Baggage Claim
Baggage Claim is a space for blended families, marriage, and friendship.
Here, we dive into real-life conversations about the ups and downs of relationships, from navigating second marriages to unpacking the baggage we all bring. Hosted by Greg and Jessica, who both have rich experiences with love, loss, and family, this community is about sharing stories, learning together, and growing stronger as couples and individuals. Grab a drink and join us as we unpack, laugh, and claim our baggage—one conversation at a time
Baggage Claim
Why Kids Don’t Need Perfect Parents—They Need Present Ones
The dance between loving our children and setting appropriate boundaries can be one of parenting's greatest challenges. This becomes even more complex when guilt enters the equation—whether from divorce, loss, or simply wanting to give our kids "better than we had."
Have you ever caught yourself saying yes when you should say no? Buying gifts to compensate for time apart? Working longer hours to afford opportunities while missing precious moments with your children? You're not alone. In this raw and honest conversation, we explore the hidden patterns of guilt-driven parenting that affect families of all kinds.
Jess shares her personal experience of "going bonkers with gifts" during the first Christmas after losing her husband, while Greg reflects on the challenging dynamics that emerge when divorced parents compete to be the "fun" one. We dive into the psychological impact these patterns have on children, who may temporarily enjoy getting everything they want but ultimately need the structure and resilience that comes from appropriate boundaries.
The hard truth? Sometimes the most loving thing we can do for our children is to let them struggle, to hear "no," and to learn that life requires effort. What looks like love in the moment might actually be setting our children up for failure later in life when the world doesn't bend to their every wish.
Whether you're in a blended family, a traditional family, or parenting solo, this conversation offers valuable insights on finding the balance between nurturing our children and preparing them for the real world. Remember: healthy parents raise healthy children—and sometimes that means doing the difficult work of examining our own motivations and patterns.
Hey guys, what's up? I'm Greg. I hope you guys are ready to unpack and get into some good conversations today.
Speaker 2:And I'm Jess, and this is our podcast Baggage Claim. Thank you for joining us.
Speaker 1:What's up everybody? Welcome to Baggage Claim. If it's your first time here, welcome. If it's your first time here, welcome. This is a place where we just talk about blended families, relationships and a whole bunch of stuff in between, and so I want to. If you've been here since the beginning, I mean I think this is episode 22. It is 22. So 22 times that you've listened to us. If you've listened to me 22 times, thank you, babe, for fixing my shirt. I just want to say thank you.
Speaker 1:But wherever you're at, whatever you're doing, grab your drink, your favorite drink, whatever it may be, however your day's been, and just metaphorically, pull up to the table with us and kind of enjoy the conversation and join in as we jump into our topic today, which is something that is we've both experienced, but I think everyone else can relate to whether you're in a blended family or whether you're just in a family with your husband, wife and you're raising kids.
Speaker 1:Like it's kind of a crazy nuance of things going on. So we're going to talk about parenting, but we're talking about the whole parenting out of guilt, yes, and so this is going to be one of those topics that could sting a little bit, could be kind of a self-revelation of like ooh, that's me. Or maybe like, oh no, maybe I'm getting that right. So wherever you're at on that spectrum, it's okay. The whole idea for us tonight is to just talk about it. Oh no, maybe I'm getting that right. So wherever you're at on that spectrum, it's okay. The whole idea for us tonight is to just talk about it. Let's put it on the table and let's just figure out how to move forward.
Speaker 2:Tonight's a little bit different. We have a studio audience. Oh yeah, we do have some folks sitting in tonight which is going to be pretty fun. We have our oldest son, Thomas. His wife and little girl are out of town, so he's here and his best friend, AJ and they've been best friends since high school, so he's kind of like an honorary son.
Speaker 1:Yeah, AJ's kind of part of the family. We're like his second parents kind of thing.
Speaker 2:I was tickled when we started. I was laughing because AJ got to clap us in. It was a sad clap, but I'm proud of you for trying.
Speaker 1:Man just slammed right off the get-go, bro. Come on, we're still waiting on our movie, clapper thingy.
Speaker 2:Yeah.
Speaker 1:So we can do some stuff on it. But, hey, your clap was fun, bro. It was spot on. Don't let them talk crap about you, so let's get into parenting.
Speaker 2:Let's do it.
