Baggage Claim
Baggage Claim is a space for blended families, marriage, and friendship.
Here, we dive into real-life conversations about the ups and downs of relationships, from navigating second marriages to unpacking the baggage we all bring. Hosted by Greg and Jessica, who both have rich experiences with love, loss, and family, this community is about sharing stories, learning together, and growing stronger as couples and individuals. Grab a drink and join us as we unpack, laugh, and claim our baggage—one conversation at a time
Baggage Claim
From Sticky Notes to Strong Roots: Defining Your Family Culture
Family culture doesn't happen by accident. Drawing on corporate experience, we discovered how establishing core values could transform our blended family's dynamics and create an intentional environment for our children to thrive.
With sticky notes spread across our kitchen table, we invited our children (ages 8-12) to help identify what mattered most to our family. This collaborative process resulted in six core values: Love, Communication, Service, Together, Fun, and Faith. Each family member selected one value that resonated personally with them, then painted it on canvas as a visual reminder of our shared commitments.
These values became guideposts for daily life together. When arguments threatened to escalate, our communication value reminded us to speak respectfully and take a cooling-off lap around the neighborhood if needed. When weekend mountain bike races consumed our time, our fun value pushed us to find creative ways to make these trips enjoyable for everyone. Our faith value encouraged questions and personal discovery rather than forced participation.
The real power wasn't in the pretty canvases hanging on our walls—it was in modeling these values consistently. Children don't learn from what we say but from what we do. Even when we stumbled (and we certainly did), returning to these core principles helped reset our family's direction.
Whether you're in a newly blended family, raising teenagers who challenge every boundary, or just beginning your parenting journey, establishing core values provides a foundation for intentional family culture. Start small with just one or two values—what matters is beginning the conversation about what your family stands for and how you'll live that out together.
What core values would you choose for your family? We'd love to hear which principles guide your home.
Hey guys, what's up? I'm Greg. I hope you guys are ready to unpack and get into some good conversations today.
Speaker 2:And I'm Jess, and this is our podcast Baggage Claim. Thank you for joining us.
Speaker 1:What's up everybody? Welcome to Baggage Claim. Thank you so much for joining us again today. So, no matter where you're at, what you're doing we say this every week If you're riding in your car, sitting at your desk in your cubicle, or maybe on your comfy couch or in your comfy chair at home, grab your favorite drink maybe coffee, tea, if you're at home A cozy blankie and a cozy blankie if you want.
Speaker 2:And just kind of nestle up to our metaphorical table and let's get ready to unpack some stuff at baggage claim. Yeah, and if you heard me giggle right when greg started the welcome, it's because we do a clap kind of like the director's cue because we can't afford one of those things, yes, so that's our cue, and every time, I don't care who does it, it makes me laugh.
Speaker 2:It's Jess's first time to do it, so tonight was the very first time Today was my first day I got to be the one that did the clap and I still giggled. I can't help it. It didn't take much to amuse me, apparently.
Speaker 1:So yeah, it actually is number eight. Whoa that's crazy. Yeah, we're traveling down that road.
Speaker 2:And we don't even know what we're doing.
Speaker 1:We do, we have an idea. I mean, we have an idea Way more down the road than we were when we started.
Speaker 2:Yeah, but still it's kind of like okay, thank you for trying this out with us.
Speaker 1:Yeah, we're having fun and enjoying sharing our life and past, present all the fun stuff that we were going through. Today we're going to talk about something, though, that I kind of get really pumped about.
Speaker 2:From your corporate consultant years.
Speaker 1:Yeah, and some people would just go really what? I don't get it, but we were off at a weekend retreat with a corporate company.
Speaker 2:We no.
Speaker 1:Okay, I was with a company I had from before, but anyway, we were there and we were talking about core values and culture and we were talking about those things, about the core values for the company help set all this. Well, I was just thinking about it, I was sitting at the airport on the way home and I was like why don't we ever do that as a family? And so when I got back I was like we're going to jump into and try to set up core values for our family and what that would look like, because helping in our core values would definitely help set our culture.
Speaker 2:Meanwhile, I had no idea what you were talking about, because that was really a foreign concept to me.
Speaker 1:Right.
Speaker 2:I never even thought about it.
Speaker 1:Yeah, what do you mean? Thought about what?
Speaker 2:Well, core values, kind of like a goal with your family. Like when TJ and I were married, it was like we're going to get married, we're going to buy a house, we're going to have kids and we're just going to live life.
Speaker 1:There's nothing wrong with that.
Speaker 2:No, there's not, but I had never thought about the idea of no, let's have like an actual conversation of what are we about Now? We did talk about, you know, raising our children in church and you know we had some things that were important to us.
