Baggage Claim
Baggage Claim is a space for blended families, marriage, and friendship.
Here, we dive into real-life conversations about the ups and downs of relationships, from navigating second marriages to unpacking the baggage we all bring. Hosted by Greg and Jessica, who both have rich experiences with love, loss, and family, this community is about sharing stories, learning together, and growing stronger as couples and individuals. Grab a drink and join us as we unpack, laugh, and claim our baggage—one conversation at a time
Baggage Claim
Taco Bell, Talladega Nights, and Talking About Sex
Ever notice how marriage comes with an instruction manual for everything except the bedroom? That silence might be more damaging than you realize.
We tackle the conversation every couple needs but few actually have – honest communication about sex in marriage. Despite being married for years (13 for Greg, 24 for me), discussing intimacy can still make cheeks flush with embarrassment. This vulnerability highlights exactly why this conversation matters so desperately.
Our different backgrounds created wildly different perspectives. Growing up where sex was considered dirty and shameful versus environments where it was discussed crudely both failed to prepare us for healthy intimacy in marriage. This pattern repeats across countless relationships, creating disconnection where there should be unity.
When couples retreat to separate corners instead of communicating desires and needs, predictable patterns emerge. Women often seek emotional fulfillment in children, novels, or social media while men might turn to work or pornography. The divide grows wider, creating gaps where resentment festers. The simple act of having uncomfortable conversations can prevent this spiral.
Marriage moves through distinct seasons – from newlyweds to parenting young children to empty nesting and beyond. Your intimate relationship naturally evolves through these phases. Being intentional about scheduling time together isn't unromantic – it's acknowledging the reality of busy lives while prioritizing your connection. Sometimes that means Atlanta date nights at fancy speakeasies, other times it's Taco Bell and Talladega Nights on the couch. Both can be equally meaningful with the right perspective.
Perhaps most importantly, remember that laughter belongs in the bedroom. From Greg's hilariously disastrous honeymoon moment (involving shorts around ankles and an ill-timed tumble) to those awkward "what do I do with my arms?" moments, perfection isn't the goal – connection is. When you can laugh together in your most vulnerable moments, you've found something truly special.
Ready to transform your relationship? Start the conversation today. Your partner might be waiting for permission to open up too.
Hey guys, what's up? I'm Greg. I hope you guys are ready to unpack and get into some good conversations today.
Speaker 2:And I'm Jess, and this is our podcast Baggage Claim. Thank you for joining us.
Speaker 1:Welcome to Baggage Claim. Everybody so excited about tonight's topic. Before we get into that, if you're new here, thank you for joining us. If you're a regular here, welcome back. I hope you got your favorite drink in your hand. If you're new, grab that favorite drink. Whether it's coffee, whether it's a little strong, whatever it is for you, grab that drink, pull up to the table.
Speaker 2:So I was really loud right there. I was getting a little excited. Yeah, I am Pull up to the table everybody.
Speaker 1:Yeah, just metaphorically and just kind of take a deep breath.
Speaker 2:You could physically come here and pull up to the table.
Speaker 1:You could yeah, and just kind of relax and let's get into some fun conversations. Baggage Claim is about some fun conversations and community around blended family and marriages, so tonight's topic is going to be a fun one.
Speaker 2:Tonight we're going to talk about something that every marriage has. Why are you holding me A?
Speaker 1:big foot. If you're not watching us on YouTube Every marriage, just to say, I don't know where you're at.
Speaker 2:You have to tell our listeners who are not looking on YouTube.
Speaker 1:Okay so yeah, you're just listening. We have this cutout of a big Bigfoot in our studio, which I absolutely love. It's a show I cannot stop watching those stupid AI Bigfoot on TikTok Like it consumes. The other night it was 1.30 in the morning and I was still just watching them. And the Yeti, yeah, the Yeti.
Speaker 2:I laughed. And now there's the Bigfoot girl.
Speaker 1:Yeah, I don't like her as much.
Speaker 2:Did you see there's a—some rodent has got one. Now I saw a couple beavers. It was the beaver. Yeah, a couple beavers had one. Okay, we're going too far. There's penguins, Sorry.
Speaker 1:Bigfoot is the real deal, so anyway.
Speaker 2:That's not what we're talking about. In your marriage, if you have, Bigfoot in your marriage, then rock on. We need to save that for a different episode. Talk about your Bigfoot.
Speaker 1:Bigfoot's real.
Speaker 2:Bigfoot lore Okay go ahead Okay, ready.
Speaker 1:I'm ready.
Speaker 2:So we're going to talk about something that every marriage has, but it's the thing that we talk the least about.
Speaker 1:Okay, we hope every marriage has this. If you don't have this, it can create issues, something's wrong. Okay, I do want to say this, though, Like today's topic is a little different from any other topic we've shared so far yeah it's probably not for little ears, yeah, so if you're in the car and there's little ones around, you may want to hit pause. You may want to wait till later.
Speaker 2:Yeah that's true. This is probably not— we're not going to be ugly or vulgar, but it's a mature topic.
