Baggage Claim
Baggage Claim is a space for blended families, marriage, and friendship.
Here, we dive into real-life conversations about the ups and downs of relationships, from navigating second marriages to unpacking the baggage we all bring. Hosted by Greg and Jessica, who both have rich experiences with love, loss, and family, this community is about sharing stories, learning together, and growing stronger as couples and individuals. Grab a drink and join us as we unpack, laugh, and claim our baggage—one conversation at a time
Baggage Claim
Selfishness vs. Selflessness: The Trade-offs of Marriage (Part 1)
What's the real enemy of a thriving relationship? According to Greg and Jess, it might be something we don't like to admit: selfishness. In this deeply personal and sometimes emotional conversation, the Baggage Claim hosts unpack the complex tension between selfishness and selflessness that exists in every meaningful relationship.
The discussion begins with Jess sharing a thought-provoking statement from 12 years ago: "The greatest enemy of marriage isn't from the outside, it's something that comes within each of us - selfishness." This launches a candid exploration of how cultural messages about self-care and self-focus have shifted over the past decade, and whether modern emphasis on "me time" has complicated our ability to build truly selfless partnerships.
Greg offers a powerful perspective on life's necessary trade-offs, sharing personal stories about declining lucrative career opportunities to honor his commitment to being present with his family. "Time is that one thing I can't reproduce," he reflects, highlighting the irreplaceable nature of moments spent with loved ones. Meanwhile, Jess vulnerably recounts seasons where she pursued education while raising four children - periods that could have appeared selfish from the outside but were actually collaborative family decisions.
Perhaps most compelling is their rejection of the "marriage is 50-50" myth. As Greg puts it, "Sometimes you may come with 60% and I need to be 40%." This acknowledgment of marriage's natural ebbs and flows offers listeners permission to embrace the reality that balance isn't always equal, but it can still be fair.
The conversation concludes with a profound spiritual insight about the command to "love your neighbor as yourself," raising the question: how can we truly love our partners if we haven't learned to properly love ourselves?
Whether you're newly married, navigating a blended family, or simply trying to balance your own needs with those of your partner, this episode offers permission to acknowledge the struggle while providing practical wisdom for creating more selfless relationships. Join the conversation by texting us your thoughts or connecting on social media!
Hey guys, what's up? I'm Greg. I hope you guys are ready to unpack and get into some good conversations today.
Speaker 2:And I'm Jess, and this is our podcast Baggage Claim. Thank you for joining us.
Speaker 1:What's up everybody? Welcome to Baggage Claim. If it's your first time here, welcome. Thanks for joining us. If you're a regular, you know what to do. Grab that drink.
Speaker 2:Pull up to the table.
Speaker 1:That's right. So we're here. Baggage Claim is a place where we're hoping to create some communication, some conversation.
Speaker 2:And some community.
Speaker 1:There's a lot of C's in there C words Alliteration. Aww C words.
Speaker 2:Alliteration Aw so fancy.
Speaker 1:So community conversations, and what else did I say?
Speaker 2:Something else? Collaboration? I don't know. I don't remember what you said.
Speaker 1:Kung fu fighting, that's a. C, that's a.
Speaker 2:K. What if? What if? What if everybody was not kung fu fighting?
Speaker 1:It wouldn't be fun it it was not Kung Fu fighting. It wouldn't be fun It'd be kind of sad.
Speaker 2:A long time ago there was a Facebook that's how old I am A Facebook trend. And my brother, if my brother Corey oh, I'm fidgeting with my pen.
Speaker 1:My brother Corey.
Speaker 2:My brother, corey, if he's listening, he participated with this trend with me. It was like what if everybody was not kung fu fighting? And it was like all these songs that had been popular forever. And it was like the opposite, what if, like the cool kids, did not sit in the back of the bus? I don't know. That's just what made me think of that.
Speaker 1:I'm sorry thank you for sharing. I'm chasing the rabbit. That was all. That was awesome actually. Thank you so much. Welcome, welcome. So take a deep breath.
Speaker 2:What if the rain was not purple Relax.
Speaker 1:And just kind of pull off to the table metaphorically with us, wherever you're at, whatever you're doing, and just enjoy some fun conversation around blended families, around marriage. Man, it's a crazy time around here and we're just trying to figure it out as we go Summer's in full effect in the Peck House. It is. We're in full swing right now.
Speaker 2:We are.
Speaker 1:Just loving life and having a good old time.
Speaker 2:Yeah, I've been summering out of school for a few weeks. This week I've had a training that feels nonsense for me, but I'm trying to have a good attitude. But we're going to the beach this weekend.
