Baggage Claim
Baggage Claim is a space for blended families, marriage, and friendship.
Here, we dive into real-life conversations about the ups and downs of relationships, from navigating second marriages to unpacking the baggage we all bring. Hosted by Greg and Jessica, who both have rich experiences with love, loss, and family, this community is about sharing stories, learning together, and growing stronger as couples and individuals. Grab a drink and join us as we unpack, laugh, and claim our baggage—one conversation at a time
Baggage Claim
"We Built This Together: The Power of Inclusion in Blended Families"
The foundation of any successful blended family begins with intentionality, especially when it comes to involving children in the process. In this deeply personal episode, Greg and Jess take listeners back to the earliest days of their relationship, sharing how they purposefully included their four children from the very beginning.
Rather than presenting their new relationship as a fait accompli, they created meaningful opportunities for their children to feel ownership in the family-building process. From carefully planned introductions to a memorable meeting at a small-town park where they conducted a powerful team activity involving glasses and butter knives, they demonstrate how simple metaphors can help children understand complex family dynamics.
The episode explores their creative approach to family integration—having children decorate personal cups that represented their unique personalities while using butter knives (representing the adults and God) to support each other. This visual demonstration showed the children that building their new family required everyone's participation. "It's not just one of us doing this," Greg explains, "We're all working together and we're all going to hold each other up."
Greg and Jess candidly discuss navigating emotional challenges, including how they honored previous relationships while moving forward together. They share touching details about incorporating all four children into their wedding ceremony with special vows and symbolic rope bracelets tied with fisherman's knots. As they reflect on their journey, they also address the evolving nature of their relationships now that their children are adults, describing the difficult transition from being providers to becoming coaches.
Whether you're part of a blended family or simply looking to foster deeper connections with your children, this conversation offers practical wisdom on giving children a voice without giving them control. How intentional are you with your family time? Share your experiences with Greg and Jess on social media or by texting the show directly through your podcast app.
Hey guys, what's up? I'm Greg. I hope you guys are ready to unpack and get into some good conversations today.
Speaker 2:And I'm Jess, and this is our podcast Baggage Claim. Thank you for joining us.
Speaker 1:What's up everybody. Welcome to Baggage Claim, where we just sit around the table, hang out, have some conversations about blended families and marriage and relationships and mental health and self-care and life and kids and a lot of stuff.
Speaker 1:So, Baggage Claim, it's your first time here. Thank you for joining us. We're just hoping to create some conversations and community around relationships and marriage and blended families and all those fun things that we just talked about. So for those of you who have been listening for a while, thank you so much. Grab your favorite beverage coffee, tea, whatever else that may be Pull up to the table. Pull up to our table with us and let's jump into our conversation tonight and get started. It's tonight because that's when we're recording.
Speaker 2:That's when we're recording.
Speaker 1:Yeah, that's why I'm saying tonight so, what are we talking about Tonight?
Speaker 2:So it's still summer. It's summer here, obviously, and I am still on summer Jess mode, and so sometimes, like being professional might be a little bit difficult, and this feels like that day.
Speaker 1:Are you going to say unprofessional things?
Speaker 2:No, it's just like Dang it oh yeah, oh, we got the beeper. Okay, yeah, Thank you. But it's just kind of like you, when we were planning this, you're like okay, and I'm going to do the open and then you're going to kick us off, and I was like, okay, what am I going to say?
Speaker 1:Yeah, and she has a. For those of you who don't know, she has a notebook of words in front of her.
Speaker 2:I do A notebook full of them. We're going to kind of go back to the beginning a little bit, oh yeah, we're kicking it.
Speaker 1:old school, that's right. We to the foundational.
Speaker 2:Yeah, the past four or five episodes we've been talking more about marriage and relationship type things, and the biggest reason why we wanted to start this podcast is because there's such limited information in the world, apparently, for blended families.
Speaker 1:Well, for real life situations for people. It's not over-spiritualized, there's not over-counseled or psychology of it's just like hey, when my kid does this, what did you guys do? When my kid did that, what did you do?
Speaker 2:So we got to talking about it and we started remembering how, in the beginning of our relationship, it was always from the get-go it was important for us to make sure that the kids were involved, like we were doing this with them and we weren't doing it to them. It wasn't like a me and you are in love, we're getting married and y'all have to deal with it.
Speaker 1:Right, but it wasn't like. You know, that wasn't after our first or second date, it was a. We had been out and we're like, okay, we didn't introduce the kids to each other and we talked a lot. Yeah, we didn't. We were very, very hesitant to bring the kids into it. So we wanted to make sure that this was when we did bring the kids into this and we have all they all met. We wanted it to to have some purpose.
Speaker 1:we wanted to have some meaning behind it yeah and so we were very, very careful about how we did that when we did it. I know, even in I tried to even make the fact that when I told the kids that we were dating, that I I wanted to make it special for them so we could have conversation around that. Uh, see how that went, see, just so I wanted them to be a part of that.