Speaker 1:Yeah.
Speaker 2:But as far as what we're getting into tonight, today, with what we're going to talk about, I never thought that deeply into it.
Speaker 1:Well, it's a simple concept. It's not that it's simple, we just don't apply. I mean, if you're listening to this and you've been in the corporate world, you've sat through one of those weekend sessions.
Speaker 2:What I was about to say is it's simple if you are in the corporate world and you've sat through these conferences or your monthly meetings, or whatever the case may be, it's simple when it comes in a corporate situation or in a business world.
Speaker 1:Okay. When I say simple, the concept is simple, the process is not. Everybody has core values. I mean any company that you go into or you're a part of. Disney has core values. I mean anybody. I don't know why I thought of Disney right off the top of my head, but anyway, in every company, school systems, they all have core values that they're based off of because it determines the direction of the company.
Speaker 2:True, but I don't think very many people think about applying it to your family. I'd agree, which is what led you to that? Thought you were just talking about.
Speaker 1:Yeah, and I mean we've read a bunch of books on family and those things and no one ever really talks about the culture or core values for your family. So we decided to do those and if you caught us a few episodes back, I'm not sure which one that was we talked about boundaries. Helping our kids set boundaries. One thing we're really big on, and we always were, is allowing our kids to be a part of everything that happened.
Speaker 2:We gave them a voice in just about everything.
Speaker 1:Because we also know that if you have shared value in something, you have more buy-in, and when you have buy-in it becomes more real and you want to do that better, whether it be at work or home or whatever it is. So we're trying to give our kids buy-in. So we broke out our handy-andy little post-it sticky notes.
Speaker 1:So if you're not watching online or haven't seen it, we have these little post-it notes and sticky note pads, yeah, we gave every kid a stack of these and some pens and we set around our table just like we set it up for the boundaries and guidelines yes, and what can you get in trouble for and what should the punishment be?
Speaker 2:Or consequence?
Speaker 1:sorry, and so we ask some kind of big, broad questions Like hey, when someone sees our family or they say something about our family, what's a word that comes to mind? Yeah, what do you think of?
Speaker 2:And as the conversation went on, it was what did you and I and the kids, what do we want to be about as a family?
Speaker 1:Yeah.
Speaker 2:And, like you just said, when people look at us, what do you want people to say? You know what Blank is important to their family. What can we display? Yeah, and how can we get after that?
Speaker 1:Now we got some really I mean, understand these, they were young. We got some really interesting answers. Understand these, they were young. We got some really interesting answers.
Speaker 1:Yeah, they were between the ages of 8 and 12 yeah, some really interesting things written down on these sticky notes all over, and this is again was at our kitchen table table that we talked about last episode, um, and so we started just, I mean this, this process took a little while. It wasn't like a uh, 15 20 minute thing, I mean I remember it took a little while. It wasn't like a 15, 20-minute thing, I mean, I remember it took us a while.
Speaker 2:It did. It took a little bit.
Speaker 1:And so, as they were writing and each person had, our entire table was full we all got up and we would walk Full of sticky notes, yes, and so there were little post-it notes all over this thing with words written on them, and so we started to find words that look the same.
Speaker 2:We started to kind of move them around into categories, yep.
Speaker 1:And so it was like okay, that word, you know that word love and loving, that's the same thing.
Speaker 2:I'd give anything if we had kept all of them. Yeah, that'd be so sweet.
Speaker 1:Yeah, and so it was. And so we spent some time trying to let kids figure out which words were together, categorizing them, and the idea was there were six of us. I mean we put a lot of thought, brainpower into this A lot of thought yeah, there's six of us, so we're going to have six core values. Each person gets to pick a value that they kind of identify with or just really connect with.
Speaker 2:So we, like we were saying, we kind of categorized them into six categories. It took some kind of finagling to get some of them to work. You think, if you have an eight and nine year old, what are we going to come up with? But there were six categories about what was important to us, and so the six categories were so we had say yeah, so we had love was one.
Speaker 2:If you're watching the YouTube video, love is the one that's propped up here between our microphone stands, because, I mean, that's the whole foundation of why literally why we became a family, because we loved each other, you and I. That's true.
Speaker 1:And sort of. So we had love, we had communication, we had serve, we had I'm reading them off the table actually together fun, and then faith.
Speaker 2:Yeah, so we in front of us on our baggage claim table. They're all of the all of the canvases are here. They're probably like eight by ten size canvases.
Speaker 1:Yep Explain why we did canvases and paintings.