Speaker 1:So for also to just want to do a shout out for some of you, there's some of you folks that are in New York. I've seen we've had some downloads in New Yorkork, new york and bronx and all those kind of places. Man, we love new york we do, if you're in new york and you're listening to this like there's a play, even not if you're in new york, if anywhere in the world you're listening to this. Yeah, on spotify apple podcast.
Speaker 1:Right under there it says send us a text please do click that link on your phone, on your mobile device, computer, wherever you're at, and just send us a message it's so fun for us to know where you are yeah, just be like hey, listening from so-and-so uh listening from this and just shoot that, send us a text. We get those things. We love to be involved with you guys. If there's something you want us to talk about, click that. Send a text.
Speaker 2:Or if you want some more clarification or detail on something that we've said. Whatever the case may be, communicate with us. We love it. You can find us on all the socials we're on YouTube, tiktok, instagram, facebook.
Speaker 1:We're on all those fun places. Make sure to catch us, be involved, follow uh as we drop new stuff and try to get uh this thing rolling as we keep recording and keep having fun. So tonight is about man. This is a. This is a big, big, big topic it is um and this may be a two-parter, so we may be halfway through just be like okay, time out, we'll catch this next time.
Speaker 2:Yeah.
Speaker 1:Wherever we're at in that, as we roll through it. But I always say, I always say this, like even when in consulting days. I used to sit with guys and they would be like man, I just want to make this amount of money, I just want to do this, for I want to be able to achieve this, and my response to them was you can if you want, but it's going to cost you something. So we're always. Life is about trades.
Speaker 2:It is. It's about trade-offs.
Speaker 1:Yeah, you're trading something for something, always. So sometimes you're trading time for money. Sometimes you're trading time with someone for potential the opposite Sometimes you're trading time for money Sometimes you're trading time with someone for potential.
Speaker 2:The opposite. Sometimes you're trading money for time, Like it's all a trade-off.
Speaker 1:Yeah, it goes both ways. We're always trading stuff and in relationships sometimes it's so crazy because you're like you're trading things back and forth, sometimes without ever saying a word. Oh yeah, sometimes it's just kind of an unspoken that just kind of happens. We don't ever recognize it or say it, because if we do it's kind of weird, but we do it all the time and so tonight or today, Whenever you're listening. Why do I always say tonight?
Speaker 2:Well, because we record in the evenings. Okay, that's why that's probably true.
Speaker 1:So today we're talking about this topic of selfishness versus selflessness. Maybe. Why don't you start us off with reading?
Speaker 2:So you know how, ladies, gentlemen, men, some of you on our Facebook there will be how it pops up with the memories. And so early this morning, I was drinking my coffee before I had to go on my online training for school I'm not. It would be negative if I talk about that and literally 12 years ago. There's a screenshot on my phone that I literally threw in the floor a minute ago, but I wrote it down. It said because there was this. It was like two or three little marriage pages that I would follow when you and I first got married, marriage pages that I would follow when you and I first got married. And this is one of the things that I had shared 12 years ago. And it said the greatest enemy of marriage isn't from the outside, it's something that comes within each of us Selfishness. You can overcome selfishness and protect your marriage by putting the needs, desires and dreams of your spouse and family ahead of your own. When we selflessly serve those that we love, our families will thrive.
Speaker 1:Wow Okay.
Speaker 2:That's a lot.
Speaker 1:Yeah.
Speaker 2:There's like probably five or six pieces of that that you can dive into.
Speaker 1:Yes, yes, yeah, man. If you're on TikTok, if you're on any social media platform, it's all about man. If you read that statement right now, it would not be accepted? Well, no, there would probably be a lot of pushback.
Speaker 2:That's what I wanted to make, which is interesting because it said that's why I wanted to make sure I said 12 years ago, because now, why does time make a difference? Well, time makes a difference. There's a few statements, mainly the one where I said you can protect your marriage by putting the needs and desires and dreams of your spouse and family ahead of your own. That is not.
Speaker 1:It's not a popular belief you don't think no. Why do you think that is, though? What makes that such a negative? What makes that such a negative?
Speaker 2:Well, like I said three times now, 12 years ago, fast forward to now the world per se is a lot more selfish than it has ever been. I feel like there's all these. If you're looking at social media, there's all these influencers and you know all these people trying to promote, like, self-care, and you know, take care of yourself. And it's about how you feel and your feelings, which granted.
Speaker 1:Are all valid. Some of them are valid, that's what I was about to say.
