Baggage Claim
Baggage Claim is a space for blended families, marriage, and friendship.
Here, we dive into real-life conversations about the ups and downs of relationships, from navigating second marriages to unpacking the baggage we all bring. Hosted by Greg and Jessica, who both have rich experiences with love, loss, and family, this community is about sharing stories, learning together, and growing stronger as couples and individuals. Grab a drink and join us as we unpack, laugh, and claim our baggage—one conversation at a time
Baggage Claim
"We Promised You Real – So Here's Real"
There's something powerful about admitting you're in a valley. In this raw and unscripted 20th episode, we break from our usual format to have an honest conversation about the seasons of life we're currently navigating.
Greg, Jess, and Producer Michael (making his on-mic debut) dive deep into what it means to practice genuine self-care versus slipping into selfishness. We carefully define the difference: self-care is actively taking care of yourself to improve your overall well-being, while selfishness prioritizes your needs at the expense of others. This distinction becomes our compass as we share personal struggles.
Michael courageously opens up about his divorce journey and how community became his lifeline. Greg reveals professional frustrations at 52, feeling undervalued despite decades of experience. Jess battles the persistent voice in her head saying she's "not enough" – a struggle many will recognize. Through these stories emerges a powerful metaphor from Greg's mountain climbing days: when traversing dangerous terrain, you rope yourself to others so if one person falls, the team prevents catastrophe.
The conversation takes a transformative turn when Michael shares wisdom from his healing process: "If I am coping with where I'm at, I am not thriving, because coping and thriving cannot coexist." We explore how distraction prevents genuine processing of difficult thoughts and emotions, keeping us stuck in cycles rather than moving forward.
Each of us commits to one specific action to climb out of our current valleys – from Greg's "50 by 50" life lessons project to Michael's renewed dedication to community building. These aren't grand gestures but intentional steps toward healthier living.
Whatever valley you're walking through right now, this episode reminds you that you're not alone. Connect with us on social media, share your own journey, and remember – the most treacherous mountains aren't meant to be climbed solo.
Hey guys, what's up? I'm Greg. I hope you guys are ready to unpack and get into some good conversations today.
Speaker 2:And I'm Jess, and this is our podcast Baggage Claim. Thank you for joining us.
Speaker 1:Welcome to Baggage Claim everybody. I don't know why my arms are in the air, but I'm excited about today.
Speaker 3:You just threw them up there, man.
Speaker 1:Yeah, I am. This is our 20th episode, and so we're doing things a little different.
Speaker 2:Yeah, if you just heard that mysterious voice, yeah, that is.
Speaker 1:Producer Michael is at the table At the table with us. So welcome to Baggage Claim. It's your first time here. It's going to be different from all the other times, and that's completely okay. Baggage claim is a place where we want to create some conversations and build community around blended families and relationships, and so today we have Michael at the table with us and so it's going to be fun, and we have no idea how this is going to go.
Speaker 2:Yeah we're going to see I'm not going to lie.
Speaker 3:I've not done this before.
Speaker 2:Well, and usually in my handy dandy notebook we've got like an outline. We kind of know where we're going and what do we have tonight, Like 14 words.
Speaker 1:Yeah, we have no outline. Yes, it's a lot of scribbles, let's do it and you know this makes Jess's anxiety go through the the roof, but we were. Yeah, my hands are sweaty. We're trying to go, Like literally we're trying to get into part two of where we started last week, where we left off talking about self-care. We're talking about selfishness versus selflessness. We talked about self-care and self-worth and those things.
Speaker 2:So we left off last time, talking about too a big chunk of our conversation toward the end was about trading time, and there's always some kind of trade-off if you're trading time for money or whatever. And then we touched on, too, about how your time is limited. Everybody's time is limited. We don't know how long we have, and so whatever moments we have together are precious. And then we started talking about, like you said, selfishness versus self-care and just talked a little bit about that. So we're going to try. The hope is we're going to go in that direction and kind of talk about the difference between the two, something that you brought up too, because we actually listened to the last podcast. I don't like to listen to them. I don't want to hear my own voice ever.
Speaker 1:Jess actually got mad at herself because you got emotional three times. It was just like just shut up. I would have turned myself off already.
Speaker 2:I would have.
Speaker 1:And so I was like it doesn't happen every episode. That's the first time you've listened to it, though. Yeah, I read it, episode 19, first time.
Speaker 2:Yeah, I will read the transcripts, but I don't want to hear my own self, Wow okay.
Speaker 2:Yeah, but something that you said was if you could ask yourself are you good at self-care? And maybe kind of do some reflection too about not you personally, but you in general. Or, you know, are you selfish about something that you may not realize that you're selfish about? And that's why we wanted to talk a little bit more about the difference between the two. And just one more thing to cover from last time. You made a really good statement too.
Speaker 2:You had a lot of good statements, oh, wow, Now these are the very few things I have written in my book, or some things that you said.
Speaker 1:It was my highlight reel from last episode.
Speaker 2:It was you said we were talking about the Bible verse about love your neighbor as yourself, and you said if I can't love myself well, then how can I be expected to love my neighbor well? And in this situation, your spouse, partner? You know, if you can't love yourself well, how can you love others well? And so that's what led us kind of down this pathway, is now we're going to be kind of trying to dive into the difference between self-care and selfishness.
Speaker 1:Before we dive into them, will you read the definitions that we came up with? Yes, for the separate, the two separate ones. So it's going to help form our conversation.
Speaker 2:Talking and talking and kind of picking out what we think, we came to the conclusion in our opinion. This is just our opinion.
Speaker 1:Yes, our thoughts.
Speaker 2:That self-care is actively taking care of yourself to improve your overall well-being is self-care.
Speaker 1:Right, emotional, mental, physical, spiritual, those type things yes.
Speaker 2:For improving your well-being.
Speaker 1:Yeah, overall.
Speaker 2:Versus selfishness is to prioritize your own needs and desires at the expense of others.
Speaker 1:Yeah, did we have a definition for self-care?
Speaker 2:We didn't, did we? That's the first thing we just said was self-care.