Speaker 1:Go for it.
Speaker 2:So in our last episode, in the unpack part I'm checking my notes you know we talked about a question about how do you give your kids a voice and honor their personality without giving them too much control? Because the last episode, episode 21,. We went back to the beginning of how we put all of this together and it was a Cups episode, if you haven't heard it yet. But we wanted to involve the kids from the beginning and build a family with them and not do it to them. Like you know, here we are. Here's your new family. They were involved from the beginning. So there was a line between okay, they're involved, but they don't get to control what's going on.
Speaker 1:So for you I would love to, because I mean it's a great question to think about and even to unpack as parents. Like what does that mean to give your kid control? Like when I say you get a word but you don't get control. What does control mean to you?
Speaker 2:I would say, when the parent makes choices so that the kids are happy, all the time that everything revolves around the kids. I mean there's times when that's appropriate, everything revolves around the kids, right, I mean there's times when that's appropriate. But when the whole, when every decision is made to keep the kids happy, then I feel like that's too much control.
Speaker 1:Which is interesting because it feels like there's been a huge dynamic shift in the way parents, parent, parent parents, parents, parent, okay, regardless. Like it feels like it's almost like we ask the kids what do you want to eat? What do you want to go on vacation? What do you want to do this? What do you want to do with that? Like my parents never asked me where I want to go on vacation, no, my mom. Like it was like okay, you're the adult.
Speaker 2:You don't think they were being a bad parent for that?
Speaker 1:No, Right, not for not allowing me to say where I want to go eat.
Speaker 2:Right.
Speaker 1:That wasn't like they didn't care what I wanted. It was just like no, I'm paying for the meal. I'm going to pick where we go eat.
Speaker 2:Yeah, I didn't get a whole lot of options either, growing up, I mean, and when we were raising our four they didn't tell us what to do when we were eating, but we would ask their opinion. But, ultimately, if it was like no, that's out of the budget, so we're going to go somewhere else.
Speaker 1:We were all about the budget. Bless our hearts. But yeah, it's interesting because our situations parenting, um, like you, had trauma. Um, there was a level of trauma in my kids' lives or in my life, um, yours was completely different from mine, um, but what happens? So? So many times and I've talked to couples, I've talked to individuals uh, when one of these things happen, you, immediately and if I've had a nickel for every time I've heard this, I'd be rich was like well, all I'm going to do now is just focus primarily on my kids.
Speaker 2:I just want my kids to be happy.
Speaker 1:Yeah, everything in my life now is just to make sure they have what they need and make sure they're happy. And my follow-up they always say that, especially in divorce, it's always a I just want to make sure my kids are happy and they have everything they need. Well, sometimes that's not what we think it is, but my follow-up question to them is okay, well, what do you need? What is it that you're looking for in that? Why is that such a big deal?
Speaker 1:Now, again, I am not saying, um, that's a bad thing. I'm not even saying, um, you shouldn't do that. I'm saying, if you get stuck there and you've been there for six months a year, whatever that may be, maybe it's time to evaluate and go okay, why am I still giving my kids absolutely everything they want, absolutely everything they need? If I want this, I'm going to do that. I want to take my kids on trips I never would have taken them on. So it's like there's this snowball of effective things that happen because we feel guilty about the trauma that they experienced. Would you agree or disagree?
Speaker 2:I agree.
Speaker 1:Okay, did you experience any of that?
Speaker 2:Yeah, I didn't necessarily feel guilty. It was kind of like I feel bad for us and with Thomas this year. But the first Christmas after your dad passed away I went bonkers with gifts. Why, I didn't know why then. But looking back, I was just trying to overcompensate for the loss and trying to, I guess, distract all of us the three of us but our living room was half full of just ridiculousness. And he's nodding in agreement, which was great for you at nine, you know, it was just like the greatest thing ever, and your sister at six. But I was just like I. When that memory, that photo memory, pops up on my social media, I'm just like oh my gosh, jess, you just didn't even know.
Speaker 1:So when did you, when did you realize or when did you kind of or did you like? Okay, maybe I'm saying yes too much, or maybe I'm doing too much.
Speaker 2:I didn't realize it on my own. I realized it through counseling.
Speaker 1:Okay.