Speaker 2:So before Greg and I met I remember literally it was like a month or two after TJ passed away one of my friends from school, April April Curley, if you're listening, thank you she invited me to come to a paint class that was being hosted in her neighborhood, at Sterling, in their community center. She was like it's the first one, I don't know what we're doing, so why don't you come? And so April and I and two or three other ladies from school, we went to this painting class and it was very vague instructions of what we were going to paint. There was a few examples and it was and literally it was kind of like a go with what your gut says, go with what's in your heart. And so that was literally the first time I ever painted on canvas and if, if I'm honest, that first painting came out kind of dark, I was going to say what did you paint?
Speaker 1:Do you remember?
Speaker 2:It was branches. It was supposed to be as if you were kind of lying down and looking up at the night sky with, like a moon, branches and stuff. Mine turned out kind of dark but if I mean, that's where I was.
Speaker 1:Right.
Speaker 2:It was in a dark place. And so then, not too long after that, another friend invited me to join her at a place nearby where it was literally painting classes. So the teacher would get up there and she would show you kind of step by step of what to paint, but then you kind of interpret it in your own way. And that first class I was like, okay, this kind of feels good from a heart, it feels good to kind of have an outlet. And so I didn't know I was a painter until then and so I would go to class regularly. My parents and TJ's mom, my grandmother, would kind of watch the kids for me or take them to karate or soccer or whatever, so that I could go paint like once a month.
Speaker 1:So that became your therapy, in a sense.
Speaker 2:Very much so. Gotcha, it was kind of a gift I didn't know I had and, like you said, it was therapy. It just kind of gave me like an outlet. And then my friend Lisa and I we would find things on Pinterest or just whatever and we would say to ourselves we can paint that.
Speaker 1:Yeah.
Speaker 2:Let's do it. Let's do it at home. So then we literally started painting at home. So painting became a big deal for me. So when you share with me this idea, and of course you wanted to involve the kids, and so I was like I know, so there's six of us, like we were saying there, so let's come up with six different core values and let's all paint them. And so it just made sense to me that each of us would get a canvas, and whatever value it was that we had assigned to each person, we painted it what it felt like to us.
Speaker 1:Right.
Speaker 2:And so that's how we have these six canvases that are on the table in front of us.
Speaker 1:It's kind of fun when you think about it. I had no idea. Like when I had this thought or this idea, painting a canvas was nowhere in the picture at all. I was like I have this idea, we're going to do this, this, this and this, and then you took that idea and made it really pretty and nice and understandable for our kids. If I would have tried to lead them through this process it would have been a big flop.
Speaker 2:Well, not a flop, necessarily.
Speaker 1:I don't think it would have grabbed.
Speaker 2:I think that a hands-on I mean I'm a teacher of littles and so any way you can get a hands-on experience to kind of immerse kids in what you're doing. It gives it a lot more concrete value for them. And we've kind of immerse kids in what you're doing.
Speaker 1:It gives it a lot more concrete value for them and we've kind of always done that, like even the first time we met yeah we'll talk about not met, but the first time we brought the kids together, yeah um.
Speaker 1:So we got these canvases and we each said I remember we had our six core values and I remember we doled them out to the kids. Hey, which one do you? Kind of connect with. And so we allowed them to take those, and I think I just took whatever was left. I mean, I did too. It's just like I'll take those. And then the idea was you can paint whatever you want on your canvas, like there are no rules as to painting your canvas. What it looks like.
Speaker 2:It needs to be your personality and what you feel and what you want, but to kind of lean towards whatever that word is it could be.
Speaker 1:It didn't have to be. It didn't have to. If it was a representation of that word, it would be nice.
Speaker 2:It would be, and each of the words had a Bible verse associated with, because one of the six core values for our family was faith, cause, given what all six of us had been through, we had to have that faith that brought us to where we were.
Speaker 1:And faith. Faith for us is a really, and we'll have a podcast, just a whole episode on our faith and what that looks like and how like. In our house it was probably very different from others. We ask questions a lot. We encourage our kids to explore, to read. We didn't force our kids to go to Wednesday night churches, we encouraged them to.
Speaker 1:Yeah, so some of those things that we just faith was a huge part of us, but it was just very different. When you hear that word you may think you probably have a picture in your mind. It may be a little different for us, but we you know.
Speaker 2:We can address that separately. Yeah, one day.
Speaker 1:Okay, so we're back on core values. So everybody's painting.
Speaker 2:Everybody's painting and the whole idea was is for all six of us what we value as a family, determined going forward how we acted as a family.
Speaker 1:Right? Well, this is what we would always okay, we I say we. This is what I would teach when you're in an organization, because we did a lot of organizational help and development for nonprofits and corporations. It was like your core values help set your culture, your culture helps it, the dynamic and the outcomes of your staff or your customers or whoever it is you're interacting with. So it's a process. So if we don't know what we value, then our culture just becomes what it is off a default. So we don't, we're not, we don't want to have direction over that.