Speaker 1:We just said that Okay, wow, nailed it. Thank you, sir. Can we repeat the definition for self-care? I will be happy to. I will repeat both of them. Hey, look at my face.
Speaker 2:Okay, self-care.
Speaker 1:I'm with you. I got it.
Speaker 2:You're still not looking at me. I'm trying. Self-care is actively taking care of your own self to improve your overall well-being.
Speaker 1:That's right. Yeah, I just added to that. Oh my gosh, you did. You added to that.
Speaker 2:It's a great definition. Thank you, and then you ready, mm-hmm. Selfishness is to prioritize your own needs and desires at the expense of others.
Speaker 1:Gotcha, you feel good about it, I'm good. Okay, can I kick off the episode, though? Well, we've already kicked it off.
Speaker 2:We are, I don't even know what you call this.
Speaker 3:You can go to the next section, second kick.
Speaker 1:This is the second kick, maybe Second down it's halftime.
Speaker 3:Halftime already. No, it's not halftime. We're on the second man. This is a short episode no second down.
Speaker 2:We're four minutes in.
Speaker 1:Oh God, life has seasons. Yeah, can we agree about that around the table? Yeah, and some of those seasons are We've mentioned seasons several times. Yeah, there's winter there's, and winter's coming, winter's coming, winter's coming, game of Thrones, and so then there's. So then there's right now Summer. It's just hot. In Georgia we had spring where it rained, and it's just hot. In Georgia, we had spring where it rained, and it's very stormy. You know, we got fall, which is the best time of the year, fall is coming.
Speaker 1:It is the best by far, the best time of the year.
Speaker 2:Do you realize— we're going to have fake fall towards the end of August, first of October, and it's going to get hot again, do you?
Speaker 1:realize it's July. It's July First. It's July, july 1st. We're recording. This will come out next week, and so a month next month, in August, we will be watching college football.
Speaker 2:That's amazing.
Speaker 1:Yes, let's go. How awesome is that.
Speaker 2:It's a blessing. Anyway, seasons, that's when all is right in the world.
Speaker 1:Sometimes we have good seasons, sometimes we have rough seasons. Life is all about hills and valleys. Valleys are sometimes fun when there's cool rivers in them. Sometimes there's not, and sometimes there's mountains, and so we're just going to be straight up honest tonight. I am at least I hope you guys choose to and just share where we're at in life, and sometimes it's not pretty, and it may be I don't know, it may not be rainbows and butterflies.
Speaker 2:It's not, it's not fun.
Speaker 1:But yeah, it's not fun sometimes, but we're just going to be real with it. So are we?
Speaker 2:good with that. All I have to say we're in a valley, honey.
Speaker 1:Yeah, there's some daisies in this valley, but yeah, we're in the valley, so, but we have Michael. You guys don't know a lot about Michael because he's usually just behind the computer telling us hey, this is how long you've been talking, be quiet, talk into your mic more, stop moving, Greg, stop doing these things. It's usually what Michael's job is. So, michael, tell us a little bit about you, your journey, quick, yeah, quick synopsis.
Speaker 3:Well, first off, speaking of valleys, I feel like I'm in a valley right now. It's interesting because there are different seasons of life. In ways I feel like there's a valley, in ways there's not, and so now I'll say that and we'll speak more to that, but start from the beginning. You know, maybe not the beginning, but I've known you for that's a good question.
Speaker 3:Five years yeah, I think it's about five, five or six years, yeah, yeah yeah, right well about five, because it was right after covid 2020, that's right, yep, yeah, so uh, you came on staff at the church where I was working and actually we got paired up like your first week on staff.
Speaker 1:Yeah, it was weird. They just paired me with. They're like hey, we're going to pair people up.
Speaker 3:I didn't know anyone there and they called it others which the mindset is get with your other, get with the other person that you're with and just do ministry together, do life together, do work together, do everything, and you guys chose to do a book together.
Speaker 3:Yeah, we did. So the first thing, I remember the first day we immediately went. We walked across the street and went to that what is it? Burger and Shake 3, I think is the name of that restaurant and it was so good. We got the Korean dumplings and probably a Philly cheesesteak, which is like the weirdest combination you can possibly get at a restaurant. But it was all good. And, yeah, we went through a book and then, a year later I think, we went through about eight books that year.
Speaker 2:That became your thing.
Speaker 3:It really did, and we started doing coffee all the time and so one just kind of connected big time over that. But in that time I had been in full-time uh ministry not all of it was full time, but at that point, about six years, at that point, when we first met and, um, I do worship, that's kind of the world music I'm in, um, done that, and uh, kind of my life was in a crazy awesome season, just Kind of my life was in a crazy awesome season Just up. I had great mentors in my life, you being one of them, you know just kind of growing, learning.
Speaker 2:And no, just working through life. It was a good time for both of you, by chance how we got together and we just clicked.
Speaker 3:And I know I can speak for me, but having that mentor, having someone in your life that you're consistently meeting with and in that season I had like three people that I was doing that with and it led to a tremendous season of growth, a tremendous season of maturity in my own life and in leadership, but also how to know people better, how to lead people better, that kind of thing. And ended up meeting a girl. She joined my small group and we got married and shortly after it wasn't even a year and she just kind of decided it wasn't for her. And so now, about two years ago, I ended up getting divorced, which is crazy. That was two years ago. That's crazy. I remember walking.
Speaker 1:I feel like that was two years ago. That's crazy. It was crazy. I remember walking, because it does not feel like it was two years ago yeah, and that was another thing. I felt like God brought us another, not the reason, but another reason he brought us together. Oh absolutely to walk through that with you, yeah, and so it was just it was sad. It was sad for it was both you guys, for you, it was just tough, yeah.
Speaker 2:And you've become a part of our family.
Speaker 3:Oh yeah, Very much so I'll gladly be called a peck.
Speaker 1:I'm very grateful. Careful, there's some rough pecks out there. I don't know that side of the family.
Speaker 3:But no, very, very grateful to have met y'all. Have y'all been a part of my life? Be a part of y'all's life watching Georgia games. I'll say this you have turned me. I have never been a college supporter, of any college, and I will say now with confidence I'm a Georgia football fan big time.
