom and Daddy were married for a really long time, and so I didn't see what you saw, and so that's where my foundation was.
Speaker 1:But then— you grew up in church, correct, I did I did.
Speaker 2:I grew up in church since I was born. Okay, but also your perspective or your filter, your mindset, whatever word you want to use, also comes from your experiences. And so like my filter on marriage is different than what your filter might be, although we've landed at the same part and same like foundation, we're in the same airport. Airport.
Speaker 1:Yeah, yeah, we've landed in the same airport. We did.
Speaker 2:We're in the same airport Airport. Yeah yeah, we've landed in the same airport. We did we landed in the same airport. We got there from different countries Right Definitely. Yes, and then we claimed our baggage.
Speaker 1:Oh, okay, that was very cheesy. Oh my gosh, oh my God, that was so perfect, though it was so cheesy.
Speaker 2:It was so cheesy.
Speaker 1:God, I hope we cut that out.
Speaker 2:No, but welcome to baggage claim. That's why I came up with this name? How many years ago? That has been a while yeah, and you didn't like it I didn't at first. No, here we are, yep welcome to baggage claim friends that's the fourth welcome.
Speaker 1:So anyway, I I agree that our filter is we want you to feel really welcome tonight. So the whole idea of filters is kind of like a pair of sunglasses. If you think about, when you put those sunglasses on, things look different. It's just a different kind of filter and I don't know if you know this. If you're out there and you're married and you have kids, like everything you do affects your kids, like positive, negative. They're watching, they're listening, they're seeing how you do things, they're seeing how you act, because we've all done the same things and sometimes our biggest wounds and our biggest trauma sometimes comes from our parents, the people that are closest to us. My life was fairly different, like I grew up in a very different. My mom's side of the family was amazing, sweet, loving my mom. If it wasn't for her, god knows where I would be right now. But um, my dad's side was just unleashed like disaster yeah, like I.
Speaker 1:Yeah, my dad cut his brother's fingers off off of a bed.
Speaker 2:At a family cookout.
Speaker 1:Yeah, it's just that's where that side came from. So it was a really really crazy like cops showing up at a family event for a fight.
Speaker 2:Meanwhile in my world we would go to nanny's every Sunday after church, every Thursday evening for dinner, like it was very like calm and routine.
Speaker 1:But from my mom's side. I got an idea from my grandfather, my grandma and my mom, your father and mama. Yeah, they kind of showed us what family was and it was all about family, and so that helped kind of balance me in that. But I still it's just completely different stories.
Speaker 2:Yeah, but I do love that both of us have the common thread of our grandparents being a really huge part of who we are.
Speaker 1:Yeah, I spent a ton of time at their house when I was a kid growing up, which is super fun, yeah. So when we say that, maybe with your significant other, just a good question, just to ask each other, maybe jot it down on your phone just to be like, oh, if you're driving, you know, don't do that, don't do that. But wherever you're at, if you're listening, just jot this down on your phone or notes and say what is our idea of family, like, what is our idea of our family we're living in now? Yeah, and then what is our?
Speaker 1:idea of family that we're from or in Because there's a lot of dysfunctional families out there.
Speaker 2:There are. And then we let those dysfunctional families affect our family, and it's not just I think I said it a minute ago it's not just what's your idea of family, it's also what's your idea of marriage.
Speaker 1:Yes, yeah, that's a whole different mindset. Yeah, so yeah, and we have again. We have completely different perspectives on that also too. So do you want to share yours?
Speaker 2:So my perspective on marriage comes from the loss of a spouse? Yes, it didn't obviously start out that way when I got married when I was 21. Yes, it didn't obviously start out that way when I got married when I was 21. Right, I was young to get married. I know that now.
Speaker 1:You're 21?.
Speaker 2:I was 21. Wow, okay, yeah, I turned 21 on the second of the month and we got married on the 26th of that same month. Okay, so when you're, you know I'm going to live happily ever after. You have all these big plans. But that's not how it turned out. Some of our happily ever after happened.
Speaker 1:So how did that like how? I mean, that's a huge, that's trauma, that's a lot of trauma, that's a lot of trauma, unexpected trauma too. How did you shift your mind just your mindset in that? How did that work for you?