Speaker 2:They are valid, but when we're talking about the subject of selfishness, the scales tip either way, according to what point of view you might have.
Speaker 1:Right. So I think one of the things we want to talk about I think maybe I want to talk about, maybe you don't is the idea of selfishness versus self-care. Like, where does selfishness come in the way of? Where's the line of selfishness versus self-care? What does that line look like? Because it's probably different, for not probably a hundred percent- is different for all of us.
Speaker 2:It is yeah Well in human nature. It's just your carnal, natural desire to be selfish. You can't help it.
Speaker 1:Well, there's one thing I learned in sales long, long, long, long time ago, years and years ago. If you're in sales, you know this. If there's one thing people want to do is they love to talk about themselves and they love to talk about their family. So if I'm a sales guy, what I'm gonna do is ask you questions and get you to talk about yourself. Right, because people love. It's a natural thing.
Speaker 2:People just like to do that now, if you were to ask me, do I like to talk about myself? I I would say no. But if you say, tell me about yourself, I'm going to talk about my family I'm going to talk about. I'm going to say, you know, we have a granddaughter, our first grandchild. Her name's Lucy. She's this, she's that, this is what she can do. She's the most brilliant nine month old in the world. We have this many kids. He's the most brilliant nine-month-old in the world. We have this many kids. This is what they do. My husband is this and that I feel like that's not talking about myself, but I mean it still is. Well, it's about you, it's about your life, it's my life.
Speaker 1:Yeah.
Speaker 2:So but on the flip side, if you were to ask other folks, like you were saying in the business world, if you were traveling or you sat down and, you know, had a conversation with somebody, you said tell me about yourself, what would those folks mainly say?
Speaker 1:Well, it really depends on. It's interesting because I used to travel a lot.
Speaker 2:There's a fly in here.
Speaker 1:Let me say it at the same time Jinx, you owe me a Coke.
Speaker 2:Dr Pepper.
Speaker 1:So it's a when I used to travel a lot. You would go into a restaurant like an Outback or a Longhorns and there's the bar area and you can tell all the people who are traveling who are there, by themselves.
Speaker 2:There's no way for a table to sit by yourself. You're just going to walk out with an open chair.
Speaker 1:You're sitting at the bar, yeah, one, so you can talk to someone, not because you're always drinking, no, most of the people there not most of them, a lot of people weren't even drinking. You're drinking water or sweet tea or Coke or whatever. But it's like I don traveling. I'm here by myself, so I would always, when I would travel, I would go sit at the bar and just start conversations with people, and I love love to start conversations with total strangers because it's just fascinating to me, like it's. So. I'm so that's the curiosity side of me, yeah and just intrigued to go where you at, where you going. Why are you here? Who are you at when?
Speaker 2:are you going? Why are you here? Who?
Speaker 1:are you? Yeah, what's going on? Like, what in the world brought you Like? I remember in Toronto I was sitting at an Outback at the bar one time and I just went and there was like five of the guys sitting there by themselves and I just went up and I sat down and was like what's up, fellas? And they're all like hey, I was.
Speaker 2:Hey, it's like, I'm from atlanta, georgia, you know just started with that, and so we had great conversation, because that's your personality, yeah, and we know what I would do. I would go sit in a dark corner and just wait for somebody to come ask me what do I want?
Speaker 1:and so we had, we had fun and uh, but I was just asking the. The conversation was about what you guys have. Why are you here? What are you doing? Yeah, where you going um, and we got fun, like for you know, while we had dinner, we just had some good conversation you said, they were guys. So they were all guys. Hey, tell me about yourself always came down to what they did for a living like yeah, if you ask a guy hey, what do you?
Speaker 2:know, tell me about yourself, yeah.
Speaker 1:They're going to say what they do. It's just normal. That's what guys do Like. They associate their self with what it is that they do for a living, which is not totally true. It's not right or wrong, no, but that's kind of the surface level.
Speaker 2:That's where they're kind of identity, right. No, but that's kind of the surface level.
Speaker 1:That's where their identity Right. But then if you start talking you'll find out really really quick if they love golf, if they love their family. They'll talk about their wives, they'll talk about some of the things that they're passionate about, like their hobbies. Those things always come out really really quick because people just like to talk about those things, the things we're passionate about, we talk about. It's not a bad thing, but just in marriage sometimes it's.