Speaker 1:And I don't want to start a conversation for you that you have to finish with your kids. Yeah, so if that's the case, go ahead and hit pause.
Speaker 2:I'm pretty sure you've gathered what we're going to talk about.
Speaker 1:Yes, yes, money the S word. No, the S word yes. So what was the old song? Let's talk about sex, baby.
Speaker 2:Yeah, let's talk about you.
Speaker 1:Amy, yeah, it's okay, it's all good Peppa, yeah, Nice Wow that was back in my day, anyway. So yeah to today's topic. We're talking about sex. Now we're not going to get into the down and dirty of it. One, because Thomas is our producer today, our son, and I don't want to put him in too awkward of a position.
Speaker 2:But also, even if our son wasn't sitting here, I would literally die.
Speaker 1:I have to be careful, because sometimes I say things. You get carried away, my mouth will open up and words come out when, I probably shouldn't.
Speaker 2:Yeah, and this is part of why it's important to talk about it.
Speaker 1:Correct.
Speaker 2:I'm 47 and my cheeks still turn red if we talk about something that is like.
Speaker 1:Can I be honest?
Speaker 2:Oh no.
Speaker 1:We recorded this episode last week.
Speaker 2:Oh my gosh.
Speaker 1:And Jess was so embarrassed.
Speaker 2:I was so nervous.
Speaker 1:It was so bad we had to scrap it. We're doing it again. I was talking in circles. She said the same thing like four times.
Speaker 2:I was literally a nervous wreck, anyway, okay, so this is take two for the sex talk, if that tells you how nervous I am about this.
Speaker 1:So we're still trying. I mean, there's still some things we're trying to figure out, and we've been at this for 13 years. Yeah, this go around, you were at it for you got married when you were 16?
Speaker 2:No, I did not.
Speaker 1:I'm sorry, 11 years. I was married for 11 years, okay, so Jess is 24 years into marriage and talking about sex still makes her embarrassed. Still difficult, yeah, so that should tell you where we're at.
Speaker 2:Well, a lot of that has to do with how I was raised 100%.
Speaker 1:Well, it has to do with I mean, it all has to do with how we're raised. Well, yeah, like I mean, what we don't realize as parents and even as adults how we interact with other people, how we interact with our wives, how we communicate, how we interact with other people, how we interact with our wives, how we communicate All those things has so much to do with how we were raised and the environment that we grew up in.
Speaker 2:Well, growing up, sex was not something that was talked about. It was dirty, it was just not something that you talk about At all.
Speaker 1:Period, at all period. So did your um, did your mom and dad? Did you like catch them like in the kitchen smooching, making?
Speaker 2:out anything like that. Okay, none, never. Okay, all right, no you?
Speaker 1:no, absolutely no. My dad was an alcoholic. No, he was usually throwing shit and drunk, so, oh, so I just anyway. Um, but yeah, he was usually just so. It was not that. Now my stepdad was German.
Speaker 2:Yeah, it was a little bit more healthier environment. It was very healthy with them, yeah, when they got married.
Speaker 1:Yeah, it was a lot better.
Speaker 2:Yeah. And I was like freshman in high school I was raised with. It was dirty, it was yuck. You don't talk about it. You.
Speaker 1:I was raised and I wasn't raised, but I spent a lot of time on a construction crew laying gas lines In your young, formidable years. Yes, in middle school early I was introduced to a lot of things way, way too early, so there wasn't much I didn't know. Um, as far as that went, and not in a good, healthy way, yeah, um, so it was kind of, you know, it's just, it was, it was different yeah, it's very different like yeah and it wasn't.
Speaker 1:It wasn't great. I mean it wasn't. I don't say it's a good, different, um, I don't think the way that it happened for me and the way that happened for you, I don't think either one of those not right versus wrong right it's just exposure, I guess.
Speaker 2:Is that the right word?
Speaker 1:I don't know but anyway it was a um, starkly different. I learned a lot way early before it actually kind of this is weird. It kind of scared me toward women, like a little bit. The whole sex thing Like that was not—I steer clear of that a lot in high school because I was like hmm, no, which is kind of interesting. It is. So playing football, growing up in a construction crew, all of those things like I was introduced to things that weren't the healthiest things, introduced to pornography at a really, really young age.
Speaker 2:Right.
Speaker 1:On a construction crew. That's before the internet. So it was all magazine stuff, right, but it was just. There was not a healthy vision or picture for what sex is, but also on the flip side, even though you were overexposed for me.
Speaker 2:I don't know that it was necessarily healthy for me either, because it was dirty and it was a no and those kinds of things.
Speaker 1:So there was no talking at all, like you didn't talk about it, like for me that was the other problem with that, like we were so used to it, like nothing was off topic.
Speaker 2:You talk about anything and everything.
Speaker 1:So it made it kind of interesting. So, it's really cool when you look at.
Speaker 2:When you back up and look at it.