Speaker 2:And learning how to be. You know, get my feet back under myself and be a healthy me, which will help my kids be healthy themselves. And they were in counseling at church too, which will help my kids be healthy themselves. And they were in counseling at church too. I didn't look at it that way at first, but my counselor helped me see it.
Speaker 1:What do you mean? You didn't look at it that way at first.
Speaker 2:When I was just doing too much for them and giving and giving, and doing and giving, I didn't see that that was ultimately going to be probably a negative thing. It would just change their outlook on life and that's not fair to them of oh well, when I'm hurting, I get whatever I want.
Speaker 1:Right.
Speaker 2:And that's just not life.
Speaker 1:Yeah, I mean, I get it as a parent. You want to make, like when your kid goes through something like that, you want to kind of lessen the speed bumps or the potholes.
Speaker 2:It's kind of like a Band-Aid. I guess you know the trauma's still under it, but I guess I felt like buying and giving and giving and giving would be like a Band-Aid for that.
Speaker 1:Right.
Speaker 2:But, like I said, I didn't see it that way at first.
Speaker 1:Because ultimately that came back to. You felt that way.
Speaker 2:Yeah.
Speaker 1:And so therefore you took that and kind of assumed your kids felt that way too.
Speaker 2:I was like I'm just trying to make them smile and, you know, help us have a you know, quote, unquote good day. It was like it's OK if every day is not a good day, but I had to learn that too.
Speaker 1:Yeah, so how long? How long did that process take?
Speaker 2:I was afraid you were going to ask me that.
Speaker 1:I'm a good questioner. That's what I do.
Speaker 2:I would say probably. I mean six or eight months. It took me a while because I immediately, literally immediately, maybe two weeks after he passed away, I immediately started in counseling. So I mean, yeah, a good six or eight months in.
Speaker 1:Okay.
Speaker 2:Yeah.
Speaker 1:Well, I think it's. This is something that every parent deals with. Yeah, and I think we all, we don't, we don't talk about it much. No, Because we always. And the way we always cover this, which I always think is pretty interesting, is you always say well, I want my kids to have a better life than I did, and so, therefore, dads will work harder than they've ever worked. They'll sacrifice their time with their families because it's like well, I want my kids to have more than I have. Well, what if your kids just want you?
Speaker 2:Yeah, what if they just want time?
Speaker 1:with you, like when I say parenting out of guilt, sometimes we do those things. We work so hard um, because my kid needs to play on this team, or my kid needs to be a part of this activity, or my kid needs to be a part of that, and so we work extra hours, we give that time away from those people just so we can give them that thing. But who's to say? That thing is exactly what they need.
Speaker 2:Right.
Speaker 1:Like they're a child. So it's like how do we? It's just crazy balance that's going on to say I want to give my kids what they need but at the same time, I don't need to give my kids everything they need Would you agree I would.
Speaker 2:So we talked about how I kind of overcompensated and parented from guilt. Did you do that Ah?
Speaker 1:man.
Speaker 2:After you got divorced and figuring out how to be a single dad.
Speaker 1:There were things I felt a lot of guilt, but it wasn't for what I wasn't providing my kids, I guess. I mean I was broke. I mean I was broke at the time I won't say broke Money was really, I guess I mean I was broke. I mean I had. I was broke um, at the time, like it wasn't, it was I won't say broke Money was really really tight.
Speaker 1:But there's the simple things, like I didn't know how to put Callie's hair in a ponytail Right, and the weeks I had her I was like I felt guilty as a dad, like I should know how to put her hair in a ponytail, like I should know. But you figured it out, I did. And it's funny because now there's a TikTok channel where it's about these dads helping girls fix their daughters, fix their hair. And that may sound crazy to some of you, but even for me, where I was at in that situation, I was like, dude, I could have really benefited from that, like I could do all the help I needed because I had no idea what I was doing. I didn't feel guilt about I need to give them more, do more. I felt guilt for like I should be doing more, like you should be doing these things If I wasn't saying, oh, my kids are everything to me, like they're absolutely like everything.
Speaker 1:I should feel guilty for that. Then my kids are everything to me, they're absolutely everything. I should feel guilty for that. No, my kids were. When I had my kids, they were my priority.
Speaker 2:Yeah, you, at that point you had already been on kind of a personal journey of making yourself and your mental health and making yourself a priority, not in a ugly way of just like no, I'm worth this, I'm worth working on myself.
