Baggage Claim
Baggage Claim is a space for blended families, marriage, and friendship.
Here, we dive into real-life conversations about the ups and downs of relationships, from navigating second marriages to unpacking the baggage we all bring. Hosted by Greg and Jessica, who both have rich experiences with love, loss, and family, this community is about sharing stories, learning together, and growing stronger as couples and individuals. Grab a drink and join us as we unpack, laugh, and claim our baggage—one conversation at a time
Baggage Claim
From Bank Beef to Backyard Vows: Nick & Brandy’s Love Story
What happens when a bank teller and a marketing guy fall in love over karaoke at a country bar? In our first-ever guest episode, we're thrilled to welcome Nick and Brandy Kastner, who bring 19 years of marriage wisdom to the table.
Their story begins with workplace animosity (Brandy wasn't thrilled when Nick got quickly promoted at the bank where they both worked) and transforms into a relationship built on compromise, communication, and intentional connection. After a memorable first date where Brandy sang "Baby Got Back"—the moment Nick claims he fell in love—they navigated early relationship challenges, including an ex trying to reconnect. When they finally decided to marry, they skipped the expensive ceremony, opting for a $50 backyard wedding that proved true commitment doesn't require grand gestures.
The Kastners openly share their struggles with balancing busy schedules, raising their now nearly-adult daughters, and nurturing their relationship through different love languages. Despite the chaos of volleyball tournaments, work travel, and everyday life, they've maintained a strong connection by never going to bed angry and making intentional time for each other. They've experienced only three truly heated arguments in nearly two decades together—a testament to their communication skills and mutual respect.
As they prepare for their oldest daughter's graduation and the next chapter of their lives, Nick and Brandy offer practical advice about staying truthful with each other, not forcing expectations on children, and most importantly, creating dedicated time for your relationship. Their journey reminds us that beautiful marriages don't happen by accident—they're built through daily choices, honest conversations, and the willingness to compromise (even on graduation party plates).
Hey guys, what's up? I'm Greg. I hope you guys are ready to unpack and get into some good conversations today.
Speaker 2:And I'm Jess, and this is our podcast Baggage Claim. Thank you for joining us.
Speaker 1:Welcome to Baggage Claim. Thank you guys so much for joining us today. So if you're new here, this is just a place where we want to start conversations and just help create community around marriage and blended family. Wherever you're at, whatever you're doing, we just want to ask you just to take a deep breath, just relax, grab that drink, that coffee depends on what kind of day you've had and what kind of drink you're having and pull up to the table and join us for some conversation and hopefully we create some community here. So tonight is really fun for us. It's really exciting. I mean, we're only on 13th episode Only, but we have some really cool guests 13 is a big deal.
Speaker 1:It is. 13 is a big deal. It's an odd number and it's an unlucky number, but we're not going to talk about that. But we have some really cool guests with us. We have Nick and Brandy Kastner who are with us tonight our very first guest on Baggage Claims. So you guys, I want to say welcome, how are you guys? Hey, thank you for having us. So let's tell us just a little bit about you guys and then tell the like you can tell the back story on kind of how we met, how we know each other a little bit. But just yeah, who wants to go first?
Speaker 3:Sure, brady's pointing at me. So I'm, you're a talker. Yeah, okay, fair. So I'm Nick Brady and I have been married now for 19 years.
Speaker 1:I just want to make sure I don't mess that up, right.
Speaker 3:And so career-wise, we've kind of met there. So we talk a lot about that. So I'm in marketing, Brandy's in banking and yeah, the story starts, I guess, at a bank. Actually that's so romantic.
Speaker 1:It is. Yeah, yeah, that's exactly how most marriages should start and that's where we met Jessica it is. We'll get to that in a minute. Yeah, so how many? 19 years ago? 19. Okay, wow, okay.
Speaker 3:Yeah, so, and we dated for A little over a year.
Speaker 4:Yeah.
Speaker 3:Okay, I was going to say right out of maybe a little over a year.
Speaker 1:It really is. Yeah, Now are you both from the?
Speaker 3:Gainesville, area no Georgia, which is just north of Brandy.
Speaker 4:Which is really weird, because I was born and raised in Gainesville but my family is from Cornelia.
Speaker 3:Georgia. Yeah, and weird fact, her aunt.
Speaker 4:Georgia, my great aunt.
Speaker 3:Yes.
Speaker 2:We do have friends that are not in Georgia that listen to us. So we're talking about the northeast Georgia area. Yes, yeah.
Speaker 3:So Brandy's great aunt was friends with my grandparents, wow, okay. Well, that's super fun, that's weird.
Speaker 2:Greg and I have a connection with that too. That makes it a little bit weird.
Speaker 1:I was going to talk about that. We're not going to talk about that too. No, we're not talking about that. We'll come back to that. It got a little weird.
Speaker 3:I was like, bro, we, we actually met at the bank, so I started working at the same bank Brandy was working at and went through a divorce and just kind of, we'd only been married 18 months but went through a divorce and Brandy also, right, went through a divorce. Yeah, I was married for a year and a day, one year and one day.
Speaker 4:One year and one day. And Brandy also right, went through a divorce.
Speaker 1:Yeah, I was married for a year and a day One year, and one day One year.
Speaker 2:And one day. Okay, After all these years I have known both of you. I didn't know that at all.
Speaker 1:Really Did not. So did those end in good ways? Were those good? No, okay, okay, we won't get into that. Yeah, yeah, okay, not a Good ways. Were those good? No, okay, we won't get into that. Yeah, okay.
