Baggage Claim
Baggage Claim is a space for blended families, marriage, and friendship.
Here, we dive into real-life conversations about the ups and downs of relationships, from navigating second marriages to unpacking the baggage we all bring. Hosted by Greg and Jessica, who both have rich experiences with love, loss, and family, this community is about sharing stories, learning together, and growing stronger as couples and individuals. Grab a drink and join us as we unpack, laugh, and claim our baggage—one conversation at a time
Baggage Claim
Bros, Babies, and Building a Marriage That Lasts
What happens when you bring a bromance to the podcast table? Pure magic. This episode of Baggage Claim features our son Thomas and his best friend AJ as we explore the fascinating intersection of friendship and marriage.
These two young men began as bitter enemies over a girl at the barbecue restaurant where they worked, with "hate" being "a light word" for their initial feelings toward each other. Fast forward nearly a decade, and they're inseparable friends who've learned to navigate life's challenges together. Their journey from hostility to brotherhood provides the perfect backdrop for our deeper exploration of relationships.
We dive into how friendship serves as the foundation for lasting marriages. As one doctor wisely observed, "marriages that really last, that stand the test of time, that go through conflict, that have hard times - the ones that make it are because they are friends." This profound truth often gets overshadowed by romance and passion, yet it's the friendship element that sustains couples through difficult seasons.
Trust emerges as the cornerstone of both successful friendships and marriages. The ability to speak truth, provide accountability, and simply "be there" creates resilience in relationships of all kinds. As Thomas navigates early parenthood with his wife Miranda, he's discovering how crucial it is to remember they were friends before becoming spouses and parents – a lesson applicable to couples in any stage.
The conversation takes fascinating turns as we explore the delicate balance between marriage partnerships and friendships, how external relationships influence our marriages, and the importance of surrounding ourselves with positive people who support our relationships rather than undermine them.
Perhaps most practically, we discuss how "fun" needs redefinition through different life seasons. Whether it's rebuilding furniture together, watching YouTube videos while the baby sleeps, or simply crashing on the couch with door-dashed food, finding ways to enjoy each other's company remains essential for connection.
Pull up a chair, grab your favorite drink, and join our candid, laughter-filled discussion about the relationships that shape our lives most profoundly.
Hey guys, what's up? I'm Greg. I hope you guys are ready to unpack and get into some good conversations today.
Speaker 2:And I'm Jess, and this is our podcast Baggage Claim. Thank you for joining us.
Speaker 1:Why can't we be friends? Why can't we be friends? Why can't we be friends? Welcome to Baggage Claim people. I get it. That's a little bit of an interesting start for us. So, wherever you're at, if you're new here, welcome. If you're not, hey, this is your regular place. You know what to do. Grab your drink If you're new. Grab your drink, your favorite drink, whatever it is. And I'm going to say drink one more time before we get in and just pull up to the table, so you bet she's gonna get a drink first.
Speaker 2:Get a drink, we're all about drink, get you a drink?
Speaker 1:no, we're not drinking. Every time I say drink, that's not that, um, so we. So, if you haven't figured out, uh, today we're gonna talk about friendship, yeah, and so we decided to. You know why not shake it up and throw a big old curveball? Yeah, and see what happens? Because we're 22, 23 episodes in uh still doing this. Uh, they hadn't kicked us off the internet yet, which which I'm pretty excited about, so we said you know why not? Let's do something fun. So we have. If you listen to our other podcast, we had the Peanut Gallery, who was just over there. We had our live audience, who was just over there in the coolers. Well, they made their way from the coolers.
Speaker 2:So they're back. We've got Tweedledee and Tweedledum here with us.
Speaker 1:They are at the table, with us Pulled up to the table.
Speaker 2:Also known as Thomas, our oldest son, and AJ, his best friend, our faux son. Yeah, so AJ's kind of— Our pretend son.
Speaker 1:Yeah, he's part of the family, yeah, he is very much when he starts dating. If we don't get to meet that person, we get kind of upset.
Speaker 2:We also get veto power. Yeah, yeah, we've exercised it.
Speaker 1:Jess is a little more picky than.
Speaker 2:AJ is, I am, but you know it's all right, I'm picky for my boys.
Speaker 1:So yeah, just so you know. Sorry about that. So, but we've invited them because we're talking about friends. They've been friends since high school. Yeah, talking about friends, they've been friends since high school. So high school they're out. One's married and EMT firefighter. One flies planes for a living. Is that correct?
Speaker 2:He's actually a professional pilot.
Speaker 1:He's a professional pilot for private jets.
Speaker 2:Captain, also a bachelor.
Speaker 1:He's also single.