Speaker 2:your mind thinking, just your mindset in that. How'd that work for you? It truly was a mindset where I had to literally set my mind to where I wanted to be, because we talked about when we were kind of planning this out, like whatever happens to you or whatever circumstance you might find yourself in, whether it happens to you or you were a part of it, you can choose to be the victim or you can choose to find the victory.
Speaker 1:So I'm curious and this isn't in your notes, so this may be oh, energy. So when you say a victim, like, what is that Like when I say don't be a victim, what does that mean to you Like? What's your response to that?
Speaker 2:From my perspective, right the don't be a victim is the poor, pitiful me. Everybody feels sorry for me. My husband passed away at an early age and I'm young and I have little kids. Everybody needs to feel sorry for me because I'm pitiful.
Speaker 1:Okay, gotcha, all right.
Speaker 2:But that at the, at the core, even before that, that's not who I am.
Speaker 1:Right.
Speaker 2:But then I learned even more about who I am through that, because I knew I didn't know right away, obviously, but in the course of moving through that time of my life I was not going to be the victim of oh, you're the widow, you're the 32-year-old widow, like, let's all feel sorry for Jessica, let's pet Jessica. I mean, there was a time, a span of time, where obviously I needed that Right, because, like I mentioned in the get-.
Speaker 1:There's got to be a portion of that. Yeah, okay.
Speaker 2:Like I mentioned in the get-go, when all of my friends came together and supported me and loved me so hard, from showing up at my home to help me do life to letting me literally live in their home Like there was a time in my life. I didn't want them to look at me and think, oh, she's poor and pitiful, but they pulled together and literally banded together to put me back together.
Speaker 1:So what switched for you then? When did it switch from that to a different mindset?
Speaker 2:So, having grown up a Christian basically, I mean I grew up in church I became a Christian when I was 12. At some point in my, you know, being married and making a home life, there was this rock decoration thing and I have it. I need to dig it out of some of these storage bins.
Speaker 1:You hold on to a lot of stuff. I do. I keep everything. Yes, you do. I need to dig it out of some of these storage bins.
Speaker 2:You hold on to a lot of stuff. I do. I keep everything. Yes, you do. I can't help it.
Speaker 1:Yep.
Speaker 2:You remember, when we were cleaning out my house, I was living in how many boxes of kid stuff. Yes, Like if you teased me because you were like if Thomas or Erin Grace made a single mark on a piece of paper in Sunday school, you kept it.
Speaker 1:Yes, it was a piece of paper, it was a notebook. Piece of paper I did, I kept everything.
Speaker 2:But I do still have this and I know I do because it's so important, because this is kind of like an anchor in that point. It was a rock and it was engraved on the rock. The verse from Romans is Romans 8.28,. But this is the Jessica paraphrase situation of that God wants good for those who love him. I mean, he promised that. So I held onto that. Even in the early parts of my counseling and therapy and trying to put my feet under myself. I didn't see anything good. I mean there just wasn't. How can there be good in what I was going through? Like my husband died, my littles don't have a dad, like there was no good to be found.
Speaker 1:Right.
Speaker 2:But, like I said a second ago, like okay, well, I had a really good bunch of friends, I had a great family that literally, like I said, banded together to help kind of hold me together and fill in the pieces where I was missing. So when I started thinking about, and kind of that was the verse that just was every single day. That's just kind of what I meditated on. Trying to look for the good helped me kind of fix my focus more. I mean, mind you, it took a few years of counseling to really kind of get there. But then, in the midst of all of that, my friend candace gave me a book that's called 1000 gifts and it's by ann voskamp and I never heard of that author, never seen the book before, but and I'm not even sure if candace even read it or somebody recommended for her to give it to me, I don't even know, but I remember that when I was reading that book she started talking about very simple things of like take a look at how beautiful that cloud is today in front of you in the sky, or the fact that you can use your eyeballs to see that cloud, or that tree that's in your yard. It's got leaves. Think about how wonderful it is that there's a god that makes that happen, or that bird, like super, super simple things to be grateful for, like I got to witness that, oh yeah.