Speaker 2:I have.
Speaker 1:Absolutely.
Speaker 2:Many nights over here at y'all's house watching football games.
Speaker 3:But no, just going back to the whole hills and valleys, seasons of life, I think probably the biggest thing for me is, once I recognized seasons, it was a lot easier for me to navigate them, gotcha.
Speaker 2:It is helpful to keep in your mind that you're not stuck where you are. Yeah, because I think some people might get stuck.
Speaker 3:Yeah, oh, no, absolutely. And so like for me, you know we'd always talked about seasons, you know, especially like in church world, like there's a lot of season that come and go, ebbs and flows with the season of ministry and basically rhythm throughout the year, and I never really it's not that I didn't take it to heart, but I didn't have like a tangible on my personal life when it came to seasons and, man, when I had that hard season in my life, going through divorce, it was evident that seasons turned for me.
Speaker 2:Wow, and yeah it's not easy for sure.
Speaker 3:But yeah, I'd definitely say it's not easy going alone. No, not at all. So that's a little bit about me and I know we're just kind of seeing where it goes tonight. But yeah, a little bit about me. And I'd say this if I were to say any one thing about seasons is don't go about seasons alone, don't Don't. You've always got to have people to run with you, work with you, especially when you're getting tired and you're rough and beating yourself up Because it happens. I mean, we all have that inner voice that we speak to ourselves in, and there's always something like that. But don't go it alone. You know, be open, be vulnerable, share. I mean, greg, I think I've shared more with you about my life than I have anybody else.
Speaker 3:Maybe outside of some of my brothers but no, be open and be real with people, because when you know there's people who have your back and want to help you succeed, that you can follow criticism, you can follow advice, and it changes a lot in your mental and emotional state.
Speaker 1:Well, sometimes it's good to know you're not by yourself.
Speaker 3:You know, it's like Well, dude, and sometimes it's just simply knowing you're not by yourself. Like I remember, there were many times I just didn't want to be at my house, I didn't want to be alone. I just didn't want to really do anything, but I also didn't want to do anything either, like I had no desire to go out or do anything.
Speaker 2:Were you feeling indifferent?
Speaker 3:I would say I was very much so feeling indifferent. Jess, I think that's an excellent way to describe that, thank you.
Speaker 1:It's not a feeling.
Speaker 3:Indifferent is not a feeling For those of you who don't know, we had probably about a 20-minute debate.
Speaker 1:And it's probably recorded.
Speaker 3:It's actually probably even recorded because I was ready to start.
Speaker 2:Yeah, we phoned a friend.
Speaker 3:Discussion on how, in different ways we talk about emotions.
Speaker 2:I feel like Michael was feeling indifferent.
Speaker 3:I was very much so feeling indifferent. But no, I would just invite people over that or we'd go to the driving range. We didn't even have to talk about what was going on.
Speaker 1:Just simply to be able to be in community with others was I do remember, even even in that time, if you're in your office, sometimes I would just come in there with my computer, just sit down and I'd be working on something. You'd be working on something. Sometimes we wouldn't talk, sometimes we just I just sit in there. And so you know, just because I know when I walked through that, just knowing that you're not by yourself is a huge, huge part of that. And so in a relationship, like even just in any relationship as a spouse, sometimes you look at, even when you're married to someone, you feel alone, sometimes like I'm on this journey by myself, and you forget no, no, no, you're not by yourself. There's somebody here with you that's here to help you through that. You know it's an interesting concept and you guys may look at me like I'm stupid, but this is how it works for me.
Speaker 1:Like the bigger mountains you climb, the more technical, the harder they get. A lot of times when they're technical, you have to. You climb with partners. You have climbing partners and you're roped in together and there's a good distance between you. So there's, and you're roped in together. So you're usually traveling across crevasses or ice or hidden ice things, and so somebody could fall in. Then they're a couple hundred feet deep, and so you've no big deal. Yeah, so you're roped into a team member.
Speaker 2:Gosh. No wonder you used to climb so much.
Speaker 3:I just heard you say the word crevasse again.
Speaker 2:I never knew that was a word until I met Greg.
Speaker 1:Until the idea Okay, we're getting sidetracked.
Speaker 1:The idea is that if you fall in, I stop us from going all the way out and then you self-arrest. It's just a way of protecting each other. Yeah, it's a safety, and the more you have the better. You want at least probably three or four, because sometimes two people get pulled in, so you got the other. Anyway, it reminds me because when we were on Rainier going up and it was dark and I remember it sucked, it was so cold, it was dark and I was just praying the sun would come up, which we were a long way from that, because it's like midnight and my rope, if I looked ahead of me, my rope just disappeared into the darkness.
Speaker 2:Oh my gosh.
Speaker 1:And then when I turned around and looked backwards, my rope just disappeared into darkness and I felt so alone. But I knew there was somebody tied to the front of that rope and somebody tied to the back of that rope and it's like, no matter what, I always knew I wasn't by myself. And so I always try to look at my journey in life, either with my wife and spouse or even professionally, like, hey, don't go alone, go with somebody. So if you do fall, you do see some. There's a hidden crevasse or there's something hidden. You don't see you fall in. There's somebody there to help and that's what that's for. And so it's a.
Speaker 1:It's a really interesting concept for how we live life. We just, we just don't set ourselves up that way, so we silo ourselves, I feel like, into just life. Because when you get married and you get a professional job and you do, you're doing your job or you're doing your thing, you come home it's like, how do you meet people? Where do you meet people? Like what do you hang out? Like what do you find a mentor? Where do you find somebody that's going to walk side beside you and you know, in those situations? And if it's not at work, then where are you finding them? And so it's kind of a difficult thing sometimes to find that. So I don't know.
Speaker 3:Well, and also I think, and I just hearing your example like that that reminds me so much of some of the things that I walked through over the past few years is you know you may not see them right away, but you know the rope is tied. You know you may be walking through a valley. I mean, I know there were multiple times that I did call you. You know whether it be random whenever just to be like bro, can we just? I mean, I remember immediately one time I called you at like probably 7 pm and I was like bro, can we just? I need to talk to someone. So we met at Duncan, but just randomly, it was like halfway.