Speaker 1:Yeah, when you back up and look at marriage like women are and you can speak to this more than me, of course, because you're a woman and I'm not Men are more for the. Thank you for clarifying. I appreciate that Men are more of the physical attraction, Like it's, like I want to see her. It's the visual aspect of that, not just the emotional side.
Speaker 2:Guys want to be, they want to hear from their woman Want to be wanted that sort of emotional fulfillment. But for men I feel like most of the time it's a physical satisfaction. But for women we're looking for that emotional connection most of the time not 100% of the time for either or, but in general I feel like that's probably and then we fall back into that same trap we always fall back into when we don't know how to communicate something in marriage.
Speaker 1:What do we do? We shut down and we don't talk about it at all we do.
Speaker 2:I like to shut down. It's fun.
Speaker 1:And so what you do is you go to your perspective corners, yes, and you're like well, we're not going to talk about what I really want and so what happens? The man goes, not always, but sometimes the man goes to porn to look to satisfy that, and then the the woman goes to either novels, instagram, romance novels, whatever it may be like even looking for that emotional fulfillment.
Speaker 2:That's when a lot of wives will dive into their children. That's meeting that need of feeling wanted, like the kids want you and like all these commitments and, yes, the spicy novels and those types of things.
Speaker 1:And social media too. I mean, women's interaction on social media is so much higher than guys, and so it's just that kind of but it's that. I want that acceptance, I want the connection Guys want that. We just really suck at telling people hey, I want to be wanted by you, I want you to know that you're proud of me, that you love me, that you want me. Like. Guys want that. They're just not as upfront about it as women are.
Speaker 2:Yeah, I think that a lot of married couples, or couples in general, might forget that sex is not just a physical act that feels good because I mean it's obviously that but it's meeting a need for your partner and you're meeting it with. You're meeting those needs together, so it's not like you're going to go find that need for yourself. No, I can do that.
Speaker 1:Correct.
Speaker 2:And I want you to want that from me.
Speaker 1:Yeah, you know what I mean. Yeah, because we have these, like when I say we don't know, we don't know how to communicate, so we don't communicate at all about it.
Speaker 1:And so, therefore, we put up those walls and it's really awkward, really weird, yeah. And so we're like, we're not going to talk about it. And then you have these weird kind of probably unrealistic expectations of what it should be, and you never even talk about what you want or what you think it should be or what you want it to be, and then, therefore, when those aren't met, you get frustrated, she gets frustrated, and then you find yourself back in that same spot again, going well, crap here we are.
Speaker 2:Well, I mean, for goodness sake, most of the things we talk about goes back to a communication issue, because it is. And then every time there's a communication issue it goes back to having unmet expectations. But because you didn't communicate it clearly of what you actually want, those needs are not going to be met.
Speaker 1:Because I mean there's a difference in communicating and sharing your expectations when it comes to money and relationships and the kids and everything else, but it's completely different.
Speaker 2:Oh gosh, it's so vulnerable.
Speaker 1:Yeah, when you're like, hey, let's talk about sex, this is what I want. Yeah, it's very, very vulnerable. It's like letting the guard down completely. Yes, completely yeah, and so there's a huge level of trust with that. Yeah, there's a chance for you to build trust Drastically. There's a chance for you to build trust Drastically. There's a chance for you to destroy trust also. Yeah, so it's definitely—.
Speaker 2:I mean I'd say—I mean money talks and those kinds of things are hard, but I don't feel like one of the most difficult conversations you can actually have in marriage is about sex, and I feel like it's avoided too often and I'm guilty of that. Well it's— I'm throwing myself under the bus on that one.
Speaker 1:Well, yeah, it's rare that people talk about this. And it's rare that people are open and honest about it to say, hey, communicate what you want, because you're afraid if I communicate to you what I want and you go, oh, you're sick and deprived.
Speaker 2:You're weird.
Speaker 1:You're a sicko. What is wrong with you? Yeah, and then you're just like oh well.
Speaker 2:Or if I say what I want, you're not living in a romance novel. What are you talking about? That's not real.
Speaker 1:And you're just like, well, I'm just going to go turn Netflix on or YouTube and watch golf. Yeah. So it's like I don't want to even touch that or deal with that, and so that's therefore, and I'm not getting into, I'm not getting into what's right, what's wrong for you, we're not going there today, that's for you and your partner to decide.
Speaker 1:That's for you guys to figure out and have a communication about and talk about. There are certain things that I would say you should probably just steer clear of this. You should steer clear of that. I mean, there's some pretty obvious things you should.
Speaker 2:Well, I mean, to most people it would be obvious probably.
Speaker 1:Okay, yeah, it's true, but at the same time, like this is have a conversation. I'm just saying we're talking like basement level, foundational. We're not talking about this to share our own opinions.
Speaker 2:I'm just saying we're talking like basement level foundation. We're not talking about this to share our own opinions. We're just talking about it as a healthy relationship point of view. Yeah, Because I mean the basis of it. When you get down to it, like sex was created by God Correct, it was created to procreate, but it was also created for the husband and wife to enjoy each other Correct yes, You're wife to enjoy each other Correct.