Speaker 2:And so, of course, it got deeper and there was a word that I learned. I'm pretty sure it's latin, I don't know for sure because it's a fancy word. It's Eucharisto, and I know the meaning of that word is the act of being grateful. So it's not like oh yeah, I'm grateful for that, thank you for that. Having happened, it's actively every step of my day thinking of things that I can be grateful for. It's actively pursuing that, not at the end of the day when I lay down and I say my prayers for another bed. Thank you this, thank you that, thank you this. It's every step of my day. What can I be grateful for? As I put one foot in front of the other. That viewpoint changed my life. Oh, wow, yeah, my whole life. Wow, yeah, wow yeah. It went from the where could I wallow in the poor, pitiful me, to then being able to say I'm grateful for what I had.
Speaker 1:Wow.
Speaker 2:And that's not being disrespectful to TJ. I'm sorry. I'm getting emotional. I'm not sorry. That's not being disrespectful for what the marriage and the relationship that I have with TJ. We were kids when we got together and then we got to grow up together and make a family together and for me to be able to say I figured out how to be grateful after I lost him is by no means disrespect.
Speaker 1:I think TJ would want you to be there. I think, he would want you to be. I mean because I know my heart, like if something happened between us. I know my desire for you is that you live life to the full, like no matter what that looks like, so that you enjoy all aspects, not that you sit in a room and mope so I know he's thinking of that going. No, that's not disrespectful at all.
Speaker 2:That's beautiful. Bless his mom's heart. Like TJ, lost his father at a young age, and so not quite as young as Thomas and Erin Grace did, but him having gone through that, that was the actual conversation that we had. Like if something happens to me, what do you hope that will happen? So I knew that he would not want me to wallow in it and I knew without a shadow of a doubt he'd want me to find happiness, whatever that looks like.
Speaker 2:So I had that tucked away in my heart too, but it changes your mindset and it changes your perspective when you actively look for good.
Speaker 1:Yeah.
Speaker 2:Now whether or not you've been through some horrible trauma.
Speaker 1:Right.
Speaker 2:Or it's your every single day life. Yes, like even for you and me.
Speaker 1:Yeah, if you can actively, even for you and me yeah.
Speaker 2:If you can actively look for the good thing. And I'll say now, this is not a part that I'm particularly proud of, because I got sassy, no surprise.
Speaker 2:Yeah once I started walking down that path of looking for things to actively be grateful for in my loss and my trauma and my sorrow, when I would. Social media, you know, is good and bad, but when I would see sometimes friends and sometimes not people posting things and saying things to me, or me overhearing things of women complaining about their husbands, little things like, oh, he can't put his dirty clothes in the hamper, or he just gets toothpaste everywhere, or why can he not this, why can he not that? Yeah, I got ugly a few times. Did you post these ugly comments? I did. Oh go, girl, it's like, but he's there to do it. Why can you not be grateful that he's home today to throw his dirty clothes on the floor? Because he's hurrying to the shower to do this or that, because you ask him to, or sure, there's toothpaste or beard clippings or whatever everybody complains about? I don't know, I'm not perfect, I don't know because I don't complain about those things, but what people complain about? Their husbands? He's there to do it.
Speaker 1:Yeah, it really is interesting, because you don't say those things Like. That mindset followed you and you still hold on to those things Like, which is, I mean, thank goodness.
Speaker 2:Thank God, we're here for you.
Speaker 1:Yeah, because it's like I know I'm not perfect and I am not the easiest person in the world to live with, but I mean you make that really easy though, because you do have a really cool perspective on relationships and life. And I mean everybody who meets you, no matter where we're at, they're just like, they immediately love, love you and they just are drawn to you. And I think it's that positive attitude, that energy that you give off from that.
Speaker 2:I'm just grateful to have all the moments I get to collect them. I just kind of feel emotional in the back of my throat. But whether it's you or anybody else that's in my life that I care about, whether it's you or anybody else that's in my life that I care about, or if I don't know you, when I do get to know you, those are little treasures I get to collect, because if you weren't here to have that moment I wouldn't get to collect that. I mean, it's treasures.
Speaker 1:That's such a cool lens to look through life at Like, if you look at it that way and I've said this in the past but just even your mindset when we're traveling or going somewhere, you're so flipping excited and you're just over in that.
Speaker 2:Some people might say it's childish and it could be annoying.
Speaker 1:It could be. I mean, if you've been to a thousand times to an airport, you're like, oh my God, here we go again.
Speaker 2:And I've been to the airport maybe what?
Speaker 1:seven times yeah and you get all excited and you get excited about walking Even on the moving sidewalk. You get pumped about that.