Speaker 4:Not a good experience.
Speaker 3:Yeah, but I would say both. If we're going to do the Christian thing here, you know both biblical divorces, how's that? Okay, that is a firm belief. Yeah, there you go. So I had made some new friends at the bank because I didn't know anybody in Gainesville really. You had me. So I had made some new friends at the bank because I didn't know anybody in Gainesville really. And so Me on the same floor, that's right, and Brandy and I had some mutual friends, okay. So that's kind of how things happened for us.
Speaker 4:Do you not remember exactly though?
Speaker 1:I'm saving the story for you. I'm not told you.
Speaker 4:So the bank that we worked at, we had an events committee? Yes, we did, and so I was the president or the chairman of the events committee. And then it was time to kind of move over and Nick was the chairman of the incoming events committee.
Speaker 3:Yeah, and you didn't like me.
Speaker 4:I didn't like him very much because he came into the bank and I had been there for years trying to build and grow and move up. And he came in, Mr Big Shot man.
Speaker 3:No, I started out as an assistant and I got promoted in a month and that made her mad.
Speaker 1:Meanwhile One month and I'm moving up Meanwhile.
Speaker 2:I worked at the same bank, but in a completely different department than the both of you. I was part of the executive staff. Blah blah blah and me and you, nick, our offices were connected by this weird kitchen, hallway, work area Right. And that's just kind of where the marketing department and then my department kind of not necessarily congregated, but that's where we kind of like we had to use them and didn't our executive assistant, who was the older lady?
Speaker 3:she kind of sat in the middle of that, right, yeah, okay yeah, and kind of felt like she controlled all of us.
Speaker 1:That's right, so not to dig anything up, but let's go back to the part where you didn't like him yeah, let's start there. Let's go back to that and so you didn't like him because he got promoted quickly.
Speaker 4:Yes, yes, because I had worked. I had started at that bank whenever I was in college and I started as a teller. So whenever I worked, I did teller work, I did customer service work and it had taken me a long time to work up to where I was at Mr Big Shot rolls in Mr Big. Shot rolls in and he's like, hey, I'm the man.
Speaker 3:That's not how that went. I had a connection with the bank president. Okay, no, there was no connection. Sorry, we're not attacking her.
Speaker 2:I was just really curious about that I'm sorry, that's a different bank that we also both worked at.
Speaker 3:That's correct At the same time. Correct, yep. But with the story with Brandy and I, what's crazy is we did not she. The story with brandy and I, what's crazy is we? We did not like, she didn't like me. I didn't know she didn't like me and so until until we started dating and then she told me she didn't like me that's a good way to find out.
Speaker 1:Yeah, I actually don't like you so, but um her, how long did y'all date before you came up to that information where you said I don't really like you Was that first date, it wasn't long.
Speaker 4:It was a little while.
Speaker 3:Okay, because I was actually pretty nice at the beginning. Okay, gotcha All right. Yeah, so we were together, so the way we got together, but her friend Andrea, her best friend Andrea, who lives in Mississippi, actually encouraged me, brandy that well but we had gotten to know each other through that yeah, but not not like in that capacity at that point dray was yeah, dray worked downstairs.
Speaker 4:She was teller at teller for a little while, okay, um, and did some other things okay yeah, and so I had some friends at the company.
Speaker 3:Another company that I knew had some friends over there and they were encouraged me to. There were two other young ladies in loan ops that they kept telling me that I needed to date, which I had no interest. So one I've never dated anybody that I worked in the same place with and so I was kind of anti, like we're not going to date somebody that I work with.
Speaker 2:That gets weird.
Speaker 3:Because I was afraid it would get weird. But Andrea just was adamant about like you should give Brandy a chance, and she was doing the same thing to Brandy. And then you know, here we are going on our first date. Do you want to tell them about the first date?
Speaker 4:Oh, I don't want to hear the first date Always tell everybody that he officially fell in love with me on our first date. Oh wow, when he saw me get up and do karaoke to sing Baby Got Back.
Speaker 2:Ooh, I probably would have fallen in love with you with that.
Speaker 1:Okay, what song did you sing? That was it Baby Got Back, baby Got Back.
Speaker 3:Oh, I'm sorry, I missed that Wow, okay, yeah, okay, wow At.
Speaker 4:Stringers and Commerce.
Speaker 3:Stringers and Commerce a catfish restaurant. Yes, that's right. Okay, which is also in North Georgia.
Speaker 2:for those, that don't know? My goodness, it was not. Yeah, immediately just. This is the one.
Speaker 1:Did you know the words by heart or were you watching?
Speaker 4:Of course I did, of course Sorry.
Speaker 1:Of course I did. Sorry, can you?
Speaker 2:recite some of those words Correct.
Speaker 4:If you played the song, I'd sing it word for word, okay.
Speaker 3:So first date karaoke fell in love, yeah, and then um, and then well, yeah. So we went there first, and then we went to yeah, oh, where was it? Your friend took us oh was, yeah, there was a redneck yeah country redneck bar, country rock, which was like next level country bar her friend wanted to go to. Okay, and so we went there.
Speaker 4:In Cornelia. No, this was in Commerce, in between Commerce and Athens. It was in between Commerce and Athens Okay, not far from the University of Illinois, I'm not sure, but I'm pretty sure it got shut down. It was an interesting place.
Speaker 3:It was an interesting place and I was in a band.