Speaker 1:Yeah, I think I realized early on because I am a I am a dude, I don't know the best way to say it other than it's just a it was a mess. And so, knowing that, I was like if I don't do something then I'm not going to be any good to anybody. And so there was a part of me that says, okay, I want to be the healthiest version of myself so that I can be that for my kids. So that was probably a couple of steps. Was it flawless? Absolutely not. Did I screw up A hundred percent All the time? Absolutely not. Did I screw up A hundred percent all the time? But I didn't. I didn't feel like I parented out of guilt a whole bunch, but it was just. I felt that pressure.
Speaker 2:Right.
Speaker 1:Definitely felt the pressure of OK, so what else are you going to do? Because what happens in divorce and I'm not sure about, and I know it's completely different when you lose a spouse but in divorce and I'm not sure about, and I know it's completely different when you lose a spouse, but in divorce what happens is someone was wronged, someone wronged somebody else in a divorce, and that's the way they see it. It doesn't matter how you pin it. Somebody was like you did me wrong. Blah, blah, blah. We're getting divorced, but then, all of a sudden, the one who felt like they were done wrong wants to get even with the one who did them wrong as a parent, yeah, and so, therefore, they start overcompensating with stuff with the kids, so they start giving you more stuff, doing more things.
Speaker 2:But then that kind of turns into the situation of the fun parent versus the responsible parent. Yeah, I don't know if responsible is the right way, but level-headed, I don't know.
Speaker 1:Yeah, I don't know about the term. Yeah, I agree, I don't know if it's a, but there's always a fun parent who gives them whatever they want whenever they want it, all the time, and there's the other one who doesn't like that. That's pretty much in every divorced relationship of how it is, and so it's almost even comes down to like how do you use your phone? When do you get to use your phone? When do you do that? When do you not do that? When do you go to bed? When do you not go to your phone? When do you do that? When do you not do that? When do you go to bed? When do you not go to bed? It's just so many things that are involved in that, and it's like, if you're the good parent, it's like we do whatever you want to do. Yeah, when you're here, we'll go and do whatever you want to do.
Speaker 2:Don't you think that puts pressure on the kids? When they get full reign they probably think it's awesome at that point Of course it does.
Speaker 1:I mean not even a kid. But what adult Wouldn't you love for someone to just be like? Everything you wanted, you got. Oh, I want to go do this. I want to go to my favorite restaurant, I want to go to that. Okay, done, sold, got it. It's like, of course, we would.
Speaker 2:I mean, we're humans. Every decision is just what is on you. When you're little, you're like, yeah, I'm going to Chick-fil-A every day if I want to, or whatever. But as you get older, it's like, wait a minute, everything is on me.
Speaker 1:Yeah, it's kind of weird. There is that kind of pressure that's put on a kid almost to be like you're picking those things, you're deciding those things. I mean we can get into that whole idea too, like you let kids pick your. I mean, sometimes there's parents who let their children decide their schedule, like their summer schedule, like we're in the middle of July here, and so there's a lot of parents who have spent their entire summer on travel league, ball and a ton of money because their kid said I want to play volleyball. And so you dump your wallet and you dump your time into volleyball, which next year may not even be a thing, right.
Speaker 1:So it's like when I think about you're saying giving your kid control, or like giving them a voice but not giving them control, like navigating, that is one of those things that you have to figure out as a parent. To go is it, is it worth? Like, okay, I've spent fifteen thousand dollars for volleyball, well, they're going to get a scholarship to college, um, but I've only spent 60 grand on helping them and travel ball. It's like, okay, cool, that's a, that's a pretty good college you could pay for, right, um, but we don't talk about those things because we say no, no, no, I want to give my kid everything I didn't have. I want to give my kid opportunities I didn't have, and therefore we let all those things go as a result of that, and in a blended family it's just more prevalent, because it's like oh, I'm going to be the good. Well, if your dad or your mom won't pay for it, I'll pay for it If that's what you want to do, and then therefore, you become the good cop, the other parents the bad cop.
Speaker 2:That's exactly what I was about to say. It turns into a good cop bad cop situation.
Speaker 1:And it sucks if you're the bad cop.
Speaker 2:It does suck yeah.
Speaker 1:It's not always fun.