Speaker 2:Okay, talk about how you told your kids, and I'll talk about how I told my kids.
Speaker 1:So at the time Callie loved and she may still loved Red Lobster because she would eat the cheddar. All she would eat was the cheddar biscuits and she could eat her weight in those.
Speaker 2:She didn't eat a whole lot.
Speaker 1:She was just 12 at that time, yeah, so she would eat those cheddar biscuits, and then she would eat a thing of mashed potatoes.
Speaker 2:Mashed potatoes yeah.
Speaker 1:And that's I mean a lot of carbs. She was carving up. She was At that age, but that was so I took him to Red Lobster. Georgia. I remember what Cody ate. I don't think he, you know, really cared, and so I was there and I told him that you know who you were and we're dating, and Callie was a little freaked out because she knew who you were and had already had some yeah, some interactions with you from the library because you're in the library, and so she was just like, oh, I know her.
Speaker 2:Yeah, and we had been buddies up until then, like that little group of girls because of one specific relationship I had with Molly and her parents, but they were just big buddies and we would just like hang out, like check out books and talk and whatever.
Speaker 1:Kelly loved books.
Speaker 2:She did. She still does. But after she found out it was me and when they were the same group of girls who come to the library, kelly would look at me like I had three heads and she was like she forgot she had words to say and she got so weird for a little bit. It was cute.
Speaker 1:Yeah, so that's how I told my two.
Speaker 2:Well, you were a lot more intentional about it because you know the dinner and favorite place and all my kids and to hear the four of them talk about it is hilarious. My two, we were in the car going to karate and I was like, oh hey, I went on a date. Hey, forgot to tell y'all His name's Greg and he's got some kids and they were like, okay, cool, when do we meet him? Yeah, that's the extent of how intentional I was in the car.
Speaker 1:A little thought out.
Speaker 2:It was. Yeah, it was pretty thought out. I was just like ripping a band-aid, Just got to say it.
Speaker 1:So up until then the kids had not like hung out together.
Speaker 2:We had not done anything together, we just talked about.
Speaker 1:It kind of introduced the idea. So we're like, okay, let's get all of them together Where's a controlled environment. That'd be fun, that they can kind of play and have fun. And I was like there's a park that I've taken Callie and Cody to. It's kind of it's in Talmo, georgia.
Speaker 2:Teeny tiny town, If you know it there's like you drive, you blink and you miss it A restaurant, a church, a library and a playground.
Speaker 1:Yeah. And a community center, the library is also part of City Hall, I think.
Speaker 2:That's adorable.
Speaker 1:Yeah, so they have everything. So it's tiny. So we're in this park there, which is a really cool park, and we're at one of the tables there and we're just like, hey, we can be there. It, then we can have conversation, then kids can just play.
Speaker 2:They can meet, play.
Speaker 1:Yeah.
Speaker 2:And they all hit it off really quickly.
Speaker 1:Yeah, and again we're like trying to set our expectations in a way of saying, okay, they're kids, we're not going to have like deep, great, meaningful conversations. So it's like, okay, how do we get the kids to start talking?
Speaker 2:Because, like we were saying in the beginning, we wanted to involve them as much as we could Because, I mean, all four of them had been through some you know family trauma. Yeah, it looked different for the you know sets of two, but we wanted to make sure that they were involved in it. That it, you know, because there was some other things that had happened that were not in their control, Right, Not that they could control the situation, but being involved in it gave them a little bit more ownership. So we were really careful to do that.
Speaker 1:And I think that word ownership is a cool word to use when you're talking about your kids in this whole relationship and how they fit into that, Because I mean, honestly, if you think about it, you think about any family. There's lots of trauma and what's crazy is in, if you think about the trauma in your life, the majority of people that trauma came from in their house, and so it's knowing all that processing, giving them a voice and giving them some ownership, and all of that was very important to us.
Speaker 2:So then us. So the park situation turned out to be a pretty big marker for the timeline of our family.
Speaker 1:It was. It was kind of a big event for us, and so I was trying to figure out a way to start the conversation. That's how my brain always works, yeah, of course I had no idea at all.
Speaker 2:I was just happy to be there.
Speaker 1:So I'm like how do we start this? And so then I had this idea. I was like I saw, because I was going to conferences doing a lot of team building stuff, group development things Not that time, but in the past, I was like I saw this activity that I think will work and let's try it. So, excuse me, I'm going to grab my props.
Speaker 2:For those of you who are not watching on YouTube, I'm going to move this candle though. Well, it's hot, so we're going to be real careful with that Over here. So Greg's got four cups and then some butter knives.