Speaker 1:Yes, you're supposed to enjoy it.
Speaker 2:Yeah, and if you're looking for, that part of the Bible, go to Song of Solomon and just camp out there for a while, but I mean even back in Genesis, whenever God created man and woman like they were created.
Speaker 1:I am reading through Genesis. I'm doing a chronological read through Genesis. Yeah, bruh, like it's, there's some crazy junk in Genesis. I don't know if you've done that in a while. You should go check it out. It's really interesting, like I'm like what.
Speaker 2:Yeah, but if you haven't, you should read the Song of Solomon, because it's like yikes.
Speaker 1:Yeah, it's pretty.
Speaker 2:It's colorful and poetic language, but also it's not.
Speaker 1:Right, so we can start with the basic standard of saying okay, sex is different for women than it is for men. That's pretty easy. We know that. It's kind of simple, like that's a foundation. We know that that's a foundation, we know that. So, all right, let's have a conversation around those things to say okay, how do we even because even just trying to figure out, how do we start this conversation, how do we, what does this look like?
Speaker 2:First of all, tell yourself it's okay that you want it. Yeah, it's okay.
Speaker 1:Yeah, you're supposed to. Yeah, if you don't, then there's something else wrong.
Speaker 2:There's another difference. Yeah.
Speaker 1:There's another issue and something else that needs to be addressed and something that needs to be talked about.
Speaker 2:It's also okay to talk about what you like and what you don't like.
Speaker 1:Correct and be honest. That's the thing that we don't do is be honest when it comes to this conversation, because you're afraid you're going to hurt each other's feelings or one way or the other, or again you're being vulnerable and you're afraid you're going to get shot down. But it's literally have and kind of give the umbrella of grace to say, hey, we can talk about these things here.
Speaker 1:This is a safe safe place for us to talk about. I'm not going to use this against you and throw it up against you when I get mad or something I don't agree with.
Speaker 2:I would rather you talk about those things with me than anybody else.
Speaker 1:Well, because if they're not talking about them with each other, they're talking about them somewhere. They're going somewhere else to have that conversation.
Speaker 2:And that's not okay.
Speaker 1:No, have the conversation in there now in the relationship.
Speaker 2:Well, and communication as you go along too, because I mean we've experienced different seasons in the time that we've been married. Like we didn't have infants and toddlers and little guys together, but we had little kids. A house full of little kids, yes, so we have personally experienced different seasons together.
Speaker 1:Yeah, because where you're at like— Just pause where you're at the season you're in in marriage. It's not going to be that way forever.
Speaker 2:No.
Speaker 1:But also too, if you're not careful, you can find yourself in a comfortable zone, yes, and you get stuck there. Yes, and if you don't work to get out of it, you'll be there for the rest of your marriage, I mean not to throw Producer Thomas under the bus, but, like we said earlier, Producer Thomas, tonight is here our son, our oldest.
Speaker 2:They have a nine-month-old. I can pretty much guarantee that, now that Lucy's nine months old, it's a lot different for you, Miranda, than when you first got married, Just like when all of y'all were little and it was a circus. It was different than it is now. Or, you know ages of kids, their sports involvement and all of the commitments that you have whenever you're raising kids. If you're not communicating about what you need and what you want in your own relationship, those kids are going to overshadow everything. Yeah, and they're going to. It's going to, like you just said, it's just going to stay that way.
Speaker 1:Yeah. And then sometimes you, oh, every couple does this, I know. So it's just going to stay that way, yeah, and then sometimes you, oh, every couple does this, I know. So it's just one of those things to just like hey, everybody does it, so it's okay. Like you're texting back and forth, you'd be like, oh my gosh, this is what's gonna happen. Blah, blah, blah, blah blah and then it usually ends with you falling asleep on the couch, or just one's in a chair, one somewhere else, like that happens.
Speaker 1:Or I fall asleep reading yeah don't beat yourself up, because that's normal life it is. You're living life, you're trying to raise a family, you're trying to have a job Like those. Things are difficult.
Speaker 2:It is.
Speaker 1:So just know that that's okay.
Speaker 2:Yeah.
Speaker 1:Don't hold yourself to a ridiculously stupid standard, yeah.
Speaker 2:Yeah.
Speaker 1:Well, I mean— Don't hold yourself to a ridiculously stupid standard.
Speaker 2:Well, yeah Well your kids' ages play into it, but then your own age plays into it too, that's true, yes. We've gone from our 30s to you've just entered your 50s together.
Speaker 1:Thank you for sharing my age online too. I appreciate that.
Speaker 2:You already told your age earlier.
Speaker 1:Yeah, I'm getting those AARP cards in the mail and I just rip them up and I'm like bruh, but Nope.
Speaker 2:I'm 47. Does that make you feel better? I've said how old I am.
Speaker 1:No, it does not at all. No, because there's not a five in front of it. Yeah, you got a four, I got a five.