Speaker 1:We're inherently selfish when it comes to marriage, yeah, like in that relationship. So we look at that like me sitting at the bar with a bunch of guys that I have no idea who they are and wanting to know them is completely different from in a marriage relationship with my wife. When I come home, kids are crazy. She's been at home with the kids. Maybe she's working a job. She picks some of the kids up, she, she, maybe she's working a job. Yeah, she picked some of the kids up. She's coming home. I'm coming home. We're both meeting at the house. It's crazy. There's stuff going on or we're at the ball field or we're grabbing food like it's just chaos and sometimes it's just you want to be like, what about me?
Speaker 1:like, what about what I want? And so many times we ask that and that's an okay question to ask, but we get stuck there, we get stuck and we hang out there.
Speaker 2:We can't go past that sometimes, Do you feel like sometimes people get stuck there with a? What about me If you get kind of like stuck in your feelings? What do you mean? What do?
Speaker 1:of like stuck in your feelings. What do you mean? What do you mean stuck in your feelings?
Speaker 2:Kind of like when you're not looking at the big picture and I mean that's, that's selfish, I mean in general, but like when you're saying all this chaos and this and that and the life and the all these moving parts, but then you, you get to the point about the what about me, maybe? I mean I know I always come back to this, but maybe, if it's a lack of communication, but do you feel like it's maybe sometimes like, do you feel like your feelings are not supported, or like maybe it's not a like I see you.
Speaker 1:Okay, I think that's the key. I think that's the thing for couples is that I feel like they go through life or you go through. I mean you're a teacher, yeah, so you get up in the morning, you leave early, you're at school, you're doing the school thing. You come home from school, um, you change. You go to the gym, you come home from the gym. When you get home from the gym, I'm usually trying to figure out dinner. We do dinner to get, we have which we have previously planned.
Speaker 1:We do plan out our dinners so there's like 45 minutes we do dinner and then it's just like I'm exhausted, I need to go shower. Like so many times you can get stuck in that routine.
Speaker 2:But like what about me you?
Speaker 1:don't get seen Like it's just like am. I just here to cook the dinner.
Speaker 2:Cook and help you clean.
Speaker 1:Yeah, is that what we're down to Like? Making sure the dishwasher is emptied or full, or dinner is cooked?
Speaker 2:In the midst of what feels. I mean, if you boil it down to minutes, it probably is 45 minutes for us in the school week, because in the midst of that we've got the one kid that still lives at home. That's 21. We've got our producer Thomas, that's a guest home this 21. We've got our producer thomas that's a guest. My producer michael is on another occasion this evening, but producer thomas is here as our guest producer, our oldest son. He and his wife live around the corner with our grandbaby, lulu lucy, who's nine months old, and they're here most of the time, which obviously we welcome, it's like. So we're balancing work, self-care, which we'll come back to, self-care versus family time, versus you and I time.
Speaker 1:Yep.
Speaker 2:Versus like I'm just freaking tired.
Speaker 1:Yeah.
Speaker 2:And then tomorrow we're going to do it all over again.
Speaker 1:Yeah, you just get up and go right back in, right, and then tomorrow we're going to do it all over again. You just get up and go right back out.
Speaker 2:that, in summary, is most people's lives who are probably listening to this podcast and it might not be adult kids and grandbaby and all the things, but it might be ball field or volleyball court or basketball or whatever the venue might, or Cub Scouts there's a hundred different things yes that you can. You can sign up for you. Maybe should not, but you can sign up for right. But at some point there's gonna be a time where you're like okay, well, what about me?
Speaker 1:well, there's a million things. Biden for your time, yeah. So how do you draw the line between not being selfish but having self-care, like, can you define those two, or those two separate things? Can you define those, for I mean?
Speaker 2:I probably could for my own self and my type A personality. I'm referring to our notes that we have made and so I'm looking back. So we were talking about when we were planning this. We were talking about being selfish and when you want to seek out your own validation for your own self. Basically, Sometimes that stems from, like a lack of support from your partner.
Speaker 1:Sometimes that- Not being seen, that idea of not being seen, yeah.
Speaker 2:Maybe there's hidden hurt that you're trying to cover for.
Speaker 1:Right.
Speaker 2:Maybe there's hidden hurt that you're trying to cover for Right. Maybe there's hidden resentment or a lack of validation, and that goes back to where we were talking about empathy a few weeks ago.
Speaker 1:So when the word empathy pops up, what do you think about? Like, what's the first thing that comes to mind when you think of empathy? Literally, do you see?
Speaker 2:me oh wow, okay, yeah, yeah, I mean I that literally like empathy means if, if I, if somebody said do you have empathy for greg? Do I see greg for greg? Yes, I mean I try to, I tried to maintain that. Am I perfect Empathy? I just feel like, do I see you for you?