Speaker 3:We met at Duncan, over there on Thompson Bridge, and then, uh, there was another time where I was driving down the road and I was like I'm not driving home and I literally have nowhere to go right now, and I called you and I okay, you brought me over to your house and we just talked and uh, but there were also numerous times that I didn't call you as well, and it's not to say that like oh well, I shouldn't have or this or that or should have, but but it was one of those things where it's like, okay, I know where I'm at, and I know where I'm at is not like in a great place because,
Speaker 3:there was a lot of things I was wrestling through, struggling with just pain, that I was walking through brokenness, and it was one of those things where I knew it was there when I needed it and it was like, okay, it may be bad now, but I can work through this, and I think that mentality in of itself helps you pick yourself up more. But it also knows that, okay, well, when it's, I know it's going to be there when I'm falling. I can still walk a little bit now, so I'm going to keep walking and I remember that also in that, going back to what you were talking about before with the self-care versus selfishness, going back to what you were talking about before with the self-care versus selfishness, there were so many things that you spoke into my life that were helping guide me towards self-care versus selfishness.
Speaker 2:That's what I was just thinking.
Speaker 3:You read my thoughts, Because it could have been very easily for me to just shut everything else down. You know, with what I was going through, to not care about anyone else, to just do my own thing and be like, no, it's just me. And in reality there are some ways I did that, but I hope and I pray it didn't come at the expense of others.
Speaker 3:But when you're healing from something like that, it's okay to be a little selfish to make sure you're okay, but the thing is and I remember this like it was in one of the things you said just a minute ago you're talking about when you're climbing up, you know the bigger the mountain, the more technicalities there are. A lot of times we can do things on our own, but if you had experience and knowledge of someone else who's walked through it, they know a lot more about the technicalities and you can walk through things a lot easier because you're not consistently failing because you haven't gained that experience yet.
Speaker 3:And I remember there would be days where you would just talk to me and say, okay, hey, this is, you know we're. You're venting, you're going through this thing, but what are you doing this week for you? What are you doing this week that's fulfilling for you, or it was okay? Who have you met with this week? Like who? Who of your friends have you gone and intentionally just hung out with? Yeah, you know, and I remember, because that was a big, probably one of the biggest turning points in my life, because I lived. I lived in the same house, um, for a few, for about a year. After, um, that I was in when I was married and I was like I want to get out of this place, I want to leave, but I wasn't in a place to do that, and so it was like if these memories that are haunting me of this place they've got to be replaced.
Speaker 3:They've got to be replaced somehow. And it was from what you had said, like what friends of yours are you actively trying to go hang out with just to have a social life right now?
Speaker 3:And I remember I did. I called like six of my good buddies and was like shoot, we're going to order pizza. I got a hot tub and we're just going to watch whatever and hang out in the hot tub. Yeah, eat food, hang out and whatever it is, play video games. And I remember because for about six months we did that like every week. Yeah, me, anda, good group of friends, rj brian um, that's awesome. Preston, yeah, um, uh, yeah, josh, a bunch of guys just come over and I mean we watched through like all of the matrix movies.
Speaker 3:We watched all the john wick movies we watched oh, we, we went through so many, but it was just good times. But it all comes back to when you have that someone speaking in your life to not go it alone, but also to be intentional, that you're doing what you need to do to be healthy emotionally, mentally. You know all those things.
Speaker 1:So self-care for you wasn't just you. Your self-care involved someone else.
Speaker 3:But I'll say like it actually grew us tremendously. You know, when you walk through hardship with others, it's not just a growth in you. Like you said, it grew our relationships. I mean I remember Brian and me like we grew tremendously through that time and Brian and I were already really good friends up until that point but we started doing a lot more ministry together. We started doing a lot more activities outside of church world together and it I mean still great friends. Talk to him just last week like we still hang out and talk all the time and so it's a yeah, it's not just you that it affects, right?
Speaker 1:yeah we played a lot of golf we did play. We spent a lot of time in the driving range and Jess was very young golf yes, we did, jess was very nice and letting me just go play golf.
Speaker 3:I think we played golf almost every weekend that whole summer. Yeah, we did, we played a lot.
Speaker 2:And during the week as well.
Speaker 1:Yes, yeah, we'd play on Fridays Because she was at school. There were some times where you were in school, so Fridays were like the most favorite day. Yeah, you were off, yeah so we played every Friday for a long long time, yeah, so it was fun.
Speaker 3:We got really good. Yeah, we were pretty good. Well, I say really good, okay for us, and our standards are really good.
Speaker 1:I could use one golf ball for like four or five holes. Oh yeah, for sure, and I was like look at me, I'm a professional, you know, so I interesting, though, like we talk about those valleys of going up and down and self-care and taking care of ourselves. Where are you at in that, jess? Do you want to just jump right in and share, because I know we talk about the gym.
Speaker 2:We talk about with you a lot. For me, self-care goes hand in hand with self-worth. For me, my self-care is, you know, going to the gym, making sure I'm eating right, drink a million gallons of water a day and trying to do.
Speaker 1:You drink excessive amounts of water and there's very limey. It has a lot of lime in it.
Speaker 2:I like these little packets, this crystallized lime. At the grocery store you can get the lemon ones, like if you're in a restaurant, you're like water with lemon, but I like lime, but I have to order them on Amazon. But I like it and I always warn you when you drink my water, but you still always make all the dramatic faces. It's true, anyway, but my self-worth is kind of like on repeat in my head. I go through phases where it's worse, and this is one of the times where I'm probably struggling a little bit more. It's just like I'm not good enough, I'm not. You know what women tell us. I'm not skinny enough, I'm not this, I'm not. You know what women tell us we're not, I'm not skinny enough, I'm not this, I'm not, that, I'm not. And that's kind of like what's on my repeat list in my head right now. It's just one of those times where I mean it's not always rainbows and butterflies, and so I my butterflies kind of flew away. I got to catch them. So that's kind of where I'm at right now.