Speaker 2:But like we've changed just how our bodies work, my hormones are a disaster, like we've gone through those things. But we, we continue to talk about it and I mean I've gotten help from a specialist, a hormonal specialist. I mean it's hard to believe that I'm at that age, but that's where we are Right. And so, like I was saying a second ago, the things change with your kids' ages, but it changes with your age too.
Speaker 1:When I know this sounds completely obvious, but I will say it again Like when you're in a relationship and they're sex, you have to be intentional. When you have little kids, when you're it's just the two of you and there's nobody else, Okay, it's easy, you don't have to be as intentional. But when you have a kid, you're like bro, we got a babysitter, I've already spent $40 and we didn't even left the house yet. Like we're going to eat. It's like this is, you know, like you have. You just had to be intentional in planning. And Because you plan your romantic time together, it doesn't lessen that at all, it doesn't make it any less meaningful, but at the same time, that's just again. That's about being intentional. It's a season.
Speaker 2:It's a season.
Speaker 1:And it will change it will. Just give it time.
Speaker 2:Well, I mean when the kids were growing up, we would schedule like an Atlanta date night where we would spend the night away. God, those were so fun.
Speaker 1:So, yeah, we would always try to find these really cool speakeasies around Atlanta.
Speaker 2:We found a lot of cool spots that we take our kids to now.
Speaker 1:Yeah, just kind of a fun, just to go chill, vibe, and then we'd usually stay there the whole night.
Speaker 2:But we'd have to schedule it weeks in advance to make sure everybody was where they needed to be.
Speaker 1:But then there's those. Some nights like those were really, really fun. But then there was some nights where it's like we're watching Talladega Nights and we got a box of tacos from Taco Bell. You know it was like we're vegging out on the couch eating tacos from Taco Bell and watching Talladega Nights and laughing.
Speaker 2:Well, a lot of the time, transparency. When the kids were younger, those nights were necessary just for budget reasons.
Speaker 1:Well, yeah, you're broke.
Speaker 2:We had four kids doing 47 different things. But those even the at-home date nights. We were so intentional in playing those just as hard as we planned the Atlanta ones I mean there was a good chunk of time that the home ones were our favorites right, I mean because you, you, you have to.
Speaker 1:This is where communication comes in, though, because if she's expecting a night in Atlanta and you're thinking, taco bell funny movie. Yeah, like, and you're not sharing those with each other?
Speaker 2:when it comes time to be a disappointment for somebody yeah, somebody's getting their feelings hurt and getting mad and then the whole night's just trashed.
Speaker 1:So that's where it goes back to just have the conversation. Like even as crazy as it is and I know this is probably being a little too honest, but sometimes the communication is like this is where we're at in our life now, like if we get in the car and I'm like, hey, it's tonight.
Speaker 2:Like we're get in the car and I'm like hey, it's tonight, like we're going, you know, are we going to play?
Speaker 1:Yeah, we're going to play, Not as like a no thank you, because it's going to depend on what I get to eat tonight, like either. If it's not, I'm going like if we are, we're like, yeah, I'm getting a chicken, caesar wrap and some fries. Or if I'm like no, certain things, you're just like, bro, I can't.
Speaker 2:It's okay to be forward and ask yeah, I'm like, do I get a?
Speaker 1:salad, or do I go for the like? Am I getting the really big?
Speaker 2:Or you're getting the double-decker burger situation.
Speaker 1:Yeah cheese and bacon and all that. So I'm feeling like ugh afterwards and that special sauce.
Speaker 2:When was that it was so good? Anyway 57, it's a taco mac oh taco mac yeah, anyway, but it's okay because you know what, like we keep saying, if you ask ahead of time, it's going to prevent unmet expectations yeah, that doesn't steal again.
Speaker 1:It doesn't steal away from the moment, it doesn't take from what is happening. It is just a like. If you don't do that like, you may have expectations. You're going on a date and be like yeah, this is happening tonight. And you're sitting around in a pageant seat going there's absolutely no way in the world this is happening tonight and it's like, even if I just don't have that stupid simple conversation, like my expectations are going to be torqued up and you're going to be like well, why are you mad?
Speaker 2:Like, why are you upset? You should just know that my stomach has been hurting all day.
Speaker 1:Yeah, so it's just like I don't know those things?
Speaker 2:Oh wait, I didn't tell you that, oh, okay.
Speaker 1:Yeah, so it's always that idea of just trying to figure it out. Just go ahead and pull the cap off. Producer Thomas, you, you know he's trying to pull a cap off of the dry erase marker, so you're creaking it's okay, just so you know we're okay.
Speaker 1:Thank you, bud we're in the process of trying to figure out how to get better mics, because these mics pick up everything. I think a mouse just farted in the corner and the mic picked it up. So it's like we're trying to figure out, we're trying to get some better mics, but we're on a shoestring budget right now.
Speaker 2:Yeah, a few seconds ago I just kind of held up my hand and pointed to my wrist like where we at on time trying to be discreet about it. Well then, the creaky, creaky, creaky, dry erase marker. You know it's okay.