Speaker 2:So for us, in your business world. Yes, that's true, but one thing I didn't realize I was doing in my own classroom until you identified with it after spending time with me and how I am with my kids, because every year I always say this is the best group of kids I've ever had. This is the best year, this is the best group of kids but ever had, this is the best year. This is the best group of kids. But you helped me see, it's because of the culture that I develop in my classroom where they know what's okay, they know what's not.
Speaker 2:They know I don't expect them to be little soldiers. They've got freedom but we've got some boundaries and that kind of thing. And so I didn't realize that I had set culture in my classroom over the years. But you helped me see that and helped me figure out how to transfer that into our family.
Speaker 1:Yeah, because the reality is you have culture in your family, you just don't, you may not realize it.
Speaker 2:Yeah, you don't know.
Speaker 1:You may not know what it is yet, you may not have identified it, but there is culture there. Yeah, and not have identified it, but there is culture there. And so a friend of mine, michael, who produces for us too, we were actually just chatting about, and we always talk about culture. This is something that is dear to us and just how it affects the people who work there, and it can inspire you or it can just drain you, and so he made the analogy like if, when you don't have core values or you're just like driving a car with no steering wheel, not putting your hands on the wheel, you're just all over the place and, just like we've seen poor leadership develop a poor culture that has just driven it down the drain.
Speaker 2:Well, I mean, that's kind of the same thing that you have the opportunity to do or not do with your family, right?
Speaker 1:And just being in the thing is is it's intentionality, like slowing down just enough to figure it, just to look at it and go okay, what is this Like? And maybe you have to work backwards, you don't want to start with well, what is our culture? Maybe even look at okay, we're getting these outcomes from our family. Let's take, okay, so these are our outcomes. Let's step back and go what does that mean about our culture? Like when we get into an argument or there's frustration, there's screaming, there's yelling, there's throwing. Why is that?
Speaker 1:And so we back up and back up and back up and go. Core value of ours is Maybe we don't communicate, maybe that's not a core value, that we don't communicate in a way that is helpful.
Speaker 2:What we said while we were talking about this and getting ready for this one is what are you modeling for your kids?
Speaker 1:Yeah.
Speaker 2:So is it a frustration that your teenagers or your preteens are on their phone all the time? Well, are you on your phone all the time?
Speaker 2:Yeah, well, those are really hard questions, it's hard, but it's very basic at the same time. It was like when you have to have a discussion with your kids, does it turn into an argument? Okay, well, maybe they don't see it, but do discussions between you and your spouse or your significant other, does that turn into an argument? Maybe there's a communication. I mean the communication core value for our family. Maybe there's a communication thing going on and you don't know it. Like, what are you modeling? Yeah, but we had to model these things. It's not like we're just trying to be this picture-perfect family and here's the six things that we want to be about that are so magical. It's like no, literally, what are you— part of the thing that makes it work or not work is what are you modeling as the adults?
Speaker 1:Yeah, because the reality is that your kids are modeling what you're doing, whether you know it or not, whether you think it or not, they are modeling. I used to work for—I used to do some work with some boys home and it was so interesting. We would work with these guys hands-on a lot with like processing skills, communication, like just helping them learn to do life together, because they lived in homes. And then they were like hey, can you guys do what you do with the students? Can you do that with the parents? We have a parents night. We're like hey, can you guys do what you do with the students? Can you do that with the parents? We have a parents' night. We're like sure we'd love to, and so the parents gathered and we're doing the parent night.
Speaker 1:I literally could walk around, I could look around the room and go that's so-and-so's parents, that's so-and-so. And I would ask them. I was like, hey, are you so-and-so's parents? Yeah, how'd you know that? You saw the exact same behaviors and the mannerisms and the way they would act and the way they would do in the parents that I did in the kids. And it was one of those things For me. That light bulb went off and I was like, oh my gosh, my kids are watching me and they're going to become me who I am. So it's just kind of one of those scary crazy. It's scary crazy, but you can deny it all you want, but it happens.
Speaker 2:But it's true, and if you hear on the broadcast today, if you hear a little baby cry, it's just because we're in our home and our daughter-in-law, miranda, is part of our crew and baby Lucy was trying to go night-night and she apparently needed her passy.
Speaker 1:Yeah, she wasn't happy.
Speaker 2:So if you hear, a little whiny.
Speaker 1:that's our grandbaby, If you ever hear that?
Speaker 2:just think aw, not how unprofessional. Just think aw, that's our grandbaby. Lulu needed her passy.