Speaker 1:Like for me, empathy is an interesting place. Like, let me put it this way. Yeah, I was driving down the road today and I saw a lady pulling a wagon it was full of stuff. Pulling a wagon, it was full of stuff and I don't know what it was, but man, I saw that lady and my heart broke.
Speaker 2:Yeah.
Speaker 1:Because I'm like we're literally maybe two or three decisions away from that being me, or being someone else.
Speaker 2:All of us are Right.
Speaker 1:And so it's like when I see empathy, that's the way I see it. When I look at someone, can I see myself in that, can I see myself in them?
Speaker 2:I mean, it's kind of like that old phrase of like put yourself in their shoes.
Speaker 1:Right, because it's neither here nor there. I'm not saying like you should do something or not, but it's like for me, empathy is being able to see someone and going. I see myself in that Like when I see you and you're hurting or you're upset or you're whatever that feeling may be that you're going through. When I look at it, if I'm having empathy going, can I see myself there Like do I feel that Do?
Speaker 2:I see that, so would you say that the opposite of empathy is selfish, like the inability to see yourself in someone else's shoes?
Speaker 1:Man.
Speaker 2:No matter the severity, because you know your example from today with the lady with the wagon. We don't see that on a daily basis. So what if you? What not you? Specifically you? What if one partner is unable to envision themselves in their partner's role? Just what if and it goes both ways what if the wife, whether she works or not, or outside the home, managing the schedule of the children's, this or that or the other that you've signed them up for, and the husband is working inside or outside the home? Because, I mean, we live in the virtual world and you're living in your both worlds. What if one cannot empathize with the other?
Speaker 1:So the husband doesn't see the work the wife does. The wife doesn't see the work the wife does. The wife doesn't see the work the husband does.
Speaker 2:Right, whatever the case may be.
Speaker 1:Happens a lot, so much. It's so sad though.
Speaker 2:Is the opposite of empathy selfish.
Speaker 1:Maybe it is when you say it that way, yeah, maybe it is when you say it that way, yeah. I mean, that's very, it's a very obvious I think. I think, if you want to be, if you want to be in a really, really healthy relationship with your your spouse, have empathy and find yourself in that position. In other words, if I have the opportunity to be home and let her go, do her.
Speaker 1:Thing right, maybe home, 100 percent home, and let her go do her thing. Right Me be home, 100% home, let her go do her thing. And then I get just a taste of what that's like, a taste you have to keep that in mind, though, too, or?
Speaker 2:vice versa. What if I'm not the one that's running the house and the children and the schedule and all the things? What if I'm the one that's the breadwinner and carries all that weight on my shoulders? What if those roles were reversed?
Speaker 1:yeah, yeah, it's, it's not a it's not a right or wrong no, it's not. It's really being because here's. Here's what frustrates me, though, because we always we started with everything is a trade. You're trading something. Always, yeah, like you're always like I like when I used to meet with, uh, when I would do culture coaching and consulting- and stuff and guys would be like this is what I want to do, this is what I want to achieve. Um, okay, cool, you can do that, but it's just no, it's gonna cost you something.
Speaker 1:You're gonna you're gonna trade off time with your family, with your spouse, with your kids. I sit with guys who made stupid amounts of money like stupid amounts of money. We're sitting there and I'm like I don't like my life, I don't see my kids.
Speaker 2:I don't see my wife. You traded your happiness for money, yeah they traded something I can say something I'm really proud of you for, over the course of our marriage. Like I know the opportunities that you have given up, you've traded. Okay, let me say, let me rephrase that I know the opportunities you have traded for time with your kids.
Speaker 1:Yeah.
Speaker 2:And I know or money or whatever the case may be, I've seen you actively make those choices for a lot of years.
Speaker 1:Well, it's a. You're not just for me. I look at it and I'm going. I'm not just trading money for time with my family. I'm trading like we're probably not going to have the nicest, coolest car, we're not going to have the newest stuff, we're not going to have the coolest gadgets. But I can tell you this they will have me and they'll have time with you.
Speaker 2:I was just getting emotional too because, like, um, rewind to the first episode or whatever episode it was. Like me and Thomas and Aaron Grace, we know the value of trading. I mean literally time for time, yeah, With little bitty kids fast forwarding to how you appreciate the impact that had on us, yeah. And then I mean you can even rewind it to the promise that you made to yourself and to God when your divorce happened. The promise you made about making sure that you I'm sorry, I'm getting upset, it's okay, it's just a promise that you made, gosh, 15 years ago about making sure that you were physically there for Callie and Cody when you were a single dad. Like, I'm so grateful that you understood that before you even met me. About how precious time is, you can't, there is nothing that you can trade that's more precious than time.