Speaker 2:I'd been a lot of interesting places but not like a country bar, not like this place, and so yeah, but only in a band. But your band opened for.
Speaker 3:Bon Jovi years ago. Yeah, yeah, so, anyway. So with uh we can tell that story too, because that's a funny story. But we went back, uh went to drop her off and we actually sat on her front porch and talked for.
Speaker 4:Oh, for the longest time.
Speaker 3:About three or four hours.
Speaker 4:Because we had a lot in common as far as our experience and what we had gone through, and that's kind of where we bonded. The only person that knew at the bank that we were dating at the time was Andrea Yep.
Speaker 2:I were dating at the time was Andrea Yep.
Speaker 4:I honestly didn't know y'all were dating when we were in the family. Nobody else knew. We kept it very, very down low secret. Matter of fact, I had. Do you remember Janice Bojarski? Yeah, so she worked with me in my department and she looked at me and we would talk or we'd send messages to each other. Yeah, she was like you really need to date him.
Speaker 2:I just have a good feeling about you two Well when we reconnected years and years and years and years and years later at the church, you and I saw each other first of all, and then, when I realized that you two had gotten married years ago, I was like I didn't even know they were dating. Meanwhile, you were not only dating, got married and had two beautiful girls that are grown at this point yeah, almost they're getting there, yeah. That was a shocker for me, yeah.
Speaker 3:So Brandi and I, you know we dated and then the weird thing for us and we don't talk about this, I'm just going to say it because I think it would be interesting for your listeners my ex tried to come back Okay, she came back and begged me to take her back, and because my faith told me that you're supposed to work through the marriage right.
Speaker 1:How long have you two been separated by this point?
Speaker 4:I mean about six months, because we had just started talking and he said she told me she had come back and so at that point, because my Christian beliefs, I looked at him and I said it is your wife and you have to try. So I am walking away, yeah.
Speaker 3:Oh, wow, yeah, and so we actually split up for I don't know, not very long.
Speaker 4:It was about three months yeah.
Speaker 3:Because I had to give that a shot, but I mean that lasted all of maybe a week and a half, like it did not last long at all, and so, but I had already done some damage to this relationship, right, and so so I had to wait for her to be willing to jump back in.
Speaker 1:I'm really curious, how did that go Like when you're saying okay, that didn't work out. A week and a half later you go back to brandy and go okay, that didn't work out, so you want to give it another shot like yeah, well, she had already been on another date I'd gotten set up on a horrible one day.
Speaker 4:Oh, it was terrible so yeah, I just told him he had to give me a little time because I wanted to make sure it wasn't going to.
Speaker 3:Wasn't going to happen Right.
Speaker 4:Like I didn't want the basketball effect. No, no, no, and so it was kind of one of those things like you need to try to work that out. That's fine, I'm going to do my thing for a little while.
Speaker 3:Yeah, but that was. You know, that didn't last very long. So we try to. It's not fun to talk about Right.
Speaker 1:You know, no, but it's also too a part of. But it shows something about you guys and willing to. When that comes around, that you guys actually work through that and say, okay, look, yeah, I wanted to try to make that work. I really want to give this a shot. Yeah, I get that, that's tough. Yeah, it's not an easy thing. That's the thing, too, that's interesting about when people come into relationships and they have past baggage. Like because that's the crazy thing we always talk about Like everybody has baggage, like we all got it. A lot of us never unpack, leave it there, and it's just. Sometimes it's good just to unpack it.
Speaker 2:it's in pretty, but even for us, when we first started dating, there was a one specific conversation when I thought you're breaking up with me yeah it was it was the it's, not you, it's me conversation it was and it was just all based on like I wore a shirt to the school I was working at. That was a school shirt and I was so proud of myself because it had belonged to TJ, previously my first husband, and I could wear it with pride and excitement, and I remember I posted about it on social media social media, the killer of all things. But it was not in any way, but we weren't even actually officially dating at that point you're just kind of figured just filling it out to each other, whatever, whatever.
Speaker 2:But I posted it out of excitement. I'm so proud of myself. I have like crossed a big hurdle, like I can wear this and do this, and yay, that's where I was coming from. But he was like, okay, wait, are you?
Speaker 1:actually what I heard is you're not saying the vote. Yeah, you're still hanging on to that relationship. Yeah, and I can't.
Speaker 2:I can't compete with that, so I'm like no, that was not it at all, so it took us a little while to actually work through that situation, just to but I think it all came down to just having the conversation.
Speaker 1:Basketball, he didn's the same thing.
Speaker 2:You didn't want to be basketball. He didn't want to be the piece of that.
Speaker 3:The rebound.
Speaker 2:Not the rebound, necessarily, but just a piece of that. You know, you have to figure it out, you have to talk about it.
Speaker 1:Yeah, and that's the unfun part about relationships we never really talk about. It's like unpack those bags and sometimes you're like I'm not happy about what's in here, but this is it. This is who I am, but it makes you better as a couple too.
Speaker 3:I think for us working through that, I think made us stronger, and then the way the rest of the cards fell. I remember when I asked Brandy's dad if I could marry her.
Speaker 2:How long into y'all dating was that Do you remember?
Speaker 3:Oh, wow.
Speaker 4:I'm sorry, I don't completely remember. I don't either, because we got married fairly quick, because you asked me to marry you in February and we got married in March.
Speaker 3:Correct. Yeah, because it was just us like we didn't need the big wedding and all the things right.
Speaker 4:We got married in the backyard.
Speaker 1:Did y'all have the big wedding?