Speaker 1:So okay. So, anyway reminder that we're in our home. But modeling behavior is a huge part of how do you set the culture in your home. When you say modeling, I mean everything down to the way you speak to each other, the tone in which you speak. All those things matter.
Speaker 2:Our sweet kids, all four of them. I guess that we've always not always most of the time we try really hard to speak to one another in a kind tone.
Speaker 1:Yeah.
Speaker 2:Because, well, I'll say, all of our kids, but me too we're all really sensitive to tone. So if somebody in a conversation has a tone that sounds the least bit frustrated, they're very sensitive. Why are you mad at me? Why are you upset?
Speaker 1:And then it goes to well, let's talk about it, let's talk.
Speaker 2:It's like help me understand. Oh my gosh.
Speaker 1:I do, I do use that phrase.
Speaker 2:I learned that phrase from you and that was part of communication. Again, I guess probably we should probably do one whole episode on communication.
Speaker 1:Probably.
Speaker 2:yes, We've done some, but just do another one, but help me understand why you think you're upset with me or I'm upset with you.
Speaker 1:Yeah, I didn't say that because that's not Help me understand why you're wrong and I'm right.
Speaker 2:You probably may want to say that Of course we all want to say that, of course, we all want to say that. But again it just goes back to modeling, Just model, model, model behavior that you want.
Speaker 1:And here's the thing, though, parents are, so we beat ourselves up as parents.
Speaker 2:Yeah, we still do.
Speaker 1:Of course, like, oh, I should have done that or I should have done more, I shouldn't have done this. First off, just relax and just take a deep breath. You know it's okay. Just do the best you can. That's all you're asking. Just give it an effort. And today, what we're talking about, I keep saying tonight.
Speaker 2:Well, it's evening for us.
Speaker 1:Yeah, so it's like the idea behind core values is to give some direction to the culture in your home. That's, that's mainly it. It's not a.
Speaker 1:We're not trying to over complicate it in that, it's just like no, no no because sometimes you may look at it, you're like, bro, I have no freaking idea what I'm doing, what this like, what do you mean? Yeah, like this is crazy, but it's like, no, no, just take small steps and figure it out. So because once you write all this down, you paint them and they look really cool, because I can see our kids, personalities and all of them so much and it just makes me smile, makes my heart happy now are we saying you have to paint canvases with your family?
Speaker 2:No, no. But what worked for us was to have that family meeting at our table with all the sticky notes, paint them, and they hung in a place at our home where we got married and moved in together for the first time and it was just like a good reminder of here's where we're starting, here's where we are. We're a whole big team and we needed to be reminded of those because all the things moving forward after that, as a family we tried to make sure it supported these values.
Speaker 1:Yeah, because it comes down to if we don't apply these core values to our family. They're no more than just a painting on the wall.
Speaker 1:Cute paintings of words yeah, it's just like, oh, that's cute kid stuff, but no, it's like. No, that word means something that's a value for us, that's a core value for us, that's something our family's built around. So we got to see that. You got to remind them. It's the same thing in the corporate world you remind people of your culture, your core values all the time, and you just constantly the same thing is true in your home. And so we tried to figure it. We're like okay, how do we implement these things?
Speaker 2:And can we take some of them and combine them together and make them just work, even down to our boundaries and guidelines that we talked about before. A lot of them went back to this, or some of the quote-unquote consequences led back to these values of. This is what we're about and we want to make sure that here's what we stay about.
Speaker 2:Right yeah, and just a side note of one of the values being fun we were just talking about earlier Right, yeah, for his races, and the other three would have to go with us. And so, no, them going to a mountain bike race out of town was not fun for them, but while we were there for that one particular kid, we would try to figure out how to make it fun for the other three. So as a family, I mean it's just, and your culture, know that your culture is going to change too.
Speaker 1:Yeah, at that time in our lives, like we would leave on a, we would leave.
Speaker 2:Friday evening.
Speaker 1:Yeah, and we would be gone because we had to be there early Saturday morning. So Saturday we were all we were doing stuff and we wanted to have time to go play a little bit.
Speaker 2:We wouldn't get home until Sunday afternoon.
Speaker 1:And then Sunday we're racing and, as soon as we're done, packing everything in the car, coming home and going back to work on Monday. So it was like a—.
Speaker 2:It had the potential to not be fun for anyone.
Speaker 1:Right, but that was a season and that was a culture and it was okay at the time. We just tried to be intentional about what we did with them, like that trip we actually went to where they filmed some of the— One particular trip yeah, it was the Walking Dead.
Speaker 2:No Stranger Things. It was the Walking Dead. No Stranger.
Speaker 1:Things. It was the Walking Dead thing, because we went to the courthouse in the middle and there was one where we did Stranger Things. I feel pretty sure.