Speaker 1:We're figuring it out, people.
Speaker 2:We're doing this in our house. We don't know what we're doing.
Speaker 1:It's we are doing this in our house, and so, but it's also too. Again back on the subject.
Speaker 2:Well, here's the thing, too, that I think that a lot of just to again throw my own self under the bus a lot of people that were raised like me where sex is dirty and you don't talk about it, it's okay to educate yourself.
Speaker 1:Right.
Speaker 2:And that doesn't mean porn no, not at all, it's okay to educate yourself, right?
Speaker 1:Yes, and that doesn't mean porn?
Speaker 2:No, no, not at all. It's okay. There is stuff out there that you can look at together and read together.
Speaker 1:What does she really want? What does he really want? What? Are you after? Are you okay with the things that he wants and the things that she wants? Yeah, and figure out what those like. Marriage is a place where, if you can't have that conversation in your marriage, where are you having that conversation at? Like you should be able to talk about those things.
Speaker 2:And not all of the. There's studies you can do and kind of like the book of questions that we have that we like to do some of the lighthearted questions that we'll do every now and again. There's books like that that you can do together as a couple about sex, just to help you talk about it.
Speaker 1:Right, just to kick the conversation off.
Speaker 2:They're not all Bible-based, because some of the Bible-based ones get a little— Cheesy yeah.
Speaker 1:They get a lot cheesy A lot cheesy, and that's okay too.
Speaker 2:There's a time and a place for that.
Speaker 1:And if that fits you and that's where you're at, okay, be there, have at it. I'm not saying you gotta go dirty, raunchy, whatever it is, you gotta find what fits where you're at. But I'm saying more than anything else just at least have the conversation. Yeah, just at least start the talk, because if you're not, it just leads down a road that's not healthy for anybody.
Speaker 2:It's not, it's just not. And sometimes that unhealthy road may just lead to both of you are just miserable and you just choose to stay there. Sometimes, when the road leads to you're not happy, it makes one spouse stray from your commitment.
Speaker 1:Well, usually Just to say it nicely Honestly, what happens in those situations is the wife attaches herself to the kids, yeah, and she starts to pulling all of her life into that. The husband the natural reaction is to pour himself into his job, his job and his life and so everything about him. If you ask like, ask a man, be just like, hey, tell me about yourself. The very first thing he's going to do is tell you what he does for a living. And that's just because guys are like, well, this is what I do, so this is who I am.
Speaker 2:But yeah, and for us, the first thing we're going to talk about is our kids.
Speaker 1:Yeah, and it's just about like hey, this is who I am, yeah, it's not what I do. I do those things so I can live my life. So it's always guys are just and they do that. And if you don't do anything about it, you just continue to work those separate ways. And then it's just like the whole sex thing is like he wants sex and I don't even like him, I can't even stand to be around him. She doesn't like me, she doesn't find me attractive, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. And then it just becomes so easy. When somebody at the gym or somebody at work goes oh, you look so good. It's just like boom. Next thing you know you're in a really bad spot, yeah, and so it's like be intentional and have the conversation with your significant other yeah like have the conversation so let's unpack yeah, okay, this one's gonna be a little.
Speaker 1:Our episode's a little shorter, but that's okay. It's not a lot you can say about sex, other than talk about it and do it.
Speaker 2:Yeah, that's true, Right. Just make it perfect is what they say. Yeah, I'm proud of you for well, we're not done.
Speaker 1:I haven't made any inappropriate.
Speaker 2:I was about to say I'm proud of you for not being inappropriate, but we're not finished yet. I'm going to save that.
Speaker 1:Okay, I'm working really hard over here, you're doing so good, I'm so proud of you Filter's on.
Speaker 2:I'm proud. Well, in the unpacked portion we like to make some notes about where we're going to go and things that we think that maybe people can put into practice in your real life. Not maybe, hopefully, people can put into practice in their real life.
Speaker 1:Here's what I struggle with, because I was listening to.
Speaker 2:I'm a podcast junkie so I was listening to a podcast today and I was riding in the car, oh, and you were stuck in traffic going zero miles an hour.
Speaker 1:I didn't want to talk about it. But I'm stuck in the car and I realized I was like I know what to do. Sometimes I know what to do. Just give me one simple first step, yeah, and then give me a simple second step, like let's don't overcomplicate this, like, let's just go. Like for me it's like sometimes it's just like okay, let's get okay, I've got it simple, I've got it.
Speaker 2:Okay, ready to me. Take your clothes off and have a good time you're talking about right now no, not right now sorry that could be awkward for thomas.
Speaker 1:I'm sorry that was my hundred pro. Take it.
Speaker 2:I almost made it you almost made it yeah, so but with your partner, get naked and have fun, right.
Speaker 1:There's a sign in our bathroom. It's right above our bathtub, though. But it just makes me laugh. Every time I see it.