Speaker 1:Yeah, it's kind of a. It's a. Someone asked me the other day they're like I hadn't seen them in a while. We ran into them and she was like how are you guys? And I'm like we're good, you know the standard answer.
Speaker 2:You quickly changed your answer, I noticed.
Speaker 1:I was like, well, you know, it's a new season, it's a season we're trying to figure out, and she didn't know what I meant by that. But I'm like our kids are gone, we got a grandkid. Life is just different, like for me, because I was in the church world and I was in that job and then when that job just kind of went away, I was back in real estate and I've been doing real estate for seven years but I love it, but it's not, it's not my passion, it's not the thing that, just like man, I really want to do that I don't get up where your valley is right now.
Speaker 1:Yeah, my valley is, professionally I'm I'm at 52 and when you look at my resume, I've done a lot of stuff got a lot done, a lot of really cool stuff too.
Speaker 1:Yeah, some really fun, cool things. But people look at me and they're like why are you looking for a job? It's time for you to be retiring. Why don't you sit down Like it's not time to get? And it's interesting to me, that's the feeling I get when I'm in that. And so then it starts to affect you emotionally and mentally in the sense of, well, nobody really wants what I have or nobody wants what I have to offer. And because they look at my resume and say you've been self-employed, you've been at a church One of those two and those don't fit where we're at, and it's like, no, I've done sales, I've done this, I've done I mean, I've done so many things. It's almost ridiculous. But you get to a point where you're like I think the low for me and this is a hundred percent being honest and this is I don't even can't believe I'm gonna share this on a podcast. But, um, I even applied like I just wanted a job to go hang out with people like I want to be around people.
Speaker 1:I applied for a job, uh, at home depot. I I that is my second home, because I do, yeah, a lot of stuff like I literally know where everything is at home depot, like I've helped people working there find things and figure out how to do things, and so I applied for jobs. Like this is a shoo-in, this is easy. I didn't even get a call back. They didn't even want to talk to me and and I was like what in the world? Like it's just weird, and I'm like, okay, god are you? What are you trying to teach me? What are you trying to show me? Cause I, for me, it's like I wanted to do something. I want to do something that has meaning, and that's one thing I love about this podcast.
Speaker 1:Even baggage claim Like we are. Of course, we're not getting paid right now, we're paying for all of our stuff, but it's more for me, about helping people, just putting it out there, because my self-worth, your self-worth, comes from our baggage that someone gave us a long time ago, either through words, through actions, through whatever it is that we became. We developed this picture of who we are in our heads and then sometimes we spend the rest of our life trying to unpack that and fight against that so many times. But you know, for me, professionally, my valley would be like that's where I'm at in my valley to go, I'm not even hireable and I'm not trying to.
Speaker 2:I mean I don't You're not. Woe is me, we're just being honest.
Speaker 1:But yeah, it's just like but I'm not my average.
Speaker 2:I don't think I'm an average 52 year old.
Speaker 1:You're not an average 52 year old, like I try to sign up for stupid races, that something that challenges me. Like I want to try to go do the hard things still. Like I'm not done, like I don't want to be done in life. I don't want to. You know, I don't want to put in the towel. I don't think I'll retire because I just don't think I want to ever do that. I just always want to be doing something that's fun and something that matters, something that gives some substance to it.
Speaker 3:Well, can I ask yeah, this is a question for both of y'all, and y'all can tell me if this is like repeating things that maybe I'll said in the last episode. But you're talking about self-worth and, and you know how we fuel or how that gets drained how would you say that affects you on a daily and weekly basis, when your self-worth is?
Speaker 2:Individually or as a couple, Cause that's Well, and or both I mean my immediate thought is individually but, I can understand like it probably plays a big part more so.
Speaker 1:Mind effect. Like I'm a people guy, I get energy from being around people. Right now, my jobs are very me, it's just me, a lot of me, like go out, generate work, go out, find work, go out, do those things. It's not a lot around people, it's not geared around a lot of people. You're generating and doing a lot, and so for me that starts to affect me and then Jess feeds off of my energy so many times at our house and then it just which is a lot of weight, you know, and it's not always fun to be like, oh God, that's on me, but at the same time that's on me. You know, I'm listening to a book Don't Believe Everything you Think which is a really good book, but it's talking about controlling our thoughts, because our negative thoughts control so much of ours. Like when I want to see something negative, all I'm going to see is the negative, and so trying but that's almost like just trying to get yourself over that to be like no, no, I'm not going to do that yeah.
Speaker 1:I'm going to think positive. Yeah, how do you do that?
Speaker 3:we talked about that earlier. How do you do that one?
Speaker 2:too, like for me as a Christian, the what's on repeat in my head is I'm not good enough, but also I know who I am in Christ. And so when I'm saying it out loud I hear myself like I'm talking out of both sides of my mouth Like I'm not good enough, but then also I know I am, I know I have value. So then it's like not that I beat myself up, but it's kind of like come on, it's just, it's a weird battle, it's an inside battle. It's so weird, it's so hard to get past that and just shut it off.
Speaker 1:That's that bag you have to unpack all the time. Yeah, all the time.
Speaker 3:Like it's a constant unpacking.
Speaker 1:Yeah, like we just went on vacation last week to the time, Like it's a constant. It's like a consistent unpacking. Yeah, Like we just went on vacation last week to the beach. When we got there, I unloaded my portion of the suitcase. I hung everything up, put it in drawers.
Speaker 2:This has been a 13-year-long battle of what you're about to talk about.
Speaker 1:I put all my stuff in hangers that needed to be hung up and in drawers.
Speaker 2:And put it in drawers and organize my stuff. Your shoes are in the closet lined up. Yeah, you're one of those guys Organize. And then Jess literally pulls from and throws into the suitcase. I don't thank you.
Speaker 3:I don't unpack, ever, ever, ever, Well are you going to put your stuff in a drawer that's not yours? I'm not, and you're going to have to take it right back out by the end of the week Exactly yours, and you're going to have to take it right back out by the end of the week.
Speaker 2:I'm not. I'm totally not, exactly, I'm going to put mine up your crowd.