Speaker 2:There were two of them.
Speaker 1:So we did two trips down there but it was just fun. So we tried to do those kind of fun things in the process, Also one of the things we used to do too, like kind of togetherness and just fun Because together was one of the things we used to do too, like kind of togetherness and just fun, Because together was one of the values. Yeah, we would go and you have to understand. We had six kids, so we didn't have enough.
Speaker 2:No, we had four kids.
Speaker 1:Four kids or six of us, that's right. Sorry, there's a lot of numbers. We were like we want to do something fun. We don't have a ton of money. Going to the movies at that time would cost us $120, $130. We're like we're not going to drop that to go watch a movie and we just sat there and ate popcorn. So we're going to do something more interactive. So we came up with this idea. I mean, this is 13, 10 years ago, probably 10 years, probably 9, 10 years ago.
Speaker 1:These kids were young, they were little and so we would give each kid five dollars and we would go to the thrift store. It was the thrift store, or we'd go to five below, or five below, and one time we did go to the flea market and so we would say you have to find a anything that starts with the letter of your name.
Speaker 2:You can be as creative as you want. First initial of your first name, or the first initial of your last name, which all of us were, p, we all had the same one at the end.
Speaker 1:You had options and you could just go buy whatever you want and you had to. Kind of, when you got back together, you could spend. It could be a toy, it could be an article of clothing, whatever yeah. It could be whatever you wanted it to be.
Speaker 2:So what you're referring to is one of the we. We tried to make sure that there was a clear model. In my teacher word of expectation it's not that's a negative word in the family world, I guess, but a clear modeling for what each value would look like. And so you were just talking about the fun value. Um, we were kind of good with whatever as long as nobody gets hurt.
Speaker 1:Yeah, I mean we've had anything from water gun fights in the house.
Speaker 2:Nerf guns that was a favorite.
Speaker 1:Yeah, a lot of people, and I know some. Whatever, it may be One of my favorite pranks that Callie played on.
Speaker 2:You was in the kitchen.
Speaker 1:Yes.
Speaker 2:And she put a rubber band around the squirter, the spray nozzle portion, the sink, and we were, we were all in on it. Um, so she put a rubber band around it and knew that whatever you were doing would involve the sink, because we're getting ready to cook dinner. And it was the funny. They laughed, they literally cried it was so cute.
Speaker 2:It was always practical jokes, yeah so, yeah, we would do the thrift store thing with your initial or the flea market or five below whatever. So that was for fun, and then we would live out communication by. The biggest one was we don't raise our voices at each other.
Speaker 1:No, we had no yelling at our house and it was I mean yeah.
Speaker 2:Were you allowed to get mad? Yes, you can be mad all you want to.
Speaker 1:Yeah, and if you can't have the discussion without screaming or yelling, then go outside, go walk around, go cool off, take a lap, do whatever you need to do, and then we can come back and have this conversation, but we're not going to scream and yell and call names.
Speaker 2:But you and I modeled that behavior.
Speaker 1:Yes, and yell and call names, but you and I modeled that behavior. Yes, yeah. I took several laps around sometimes. Yeah, you did, I'd be like I'm putting my shoes on. Where are you going Outside Got?
Speaker 2:to take a lap, okay, and so I would get my headphones and just go. Now whether you would be upset with me or a child. We were really mindful of that and for togetherness, we would spend as much time together as we could as a family and we talked about different ways to do that and love like. What kind of actions are you displaying to show that you love one another?
Speaker 1:Well, even just kind of love and serving, like help somebody in the family if they need help, if they're trying to get out of the house, hands are full, or you help clean up a plate or help do something.
Speaker 2:But even as simple as when our sons would play video games together. Can you be patient and show love by letting him have the first turn, Like just simple simple things like that and then serve.
Speaker 2:You kind of touched on serving just then, but it's like we're going to serve each other. Like you said, if you see that your sibling or your parent or a parent has their hands full, you're trying to do something or carry groceries in or put groceries away or whatever it is like, help each other. Don't just walk by and pretend like you don't see it, because if you can get used to serving each other in your own home, it's easier to serve other people outside of your home. And then faith. We touched on that in the beginning this evening. But faith was an important part for you and I because our faith journey and trusting God on the path that we were on that led us to one another. We wanted to display that same faith to our kids. We didn't want to force them into anything, because if you can own your faith, it becomes so much more deep and meaningful.
Speaker 1:Yeah, I don't want our kids to grow up and feel like, hey, our parents always told us we had to believe this way, we had to do this, we had to do that.
Speaker 2:I want it to be yours.