Speaker 1:That's true, that's very true, and so it's one of the like. For me that's been. Has that always been an easy? If I sit here and said it's always been easy, that's a lie.
Speaker 2:It is a lie, Because I mean.
Speaker 1:Because there's some decisions I could have made that would have made our life financially a lot easier.
Speaker 2:Were we engaged.
Speaker 1:Yet whenever that opportunity came up for you to go away for three months, I don't know I don't know for sure I had made this commitment that I was not going to trade my time for money. And what's crazy is just I made that commitment.
Speaker 2:Before we met.
Speaker 1:Yeah, and literally I got an opportunity to go away for like three months.
Speaker 2:It was three months because we had met at this point and it was like, hey, I need you for three months.
Speaker 1:You're gonna walk away out of state yeah, with making about a year's salary in three months, and so I looked at it and I was like okay, well, can I trade my time for my. I started, I started trying to figure everything out.
Speaker 1:What it didn't work out like the the ultimate goal was is like no, I can't, um, I can't get that time make it balance. And so I just told the guys like sorry, I can't do it. I'd love to, but I can't. It's a fun, sounds cool, I'd love to do it, but I just can't do it it was hard for him to hear that explanation.
Speaker 2:Yeah, I was just like what.
Speaker 1:That doesn't make sense. And I was like yeah, I don't expect it to. It's time, yeah, and so that's one thing that I've realized is that you can make those decisions where you decide whether you want to sacrifice the time for your family.
Speaker 2:Right.
Speaker 1:Like that money because you're going to get opportunities where and again, I'm not saying don't work extra, like there's been times in my life where I've worked two or three jobs at one time but could you have been selfish at that point?
Speaker 2:going back to what we're talking about this evening, could you have been selfish at that point and was like, yeah, that's a no-brainer, I'm gonna make a year's salary in three months?
Speaker 1:yeah, yeah, and there's probably a lot of financial people out there who would listen to this and go you're an idiot.
Speaker 2:You're an idiot.
Speaker 1:You should have done that, and you can debate that back and forth, but for me I was happy with my decision.
Speaker 2:I was like no, no, no, I made the right decision and we did not suffer for your choice. No, we were just fine. We, and on a daily basis, though we briefly mentioned this. But like I go to the gym every afternoon when I get home from work and I go in the summer early in the day, so it doesn't interrupt anything, but I go every day during the school year. I come home, I spend Gosh. It feels like if you're home, we get like 15, 20 minutes to speak. I change clothes, I leave, go to the gym, get home an hour later and then, like we were saying there's the 45 minutes and the this or that and it's just very little amounts of time and me choosing to go to the gym could be considered selfish.
Speaker 2:Yeah, it could be, it could be.
Speaker 1:Yeah.
Speaker 2:And just like when I went back to school after we had been married a couple of years, when you encouraged me to do that, that was a decision.
Speaker 1:Okay, that was a decision for both of us. We made it together.
Speaker 2:But you did encourage me to do that, because I would have never thought that I could do that. I had a business degree beforehand. But just a long story short, I had landed in the pair pro for kindergarten world and when we got married it was really convenient because I could be on the kids' schedule when you were doing all the things, and so you were the one that brought up. So it's awesome that you're on the kids' schedule when you're doing all the things, and so you were the one that brought up. So it's awesome that you're on the kids' schedule and you really enjoy it. How about you go to school to be a teacher and you can have your own classroom rather than being somebody's support?
Speaker 1:Well, we had the discussion too. We had a friend of ours who gave you an opportunity to go back into the business world, yeah, and say hey.
Speaker 2:It was a big crossroads.
Speaker 1:Yeah, you could do this back in the business world or you can follow the teacher role, but to follow the teacher thing you had to go back to school. I did Do those things and I was like we had a discussion about that. Like I was like what do you want to do? What does your heart say? What are you after? Yeah, and it was like I love the classroom was like done, let's go back.
Speaker 2:I love the classroom number one, number two I loved being able to be on the kids schedule because they were all with me but for you to make that sacrifice and say I'm going back to school was huge for us because it took.
Speaker 1:We had four little kids. There was a lot that was involved with that, like, a lot of like, even more mountain biking or cross country.
Speaker 2:I was a full time student and a full time parapro and a full time mama at all at the same time, right.