Speaker 1:So I'm going to let you tell all the details. So I had I told Jess this idea. I was like, let me pitch the idea to you. It's a team building kind of a riddle activity, and then you're going to help me make it better. And she's like okay, how do you work? And I was like so I was like we need four glasses and we need three butter knives.
Speaker 2:So these are like short, literally just clear glass.
Speaker 1:Almost like a highball glass. Yeah, like a highball, if you know what that is. If you don't know what that is, ask your Siri and your phone or Alexa, what a highball glass is. It's just a short, clear glass.
Speaker 2:Yeah, not very tall, not very tall. And so we have those, and then three standard butter knives which you know.
Speaker 1:Which is weird about our house I don't know if your house is this way we only have three butter knives in our entire drawer. Yes, like I looked, every this is the all, just for everybody out there. These are all the butter knives that we own, the three that you're holding. Yes, these are all that we have to our name and I remember when we got married, my sweet nanny.
Speaker 2:She was like I'm not buying you nonsense, what do you actually need? And at that moment, 13 years ago, I said butter knives, nanny. We need butter knives Because we put our two households together and we had probably four.
Speaker 1:But what's crazy. We had tons of other things Pods but okay. So for the past 13 years there's a stack of butter knives somewhere.
Speaker 2:And now we've ended up with three again. But it happened with forks too. All of our forks disappeared, but we just haven't replaced the butter knives.
Speaker 1:Somebody's either throwing them away or just I don't know. But anyway so Anywho, side note, whatever it's like a sock, it is a sock. It's like. What happens to those socks Like? It's like how do you get rid of a butter knife? I don't know, they literally disappear. I literally just trying to stay focused here. The butter knives are in the dryer, that's it. They're in the dryer.
Speaker 2:That's a problem.
Speaker 1:If the socks wound up in the butter knife drawer, I'd be like oh, so All right, so anyway, hold on.
Speaker 2:But you forgot about the markers. We had special markers that we have found.
Speaker 1:We hadn't got there yet, so I explained this activity.
Speaker 2:I was talking about what we had materials, I was explaining this activity.
Speaker 1:So we had the four cups and the four knives and I was explaining this activity to Jess and I was like the whole idea is. We use these three knives, these four glasses, and one of these glasses has to be suspended above the table and all it can touch is the butter knife.
Speaker 2:So if you're not watching, he just arranged three of the glasses kind of like in a triangle.
Speaker 1:I put them in a triangle, and then one's in your hand. And then one is in my hand, and so I was like the idea is Listen to me being mindful of people who are not watching they have to arrange these three butter knives in order to make this fourth one and Grace.
Speaker 2:Ariongas said. To make sure that we're mindful of that, I am. I'm sorry I interrupted you. I'm proud of myself.
Speaker 1:Go ahead, I'm going to sit back now from the mic. Thank you, Okay. Do you want to do this part? You can? No, sure, don't, sure, I'm good, summer Jess, anyway. So I explained the activity to Jess and then Jess being the teacher she is, she says I was like how do we make this personal? Like how do we connect the kids and us? How do we make this an activity? So it's a visual, hands-on, but actually part that we can make. And then she had the idea.
Speaker 2:This is where the markers came in.
Speaker 1:Now we're going to talk about the markers that you wanted to talk about earlier. So go ahead and talk about the—. We have one cup here that has a lot of drawings on it, and if you looked at it you would be like I don't know what this is. I don't even know what it is either With the kids' ages.
Speaker 2:they were 8, 10, 11, 12. The one cup we have is Thomas's and I'm not sure how it ended up on the bookshelf in the office at our house. I don't know.
Speaker 1:I went and got it when he moved out. It was in his room and I just took it.
Speaker 2:Gotcha, erin, she knows where it is. It's packed up. Cody lives in Athens.
Speaker 1:I think there's broke.
Speaker 2:They had a couple of them that broke and then Callie lives in Florida, so there's some unaccounted for, but I'm happy we have this one.
Speaker 1:Yeah, as an example.
Speaker 2:As an example, and it's just got random artwork like this We'll post some pictures. I'll post some pictures on social when this hits. I mean he colored red all over the bottom.
Speaker 1:The idea was that you gave them a bunch of markers I did, and we all gave them one of these highball glasses and they're permanent markers and we said you can write and draw anything appropriate.
Speaker 2:Decorate it however you want to.
Speaker 1:However you want, it needs to reflect your personality.
Speaker 2:And this is yours to keep.
Speaker 1:Yeah. So when you draw on all this, this is yours, that that you're gonna get to keep with you, it's yours, it needs to be your personality, that's all about you. And they're like okay so, and I was like and then the other part is, each one of these butter knives like this butter knife is gonna represent Jess, because sometimes she's just Be careful.