Speaker 2:I do. I don't have to move my feet, it's so cool, it's just those things.
Speaker 1:grab other people around you Like your energy. Well, I mean.
Speaker 2:I think you mentioned it before. We went to Belize on our honeymoon. It was the first time I'd ever been out of the country. I was jumping up and down to get my little stamp on my passport and that dude was like oh my God. And you're like no, no, no, no, it's our first time.
Speaker 1:Yeah.
Speaker 2:But then, once he changed his perspective on this idiot 34-year-old jumping up and down, he saw it and he started grinning with me.
Speaker 1:Yeah, so it's contagious, and that's the beautiful part about this your mindset, the way you see life, the way you see your marriage is contagious to everybody you come in contact with.
Speaker 2:It changes everything.
Speaker 1:Yeah, your kids, your husband.
Speaker 2:I don't have the perfect mindset and perspective every day. I don't I certainly don't, and I keep. I've said it before.
Speaker 1:I don't say that like Lord. No, you don't Lord.
Speaker 2:no, yeah, absolutely not You're the worst. No, I feel like I most of the time I'm that way, but I I feel like I most of the time I'm that way, but I'm not perfect, and like we are not saying we're perfect, oh Lord, but because of our experiences that we've had and what brought us to be together we're really mindful of. I mean, you can't have walked in our perspective shoes Right and not change the way you look at things.
Speaker 1:Yeah, You've helped me because I'm like you're like, oh, look, how pretty that is, and I'm like, yeah, that's awesome, let's keep going.
Speaker 1:Let's keep moving Slow down and so you have helped me to kind of apply the brakes and just kind of slow down and you know, figuratively speak, smell the roses you have to. Yeah, it's just kind of enjoy the moment. That's been a really hard thing for me is that and I mean, some of my kids called Cody, bless his heart, called that to where it's hard for him to enjoy the moment, like I've always said hey, when I do this, when I accomplish this goal I reach, I'm going to go celebrate. But my internal, when I reach that goal, I'm like, okay, now what's next? And you're like I thought we were celebrating.
Speaker 2:But you won't pause to use your perspective to say oh my, I just accomplished this really big thing. Let's pause here. Because for you pausing means oh, no, no, no, no. That means I'm not ready for the next thing, but for me it's pausing. There is like no, you worked really hard to get here.
Speaker 1:Let's kind of marinate in this joy that we're in before you're ready to move to the next thing? Yeah, because my mindset's a little different.
Speaker 2:No, it's a lot different.
Speaker 1:Yeah, my filters are a little different, or?
Speaker 2:even just where your background came from versus where my background came from, even from where you grew up and your previous marriage experience. Your filter, your perspective is very different than mine.
Speaker 1:Yeah, I had a couple of mine. Just to tell you where I was at. Like I will be really brief and really quick. Like I grew up in a very wasn't didn't like my dad much at all. Dad was very, he was an alcoholic, he was very abusive. It wasn't a great situation. I remember lots of times we'd go pick my dad up, sometimes from jail, and it was just a weird awkward situation and I was always telling myself I don't want to be like him. I don't want to be like him. I'm never going to be like my dad. He's just a piece of crap. I'm not going to do that.
Speaker 1:And then I had this moment where I'm sitting in a jail cell in a holding tank and my mom's on my way to come pick me up because I wasn't 21. I was sitting there, I'd been drinking and it was this weird moment. I was like I'm the guy that I never wanted to be Like. I'm sitting here going holy. Now, did I like that? First of all, that ride home was horrible. It was the longest ride. My mom bless her heart. I'm sorry for putting you through what I did, but it wasn't like I got out and was like ooh, converted, oh, I'm different now. It wasn't that at all. It took a little time. It was a process for me, and so there were different stages that made me kind of go, okay, I can't do that, I need to do something different. I need something different. When I was going through my divorce, divorce had been done and we're just waiting on paperwork to be signed. I've always had this thing where I try to do things that are really difficult for me.
Speaker 2:Well, before you go there, Okay. This is what we were talking about earlier, because this was kind of like a turning point for you and I both, like I knew I didn't want to be the quote, unquote the widow.
Speaker 1:Yeah.
Speaker 2:And you knew you didn't want to be the divorced dad. Yeah, even though in reality that's who we were.