Speaker 1:And so life was was. It was not easy, no, it wasn't easy at all, and some people could look at it and say, well, that's selfish.
Speaker 2:I was selfish because I wanted to go back to school.
Speaker 1:But at the same time we knew that was the best thing for you.
Speaker 2:But bless our little kids. I'm going to get emotional again. Even our kids, even though they were little. I remember, cody, I'm sorry, I'm sorry. It's really been a marker for me in my life and our marriage, to use a current phrase. I felt seen.
Speaker 2:I had been sitting at the table since we got home from school, working on whatever I was doing. You had cooked supper, you had cleaned it up and you had cooked supper, you had cleaned it up. You were helping the kids, like bath time or this or that, and reading and homework and the circus, and Cody must have been in middle school at the time. He came up behind me and hugged me, which was not out of the ordinary, but he kind of lingered and he said he was like Jesse, I can't wait for you to be done with this. You can do the regular mom stuff. And he still has no idea how big of an impact that made for me, because I was like baby, I'm working so hard to get done with this so I can, and so like. Well, on the outside looking in, it could have been selfish of me to try to go back to school and do all the things, but it was really not. It was a season. It was a season Because here's the thing.
Speaker 1:Sometimes we get stuck in those places, like even as dads, and we get stuck in the place of I want to provide for my kids, but we miss our kids growing up, place of I want to provide for my kids, but we miss our kids growing up because we're trying to provide. So it's like we always had this idea, like I want their life to be better than mine, but at the same time it's like what do I need to do to help them get by but at the same time, be there to support them.
Speaker 2:Yeah, and then show them what hard work looks like, right, and I'm doing this so that I can be here better for you, right? Although it was a season of you know, it may have felt like I was mentally not there. I was always there. It was just like, but that could have been looked at as selfish.
Speaker 1:Right.
Speaker 2:But for you.
Speaker 1:So for us to say, though marriage is 50-50, is BS.
Speaker 2:Oh gosh.
Speaker 1:Like marriage is not.
Speaker 2:No.
Speaker 1:Sometimes you may come with 60% and I need to be 40. Sometimes, like during school time, I would show up with zero, absolutely zero, yeah and I need to show up for the kids and show up for you, and so it's like it's not about 50-50. It's about no, I'm in this.
Speaker 2:Well, I was just thinking about that. I spent a time whenever you were this is just a snippet, because you didn't do it very long when you were installing those ramps and you would travel all over the state of Georgia.
Speaker 1:Yeah, I traveled a little bit.
Speaker 2:Oh yeah, daily.
Speaker 1:Yeah.
Speaker 2:And so it was like me making sure everybody was doing and going and homeworking and practicing and eating supper and showering, and then you would have come home. So it's kind of like—.
Speaker 1:Yeah, there's been times on both sides like yes my time, when I was at 12 stone, there was a time where I was doing seven days a week and just working a lot. It wasn't always, but I was working a lot and so it's like you both have to. You can be resentful and be selfish and be mad about it. You could choose to be selfish or yeah, you can choose to just do the right thing and just be like I'm there for you.
Speaker 2:There's a lot of times, though, for you as a husband, father, just human that you choose not to be selfish, even when you can, though that's one thing about you.
Speaker 1:Yeah, that's probably from my mom. Good old Faye installed that in me. I love to serve, I love to be with people. That's my thing.
Speaker 2:I enjoy serving.
Speaker 1:I'm getting teary just talking about how selfless you are as a person, Because like our friend Wes, I had an opportunity to go Like I don't do a whole lot of trips anymore. I used to be very adventurous and do a lot of trips. I haven't a whole lot. Uh, buddy of mine, wes, the guy who did our table, was like hey, we're going to Peru, we're doing a, we're climbing the highest mountain in Peru. We want you to go with us. Dude, nothing excited me more than me. Like oh and be like oh. My gosh, bro, I want to be on that trip.
Speaker 1:Financially. I know it's pressing for our family, but at the same time it's time away from our family. I was gone at the time. It's even hard for me here lately and I don't know why I said this. This is why I'm not really good at self-care. I'm really not good at self-care. I need to figure that out. Yeah, but like, we had a golf trip last year that I had planned with your brother, my brother and his crazy friends, which is a good friend of mine.
Speaker 1:And I don't like his friends have kind of taken me on the wing. I guess they feel sad for the elderly guy.
Speaker 2:They don't they love you. There's the elderly guy. They don't they love you.
Speaker 1:There's the elderly guy. Let's take him along.
Speaker 2:No, that's not at all, so we can get the senior discount. No, that's not at all.