Speaker 1:Absolutely not. I'm putting my drawers in somebody else's drawers.
Speaker 2:Is that the only reason?
Speaker 1:Yeah, no, I can't.
Speaker 2:Like if, on our sometimes we go to the resort in Mexico that we like I'll take nice dresses and so when we get there I do need to hang those up.
Speaker 3:Okay, that's understandable.
Speaker 2:But literally everything else stays in my suitcase.
Speaker 1:I hang all of those.
Speaker 2:He hangs even his t-shirts up.
Speaker 1:I'll hang my t-shirts. If they have the hangers with the little clips. I'll hang my shorts up.
Speaker 3:Yes, oh my gosh, you hang your shorts up, greg. Yes.
Speaker 2:I'm learning so much about you in my closet now all your short dark, except for your work shorts yeah, just my golf ones, that's interesting it is, and I don't understand why.
Speaker 1:Like that's something for me, like I don't want my stuff there, I want it unpacked and totally uh, because we talked about but it's one of those things it's like when we get ready, all right, I'm packing all my stuff back up in there.
Speaker 2:Mine's already there alright, I'm packing all my stuff back up in there.
Speaker 1:Mine's already there maybe, maybe that's debatable and so it's. It's such a hassle sometimes to be like. I've already fought this battle, I've already had this struggle. Why am I having this struggle again? Why am I going through this again and you constantly are just you gotta unpack it and process it, and unpack it and process it, and unpack it and process it Kind of going back to talking about.
Speaker 2:We talked about our self-worth a lot, but self-care Part of me working on that hand in hand my self-worth is, like I mentioned earlier that, working out and blah, blah, blah, blah. How about you with self-care, mr Peck?
Speaker 1:I started playing golf. Yeah, literally that was I told Jess. I was like I just want to play golf just because I don't want to think about anything. You want to go out there, just want to play and hang out with friends.
Speaker 2:Would you say, self-care is something that you are consistently good at.
Speaker 1:No, I suck at it. It's horrible for me. I'm not good and so even you know I'll make the excuse. Well, golf is expensive, but when money was tight we would just go to the driving range and spend $10 and hit buckets of balls. Yeah, because we'd just go on the chipping. Yeah, we would hit balls and then we'd go over and just chip and do fun little chipping games. I don't know, I always find a reason not to. Sorry, I snatched my mic. I always find reasons not to and I don't know why. What?
Speaker 3:drives you to do it, though, like when you do it because I'm sure you've looked back in seasons of your life. What drives you to do it?
Speaker 3:man, that's a good question and I say that you may not have an answer right now, and that's fine, but like I say that and honestly, right now, in like my season of life, like I feel like I'm in a valley and I've been in a valley for a while and it you know and on like today, this week, like these are thoughts I've had like OK, why are you not out yet?
Speaker 3:You're not motivated to do these things. And that's even why I ask you know, like, how does that affect your day to day life? Because, like for me, my self-worth tremendously affects my day to day life. You know, there's, there's areas of my life where I'm extremely confident. I know what I'm doing, I've got a ground to stand on and I can move forward in that.
Speaker 3:But when it comes to, like, some areas of my personal life emotionally, mentally and some of the things I'm doing in personal growth in my own life, whether it like be at my house, my property, things like that where it feels like I'm not getting where I want to be or where it feels like I should be, and so I can be very hard on myself for that you know whether it be timing or whether it be that I get to a weekend and it's been a crazy long week, whether it be with work and or family or everything else that's going on and then I'm like shoot, it's Saturday, this is like my one day off.
Speaker 3:The last thing I want to do is go work on something to build my own life, yeah, and so it'll be like I'll just chill, hang out with Max, my dog, beautiful black lab, you know. But it's that. And so, like my question, and these are things I'm asking myself is okay, you've had seasons of that motivation where you were intentional to fight for those health things in your life, so why are you not doing those right now? So what is that that's keeping you from doing it? And I don't know if it's okay. Well, it's a margin of time. I need to cut back on things so that I can or maybe it's okay.
Speaker 3:Well, I know I don't have the exact same community that I had had before, so maybe that makes a difference, you know. And so just question for discussion is to say what, if you look back on your life, if there things you know that motivated you to work on your self-care, what were those things and what would you propose as a game plan going forward?
Speaker 2:because, that's kind of where I'm at and I don't have an answer for it, right?
Speaker 3:right, but it's like okay, I know I've been in this kind of season before and I have definitely pushed forward and worked through it. What motivated me to do that?
Speaker 2:Yeah.
Speaker 3:Because right now I don't feel motivated to do that. You know, it's like I'd much rather just chill in and watch movies on a Saturday than to work on my own health right now. Right, literally, whether it be physical, emotional, mental, all of the above, like. That's where I feel, like I'm at, and so it's a okay. I know I've done it before, but what are you going to do that motivates yourself to do it?
Speaker 1:again. For me it's almost setting a plan out in place, like a plan to actually go. I'm going to go do this. I'm going to go do it Like physically, like last year I was signed up for a 50-mile race and so I started running and training and then jacked my ankle up two months out, a month out, and so it was just like okay, like those things helped me be accountable. In that, I guess, for me it's almost putting together a plan or having, like you and I are still, we've said, hey, let's read through a book.
Speaker 1:Even now, not even being together, it's just hard because of proximity. Since February we haven't Right and so we have those different things. It's like okay, put a plan and then execute, like go do it, like put the steps out. Like Jess and I are having this conversation today and I was like I don't know what brought my mind here, but I was like it's so frustrating for me as humans how we do things, because I'm like everybody else, like we only make a change or we only do something when the pain becomes so great that we want change, like we don't really work on our marriage, like we don't really want to listen to baggage claim and go. Man, I hope I get a good nugget that's going to make my marriage better. Hopefully you are, hopefully you're listening to that thing and hopefully you're not going. Okay, things are on fire and I'm looking for a bucket of water not going okay.