Speaker 1:Yeah.
Speaker 2:At that point, and so, once we both had gone through all the things that led us to that moment, yes. Is where some things changed.
Speaker 1:Right For me. It was like I am that guy. I don't want anybody to feel sorry for me.
Speaker 2:Right.
Speaker 1:I don't want anybody to go. Oh, woe is you. It doesn't matter how I got there, it doesn't matter whose fault it was. None of that really mattered. It's like okay, so now I'm here.
Speaker 2:So here's the moment where you are. Yeah, what are you going to do about it?
Speaker 1:And so I had some friends that were just like, hey, we're going to go run a race and I've always done this, I'm going to do hard things that just push me and challenge me. This has been something I've done over the years. And so I was like, cool, I'll go run. Like sign me, I want to sign up.
Speaker 2:And so I signed up Run a what I was running a half marathon. Had you trained?
Speaker 1:No, no, ma'am, I didn't run one single mile.
Speaker 2:I mean, I know the answer to that, but our friends don't.
Speaker 1:So I signed up for a half marathon in Savannah, never trained one single bit, didn't do any. And I, my only goal was there's. It was called a van, like they call it sweeper van. I was like I'm not getting picked up by that sweeper van. No, don't do that. That's my only goal and I'm going to run the whole time. That's it. Didn't train at all so I was like it's not that far, you know, it's not that many miles, it's only half marathon.
Speaker 1:Right, I was like anybody can do that. Yes, anybody could I run. So if I'm quiet and he's like, okay, cool, I talked his ears off.
Speaker 2:You don't like to talk when you run?
Speaker 1:No, and we're just running and all of a sudden we passed the 10K mark. I was like bro, I've never run a 10K before.
Speaker 2:Oh my God, and he's like well me either.
Speaker 1:And so we're just still running. And then we stopped and he had to use the bathroom and it was an aid station and we got separated around mile 10. And then after 10, I just started running by myself and then I was just like, okay, I'm just going to run. And so I'm running and I had some weird experiences, like some guy was like, hey, chug this beer. And I was like, okay, cool, so I did, did that, which is great carbs when you're running. Anyway, I had some goo, which is crap, um.
Speaker 1:But what was crazy for me is I was like I'm not gonna stop running and this weird thing happened to me about mile 12. Like I hit mile 12 and I was running and all I could think about was all the pain, all the hurt, all the things I had been in my life and I felt like I was running from them and I got it was so weird because I got so emotional that last mile and a half was, yeah, I was literally by myself, just bawling, running and my legs were hurting everything and I was just booing, sobbing, running and people were looking. I know people were looking at me like what is wrong with this guy? Do we need to help that guy. Yeah, is that guy? Okay? Because I'm all by myself, none of my friends are around anywhere. But I really believe that was a moment for me, because when I ran across that finish line, I never stopped running, and so I finished it and I was just sobbing and I was just like I can do more than I think I can.
Speaker 1:I was like I can do way more than I think I can, because I never run a mile. Now, needless to say, I couldn't walk the next day. That's beside the point.
Speaker 2:I was so sore.
Speaker 1:But that was one of those moments for me that I just said okay, there's more for me. I can do more and it changed my mindset for life as kind of a dad with two kids going in.
Speaker 2:It was just like okay, but you changed your mindset about yourself too. Yes, yes.
Speaker 1:It was myself which helped me push through for my kids.
Speaker 2:You did that for yourself.
Speaker 1:Yeah, because I was so afraid to be by myself. That was another thing. I was scared to be by myself because I can't tell you how many times I remember hiding from my dad under my bed in the woods, and so I won't get into childhood trauma, but I would hide from those things just, and it felt so alone.
Speaker 2:Yeah, and then when you were alone, it's like your mindset could take you back there, or you could choose to do what you did.
Speaker 1:Yeah, the seven days my kids were gone and I was like, well, I'm not going to sit in that. And that became actually a strength for me, right, and I love solitude now, but anyway, so that really helped.
Speaker 2:It drives me nuts when you want to be by yourself because I'm like what's wrong, what's wrong, what's wrong.
Speaker 1:Yeah, and I just like it to be quiet so sometimes, which is you know what's crazy with four kids in our house. But that changed our mindset for how we approached life and how we did things with our families and we always told our kids we're not going to be victims. Baggage claim is not a place to come and be a victim. It's a place where you can come and bring your hurt.