Speaker 3:thing first round I did. I did the first time. Yeah, like 300 people the whole big thing. I mean it was huge.
Speaker 2:We both, respectively. We had big weddings. Yours was probably Greg, yours was probably a lot larger than mine. It was a little elaborate.
Speaker 3:It was.
Speaker 2:I've seen pictures. It was a lot elaborate. Yes, it was Compared to mine especially. But when he and I got married, I mean we tried to have a small wedding per se, but our chapel held like 150 people. It was the Eagle Ranch Chapel. It's a beautiful element, it is. Yeah, it's a very special place, but there were people standing all over the place. It was ridiculous.
Speaker 3:Get ready for this. We got married in somebody's backyard.
Speaker 4:We did Nice. We found a Cleveland preacher.
Speaker 3:Yeah, we found a Cleveland preacher who had a rose garden in March that had no roses on it.
Speaker 2:And it was my friend Ben and his wife, and then matt and andrea announced the only people that were there our parents were not there. Brandy's dad holds it against me to this day and you do not tell them, or did you just I feel like, as as the bride's mom.
Speaker 4:I would oh, I still get. Yeah, we still get. But I always put it back on my dad, because my dad had always told me that he wouldn't give me away again. So we kind of just decided like we're going to make it simple, we're going to go and do this, and we kind of did it our way. And it cost us $50.
Speaker 3:$50. And it's worth every penny, because the wedding video is somewhere and he talks for 30 minutes about a bridge. I still don't know what he was talking about. At least you have a video of a bridge. I still don't know what he was talking about. At least you have a video of his bridge. I don't even know what happened.
Speaker 2:We don't have a video of our wedding.
Speaker 3:And then Even greater.
Speaker 4:he really isn't Nick Kastner. Yeah, at the end he goes.
Speaker 3:And now I pronounce you, Mr and Mrs Nick Zimmerman, and in the video we look at each other and go. We just shrug you. We look at each other and go, we just shrug.
Speaker 1:You're like all right, whatever, I'll go with Zimmerman, We'll go with it, so I took Brandy's last name apparently that's awesome.
Speaker 1:I love that. But here's what's interesting though. I find it interesting and I get that the wedding day is a special day, but it's also too sometimes we over inflate it so much and we do so much around that. But it's like about like I got into this, we were talking I can't remember who it was one of our kids there. I was like what do you want the ceremony to be? Oh, we don't. We don't really, we don't really. You know, it doesn't matter, you do what you want.
Speaker 1:I was like kind of both of the, I was like wait a minute that's the most important part is the, not the flowers, not the food, not the the? This is the, what is said between the two of you, but what's?
Speaker 2:interesting we have four children, that the older two are married and both of them didn't give a lot of heavy thought to what it was they said. At the ceremony, both couples said their own private vows to each other, away from everybody.
Speaker 3:Wow.
Speaker 2:There's photos of those moments happening but, like I said, they wrote their own vows but they didn't read them in front of the crowd. It was weird for us in the beginning.
Speaker 1:It's neither here nor there, but the reality is that you guys are still happily married, even though you spent $50 and did it in the back yard, rose Garden with the roses, you know.
Speaker 3:so it's like hey, you drove to Helen and ate at Yoni's. No, it was the grill that we ate at. I don't even know. Know it was still there.
Speaker 4:It is still there. What is the name of that? I forgot yeah anyway.
Speaker 2:Well, we went to a local pizza place where we had pizza from tonight before we did this.
Speaker 3:Yeah, yeah.
Speaker 2:That's where we went after our wedding. That is true, yeah, yeah, I took off the wedding situation, put a baseball hat on and a T-shirt, and off the wedding situation, put a baseball hat on and a t-shirt and we went and ate pizza.
Speaker 1:We spent more on our honeymoon than we did our wedding, yeah, for sure. So which I felt like was a very wise investment. Sure, we had a blast.
Speaker 2:Sure.
Speaker 1:All right. So you guys are, you're, you're engaged, you're married in a week. Basically Could be Pretty much A couple weeks Kind of.
Speaker 3:And then and then, uh, okay, so then from there, what kids quick, okay, kids real quick? You know, yeah, um, you know, grace is born, that fall and um, you know, so we, you know a lot of marriages, you know, especially now you hear people you know we have, you know, two years, three years into their marriage and they haven't had kids. You know we're, you know, like right at nine months in our marriage and having kids, but we'd already been, you know, down the path before so um so that know, we're, you know, like right at nine months in our marriage and having kids, but we'd already been, you know, down the path before.
Speaker 3:So so that's what we're talking about now. A lot of what we're talking about now is, you know, grace graduates in a week. So our oldest daughter graduates in a week, and that's going to be new for us, right? So so, yeah, our oldest daughter, our youngest daughter, still has two more years, but when she graduates also, okay. Now what do we do?
Speaker 2:Well, that's what we've said a lot of times when you get married and you start your family, everybody's like oh, the newborn stage, oh the terrible twos and the toddler age, and it's just this and that, it's just. Oh my gosh, nobody warned you about the teenager years and the okay, they've graduated and they're adulting. Now what happens?
Speaker 1:Yeah.
Speaker 2:Nobody warned you about that phase and you guys are still young.
Speaker 1:You guys get to have some fun. Now they're gone, Like I always used to tell Jess and I would tell our kids this all the time because we'd have date nights. I'd be like you guys are going to leave us one day. So I'm going on a date with her Because when you guys leave, it's going to be the two of us, and we always used to say that.