Speaker 2:things are on fire and I'm looking for a bucket of water, but a lot of folks do wait till it's too broken and then try to fix it, rather than kind of looking at signs along the way. Like even this conversation we're having now was like, yeah, things are not sunshine and rainbows, we're not on fire either, but it's just kind of like we need to identify where we're at and figure out how to move forward.
Speaker 1:But as humans, we don't go on diets until we realize we're just too fat or we're unhealthy and we want change. We don't, I mean like we don't make change, we don't start looking for help until we've destroyed things. And so it's almost like why do we have to wait there? Why can't we put together a plan? And I'm saying I'm saying this as I'm looking at myself, thinking I need the same thing to go. Okay, I want to be here, like right now, I have three opportunities in front of me, three decent opportunities, not three two, two really good opportunities in front of me. I'm not sure which ones I want to go full on into and put all my eggs in that basket. And so, therefore, I feel like I'm that truck stuck in the mud and every now and then I go, I'm going to hit the gas and hit the gas and just spin the tires and I'm like I just because it's not a consistent effort in that direction of what I want.
Speaker 1:So it's almost like put together a plan, greg, for where we wanna go, and then let's execute and let's start day by day and move forward step by step and get somebody to go with you. I'm at a point in my life where I don't wanna do things on my own, like I wanna go on adventures. I wanna go still climb mountains. I still wanna go see parts of the world that I haven't seen. I don't want to go do it by myself, I want to go with someone and professionally. Wherever I'm at in my life, I want to go with people. I wanted to be with people in this journey because I mean, we're getting one shot at this. This is it, you know.
Speaker 3:I think what then? Rewinding a little bit of what you said connects with me a lot, because I've been asking these questions. All of these are questions I've probably been asking myself for the past month or two that I've not had answers for, to be honest, and not had people to talk with yet to be able to flesh some of these thoughts out.
Speaker 3:But you said something Schedule it and do it, just do it, do it, make it happen. And and I remember that because when it came back to us playing golf first off, we saw each other every day because we worked with each other, yeah, but I remember there were numerous times where we didn't have time to do it- and we still planned something out a month in advance. Yeah, because we're like if it's not on the calendar, we're not doing it. Yeah, yeah.
Speaker 3:You know, because life will get busy, life will take you away, pull you, distract you from all sorts of other different things. But another thing you were talking about brought up another thought, because we can very easily sit aside in and I'm just being brutally honest, because this is where I feel like I've ebbed and flowed with this specific concept over the past two years, and it can be healthy to ebb and flow, but it's this there was a book we read, and I don't remember which one, who it was, but I remember also talking about this in my counseling at the time was, if I am coping with where I'm at, I am not thriving, because coping and thriving cannot coexist. Wow, and so, like for me, it was okay. There was a lot of mental things I was going through mental battles just especially with my divorce.
Speaker 3:I remember there was a lot of things. I had to distract myself from that so that I didn't have to think through things that were going on. But I remember there was. There was a very evident and clear time in my life where I was like no, I'm not going to distract myself from this thought, I'm going to process this thought, think it through till it's end, complete this thought and be done with it.
Speaker 2:You know, and it's not to say, those thoughts didn't come back to my mind, whether it be a self-reflection or anger and frustration of circumstances that I was a part of.
Speaker 3:It was even when they came back, it was like no, you've already wrestled this thought, you don't have to spend any more energy on that. You don't have to spend any more of your own personal capacity of margin and your emotions to do that, but I feel like right now it's actually hitting me in the same way, but a completely different aspect of my life Time emotion, things like that.
Speaker 3:Where it feels like I do, because I do Like I'll get to a weekend, I'll be like shoot. The last thing I want to do is do anything. I just want to be alone. Yeah, you know which can be really really great and can be healthy.
Speaker 1:It's not a great place to stay.
Speaker 3:Yeah, no, exactly On the flip side, it can also be very unhealthy, and so one of the biggest life-changing things for me was being able to start turning that key, even slowly, even if it's one thing a week, even if it's one thing a day, whatever that is. But yeah, no, I think we need to schedule a golf game, is what I'm hearing.
Speaker 1:Jess, I don't know if you are getting that.
Speaker 2:I'll just go pick up the grandbaby and we'll go hang out All right.
Speaker 1:So we're here's something I think would be. I just had a thought.
Speaker 2:Oh boy.
Speaker 1:Yeah, this could be. Why don't we lay out something like because this is kind of a different, there's really no unpacked portion of this I don't feel like. So why don't we go around the table and say here's one thing I'm going to do to move forward, to take a step forward from where I'm at now, to make me a healthier person was the one thing I love this, let's go.
Speaker 1:And so I have one that I have. I have one and I'm going to say it, and I hope every single person that listens to this podcast, who follows us on socials, holds me accountable for this, because saying it out loud maybe is kind of away from me. Saying it out loud maybe is kind of a way for me. I started this thing about 10 years ago that I wanted to share with my kids, and it was called 40 by 40. It was the 40 life lessons I've learned over the 40 years of my life, and some of them were really fun. Some of them they all have a story attached to them, but I was writing them out and, fyi, everybody, I suck at writing.
Speaker 2:I'm not very good at it, you're a good storyteller, and so that's how you write it from that point of view, the ones that you did write were great.
Speaker 1:So my thing is, I'm going to start posting to my Instagram and my TikTok and I'm going to do since I'm now 50, I'm going to do my 50 by 50.
Speaker 2:Oh gosh.
Speaker 1:And I'm going to record my stories and share them instead of writing them, so you can log on and hear a story Like.
Speaker 1:One of them was called Silver Dollar Living which is when and it's going to be hard for me not to be emotional in some of these, but when I lost my nephew 18, to a car wreck and had to do his funeral. There's some that are just like the very first time I run my half marathon stories of is Bigfoot real Like. There's just. Some of them are fun. Some of them are about building businesses where I've come from, what I've walked through. But that's one thing I'm going to do because I felt like I wanted to do it for any other reason than just to have it out there so my kids, if they can't read it, they can watch it, because once it's out there on social media and in the world, it's always there, and so it'll just be something for me that I think will be fun and good for me to just flesh that out that I've been wanting to do and I just haven't done it. So there's no, there's nothing behind it other than just sharing my ridiculous life. So I'll follow Okay.