Speaker 2:Yes, and bring your trauma To. Choose to not be a victim doesn't mean you deny how you got where you are. Correct. That's two very different things, right it's. What do you do with it? Do you choose to be the victim or do you choose to find the victory that brought you to where you're at?
Speaker 1:Yeah, and seek healing, seek growth. Like how am I going to grow from this? How am I going to move forward from this? Yes, and just keep moving forward. Yes, like my whole goal was just every day was get up and take one step forward. Get up and take one step forward, that mentality we tried to push into our kids. Yeah, to be like don't be a victim.
Speaker 2:Yeah, because all four of them had some crap dealt to them Right Out of their doing. Yeah, but like you said, it's you got to put one foot in front of the other to keep going.
Speaker 1:So how you see all those things, all those filters, affect how you see life, how you see family and how you see your spouse.
Speaker 2:So when we try to unpack this for our friends, let's unpack it, yeah. So my first question would be to our friends who are listening Is it hard for you to see the good in your spouse or significant other?
Speaker 1:Okay, here's a challenge. Okay, From your question, here's a challenge. Wherever you're at after I ask this hit, pause and do this thing Like hit, pause and text your significant other three things you love about them. And it can be like hey, here's three things that I love about you. Text those things, hit, send, don't say anything else, you don't have to, and then go back and hit, play and listen to the rest of it. That's one place to start. I still have a guy that I met a year and a half ago who was coming out, and he's in sobriety. He's been clean Every single day. He sends me a gratitude list of things he's grateful for and it enlightens my day. It makes me so happy when I see it. It makes me think about what I'm grateful for. So do that as much as you can for your significant other.
Speaker 2:Because it's all about your filters. What are you looking for? Yeah, if you're looking for positive.
Speaker 1:You're going to find positive.
Speaker 2:Because if it is not easy for you to see the good in your spouse, why, why, why?
Speaker 1:are you looking for?
Speaker 2:negative, Like why you chose to be together.
Speaker 1:Correct.
Speaker 2:Why is it hard for you to see the good stuff?
Speaker 1:Man, that's deep it is. That's a deep, it's really deep. I think, if I'm honest, I think it's because you don't like yourself.
Speaker 2:Well, yeah, that's a whole other podcast. Yeah, but in the same sense.
Speaker 1:You got to start somewhere. Start liking yourself.
Speaker 2:Are there things like little things in marriage or relationships that can drive you bonkers?
Speaker 1:Yes, oh, 100%, of course there are yeah.
Speaker 2:Like some friends of mine at school, we were just talking this and that and just throwing things around. And they were talking about their husbands and one mentioned about snoring and it drives her bonkers. And they were like I just didn't say anything, I just was grinning and giggling just going along. They're like, does Greg snore? I was like, yeah, but it's a cute little snore. That actually kind of makes me feel happy. It helps me sleep to hear his cute little snore. And they were like, oh my God, of course you're going to say that, of course you're going to say that Like well, yeah, when he's got sinus stuff going on.
Speaker 2:yeah, it's loud and I'm like go to the couch please.
Speaker 1:Yes, you do. You have woke me up and be like roll over or get out of the bed, but it's not always sweet. But that's rare it.
Speaker 2:Because in my heart and in my mind again, it's my mindset. I'm just grateful that you're there sleeping beside me, and if you have a little snore sound that adds to the white noise sound that's in our room, I'm grateful that you're there sleeping beside me. Yeah, could I be annoyed by it? Well, I certainly could.
Speaker 1:Yeah, but I be annoyed by it.
Speaker 2:Well, I certainly could, yeah, but I'm not.
Speaker 1:I mean, yeah, same it's all about. I don't care what relationship you're in. If you've been in it for six months, you don't see that yet, because you think everything they do is beautiful, Everything is wonderful, Like they're so amazing and a year from there it's changing Things.
Speaker 2:It's changing.
Speaker 1:Things get different, but it really is true. Like you get to change your perspective or mindset, you're filtered on how you see them, like the fact that Amazon dropped off one of those waterproof zip bags on our front porch so he could put his stuff in it.
Speaker 2:There's a basket on our front porch for them, but the waterproof situation, that was Christmastime.
Speaker 1:Oh yeah, that makes it so much easier.