Speaker 1:She's smooth, smooths everything out. Oh my God, anyway, jess would be. Thank you. Jess would be one butter knife, I would be one butter knife and God's going to be the other one. No, don't dig into this and say that we think Jess and I are on the same level as God. He's a part of this relationship, of what we're putting together. That's the reason. He's a representation of one of the butter knives. So Jess is a butter knife, I am. Each one of the kids represents one of the glasses.
Speaker 2:I'm excited to see if we can do this again. It's been a lot of years since you've tried this.
Speaker 1:The idea was, as the kids were drawing their cups or painting, like just drawing, doing all kinds of crazy artwork, we had conversations around the idea of why did you put that on there? Tell me something about why you put that on your cup. Yeah, what does that mean for you? Why did you write that? Why did you color that? Why did you use that color? Just allow them and at the end we would just let them take their cup and just kind of explain what it was that.
Speaker 2:As the best they could. As little kids. Yeah, I mean, it wasn't like. I mean it's not? Yeah, it's not.
Speaker 1:Callie's probably had a ton of thought into it, because that's just the way she did everything, and so we did that and we did that, and then I explained to them. I was like, okay, you guys each have a glass. One glass has to be suspended above the table using me, your mom and God, and that's it. And so those were the rules, and so we set forth to letting them do that to try to figure it out yeah, because it's not.
Speaker 1:It's one of those things, but it's. You can dig so deep into this as metaphors, but we just tried to be pictures of what it looks like, because it's not.
Speaker 2:It's not, it's one of those things, but it's you can dig so deep into this as metaphors, but we just tried to be. We'll post pictures of what it looks like when it's actually working.
Speaker 1:Yes, I won't do it now because we're in the middle of the podcast. But it's almost like it's not an easy solution. You got to kind of think outside the box. Well, a lot of times it's just like our families. Well, a lot of times it's just like our families Like when you take six people, three from each side, and you put them in one house and everybody's now living, cohabitating, doing life together. That's not a simple, easy, straightforward thing.
Speaker 2:I just had like literally a flashback of this. I remember when it first worked, when you showed them how to do it.
Speaker 1:I let them do it for a while and then they were like you can't do this, this can't be done.
Speaker 2:I don't remember whose was on top first, but they were like I win, you're all holding me up or blah blah. And then you made them do it again and again so that all four of them had a term for their cup to be the one on top. And then you use that kind of metaphorically too. It's like this is not just one of us doing this, like we're all working together and we're all gonna hold each other up while we're doing this. I remember that that's kind of fun.
Speaker 1:So I think the biggest thing for me in the walk away, the visual I kind of wanted them to catch and all of this is like it's going to take every single one of us engaged, yeah, and a part of this, to make this happen. If we're not all, like you, take one of these pieces out, this doesn't work right like it's just, it doesn't work, it has to.
Speaker 1:They're they all four have to be engaged? Yeah, or not all four, but all six of these pieces have to be engaged in order to make this happen. And so we had some great conversations around that and that was it. We were just like, because the idea was like hey, we're not getting married.
Speaker 2:We haven't talked about it yet. And it's funny, when we were talking about this too, it was like you know, we took our time with that. But I mean we only knew each other for eight months when we got married, and I mean we only knew each other for eight months when we got married, but we were so intentional with every single thing that we did that it feels like it was a lot longer than that. But like, even at this point, like you said, like we weren't with the Cup Park situation, we weren't like OK, and then we're going to get married Like we were not even there yet.
Speaker 1:No, we knew we wanted to pursue each other and like we knew, ok, I really like this girl, I want to make this work.
Speaker 2:Right.
Speaker 1:And so this was not. I know you could look at this scenario and go oh, you're combining everybody together.
Speaker 2:No, we weren't. I don't even know.
Speaker 2:Right now we're just like, we're just trying to build relationships with each, with you part, because that day it happened that we both felt that the same day the kids were playing in the yard, so they had already started forming little friendships then. But what was the funny thing is because we had not reached that part yet. But immediately after that was over, cody and Thomas started like whose house are we going to move into and what room am I going to get? And they started like making little plans. We're like no, no, no, no, no, we're not there.
Speaker 1:Yeah, I do remember the boys were dead set on.
Speaker 1:If we move into the house, we get the basement, which is where the pool table was, and the TVs and all the fun stuff, which is really interesting. So it goes to actually something just to keep in mind where your kids are at, even if your kids aren't 9 and 10, your kids are older. You say you're doing this and you have teenagers. You don't have to do this very same thing. You don't have to do. I'm telling you, be intentional. Intentional, allowing your kids to be a part of this. Give them a voice in the relationship. Now that that voice doesn't mean that if they say I don't like them and I don't want this to work, that's not the kind of voice I'm talking about, because they're the kid yeah, it's, but also, too, it's like we have an open conversation so we can talk about what's wrong, what's not wrong, what do we need to work on, how do we fix it?
Speaker 1:And do it with them? Yes and so.