Speaker 2:And sometimes it would get a little bit like, you know, feelings hurt or whatever. You're going to leave us at home? Well, yeah, there's pizza sitting here and when y'all are all in your teen years, right, yeah, we're going to leave you right here. And we're going to leave you right here and we're going to go on a date.
Speaker 1:But now even you look at it and you're like, okay, they're gone.
Speaker 3:It happens really fast. It happens real fast. Yeah, it does happen really quick it does. Yeah, and that even you know, even preparing for tonight, like I left dinner at the house and apparently Grace found a bone in something that I had and she freaked out and now she's like I'm hungry because I refuse to eat this now and I'm like, oh my gosh. Honestly, that literally sounds like me.
Speaker 1:I found a bone beside it and I'm not eating it anymore. I'm not going to eat it.
Speaker 4:That literally sounds like me. It wasn't Grace that found it.
Speaker 3:It was Lorelai, and Lorelai probably.
Speaker 4:Lorelai probably said it out loud on purpose. Yeah, she probably in her overdramatic manner.
Speaker 3:Oh yeah, I'm sure.
Speaker 4:Oh, almost choked to death on the bone. Yeah correct, right, right, I mean.
Speaker 2:I can identify. I'm sorry, yeah, all right.
Speaker 1:So after all, two kids, a lot of years, what's like if you're giving me you know in sales? You go give me your elevator speech, your two-minute speech on marriage. What's your like? Give me your hot take on your overall marriage, like it doesn't have to be advice but just yeah, we talked about.
Speaker 3:So in preparation for today we took some notes because I wasn't sure what we would end up, where we would land together on this stuff, because we don't talk about it a lot. But the things that come easy for us and you know, brandy said, nothing comes completely easy. It really doesn't.
Speaker 2:Even if it looks easy, it's not.
Speaker 3:But we compromise a lot.
Speaker 4:We have a pretty easy time compromising. Now I am the more headstrong one in the relationship, sure. So there are times when I see a path and I think this is what we should do, or this is what I want to do. Yes, I don't want to do. Yes, what is that? I want to do that? Okay, but he's very good sometimes to kind of pull me back. He'll let me have my moment when I'm really stressed about it and I'm frustrated because we can't do what I think I want to do. He knows how to Can we have a, for instance.
Speaker 1:Is that too much? Oh, let's talk about some plates.
Speaker 3:How about that?
Speaker 1:Let's talk about plates Plates. Yeah, that sounds like a great place to start.
Speaker 3:Oh, Randy's face says we were talking about plates from last night about Grace's graduation party.
Speaker 4:Oh my goodness, let's start there.
Speaker 3:That's an easy place to start.
Speaker 4:So I've been stressed about grace's graduation party because I am a planner. Yes, I have things that I want and whenever I see things, I have a certain way I want it to look and she's the first one, and she's the first one, and I want to make sure it's everything she's dreamed of, for her graduation party.
Speaker 2:You as well, like you want.
Speaker 4:You have dreams too and so we're talking about yes, I'm trying to work on decor. He had to go with me to Hobby Lobby because I was at the point where I didn't know.
Speaker 3:That's your first mistake. She may have bought the whole store. You took it with you. No, no, no, she would have bought the whole store, and so I was like we don't need that, we don't need that, we don't need that. Need, no need and want are two different things.
Speaker 2:They are, and the but that line is very skewed. When the mamas are trying to plan a big deal, it is.
Speaker 3:It is, and the plates thing. So she's been looking at plates on Amazon. I'm so excited about the plates. And here's the thing about the plates. She kept picking out plates and one of the packs of plates she found was like 200 plates. And Grace, goes, goes, we'll just use them later. It's fun. And I was like, well, why do we need 200 plates? And they were. They weren't cheap either right.
Speaker 4:Well, and they're plastic, because I told him I wanted the plastic because if people are putting food on them, I don't want paper plates that are gonna fall right and make a mess, but this is a snack event.
Speaker 3:This is not a come eat dinner with us event. It's a snack event.
Speaker 1:Is this at your house?
Speaker 2:yes, here's the big question what time of day.
Speaker 3:Three o'clock, three o'clock, perfect. Okay. And so with that I finally looked at both her and grace last night and was like, look, I hear that you want these plastic plates, but I also believe they're too expensive for what they are. And what happens to these plates once people are done with them and they're like people throw them away. And I was like, okay, so why do we need the expensive plates? Because, they're pretty, but people are just going to throw them away.
Speaker 1:But they're pretty. So was that your argument? They're pretty, they're pretty and I like them.
Speaker 4:I knew that.
Speaker 2:That's why I said that.
Speaker 3:And so I found the compromise and that's what we're going to get right. But here's the thing we do work well together. I don't think we have a lot of, you know, some people have like knock-down, drag-out arguments and fights and things. I think we've been married for almost 20 years now and we've only had like three maybe fights where anyone ever raised their voice we talked about that too.
Speaker 2:We've been married almost it'd be 13 is it 13 or almost?
Speaker 1:it'd be 13 in october we.
Speaker 2:We never know what, actually which day it was, either october 13th or 14th and so that's always a happy debate, because we don't know. We don't know Other than a monogram pillow my aunt gave us, but we've never had a like what you might call a knockdown drag out.
Speaker 3:Yeah.
Speaker 2:You've wanted, we've wanted to. Yeah, we came really really close.