Speaker 1:But like we had a trip planned last week, Last year. Well, it was Lucy's I paid for my trip.
Speaker 2:It was around Lucy's due date. Yeah, and I was like day or two before you were supposed to leave and miranda went for a checkup and they were like oh no, we're inducing on blah blah the day, and it was a day after you were supposed to be out of town.
Speaker 1:Yeah, so I said no to my golf trip and luckily brant and those guys were super kind and were just like bro, we get it, we'll give your spot to somebody else, and they did.
Speaker 2:But there's some men that would choose to be away.
Speaker 1:There's no way Like for me. It was a non-negotiable. I was like, yeah, I'm going to be here.
Speaker 2:There's no way you would miss the birth of your first grandchild.
Speaker 1:Yeah, I'm not going to do that. But there's men that would Not even for Miranda and for Thomas. For me, that's the like my actions speak. I feel like my actions speak way louder than my words do, like I can say a lot of things but until I actually do those and live those out. So for me that was a huge, huge thing. Again I'm on the golf trip again this year, so we'll see if it happens this year. Nobody's having a baby.
Speaker 2:Nobody's pregnant this year. We're not having a baby, so we'll see if that happens this year. Nobody's having a baby, nobody's pregnant this year we're not having a baby.
Speaker 1:So we'll see if the golf trip happens.
Speaker 2:But that goes back to when you were single. It was a promise that you had made when you and God were having a pretty intense meeting, that promise that you made to him about you and your time with your kids.
Speaker 1:Yeah.
Speaker 2:At that point, your kids consisted of Callie and Cody. But that promise continues now. Yeah, it does.
Speaker 1:I still. It's always in my head and I always think time is that one thing I can't reproduce. You can't get it back, yeah, I can't Like today's gone, like whatever we've done today it's gone and I have tomorrow to do what I want with it. So it's just being very careful about how I spend that time and if I spend it the way that I want to. I know and I would say I suck at self-care. I probably go more on the other way than I should.
Speaker 2:I would agree with you that you suck at self-care.
Speaker 1:Yeah, like I need to be better at that, and I'm not there yet. I'm working on it. I'm working on trying to figure out how to do some things that help me feel like even more alive.
Speaker 2:Gym memberships and things that you've, you've started. You have a hard time continuing just because, like I keep getting emotional, but like you don't want to get up before I do and leave to go to the gym because you want to be here to fix my coffee, like for crying out loud.
Speaker 1:Yeah, I don't like sleep a whole lot, so getting up early is kind of an easy thing for me. But at the same time it's like, yeah, I want that time with you because I feel like now my time is even more precious than it used to be. I know.
Speaker 2:So it is All right.
Speaker 1:So we're going on here, and it's been, this is going to be a two part.
Speaker 2:Yeah, so we're going to, because here's where we're going to kind of stop for today or tonight, whatever the case may be, because we've talked about what it looks like for selfishness and we've kind of started diving into selflessness. Um, I would like to kind of end on the maybe a question of if selfishness is it good or is it bad well, okay, so let's do a two-parter like something for you and your significant other to talk about and grab.
Speaker 1:Part two is almost like are you, are you good as self-care?
Speaker 2:what does?
Speaker 1:that look like for you, and when is it that you feel like you're selfish?
Speaker 2:and when is it that you feel like you're selfish, and what do you feel like you're selfish about? Yeah, because when we, when we meet back together again here at the table, is going to be more of a conversation of not good versus bad, but selfishness versus self-care. What does that look like?
Speaker 1:and then we may even jump into a little self-worth, because all that self-worth flows into the self-care.
Speaker 2:It sure does.
Speaker 1:We're talking a lot about self. But understand this, and I'll close with this Okay. And this rocked my world. This scripture verse where it says. Jesus says what is the greatest command? It says you love your neighbor as you love yourself. And we always hear that, but I'm like I don't know that I love myself very well. How in the world am I going to love my spouse?
Speaker 2:How am I going?
Speaker 1:to love my neighbor when I don't even love me. So we're going to dig into that a little bit on this next session of how do we learn to love ourselves and have some self-worth. So, man, kind of a deep, deep topic. And so thank you guys for joining us, thank you for listening, thank you for sharing, make sure to follow us on all the socials, make sure to uh, leave us a review. Actually, remember, if you want to please leave a comment, hit that, send a text. Yes, let us know what you're thinking, where you're at. Uh, we love you guys and thank you so much for being a part of what we're doing here at baggage yes, thank you so much.
Speaker 1:Peace out.