Speaker 2:I mean for us from that park conversation and all that, you can kind of fast forward to even our wedding, like we don't have a video of our wedding which that was my fault, probably, and Mr J would probably agree with me that my co-worker that agreed to had said he would video. We each thought each other was bringing a video camera. Blah, blah, blah.
Speaker 1:There's no video. Nobody brought anything.
Speaker 2:We don't even have a physical copy of our vows, we just know we said, yes, we want to get married, but—.
Speaker 1:Good friend Ken did it for us yeah.
Speaker 2:But we were intentional even in our wedding, because our kids said vows too.
Speaker 1:We did when we were on stage. So you married. It was just us and the kids and the kids, yeah. All those on stage and we did this thing where—I mean, this was 13 years ago. We were ahead of our time.
Speaker 2:But Pastor Ken after we had done our vows. Then he addressed the kids and obviously we don't remember exactly what he said, but it was the gist of you know, do you promise to support your mom and your dad while we're building a family?
Speaker 1:I was going to share something else before you jumped into that, but that's okay.
Speaker 2:And they said we do, okay, go.
Speaker 1:No, we had the two pieces of rope and we were going to do what's called a fisherman's knot, so it's a good way to attach two ends of the rope. So you tie one end of the fisherman's, I tie one end of the fisherman's, and the idea is, when you pull on each end of those, ropes the knot gets tighter.
Speaker 2:We literally tied the knot.
Speaker 1:Yeah, so we literally tied the knot while we were there, but then, as a part, when the kids said those vows, we actually gave them bracelets.
Speaker 2:In the same.
Speaker 1:Same kind of rope, same color, and they had double fisherman's. We tied them together with double fisherman's knots. Well, you did, because I was struggling for Double Fish and we tied them together with Double Fish.
Speaker 2:Well, you did, because I was struggling, yeah, so that they would have something to remember that time from there too.
Speaker 1:So the whole idea was that it wasn't.
Speaker 2:They were involved too.
Speaker 1:Yeah, everybody like this is a process where we're all doing this together, Even when I proposed to you the kids were a part of that proposal. My kids were a key part of that.
Speaker 2:Well, Callie and Cody were Thomas and Aaron. Grace had no idea.
Speaker 1:No, but like it was, like I wanted them to feel like they were, like they had, they had, they were all there.
Speaker 2:I mean, it was literally like y'all were proposing to us.
Speaker 1:Yeah.
Speaker 2:I mean because you did yeah, because we were putting a family together, yeah.
Speaker 1:So it was, which is kind of cool, and it was really fun. It's not the easiest. No, it's not the cleanest it's sometimes, but also too, that's just family and that's the way family is.
Speaker 2:I mean, yeah, we've got some really cute stories and some great ideas that you've had along the way, but it's not been easy. I mean no, and kids process stuff different.
Speaker 1:They always process feelings, emotions, situations so different.
Speaker 2:All four of our kids are very, very different. We had some meltdowns. We had some kids that had meltdowns.
Speaker 1:Yeah, and that's okay, because when your kids are melt like you you have to understand. Though when your kids are meld, you have to understand. Though you're an adult Say, you're coming out of a marriage, you've been processing that emotionally a lot longer than the child has, you've been dealing with that probably a lot longer and you're frustrated. But your kids, they may or may not have had that time with you. For you guys, it was different than losing TJ. I mean, you guys, all it was a sudden thing.
Speaker 2:For all of you, all of us at the same time.
Speaker 1:But processing like all of you were processing that at a different place, a different speed, we were, and so it's trying to figure all those things out as you're walking through this, and have patience, just say it's okay, because even you and I I mean, if we're honest.
Speaker 2:We had harder conversations.
Speaker 1:Yeah, we had really hard conversations.
Speaker 2:I don't remember either of us having an actual meltdown, which we probably did, but I mean, it was hard.
Speaker 1:Yeah.
Speaker 2:It was hard to I mean't just keep moving forward and it was, you know, making sure like for me to make sure to continue to respect and honor TJ's memory for my kids and that kind of thing and we had to make sure on your side to make sure that respect your ex-wife and make sure that we kept that relationship as healthy as we could. So there was just a lot of a lot of things to balance and integrate your ex-wife and make sure that we kept that relationship as healthy as we could. So there was just a lot of things to balance and integrate.
Speaker 1:Like one of the things we and I'll share this, because I don't mind us sharing this and talking about it Like one of the things that popped up that we had to work through or talk through or communicate through was I don't know if you had a shirt or if it was a picture or something that it was TJ picture or something that it was TJ's.
Speaker 2:Yeah.
Speaker 1:And we were dating and then you had worn that shirt or had it, and so for me, I felt this thing of emotions and feelings going. Okay, I'm not telling her she can't wear that, because that's stupid on my part, but there's also a part of me is going. Is she emotionally ready for this? Yeah, you call, where am I at in all of that part? But there's also a part of me is going. Is she emotionally ready for this? Yeah, you, where am I at in all of that? Because I didn't know. I and I know there's probably lots of people who deal like, who deal with that at the same, everyone was like how do I, how do we have this conversation?