Speaker 2:Not even just a blended family and like a traditional or core family like that happens too, yeah, and families who have not experienced a trauma like this of being good cop versus bad cop.
Speaker 1:Because even in core families, you see moms and dads who are trying to live out their sports dreams through their kids and it's like, dear Lord, give this kid a little slack, cut some pressure off. It's like you do so much that you put so much pressure on your kid. You're living through them. It's like, no, let them be kids, let them have fun, let them play and also, too, have boundaries for them to say no, no, no, we're not going to do that all the time, it's okay to say that it's okay to have those moments and not saying yes all the time and showering with gifts and buying them whatever they want.
Speaker 2:That's just not realistic. That's setting them up for failure at some point. I think I said that a little bit ago. But if you're just giving them and giving, giving, giving, giving, give, you're not teaching them what life is.
Speaker 1:So it's a. I mean, when we talk about this, this is a. You got to have either a long, a long view of this or a short view of this. The short view is I want to be the parent who wins. I want to be the parent who's like you love the most and you hate the other guy who did whatever, or girl who did whatever, blah, blah, blah. So I want to be that good person. That's the short version of it. The long version is what are you doing to your kid, like, what are you teaching your child or your kid that's living with you A life? Because that's not life. Life just doesn't work. That way.
Speaker 2:I'm not saying make your child's life as hard as you possibly can, but it's okay to teach them what a struggle is. I mean, when you're seven, a struggle might be. Well, you have to do your chores this week so you get your allowance. Your chore might be taking the garbage out, but if you don't do that, you're not going to get your allowance.
Speaker 1:Man. The chore that everyone hated at our house was scooping the poop out of the backyard.
Speaker 2:Well, wouldn't you hate that?
Speaker 1:I, the chore that everyone hated at our house was scooping the poop out of the backyard. Well, wouldn't you hate that? I didn't hate it, no, but I mean out of all the other ones. Like everyone hated that chore. Yeah, that was the worst one, like no one wanted it.
Speaker 2:No. So, I mean it's okay to allow your kid to struggle.
Speaker 1:I think that's the problem sometimes and speaking from a dad's point of view is like we want to give our kids better lives, so therefore we give them nicer things, or we give them things, but also too, if we're not careful, we eliminate the struggle for them to say, hey, you want that new gaming console. Then go to work and figure out how to make money and save up and buy that, as opposed to me just giving it to you, because when I give it to it doesn't really mean anything until you have something invested into that. So figuring out what that looks like and how that works Because when you do and you steal that struggle from your kid, you're stealing something that builds in them for life. Yeah, like that's something they have to work through. That's something they had to be a part of.
Speaker 2:Yeah, so you have to be okay not being the hero all the time.
Speaker 1:Yeah, which sucks. That's not fun. That's not fun at all. No, it's not so.
Speaker 2:I mean, it's just like teaching them that temporary satisfaction. I want this. Okay, here you go. You're not teaching them how to that long-term growth.
Speaker 1:Well, I mean nothing in society does that right now. No, like everything. Your TikTok, your Instagram reels, your YouTube channels everything doesn't gear toward that.
Speaker 2:No, when we were planning this episode, producer Michael had a good analogy. He's like it's kind of like when you're going to the gym and you know, you're like, oh, it's easy to lift these five-pound weights, I'm just going to keep doing that because it's easy. I came to the gym Check, I did it. But you're going to see the growth when you have to lift something that's a little bit heavier or it's a little bit harder work, because the hurt quote unquote is good for you in the long run because you had to work for it. Right, it's not just oh, check, I have that thing, it's no, I actually had to accomplish that. So when you try to do the parenting out of guilt and you're just bending over backwards for your kid, you really are stealing that pride.
Speaker 1:And I know, as an adult or as a parent, that's hard to hear it is. And it's hard to see your kids struggle. Yeah, I get that, but also, too, knowing that that's a huge part of growth.
Speaker 2:It is Like you've got to have that struggle, yeah. So maybe kind of heading towards the unpacked part. But what if you're listening to this or you know you've kind of heard it already and you're kind of dwelling on it and you realize, oh, what if I am that parent? What now?
Speaker 1:That's an interesting thought. You know, this is really random. Oh boy, I like to pride myself on being self-aware on who I am and how, but I got hooked one time on this show, hoarders and if you've never seen hoarders, it was on TLC. It was this weird show and I don't know why I got hooked on it.