Speaker 2:It just says get naked and so that should be when we moved here and we were redoing everything and I put that sign up. Callie walked in there and she was helping me put something else in the bathroom and she was like, oh my God, jessie, really. And I was like, yeah, really.
Speaker 1:So I agree, I think that's a really really good first step.
Speaker 2:You said a simple first step.
Speaker 1:Yep, okay, that's a good first step.
Speaker 2:I feel like it is.
Speaker 1:Yeah.
Speaker 2:So the other, the next thing that we talked about is that you have to learn to be okay with talking about your wants and needs in the bedroom and I'm talking to myself, because we've been married for a long time and I still sometimes I personally still struggle with what do I want or need?
Speaker 1:I'm just curious out there For those of you who aren't watching. I'm holding my finger up. I don't need, I'm just curious out there For those of you aren't watching. I'm holding my finger up. I don't know why I'm holding my finger up.
Speaker 2:He's making a point.
Speaker 1:I'm about to make a point here.
Speaker 2:It's important if you're watching this on the video.
Speaker 1:Yes, you can catch us on. Youtube too we try to upload those on YouTube. We're struggling when we're getting there.
Speaker 2:Here we go. Now you're holding up two fingers. Oh my gosh, I just forgot what I was going to say. I got so into the thing Let me repeat what I said Learn to be okay with talking about your wants and needs in the bedroom.
Speaker 1:Yeah, that's not it Okay cool. My ADD mind just went somewhere else. It always circles back.
Speaker 2:So here's something it's okay to laugh.
Speaker 1:Yeah, 100%.
Speaker 2:If you haven't laughed at least once, you're being way too serious about it.
Speaker 1:I'm about, oh my.
Speaker 2:God.
Speaker 1:I'm about to be very vulnerable right now. I'm going to share this moment with you guys.
Speaker 2:Just a little bit.
Speaker 1:What this is all about me. You're gonna think this is all this is. This is my humiliation for the entire world this was last week no, no, it's not.
Speaker 2:We're on our honeymoon oh my gosh, I cannot believe you're about to tell this story and we're in this. Little thomas is laughing because he knows this story.
Speaker 1:It's in this little thatch cabin Thomas is laughing because he knows the story. It's in this little thatch cabin thing.
Speaker 2:It was a hut. It was a glorified fancy hut.
Speaker 1:Off this island in Belize. It was super cool though.
Speaker 2:It was amazing.
Speaker 1:But it really didn't have walls, it just had these.
Speaker 2:I mean, it went like maybe like eight feet or so, yeah, and there was a stop.
Speaker 1:So it's open, like the whole roof was open to the same thing.
Speaker 2:So, like our quote unquote bathroom, it was private-ish but it didn't have walls.
Speaker 1:So we were. We had been out in the, out in the middle of the ocean. It felt like Like you couldn't see land and we're on this reef and they cooked us dinner out there and we're cooking and they have drinks and they're like we're sitting on a table, it was on a sandbar.
Speaker 2:We're sitting on a table, it was on a sandbar. We're sitting on a table with chairs and we couldn't see land in any direction. No, there's no land anywhere. It's the weirdest.
Speaker 1:It's the coolest thing. It was ridiculous. We're sitting in the middle of the ocean eating lobster and fish.
Speaker 2:So we were exploring. I know what you're about to talk about.
Speaker 1:Yeah, we're exploring, so I see this massive star Starfish story.
Speaker 2:I was picking up all these giant conch shells.
Speaker 1:This is not about you.
Speaker 2:This is my story you're just stealing my story. I don't know if the conch is still in it. That's a different story, so anyway.
Speaker 1:I find the starfish and I go to step off. It's a little deeper than I thought and I tweaked my back and I was like, oh god, so I'm tweaking my back, but I still do.
Speaker 2:I have a really cute picture of you with a starfish on your head, so I got the starfish and put it on my head. We're going to share.
Speaker 1:It Draped over my ear, it was massive. So, anyway, that is part of the story, because we're back at the hut that night and I was like, oh it's on, it's that time, and so I go and Jess is laying in this really big king bed and we got this big ceiling, ceiling going like.
Speaker 2:It's literally dreamy, amazing. And you said I've got to go to the bathroom.
Speaker 1:No, no, I said I'm gonna take my shorts. I want to take my shorts off toward the bathroom. No, the bathroom was there and so I'm gonna take my shorts off. When my bag was tweaked and so I my foot got caught in my shorts when I was trying to get off, because your back's hurt. If you ever ever had your back hurt, you know what I'm talking about.
Speaker 1:And you weren't holding on to anything. No, and I start falling. And as I start falling I started to fart and I farted all the way to the ground and you fell in like slow motion. I fell, hit the door, fell out the door, hit the door frame and landed in the middle of the door the door's wide open, still farting, farting my shorts literally around my ankles, and I'm laying here and I'm just looking at you going. There's no recovery from that. I thought I was trying to do some sexy dance or something and I got out of my shorts and literally embarrass myself to death, like it was.
Speaker 1:It was so funny, yeah, and so there's just no recovering from it.