Speaker 1:Yeah, two or three times. It's always a pause as well as a way Go get your go figure like relax close. Yeah, two or three times, it's always a pause. Just walk away, go get your go figure, like relax a little bit, let's get out of the moment and then we'll come back. Who's the first one in your relationship to say I'm sorry? Who's usually the first? You.
Speaker 3:Me Always.
Speaker 4:Always, almost, always, almost always.
Speaker 3:Almost always Really.
Speaker 4:I have a hard time sometimes with that.
Speaker 1:Really why.
Speaker 4:It's about 50-50 for us, I think, because sometimes I have a hard time admitting when I'm not exactly right.
Speaker 1:I love how you say it. I'm not going to say I'm wrong, but I'm not exactly right. So I have to read that.
Speaker 3:So this is a commentary when we're talking about our struggles and things and in our text message feed, here she goes nothing's been completely easy, but we are pretty good at compromise. Most days I said, yeah, compromise, as in I'm right, you're wrong, that's correct. And she's like that's wrong. And I was like, no, you're wrong.
Speaker 1:Interesting Okay.
Speaker 4:Well, that's not a. I'm just a stubborn person. I'll admit it.
Speaker 1:Well, you know that about yourself.
Speaker 4:I know that about myself and he knows that about me.
Speaker 1:So okay, if he says I'm sorry first. Who do you think is the better communicator when I say that? Who expresses feelings and emotions or tries to work toward a Not right?
Speaker 3:versus wrong, but just where you're at, yeah, trying to work toward a sure yeah trying to work toward a yeah, so I think I express my emotions a little bit better sometimes than he does sure, yeah, I agree most guys, because it's pretty easy for him to say I'm sorry, but like telling me sometimes how he's really feeling about things and what's going on he has a really hard time with that, yeah, the good and bad thing about what I do because I'm in marketing is I know how to communicate in a way that is politically correct, right, and so I can navigate water that I probably shouldn't belong in that way, but it also is damaging. I mean, just like I can navigate an argument that we have in a way to not cause an argument, right, but I can walk away from it being mad.
Speaker 2:So can Greg because of his consultant career.
Speaker 3:Yeah, yeah, it's good and bad.
Speaker 2:It is good and bad. Because it's good? Obviously because we can navigate conversations better than I would feel, like most people, sure. But then also I know when we've come through a frustration point or an intense fellowship. I know sometimes after I've cooled off, it's been a day or two. I'm like he totally talked me into believing his point of view.
Speaker 3:How does that happen?
Speaker 2:And tricked me.
Speaker 1:There's no trickery.
Speaker 2:To thinking.
Speaker 1:That was what I originally thought in the first place.
Speaker 2:I'm like, okay, wait a minute Now I'm mad all over again.
Speaker 1:It's self-discovery. I'm just helping you find the truth. No, you find the solution. No. No, it's true. It's interesting because even in ours, in our relationship, when we're communicating like Jess is a shutdown. When she gets frustrated or mad, she's a shutdown.
Speaker 2:It took me the first probably, what five years of our marriage to figure out how to effectively communicate?
Speaker 1:I didn't realize I didn't know how Well for me'm gonna get frustrated because I'm like I don't want to always have to be the guy that goes and goes. Can we talk about this? Like we know this is an issue, can we talk about it? I was like, can you please ask that question sometimes, when is that all? And it took us a while to get there and a lot of work and a lot of patience on both our sides, because for me I'll be like well, I, well, I'm digging my heels in.
Speaker 2:I'm not going to say anything and I'm like I'm going to turn, I'm going to about face with my heels and go the other way because I don't want to talk about it and it didn't work out at all.
Speaker 1:No, it's stupid, yeah. So yeah, I mean that's the part of it's like because we're working on some material stuff to kind of help, even like churches and different kind of things, and I was like tell me two things that you think couples struggle with the most.
Speaker 2:When he asked me that immediately. Yeah, she's right. Communication and expectations.
Speaker 1:I didn't have to think about it. Yeah, she's like if couples can get those two things down, all the other stuff they can work through.
Speaker 3:Sure. And so yeah it's just tough, yeah, no matter where you're at. I think you know that's something that we've kind of navigated with all things. Communication part.
Speaker 4:I will say, though, he does get frustrated with me when we do get in a disagreement. True, I at times I don't shut down, but if I get to a point where I'm really mad I'll walk away, just because I don't want to say things out of anger. So that's kind of my mechanism. I want to resolve it.
Speaker 2:Well, that's me in the first place. Place, like I don't want to communicate if I know that we are opposing, because I don't want to cause any negative feelings from the get-go, like I don't want negativity at all, sure, and so like, well, it's easier if I just don't talk at all well, I don't think walking away when you're and you're upset is a bad thing, but do you give like a hey, I I'm going to step away because I'm frustrated.
Speaker 1:I'll be back in a minute.
Speaker 3:It happens rare.
Speaker 4:I mean again this is rare, very rare but I will be like I just need to go and we will discuss it when I get back, because and I think it offends him sometimes because I'll say I don't want to say things when I'm mad, well, and he's like what do you really want to?
Speaker 3:say then, what do you need?
Speaker 2:to say yeah, well, get it out, let's go say I need to walk away like he had strapped 50 pounds in a backpack and go start walking the neighborhood. He was just. He would say I need to take a minute because we're not getting anywhere. It it's just getting ugly like whatever, and he'll walk away and I'm like, okay, well, instead of you saying like well, what did you need to say? I would take on the. Well, I shouldn't have said anything in the first place.