Speaker 2:Good, because I don't have anything.
Speaker 3:Oh, you're saying I'll follow the social media. Oh.
Speaker 2:I thought you were saying you're going next because I have. I mean, I'm 47 and I've struggled with negative thoughts about myself my whole entire life and I don't know how to stop that. Just to be completely honest.
Speaker 1:What if you read a book that helped change that Like? What if you, because you're a reader in the summer, what if you read a book? You went and found a book that was about the way you think, or changing the way you think? I mean, that's the crazy part about our minds. We get to control our thoughts. We get to control our thoughts, but then we don't. We suck at it.
Speaker 3:I do, but at the same time our thoughts can so easily control us.
Speaker 1:Yeah.
Speaker 3:Mine certainly do. I mean my last month, I feel, has been, has been that way. That's just an idea and you know that. But no, I actually have a few few things and they're not like as grand as yours, that's not right.
Speaker 1:That is not grand, that's actually humiliating. Mine are a lot of things that are more inward focused.
Speaker 3:Um so, for me, one is captivating thoughts, and I'm not going to lie, it's not like I have a plan. Yeah, it's not and honestly the only thing I know to do is to stop distracting myself from those thoughts, because a lot of times I'll have negative thoughts, whether it be about where I'm at financially, like with my house and things like that, and it just irritates me.
Speaker 3:You know, to the point that I'm like, no, screw it, just stop, just stop thinking about it. No, I'm going to wrestle those thoughts down. And what that meant for me before like in my divorce and what I was going through meant for me before, like in my divorce and in what I was going through, literally what that looked like was me with a couple of drinks sitting on my back porch at probably anywhere from 8 pm to about 3 or 4 am by myself, no music, nothing, just me.
Speaker 2:Yeah, thinking and honestly, a lot of it's also praying, because I get really really frustrated at the thoughts and ticked off.
Speaker 3:And then I'm like oh my goodness, god, please calm my spirit so I can keep working through this and back in the time a couple of years ago, I wrestled a lot of things down that way and that made a big difference for me. That that made a big difference for me. Um, I'm not, and it's crazy just how you life gets by you and then you forget things that you've had in place that hold you to um, be healthy. And I have looking back. I can't tell you the last time I've done that in the past year, like that I've had any major mental wrestlings with myself to keep me true and not allow myself to become affected by those thoughts. And and you know that we've talked a lot of those things about, um, some current situations I'm going through and and you even know this like it could be one week we're talking and I'm on one side of the board and the next week I know I've done that at least three or four times.
Speaker 3:Yeah, I come back and we talk and I'm a completely on the other side of the board and there's so many elements that come with that but wrestling my thoughts, wrestling them down and you know the scripture that says I take every thought captive to the obedience of God's word, being intentional to do that, because, looking back at my life, I've had a lot of things that I've allowed myself to distract my own mind from those things and I've not wrestled those thoughts down, and that has weighed a lot on my self-worth. Secondly and I've shared this with you the past few weeks I've acknowledged that my life season right now is so busy that on any given week I'm usually busy Monday through Thursday, and then, of course, I work on Sundays. Monday through Thursday I'm usually gone doing stuff until about nine or 10 o'clock at night, every day.
Speaker 3:Yeah, and that also starts with work in the morning, then I think I do have to work and, um, however that looks like, whatever that looks like, I'm not sure. But, and even if that doesn't change, cause there's some things in that schedule that I I don't really feel like needs to change right now, but maybe it's weekends, you know, being more intentional to be with friends yeah, because I've got so many friends, that that live in this area and I'm in my, my mid-30s and so, like early 30s, I'll say 33 there you go.
Speaker 3:I'm still early, yeah you're early, go early, yeah, yeah, you're early 30s.
Speaker 1:I'll say 33. There you go. I'm still early, yeah you're early, go early 30s yeah, you're early 30s till you're 35.
Speaker 2:Two more years.
Speaker 3:Two more years. No, I feel like I can so easily be alone right now. I mean, even though I know we do this every week we grab dinner and it's awesome because this is probably one of the biggest bucket fillers in my life. Just emotional fulfillment is coming over. We grab dinner. Greg grilled his. We call him Greg.
Speaker 2:Burgers Greg Burgers Best hamburgers in the whole world.
Speaker 3:Literally the best burgers I've had.
Speaker 2:I told Michael I was like on the way home from vacation Saturday I told Greg I was like I got to have some Greg Burgers as soon as possible. They're so good.
Speaker 3:But no, that's been great, but I need some more of my community life, building friends around me more, and I need to do that more. So those are two things that I'm really going to dive after for the rest of the summer Because I know, looking back in my life, those are things that have built me up and I need to do that because I've not done that probably since last fall Easy, since last fall.
Speaker 1:Yeah, okay, what do you got? Got anything.
Speaker 2:I don't think so.
Speaker 1:No, okay.
Speaker 2:I took my turn, remember Okay.
Speaker 1:So here's the thing. I would love you guys that are out there listening. If you want to hear more Michael, let us know. Lisa got your text through our podcast today.
Speaker 2:Thank, you so much for listening. We have a new listener, a friend of mine from way back. Love her to pieces. Thank you for listening, Lisa.
Speaker 1:Yeah, just make sure to let us know, follow us, hold us accountable for these things. If you found what we've talked about tonight to be useful or hits home, reach out to us, let us know, be involved in this conversation with us. This is not just one-sided. We want you to be a part of a community with us where we can share where we're at and where we're going and, you know, tie ropes to each other and drag each other up the mountain sometimes, if we need to.
Speaker 2:Help me find my butterflies again, right yeah exactly.
Speaker 1:So anything else to add before we wrap up? I don't think so All right. Well, thanks everybody for joining us. Thanks for letting me be on here tonight.
Speaker 3:Yeah, dude, thanks for being here. It was new and different, I don't know.
Speaker 2:Hey this is our 20th episode. Thanks for joining us for number 20.
Speaker 1:Yeah, I'm so glad you're is awesome. So thank you guys for joining and have a good day.