Speaker 2:in a good way. When you say there's probably a lot of people that deal with that.
Speaker 1:It's a 32 year old widow is not very common no, but I'm just talking about, even with you have something like do you remember when we came across in the closet I had all the wedding pictures? Yeah, and you came across that it's that same kind of thing. You had that weird feeling like why are you hanging on to all these wedding pictures, or why do you have these things?
Speaker 2:Yeah.
Speaker 1:And so then we have conversations.
Speaker 2:Well, duh, of course there's pictures. But I do remember what you're talking about in that situation and I remember you calling me that night because the kid Callie and Cody were with you and my, obviously, my littles were with me. But I remember you calling me and we were trying to talk about it, and that was, I mean, long time ago. So I was terrible at communication and so I was like are you breaking up with me? Why are you asking me all these hard questions? I don't understand what's going on, like do you not want to see me anymore? But really you were just trying to figure out, like are you okay?
Speaker 1:Yeah, I think it was like are you ready to move on?
Speaker 2:and move past this. But then for me I don't know, maybe a t-shirt is a silly thing, but it was like a big for myself and was a cool t-shirt, which is why I hung on to it when I cleaned out clothing and all those things. It was just a cool t-shirt from the school I was working for at that moment and but for me, to be able to just be like I'm going to wear this cool t-shirt and I'm proud of myself for just being able to like no, this is a t-shirt, it was his, but I'm proud of myself, like it was a big, like just like a victory for myself, like feeling like, no, I've got this, I'm proud of myself. But I can obviously, looking back in all the conversation that we had about it, like I can look back and say like well, I can. Yeah, that would have probably been weird for me too.
Speaker 1:But it was one of those though. It's not like it wasn't like I wanted to make sure I honored TJ too, because that was their dad regardless. So at the same time I'm like I'm not going to tell you, don't wear that. If you wear that, we're not going to date. Like that's just dumb. It's like, hey, if you're still processing, if you're still going through that, that's okay. Just, let's just be honest about it. But at the same time, I mean you had those same feelings, like people have those in blended families all the time.
Speaker 2:But you know what's kind of crazy thing about it is. I had this thought, and I've never probably said this out loud, but it's like we're a blended family. Yes, you and I are blending our children, but we're also blending your ex-wife and we're blending TJ's memory Like we blended everything.
Speaker 1:Yeah.
Speaker 2:We're not just like, oh my God, I love you, I have to get married and we're going to live happily ever after and the kids are going to deal with it. I mean, that's literally where this name of this podcast came from is baggage claim you bring your baggage, I brought my baggage, the children brought their baggage, and we just have to unpack it all and figure out what to do with it yeah, I mean, yeah, well, that's what we always say.
Speaker 1:You got to claim your stuff. Yeah, like on your own, like those are my, yeah, that's my baggage and that's my stuff and, um, some of it's dirty and some of it's not, and some of it's hard to deal with, but yeah, and some of it is not fun to unpack um, but the thing is, even if you're not in a blended family, you're in a I don't even know what you. It's not normal family.
Speaker 2:We've had this conversation before. It's like do you say core family or like traditional family? But you said I wouldn't be cool if I said traditional. Are you a trad?
Speaker 1:family, apparently. You can't say traditional on social. You got to say trad. Now it's too much work to say social, you got to say trad. Now it's too much work to say traditional, you got to say trad.
Speaker 2:But good gracious. In today's world it's like there's not really a thing anymore of like what is a traditional family? Look like, like family is just different.
Speaker 1:Well, like I guess we're talking like hey, you got.
Speaker 2:Original mother and father and the children they produced. Yeah, you got married and you got some kids I don't know what to call that. And the children they produced. Yeah, you got married and you got some kids.
Speaker 1:I don't know what to call that. I really don't know what to call that. Got married, got some kids.
Speaker 2:Yeah, you're a family. Yeah.
Speaker 1:You can still do that Like your kids. Just, fyi, have baggage, they do, you have baggage. You're bringing your baggage, your crap, you're bringing your relationship their family is. Now, sometimes you shouldn't let some of those in. You should put some boundaries, you should we can talk about that later. But at the same time there's all of this blending and you're like, even in a regular family, it's like you can still give your kids a voice.
Speaker 2:You can, and that's what I was about to say when we referred to like there was some kids that had meltdowns and had some trouble kind of integrating together. Well, yeah, that's blended family, but that's real life too, and you know those kids and you have to honor those feelings to teach them how to do that with each other too.
Speaker 1:Yeah, and I think that's where we talk about like so much giving the individual kid a voice and a say-so, Like when we did our trip and they got to plan everything on the trip.