Speaker 3:Oh, I see, yeah, that's where I would go. Yeah, I just want to resolve it. I mean that's it.
Speaker 2:I'm like I just should never say so.
Speaker 1:Well, that's the fixer and guys, most guys are just like let's solve this, fix it, move on, let's just get done with this. And it's like nope, we can't do that. Sometimes it's weird because I tell Jess, I feel like sometimes I take on the role of the woman in the communication, you take on the role of the man. Sometimes it's like weird for us. Well it's not anymore.
Speaker 3:No, it was. Yeah, as far as things that we, those things come like, I said, I think we do fairly well in communication and all those things, for the most part, the places where we struggle is there's two sort of spaces. Number one is busyness. Yeah, yeah, I had. No, I mean, when we had kids, I didn't know, you know, I didn't know how busy you were going to be. Nobody does, I don't think. And you know, with Grace, grace has been all in volleyball since she was 12. Travel, volleyball, all the things, and so, and with that comes a lot of time, you know. So we donated, you know, a lot of time to that Do you travel a lot for your work.
Speaker 3:Well, and I haven't really traveled that much until the pandemic, like right after the pandemic, and so 22, I started traveling too. So you know, I would say 22, I was probably gone what? Every six weeks or so, something like that. It slowed down a little bit, but yeah, gotcha.
Speaker 1:How do you manage that?
Speaker 2:That's not often.
Speaker 3:Yeah.
Speaker 2:If it's just every six weeks or so, but for y'all it may feel.
Speaker 3:Yeah, it was a lot. I mean with you know, because with that, between my work, travel and volleyball and kids and all the things, like especially when we were traveling for volleyball, I mean I would be gone for work Like I might fly out on Monday, come back on a Thursday and then we'd leave on Friday. You know, like we were just going all the time and so that was a struggle, I mean I would say, just trying to navigate the busyness, because we were going through like, okay, what do we struggle with? And so Brandy's first thing was you know, we struggle because we have different love languages and then we're busy, which affects the love languages, and so you know, like you know. So you know, because Brandy's is quality time and if we're really busy then it's hard to have quality time, right, yeah, or we're giving all the time to the kids, right, you know? So kind of reconnecting as Grace preps to graduate. You know we've been talking about, okay, how do we navigate that? And what happens now?
Speaker 2:I mean that goes back to why we were talking about, how we were so intentional, even when it was busy about how we were so intentional, even when it was busy. We have kids in four different sports at four different times and sometimes four different places. And so you know, we, we made sure, and it was not easy and it wasn't always often, but just to make sure that was like okay, where's our home base yeah, what people don't realize is that healthy marriages and relationships take work.
Speaker 1:It's a lot of work to have and they don't revolve around your kids, Correct no? And so you love them and you care for them and you want the best for them, but at the same time, you're like your job is to raise them and let them go be productive adults.
Speaker 2:Your job is not to revolve your lives around them, and I feel like a lot of people now, especially now people forget that, that's true.
Speaker 4:They do, and if there's anything that I could have changed about as far as our relationship as the girls were growing up, it would have been being more intentional with our time together, because I also have a hard time asking people for help and feel like I have to do everything on my own, and so I don't like to have to ask people to babysit or to watch the kids, and so as they've gotten older, it's gotten a lot easier, I mean they're fine now.
Speaker 4:Okay, we'll leave you at home with a pizza, or you, or something.
Speaker 2:Bless Callie's heart Once you got old enough. No, you know, if there was not a plan in place or a sleeper for this, or grandma this or whatever it was like. Okay, like you said, well, callie, we're gonna order a pizza or two and they'll be there. If you just hang out here, you know the boys would occupy themselves. It would just be like you just need to entertain Aaron Grace for two hours hour and a half, whatever, but that I feel like that's a big deal.
Speaker 4:It is a big deal yeah.
Speaker 3:Yeah.
Speaker 4:And that's one of the things I would have changed. I think just being more intentional, taking that time, sure, going out on a date once a month, even because we sometimes I mean I can remember times whenever it would be probably a year before we got time to really just yeah, yeah us together by ourselves that was one of our favorite date nights because I mean raising kids.
Speaker 2:It's expensive yeah, you mentioned volleyball for grace and know there's so many of our kids and there were sports all over the place. It was like okay, for, like you know, there was a routine and schedule for if it was a four kid week or a two kid week. It's like, okay, well, if Callie and Cody are with their mother this night, okay, well, let's see if Cindy TJ's mother is available and Thomas and Aaron Grace can spend the night that night, and we'll go get some tacos and we'll just go home and watch a movie so we can just sit beside each other on the couch, to just be in the same space as you without four kids literally climbing all over us and we're also too.
Speaker 3:we've gotten better, especially as the kids have gotten older, about making time a little bit more intentional. We were Disney pass holders for a while, and so Brandy and I, like kids, are so mad. We're like we're going to Disney, they're like we're not going. And I was like, no, you're not. And they're like you can't, you can't, leave us. I was like, oh, like, oh, yeah, we can. Yes, we can, absolutely, you know.
Speaker 4:so very cool all right, so, but yeah, I mean those are the.
Speaker 1:You know, I think generally we do a you know, okay job, okay, john, I think we're all just trying to do okay yeah, we all do okay. It's like yeah, we're good I think the the biggest thing, too, is just knowing. Always talk about just knowing your blind spots.