Speaker 2:There's not.
Speaker 1:So to say.
Speaker 2:I thought you were going to talk about the other day, when you didn't know what to do with your arms.
Speaker 1:I did, I did, I did make that statement. I don't know what to do with my arms. Them arms are in the way, um, but we, we laughed about that one too. Oh my gosh, I forgot.
Speaker 2:So we, if you're, if you're not laughing in the bedroom. You're being too serious, you're taking yourself way too serious.
Speaker 1:Like just relax a little bit. It's not like you're not doing brain surgery, okay thank you for bringing up that great memory so that's me, that's true, that really happened, right there I can't believe I shared it for the world, but anyway I'm so proud of you.
Speaker 2:Thank you so laugh.
Speaker 1:Yeah, have fun. Cut up like this is a it. It's a fun thing for you and your significant other to enjoy. Yeah, that's what it was created for. So how fun, enjoy, laugh with each other.
Speaker 2:Sometimes there's storybook romance and sometimes there's farts.
Speaker 1:Sometimes there's beautiful candles and sometimes you almost knock yourself out on the doorframe while you're farting Time to keep your pants off, Like it's just who knows. Okay, what's our next one?
Speaker 2:Well, the next. It's hard to go from laughing so hard to me, okay. So intimacy begins way before the bedroom. Yeah, that's a sharp last turn right there, yeah, but it does and, like you were talking about earlier, like there's like all these texts that go back and forth during the day, like you're trying to, you know, set your like intention way ahead of the time. Sometimes it works and sometimes it doesn't and it's not.
Speaker 1:Here's the thing, though. It's not like you can get mad or frustrated when it doesn't pan out yeah like I'm gonna say just be okay. Sometimes, when it does, just be excited that it did. When it doesn't, it's okay. Give some grace to one person or the other, because, yeah, it would be perfect if life just worked out the way you planned it all the time. But that's not life.
Speaker 1:No, it's not, it's just kind of difficult, and so be okay with that. But it does For guys. It doesn't take much for you. You can walk by and smack her on the butt in the kitchen and be like, yeah, it's on. It may take a little bit more for her to get there.
Speaker 2:Yeah, so keep that in mind.
Speaker 1:Sometimes that works and sometimes it doesn't, yeah, so don't be. And just because it works one time doesn't mean it works every time.
Speaker 2:No, Welcome to being a girl yeah, it. And being a girl yeah it's just like it doesn't always work. Mm-mm. You hate when I bring up this phrase. Oh God, you know what I'm about to say.
Speaker 1:It's such an old.
Speaker 2:It's such a church phrase, it's an old school church thing. Yeah, women are crockpots and men are microwaves. Yeah, you know, you can cook a roast in a microwave though, and a baked potato roast in a microwave, and you can bake potato too. We learned that from our daughter-in-law.
Speaker 1:We did so microwaves are pretty handy. But anyway, regardless it's, I mean the concept is but then, women take longer to get there. Not not all women are like that but to your point.
Speaker 2:You just said you can walk past your girl in the kitchen, smack her on the butt and she's like, oh, oh, okay, like just talk, yeah, just talk.
Speaker 1:Like hold her hand when you're riding the car.
Speaker 2:That's a big deal for us.
Speaker 1:Hug her when she's in the kitchen. If you guys are in the kitchen cooking together, hug on her. Kiss her on the cheek. Kiss her on the cheek in the morning.
Speaker 1:The forehead kisses we all like those and don't expect anything in return. Like, hey, I'm just, I want to love you, I want to show you affection, those things are okay, and they're okay in front of your kids, because you get to show your kids what a real loving relationship looks like yeah, yeah, don't be ashamed to love on each other in front of your kids.
Speaker 2:I mean, I feel like Now, if you're out, in public.
Speaker 1:There's some lines.
Speaker 2:There are some lines.
Speaker 1:You see people cross those lines, but it's okay to show that you love each other.
Speaker 2:Yes, it really is. There's one little side note of kind of like a warning I guess I might would say, just because I'm a reader, I don't read these kinds of books often, or but I think that sometimes mostly women I guess some men read them, but you need to be careful about expecting like the spicy books, like that kind of same quality in real life, because that's not real life, no, or movies or whatever.
Speaker 1:Well, it's the same as a guy watching some porn thing and think that's going to happen at his house, Like really.
Speaker 2:You're married to a normal woman. Yeah, don't be stupid. Yeah, first off, just be careful of just being unrealistic.
Speaker 1:We're not advocating to do anything like outside. So hear us say that, yeah, I'm advocating for you to sit down with your spouse and have a conversation, and share your expectations.
Speaker 2:Talk about what you want. Talk about what you like. Yes, and have a good time being married.
Speaker 1:Yeah. So, with all that being said, we're just going to say hey, thanks for joining tonight and go get naked.
Speaker 2:Oh my gosh. So, Greg, you almost made it. There we go. Thank you for joining us on Baggage Claim tonight. You should let me know, oh gosh.