Speaker 2:I'm on a first name basis with these. They come three to four times a day. Do you remember a couple christmases ago that they dropped us our own amazon literally amazon box, in our driveway? It was a giant like yeah, weather handles yeah it was massive.
Speaker 1:That was embarrassing it was embarrassing but I could have gotten frustrated about it. But it it's like, okay, we're not going to do this. No, because I mean there's so many things and we can talk about them. The things that couples fight about is usually money, sex and kids. Yeah, so it's just like those are the things and we'll get into those later.
Speaker 2:Yeah.
Speaker 1:But the thing I want to challenge you guys with when unpacking this is think about are you looking for the positive in your family Because your kids are going to screw up? They are your wife, your husband, everybody screws up, we all do. And so it's like how am I going to look at that? What is that going to be?
Speaker 2:Because is it easier to look for negative? Absolutely. We're human. That's how we're programmed.
Speaker 1:Yeah.
Speaker 2:But if you look for the positive, if you try some of the things that we've talked about, if you just look for it, it becomes not even second nature, Like that's just for me personally, finding the positive in stuff is just how I operate.
Speaker 1:I'll tell you what something else we'll do too, how I operate. I'll tell you what something else we'll do too For the first five people. If you will comment or just DM us about the books, just say I'd love to have the book. I'll send you the book for free.
Speaker 2:I'll mail it to you Because you will find what you look for Yep Period, okay In life, or one another, you'll find what you're looking for. If you're looking for positive, you're going to find it.
Speaker 1:Yeah, so that's our unpack. So it's my turn. For the Year of Us book. I get to ask a question. I don't know if my production team is like, shut up, it's time to go home.
Speaker 2:Yeah, but okay, we're still good. I'm scared, I'm scared, I don't know what you're going to ask.
Speaker 1:It's not bad, okay. Okay, here we go.
Speaker 2:My glasses are on the table. I got my glasses on.
Speaker 1:If I got to double up, I got issues. What do you think would be the hardest part for you about going on a three-day no technology, silent retreat together? What do you think would be the hardest part for you about going on a three-day no Instagram, no TikTok, no Facebook silent retreat together?
Speaker 2:I would assume that it also means no texting.
Speaker 1:No technology. Text kind of is technology.
Speaker 2:Well, because I'm a JJ, it means not seeing Lucy, that's just three days. That's a very long time.
Speaker 1:The longest we've gone without being near and seeing. This is about us and our grandkid.
Speaker 2:You ask me the question, I'm giving my answer. Okay, thank you. Without seeing Lulu a picture of her for that many days, that would be the hardest part.
Speaker 1:I think the non-technology part for me, I would flipping love that.
Speaker 2:You would.
Speaker 1:Yeah, I would burn my phone tomorrow if I could.
Speaker 2:How would you ever live?
Speaker 1:The silent part was what would kill me, because I would want to talk. Like I would literally have to put tape over my mouth.
Speaker 2:You would, because if I didn't have technology, you know what I'd have in my hands?
Speaker 1:A book, a book, and I'd be like here's your mouth. Yeah, you don't need a book and I would want to talk about the book that I was reading with you and with you, and you would be like, just shut up.
Speaker 2:Shut your mouth. I'm reading my book.
Speaker 1:Yeah, so all right. Well, there's our question.
Speaker 2:It's my grandma answer.
Speaker 1:I'm so glad you would just be like I would tune you out and read a book and miss Lucy.
Speaker 2:You asked me.
Speaker 1:I did ask you.
Speaker 2:But then you just said this. You didn't say about Lucy, but you were like I just want to read and then tell you about what I'm reading.
Speaker 1:I just want to talk to you. So anyway, before we get into a fight here at the end of our— oh my gosh. Thank you, guys again.
Speaker 2:Change your perspective, Greg? Absolutely.
Speaker 1:So thank you guys so much for joining in wherever you're at, and hopefully we didn't butcher that name in Ohio, please.
Speaker 2:If we did, I'm sorry, I used my first grade phonics and I sounded it out.
Speaker 1:But you guys, thank you so much for joining in. I hope you like share. Subscribe to the podcast. Share it with everybody that you can.
Speaker 2:We're excited, you're here with us.
Speaker 1:Yeah, so it's been fun and we'll catch you next time. Bye.