Speaker 1:Yeah, like if we were at church on Sunday. Our question in the car on the way back is like okay, what did you think about that? Do you agree? Do you disagree?
Speaker 2:We just tried to create an environment where it's like okay, what'd you think about that? You agree, do you disagree?
Speaker 1:we just tried to create an environment where it was it's okay to have questions, it's okay to talk, but, yeah, you should, you should question and you should talk about all of it. Yeah, um, that was a huge part why is all this important?
Speaker 2:well, the bottom line. Why is this important?
Speaker 1:I mean it goes back to if you don't do these things, you, you have defaults where you, just your culture is going to determine itself. Like you get to drive, you get to determine what your home, what your house is going to be about. That's on you. So you get to determine that If you don't, then society or other thing else will determine it for you. They'll pick for you.
Speaker 2:Are we saying that we did this perfectly and that we're the perfect family?
Speaker 1:Absolutely not no. No, there were lots of times where we would struggle with this.
Speaker 2:It's like what are we even doing?
Speaker 1:Yeah.
Speaker 2:Or why are we even trying so hard?
Speaker 1:Yeah. So when you get to those things, I'll just say you just go simple, yeah, just very, very simple, like you know what. Let's go have some fun together. Things are tough right now. Let's go have fun together. What does that look like? Maybe let's go to the park, let's go hike, let's go see a waterfall.
Speaker 2:Do something easy, simple Play basketball in the yard, whatever.
Speaker 1:But was it always easy for us to model the behaviors that we are trying to teach our?
Speaker 2:children? Absolutely not. No, no, it wasn't. It was a sacrifice a lot of times to try to model what we're trying to teach our kids.
Speaker 1:And I know if you're listening you're like dude. That sounds exhausting.
Speaker 2:It can be. Yeah, it very much can be. We said the same thing, but it also can be very rewarding.
Speaker 1:when you see it, your kids grab onto it and start living it out. You're like, oh, okay, there it is. You have this glimmer of hope and you're just like, yep, that's it, that's what we're here for.
Speaker 2:So when we unpack this for our friends that are listening or watching, what can that look like?
Speaker 1:For me. I say start simple, yes, Like, don't overthink this, don't shoot for the moon. We went big. I tend to go big on things. Jess always tells me that I think you set unreasonable expectations sometimes. I do most of the time, but at the same price. I was like this is what we did. I'm not saying this is the way, this is a way. So start simple, almost like sit down with your partner and start the discussion Go what is our culture?
Speaker 2:What are we even about as a family?
Speaker 1:Yeah, because when you think about our family, what words come to mind?
Speaker 2:Yeah, are there times where you're about a team or you know, is you know? Are you at the ball field? Are you this? Are you that? It very well may be that's what you're doing right now, but don't let that determine the culture of your family. So, when you get down to it, being a part of a team, okay, yeah, that's wonderful. But when you go home, within the four walls of your home, what do you want your family to be about? Now, we started with six core values, because there were six of us. But I mean, I would like to challenge you, if you're listening, maybe start with two, two core values. Does it have to be some of ours? No, I would love to hear if you come up with Two core values. Does it have to be some of ours? No, I would love to hear if you come up with some other core values. I would too.
Speaker 1:I'd love to hear ways you incorporate them too into your family, into your life. Like this is. Again, we're here to help establish a community, so we share stuff back and forth and we're sharing, and I would love for you guys to share back with us some things that you've done or that worked for you, or maybe how you took this concept and tweaked it and made it better.
Speaker 2:Or even what do you think about this as a core value for our family? How can we help us figure out how to make this work, because this seems to be the word that keeps coming back up.
Speaker 1:Right.
Speaker 2:I would love that. Yeah, and we started small, for what small looked like for our family? Small for our family was six. But I would encourage you to start small, because if you set lofty goals, they're going to be real hard to meet and it's going to be really easy to get frustrated.
Speaker 1:Don't be mad because you're not going to hit a home run every time. No, you're going to strike out. You may walk, it're not going to hit a home run every time.
Speaker 2:No.
Speaker 1:You're going to strike out, you may walk. It's not going to be perfect every time.
Speaker 2:No.
Speaker 1:Just keep at it.
Speaker 2:Don't try to do everything in one fell swoop.
Speaker 1:Yeah, just do what you can.
Speaker 2:Yeah.
Speaker 1:You used that the correct way.
Speaker 2:I did. I used it the right way. With that being wrapped up, it's my turn to ask a question from our book A Year of Us. So if you guys we're going to, we are going. You say that every time. I know I'm going to give her credit.
Speaker 1:She may tell you to do something To stop it.
Speaker 2:Yeah.
Speaker 1:So anyway, I'm ready. So this is a question, and this is kind of a deep question because, you know me, I want to.