Speaker 1:Like knowing the areas where it's like, hey, this is a struggle for us, this is a hard point for us. So this is these are things that are easy, we know that, but here's the things. Let's keep our eyes on these things spots as you work through it. I mean everybody. If somebody says they don't have those, they have no idea what they're doing oh for sure.
Speaker 2:They're definitely in the middle of them, so it's I mean, so it's huge. The biggest thing. I feel like what we figured out is being intentional, but in all areas. Like you are intentional with your time with your children, you're intentional with your time with each other, just like you're intentional with your time at work. Everything has to have a thought behind it and it's exhausting but it's also rewarding it feels like it takes the romance out of it sometimes.
Speaker 3:But in all reality.
Speaker 1:It's like no, it actually gives you time to have romance and to add that into it, Because if you don't, it just won't happen. So we're getting close to our time. I think I'm not sure where our time is, Michael. Where are we at on our time, boss? Okay, cool, so let's do. We like to do a thing we call unpack, so it's just basically.
Speaker 2:You're going to unpack your baggage, your baggage plane.
Speaker 1:So it's basically, I would love for you guys to say, hey, give us like for those people who are out there listening, no matter where they're at in their relationship. They may be started, they may be 10 years, in 19 years, in what's one kind of advice or tip you would give to those people. Each one of you can go. Do you want to go first, brandy? Do you have something? I don't know, because there's two really important things that I would those people. Each one of you can go. Do you want to go first, brandy? Do you have something?
Speaker 4:I don't know, because there's two really important things that I would tell people.
Speaker 2:Then say two things yeah, you can have two, I'll give you two.
Speaker 3:Watch her. Take one of mine. Go for it. Let's see.
Speaker 2:I'm so excited.
Speaker 4:I would say my biggest thing is 100%. Always be real and truthful. Don't be afraid to go through the hard stuff and don't try to keep it all to yourself, because it's not healthy and it won't do you any good. And I still, to this day, I've been told this. I was told this by my grandmother and my mother, but one of the key things that we never did is we don't go to bed angry. We don't go to sleep before we've had time to. We may still be a little frustrated, but we make sure that we lean over and give each other a kiss and tell each other good night. Is it that kind of?
Speaker 1:kiss, like Sometimes it can be.
Speaker 3:That has happened.
Speaker 1:If you're saying you've never went to bed angry.
Speaker 4:we go back to that number one truth I can't say I'm not frustrated still, but I'm not angry and mad Like I'm not going to hold on to it, because then I just wake up and I'm even worse in the morning.
Speaker 3:Gotcha Interesting. Okay, you didn't take mine. I'm even worse in the morning. Yeah, gotcha Interesting. Okay, you didn't take mine. I appreciate that, thank you.
Speaker 1:You said two things. I did, she did two. Yeah, oh, that's yeah. No, no, no oh.
Speaker 3:Yeah, the one thing we've talked tried to make them be something they're not. And so you know, we've seen other people really push their kids really hard into whatever it is they want them to be or what they want them to do, and we've never really done that, even with you know, because, grace, when she was 12, she asked me, I asked her. I said do you really want to play volleyball? And she said yes. And I asked her every said do you really want to play volleyball? And she said yes. And I asked her every year do you still want to do this? Do you still want to do this? Do you want to play in college? Yes, do you want to play in college? Yes, and then her senior year she came to me and goes I don't want to do that anymore. And I was like okay, Okay.
Speaker 3:You know so, and I think that's something that we work really hard, and I think it's the reason why we have good relationships with our kids, because a lot of people don't.
Speaker 3:And we don't, we're not helicopter parents, we don't push all that stuff on our kids Like that's not, that's not who we are, and I think that's a. That's something I think we see a lot, especially in families around us, and know we never, I never wanted. People always ask me why we put our kids in public school, not private school or homeschool and the answer is we survived it and we're fine yeah you know, and I think you can't hide your kids from the world, right.
Speaker 3:So so those are the things that you know and we have. Brandy is right, we've always tried not to get a bit angry and all those things. But you know, and I would agree with what you guys said about taking time with one another, you know trying to find the time Right. You know, because even the busy times, you know, when we were going 100 miles an hour, you know we still tried a couple weeks.
Speaker 4:I mean I was gone for a week at banking school and then I come back and home for two days and then he flies out to go to arkansas.
Speaker 2:And yeah, it's crazy because when you're raising kids, it doesn't matter what age they are. It's going to be a busy time, sure? And it's going to last like, even like, our granddaughter although she's eight months old, fixing to be nine months old, she's getting teeth, and that's hard for little babies yeah and her dad, you know, is a firefighter and then works a second job and her mommy's a stay-at-home mommy.
Speaker 2:But it's like their schedules and their needs and when you bring the baby's needs in don't always sign up Just like banking, school out of town, volleyball traveling, like it doesn't matter what age it is, it's always going to not always be convenient.
Speaker 3:Yep, yep, yep, and you just have to. It's not that you can't create time, but you have to make sure you set aside the time Exactly. Yep, that's exactly right.
Speaker 1:Well, man, that's good stuff. You can't create time, but you have to make sure you set aside the time. That's exactly right. Well, man, that's good stuff. That's good stuff to wrap up on and finish up. Thank you, guys, so much for coming and sharing your story, our very first guest ever. Yay, and so thanks to everybody for listening and tuning in.
Speaker 2:It's just fun and I actually just can't believe people actually listen to us, but thank you for doing it.
Speaker 1:Yeah, so those were idiots. Thank you guys for coming again tonight and thanks for tuning in. We'll talk to you guys later, you.