Speaker 2:Yeah, their Sweet 16 trip, their Sweet 16 trip was kind of their thing.
Speaker 1:They get a voice in that. They get to say what they wanted to do. It was kind of their thing that they got to do Like we pick vacation places every year, you're going, we're going to do this, this is we're going to do this what we're doing, but we gave them that option. You can still do that in just a regular family. You don't have to be a blended family to do these things. These are normal things. This cup thing is a normal thing it should be.
Speaker 2:I mean, I feel like there's a lot of times where it's kind of forgotten that the children actually do have a voice, but they're not in control.
Speaker 1:The problem with the—.
Speaker 2:Yeah.
Speaker 1:I don't want to get into it now, but the problem is we give too much to kids. We do and we don't—we're not parents. And we'll get into that another day and I'm probably sure I'll get demolished on social media for some of the things I may say Maybe, but that's how we did it.
Speaker 2:Yeah, on social media, for some of the things I may say Maybe, but that's how we did it yeah. Because I mean that kind of leads into there's a big question that I'm going to ask now, to kind of unpack a little bit.
Speaker 1:I have one, okay, and so we were so. Okay, yes or no. I have a couple of questions. Okay, are we as intentional with our time, with our kids now, as we were then, because now they're like adults.
Speaker 2:They are definitely adults. I would say yes and no. I would say yes and no. I feel like a big transition that a lot of people don't talk about is the transition to being parents and then trying to be a parent of an adult, because there's like this big gap between, oh, I can tell you what to do and tell you what I expect. I can tell you what to do and tell you what I expect, but then they move out or they get married and it's kind of like oh gosh, I just really want to be a part of your life, like that is so different, and so Well that's a transition from a provider to a coach.
Speaker 2:Wow, like I just took on a coaching role. That's so hard yeah.
Speaker 1:Sometimes it's hard just to watch your kids. Oh my gosh. It's just the same way, like when you're watching a kid ride the bike, yes, and they're about to fall, and you're like, oh, you want to save them. Well, as adults, you see them doing things. You're just like, eh can't you say something?
Speaker 2:And you're just the being intentional part. It was like, okay, we are very intentional and we invite, invite, invite, invite, but when they say no, so many times I know I have fallen into the well, they're going to say no anyway.
Speaker 1:So why would I invite you? Go, bless your heart, because you're emotionally driven, you're a woman. You go, dude. They don't love us anymore. They hate us.
Speaker 2:They don't want to be around us. They don't want a relationship with us.
Speaker 1:No, they're adults and they're doing their own thing and that's okay, like it's all right for us. And I have to think, because I'm so different from my sisters, like I love my mom to death, like I do love, and I've tried to be more intentional about reaching out to my mom more, but there was times in my life where my mom would call and be like hey, just make sure you're still alive, which is funny because I have those conversations with Cody.
Speaker 1:And every time I do. I'm like. He's just like me. I can't be mad at him.
Speaker 2:He's exactly like you.
Speaker 1:Yes, and so it's not that I don't love them. Your kids are different and so I mean we can get into that. That's a whole adult parenting. So you bring up a good point.
Speaker 2:So when you're asking if we're as intentional as we used to be, I guess I mean I'm more emotionally driven, Not, I guess I am more emotionally.
Speaker 1:There you go, way to own that baggage.
Speaker 2:Thank you, I'm unpacking it as we speak. I am more emotionally driven. So when we're intentional about trying to make plans, or trying to plan a family trip or whatever it is, and it's no, we're not going to, or I can't, or whatever, it makes me draw back from being as intentional when they're adults which is not okay, I know it's not okay I have to be comfortable with hearing no, we can't. Because if I think about us and if whatever of our parents, can you this, that or the other? And we're like, no, we actually can't, we've got this going on Okay. Well, that's the same reflection of the children that we have that are adults. But that's just hard, that is hard, that is so hard.
Speaker 1:It is hard for you.
Speaker 2:It's so hard because I want them to want to be with us 24 hours a day, seven days a week and do all the things with us always, and they just can't because they are grownups.
Speaker 1:Right.
Speaker 2:And whether or not they already have plans or whatever. Or maybe they just don't want to.
Speaker 1:Here's what, here's how I, if you ask me no, I don't think I'm as intentional as I used to be. I'm trying to change that. I read a post the other day and it just man, it wrecked me. One thing I've realized as I'm getting older I'm stupid emotional.
Speaker 2:Maybe you're always emotional. I am. I'm a little too connected probably to my emotions.
Speaker 1:Yeah, yeah.
Speaker 2:You're very emotional. It's not because you're older, you just are an emotional guy.
Speaker 1:It's okay. I don't even know how to react to that, but anyway, it's attractive in my eyes. Oh is it? Don't do that. Okay, sorry, Don't do that. Hey, we're recording still Sorry.