Speaker 2:I know, but don't be disappointed if I have to think about it.
Speaker 1:Okay, what do you doubt most about yourself that most people think you're confident about?
Speaker 2:Whoa. What do I doubt about myself?
Speaker 1:Yeah, what do you doubt? I have a hard time with that. That's hard work.
Speaker 2:Yeah.
Speaker 1:What do you doubt about yourself that most people think you're confident about?
Speaker 2:Professionally, I think that I'm a pretty good teacher because my leadership has always told me so. But on a daily basis, I doubt myself Am I meeting the needs of all these littles that are in my care? You do doubt yourself as a teacher sometimes, which is insane because you get the highest marks and everybody loves you, kids love you, and you've watched me teach yeah, I'm just not blowing smoke teach, so I mean you.
Speaker 1:Yeah, I'm just not blowing smoke when I'm like, no, you're really good at your job, you're really good at it.
Speaker 2:I appreciate that. But I doubt myself always because, for so many reasons, there's never a doubt in my mind that God has not placed the littles in my classroom that need to be with me. There's never a doubt. Sometimes I might question why, like why did you give me so and so? Help me understand that, but there's never a doubt. So, professionally, I doubt that. Um, personally, I don't know personally. I struggle personally with confidence. So I doubt myself a lot personally. So so I don't just being raw. I don't know that there's a place that I display confidence in myself where someone could doubt. Why do you feel confident about that? And that's just something I've personally struggled with my whole life. Is confidence in my own self All right? How about you?
Speaker 1:It's interesting to me. Some would say I have no problem with confidence.
Speaker 2:I think that about you, okay, you present yourself in a way that's very confident, but I know inside your head and your heart, yes, not many people do.
Speaker 1:Yeah, I do struggle a lot. For a long time I struggled with being a people pleaser because I only wanted everybody to be happy with me, like everything, and I just realized that's just ridiculous. Yeah, it's a ridiculous thing to try to achieve, and so sometimes I feel like I doubt my ability to be able to speak on things. Sometimes, okay, but sometimes it comes off like.
Speaker 1:Your ability to or the timing of no like I've had the opportunity to sit in the room with some really cool people and do some really cool things and be a part of cool meetings and I would always go. I don't deserve to be here. Like, why am I here? This is ridiculous. I didn't finish college. Why am I sitting in a room with someone you know? These people run one of the top 50 businesses in the world and I'm sitting in the room and they're asking for my advice.
Speaker 1:Because college has nothing to do with giftedness, yeah. So it's kind of a crazy thing for me, but that's just a struggle I've had and you know I've worked around it. But you know I just figure it out as a go.
Speaker 2:Yeah, just watching you maneuver the world, you do not come off as a guy that struggles with self-confidence, but, on that same token, you don't ever come off as somebody who's I've got it all under control, I know what I'm doing Like you're a good balance of that.
Speaker 1:Yeah, I try to be. I don't want to be that guy, that's. You know, there's always that guy that parties like oh he's been there, he's done that, and I get made fun of sometimes for that.
Speaker 2:So I try not to share world experiences.
Speaker 1:I try not to share those a whole lot, unless I don't want to be the guy always talking Um. So anyway, with all of this being said, I just want to again challenge you and love on you and say don't quit, don't give up.
Speaker 2:Yeah, it's never too late to start this.
Speaker 1:Yeah, it doesn't matter where you're at in this journey. It doesn't matter if you've got a little baby.
Speaker 2:If you're holding a little baby right now as a mom and you're drinking coffee or tea or whatever it may be, you're going to model and set culture for that little one you're holding, or if you're the dad that's got a house full of teenagers where it literally seems impossible. Yeah, it's not.
Speaker 1:No, just start taking this, it's not easy, but it's not impossible. Yeah, take small steps, and so we'll have all of our. As we release this, we'll have tons of these things that we post up so you can see these as, and we'll share some, some fun stuff with those. But again, thank you guys, so much for listening, for sharing, for helping us spread the word about baggage claim.
Speaker 2:Thank you for sharing your time with us too.
Speaker 1:Thanks for taking the time to listen. Please, if you've got a friend or family member or somebody else, a coworker, that you think could in this, please share it.
Speaker 2:Yeah, and don't forget, if you, or as you come up with your core values, even if it's just two, send them to us so that we know that what we're doing makes a difference.
Speaker 1:Yeah, absolutely.
Speaker 2:Yeah, that would mean a lot to us.
Speaker 1:Yeah, thank you guys, have a great week.
Speaker 2:Yeah, that would mean a lot to us. Yeah, thank you guys. Have a great week. Yeah, thank you.