Speaker 2:It's really you couldn't stop watching it.
Speaker 1:No, and it was like um, these people were just like I mean just hoarding, hoarding, hoarding, but it all if they, they trace it all back and it was this trauma that happened in their lives. But then it was not just that person, it was the people around him. No, it wasn't, it wasn't, it wasn't.
Speaker 2:Oh, you're talking about intervention, intervention, but you did get stuck on hoarders.
Speaker 1:I did after intervention, but I'm so. I was just. I see a pattern forming here. So, yeah, um, so it was intervention.
Speaker 1:Man, I'm watching intervention because it was like someone's had a drug addiction and I dealt with those addiction issues in the past and some of those things in my life.
Speaker 1:And I'm watching this show and they have that intervention where the family comes around, they're talking to the family and then these people were like, uh, basically like all you are is an enabler, you're enabling him to act this way, you're enabling this behavior, you're enabling this. And that's when I realized that my life, at that point, I'm watching this intervention and I was like I'm an enabler and I was like that's me, that's what I do, like I enable the behavior of those people in my life. And I was like it was that weird kind of revelation moment from watching Intervention, which is the saddest freaking show on TV. It's heartbreaking Because I so relate to those people and I can see them, but it's almost the same sense of being like anyway, I'm not going to get on any intervention. So I just found myself on a sidetrack. But the whole idea was is that I was able to slow down for a second and find myself in those people.
Speaker 2:Right.
Speaker 1:So you may be listening to this, it may be in the morning, it may be on your drive, it may be wherever, and you'll be listening to this. It may be in the morning, you may be on your drive, it may be wherever, and you'll be like I'm the parent who always wants to win. I want to be the good parent. I want to be the one who always is looked at in a good way yeah, maybe, and I'm the one enabling behavior.
Speaker 2:It's hard to step back and take a look at yourself and think you know, and take a look at yourself and think you know, and it may hurt to actually realize that this is you. Yeah, that's never a fun place no.
Speaker 1:But it's also a very helpful place.
Speaker 2:It is.
Speaker 1:To go okay, that's where I'm at, that's who I am.
Speaker 2:Yeah, Because you might think you're doing the right thing for your child by doing all the things that we've been talking about, but, like we touched on a little bit, is you're crippling them in the long run because as soon as they leave your nest, whether it be to college or straight into the adult world, when they're out there trying to figure out, well, why is this not working for me? Well, it's because you're used to having everything handed to you and yeah.
Speaker 2:And you don't know what it feels like to have to want something. And there's a fine line between allowing your kid to struggle and making it hard for them. We're not proponents of making life difficult for your child, but it's okay for them to have to hear no.
Speaker 1:It's always interesting. I feel this weird place and may be man there, may be people listen this and I may catch crap for it, but I always find it interesting when I pull up into a high school and I see 16, 17 year old kids getting out of 50, 60 thousand dollar cars and I'm just like man. What are you saying? Yeah, like, just because you like I can't. I worked hard, I've earned that money. I'm like okay, but just because you can, does that mean you?
Speaker 1:should yeah like that's, it's just, it's an interesting place. Like just because I can do that doesn't mean I should do that. So it's like a yeah, it's, it's a hard place it really is a.
Speaker 2:It's hard to keep the long game in view when you're in the short game portion.
Speaker 1:Well, because if I'm reality and I want to, if I give you one thing to walk away from this podcast for me I would be thinking about if you want to be, if you want your kids to be the best they can be, then be the best version of yourself. Yeah, be the healthiest, best version of yourself in order for your kids Emotionally, mentally, physically, wherever you're at, own your crap. Know what you're good at, know what you're bad at all those things.
Speaker 2:Because Unhealthy people make unhealthy choices and a lot of the time an unhealthy person is an unhealthy parent, because you don't have the right lenses on for life.
Speaker 1:Well, because I mean, it's the old additive the hurt people hurt people, yeah, and it's just what we do. It's like when we're unhealthy. That's what we're going to portray, that's what we're going to put out. So it's like where you're at. If you've just come through that or you're just in that, take a moment, take a deep breath, self-evaluate and say is this me? Is this where I'm at? Do I need to make some changes? It's okay to say I want my kids to feel loved, I want my kids to feel accepted. I want them to know that I'm here for them. But saying yes to absolutely everything is not the answer to that.