Speaker 2:Make it weird.
Speaker 1:So I read this post that was saying they'll come. That and I know you have too, if you've been on social media. I sent one the other day to Thomas and Miranda because little Lucy is just as cute as she can be, but she's just, she's still crawling, she's not running around. But the post was it showed these little baby feet and it says just make sure that you enjoy these moments, because next summer these little feet will be running around everywhere. And I was like it. Just it hits me Like that whole idea, like hey, there'll be one time where it'll be the last time your kids ever ask you to hold them. It'll be the last time they ever ask you to hold their hand while they're out in public, so you're going to make me cry.
Speaker 1:So it's those. Those moments make me go. I need to be intentional about the time I have now, even as they're adults. Am I intentional with my time with Lucy, with Thomas, with Cody, with Callie and with Charles and I mean all of them, and Erin and Miranda, all of those, and just say like when I'm with them, I'm with them. Like I'll put my freaking phone down. I'm with you.
Speaker 2:And I know that's not the subject of this podcast this time, but we were watching that show on Hulu, the Bear and he said I got to grab my phone.
Speaker 1:I'm sorry, I have to get up because I have the quote If you guys haven't watched the Bear.
Speaker 2:Yeah.
Speaker 1:Phenomenal show. It's about cooking, it's about a chef. Really really cool show. He said we're not sponsored by them at all.
Speaker 2:No, we're not, Because if you haven't seen it, I'm not going to spoil a lot for you, but there's a timer on this latest season.
Speaker 1:The whole series is just about a clock.
Speaker 2:Yeah, it's about time, and so he said. When he was talking about his own parents, he said there's always a timer.
Speaker 1:Yeah.
Speaker 2:There's always a timer, parents, he said, there's always a timer.
Speaker 1:There's always a timer, and it's true. We just don't. We don't look at our, we don't look at life that way. So my unpack is going to be a little different. I want to pose a question for our listeners out there to unpack wherever you're at, wherever you're at in the world, wherever you're listening to this at, wherever it may be, and thank you, by the way. Yeah, thanks for listening.
Speaker 2:Yeah.
Speaker 1:My question is how, man, I just lost it. How intentional are you with your time with your spouse and with your kids? Like, what are you doing to make each day count? It doesn't. I'm not saying you have to do an elaborate thing, but what are you? What?
Speaker 2:are you doing?
Speaker 1:to make each day matter. Like it could be simple, I know, like this is just a thing for me, Like I know you love Reese's peanut butter cups, and so every time I go, if I'm ever stopped at a store, I'm just stopping to pick something up.
Speaker 2:I always see the.
Speaker 1:Reese's peanut butter cups, and sometimes I grab them sometimes.
Speaker 2:I don't. Sometimes you bring me an ice cold Dr Pepper and it's like you're my hero.
Speaker 1:Yeah, Dr Pepper and Reese's Bean Butter Cubs is just his love language. So it's a but it's just like some little thing to make it intentional, Like what are you doing as a parent for your kids or for your spouse? To make it intentional? This is about you doing something for them. This is a selfless thing.
Speaker 2:And my question is not about being intentional. It's more about kind of circling back to some of the things that we were talking about earlier, because we're talking about involving kids and making sure it's like you're building this family together.
Speaker 1:It's your foundation.
Speaker 2:And so when we were talking about it, we were thinking about. So how did and how do you our friends listening, how think about this? How do you give your kids a voice and honor their personality and honor their thoughts and their feelings without giving them too much control in what's going on in your family?
Speaker 1:Yeah, that's a great question I felt so too Good job.
Speaker 1:So I would love to hear like for you guys out there who are listening and downloading. You can find us on all the socials Facebook, instagram. We're trying to get better at our TikTok. We're trying to get better at all those. You can send us a text. If you're listening on I know at least on Apple Podcasts or Spotify you can send us a text straight to the show. It comes to us. We see that. Answer that question. Answer those. Help us unpack, think about those two questions.
Speaker 2:Be engaged with us, yeah.
Speaker 1:Yeah, and I want to hear your response. The idea is to create a community, so you share something. You may have a great idea and, like I've never thought of that, let's share that because that somebody else can benefit from that in this community. So what you have is valuable, you just have to share it and share it with us. Send us direct. Message us. Yeah, if you don't want to text from the uh, your app to the show exactly what we're trying to.
Speaker 2:We're trying to build this community. It's not just talk us at you. We want to talk with you and to you, and we want to know what your thoughts are.
Speaker 1:So take some time, hang out, communicate with your kids, with your family, your wife, and thanks for joining us at the table tonight.
Speaker 2:Yeah, thank you.
Speaker 1:For a fun conversation.
Speaker 2:Thank you for getting to look at what's recording us for YouTube over there. I just look at you.
Speaker 1:See you guys later.
Speaker 2:Yeah, thank you.