Speaker 2:To put my teacher hat on real quick. Kids need boundaries.
Speaker 1:Yeah.
Speaker 2:In the classroom and in life. They crave it, even though they're going to tell you they don't want it. Kids need boundaries, they need consistency, but parents do too.
Speaker 1:Yeah, I agree, I think everybody needs boundaries. Yeah, so let's unpack. What do we want to jump into unpacking?
Speaker 2:I mean, I feel like we just kind of did so where?
Speaker 1:we got started. Yeah, you want to start us and do we do all? We already did oh we did our unpack, okay, well, interesting, yeah, so I don't have notes in front of me. So for you guys, jess has all the notes, all the good stuff. So this is one of those topics we literally could talk for two hours.
Speaker 2:Yeah.
Speaker 1:We could talk it to death, but just like anything else, I get sick and tired of watching YouTube when they say the same thing.
Speaker 2:50 times Over and over and over.
Speaker 1:It's like please shut your mouth and move on. So taking that into—.
Speaker 2:Like a self-reflect moment.
Speaker 1:Yeah.
Speaker 2:On your own, yeah, and it's okay to self-reflect and think, okay, this is what I'm thinking, but then go to your spouse or a close friend or somebody that's in your life that you can say, okay, I listened to this, this is what I'm thinking about and I'm reflecting. Here's what I see. Is this what you see? And it may hurt, it may be kind of hard to hear what they say back.
Speaker 1:You have to make sure you ask the right person Self-reflecting versus looking for intervision from someone.
Speaker 2:Those are different things, and looking for affirmation, those are different things too.
Speaker 1:Yeah, like most of the time we're looking for someone to just agree with us and say you are so right, oh my gosh, you're so right. But in reality we need someone to go oh yeah, that's you A hundred percent, you do that. I mean, there's things about me that you've told me yeah, oh, you do that. And I'm like, really I do, I had no idea I did that. So it's having someone who you can ask.
Speaker 2:That's going to give you an honest answer.
Speaker 1:But also to journal, like write some things down, like my phone always asked me, because I started trying to journal more in my phone and freaking iPhone now all of a sudden says, hey, you want to write something? No, actually.
Speaker 2:I don't.
Speaker 1:I don't Thanks for asking, but it's OK to write out, like at the end of the day. Just write out some thoughts, some things that happened at the beginning of the day, because you're going to get life is crazy, it's chaotic. Write those things down and just kind of see if you look at it and be honest. The hardest thing for self-reflection is being honest.
Speaker 2:Being honest with yourself, yeah.
Speaker 1:If you can do this and be honest about who you are like, what am I after, what do I want to do and what am I doing to get there and be like, okay, I'm doing great, or I suck at that and it's okay to. Really, I think it's better to say I suck at it because we can say, okay, what changes do I need to make? And you make the changes and you move on, you move forward. That's what baggage claim is about. Unpack your bags and then claim your stuff Like that's my stuff, that's my crap and I own it. And yeah, I do that. I'm an enabler. Or I give my kids everything they want because I want them to have better, but at the same time, it's like that's not better for my kids. Own your crap.
Speaker 2:Yeah, make sure you're parenting out of the right intention.
Speaker 1:Yeah, and so today's, today's, tonight's, today, the night's, whatever it may be, is a little shorter than normal, and our crowd is getting restless. Their drinks have run out.
Speaker 2:our studio audience is digging back into the coolers again, so that's a good time for us just to say take this moment to say thank you for joining us on Package Claim and we look forward to you coming to the next episode with us hey, make sure to like share episode with us.
Speaker 1:Hey, make sure to like share, subscribe, wherever it is you're at. Hey, just say we don't say it enough, but thank you for listening. It's just crazy to me 125 different cities, six different countries, all over the place. People are listening, which tells me people are looking for some answers and looking for some help. Reach out to us on our socials. If you want to try to catch us, follow us on those. Dm us. You can text us straight from the app if you're listening to Spotify, apple Podcasts, whatever it may be, and so make sure to reach out to us. This is a community, so you got to talk back, not just us talk to you. So thank you, guys for listening and we're going to go hit the cooler with the other boys. Adios.