Speaker 2:Yes, just throw that in there.
Speaker 4:Private jets.
Speaker 1:Captain, also a bachelor. He's also single. Yes, he's also Just throw that in there. He is not married and does not have a kid, no, so these guys have been friends, and so we want to talk about friendship and marriage, but we also wanted to talk about friendship in the sense of those that we surround with us, and so that's why we have these guys at the table with us tonight, and so we can talk about that, what that looks like, even for us as married couples, and then what it means for us also, and so you guys can jump in, speak into any of that that you want to. So tonight or today or whatever the crap it is, it's just going to be fun and we're just going to have a good time with it.
Speaker 1:Yeah, it's so fun because I have no notes in my handy dandy notebook and you know how much I love that.
Speaker 2:Yeah, jess is freaking out right now, so if you're, listening.
Speaker 1:There's just words, just single words, written on her notebook, and she's getting anxiety and sweating as she looks at it, literally. So let's jump in. There are two types of friendships, I think, that are important for our lives. That should be a part of our lives.
Speaker 1:There's one that I heard this doctor that I follow I don't know his name so I'm not going to say it, I can't remember it Follow him on TikTok, but he made a statement which just really resonated with me and I thought about it and you and I have talked about it a lot. It said marriages that really last, that stand the test of time, that go through conflict, that have hard times, the ones that make it are because they are friends, and so friendship is a huge deal when it comes to marriage. But we also believe that friendship outside of marriage is also a really big part of actually being able to be friends inside your marriage, because those are two distinctly different areas but also very, very important for us as couples being married. Would you agree? Okay, so we always say so. You guys, tell us a little bit and this is Thomas and AJ tell us a little bit about your friendship. What kind of don't? Okay, this is a podcast that's going on the internet, so be careful.
Speaker 3:Uh so, but tell us a little bit about how you guys connected, became friends and how that's grown over the over the years yeah, so when me and aj first met each other, we were working at the same restaurant and we hated each other over a girl that'd be a light word, honestly yeah, hate is definitely a light word for how we felt about each other, um, and over a girl, over a girl.
Speaker 2:How silly is that now.
Speaker 3:It feels so silly now because neither of us even have anything to do with that girl anymore. No, and yeah, I guess just over time, talking about the situation, realized that it was stupid A lot of cooler talks.
Speaker 4:Yeah, really cooled us down. Yeah, literally figured, literally cooled us down.
Speaker 1:The smokehouse was hot yeah. So yeah, you guys worked at a barbecue restaurant together. You met there Some girl you both liked, so you had that instant conflict.
Speaker 3:Well, he liked her and I ended up dating her Whoa.
Speaker 4:Whoa Okay, is that how it went? I just fooled with an opportunity.
Speaker 1:Oh, okay, okay, okay, so all right, okay, is that how it went? I just I, just I, just I, just I, just I, just I, just I, just I, just I, just I, just I, just I, just I, just I, just I, just I just I, just, I, just, I, just, I, just, I, just I just I, just I, just I, just I, just I just. I, just I In the mic. No, what did you say? You can't hear unless you talk in the mic.
Speaker 4:Enemies to lover trope, oh okay.
Speaker 1:Gotcha.
Speaker 2:Well.
Speaker 1:So well said, jess, you went from enemies to best friends. Yes, it's a bromance.
Speaker 2:It's a bromance. It is definitely a bromance. That's a great quote. Yeah, it's a great quote.
Speaker 1:I'm so confused. Thank, that's a great quote. Yeah, that's a great quote. I'm so confused, thank you. All right, so there's no longer a girl. You guys become friends. What kind of grew that friendship or kept you guys together through this time?
Speaker 4:It was definitely the job, just us working together, just the time we spent Obviously them not working out definitely helped To grow the relationship okay gotcha, one ends, one begins you know right so that was definitely a pivotal point there, gotcha but I mean, we're eight, nine years later and y'all still just as much enjoy hanging out together. I guess we just realized we really had a lot more in common.
Speaker 2:You do.
Speaker 4:Than not, I mean yeah.
Speaker 2:Yeah, Now did you discover that over time?
Speaker 1:It just took you guys some time to get there for that.
Speaker 3:I definitely would say so Because, as any like new friendship goes, there's always those awkward points when you're trying to figure out do I like this person or do I just like them because there's somebody I can hang out with for what I'm?
Speaker 1:doing right, right, which was work for us? Yeah, and in most cases, literally most friendships, especially as you're an adult, most of your friendships, think about now like the only people I hang out with, either the people I live with or the people I work with, like that's, that's it, like there's not a lot of interaction outside of that. So a lot of times work becomes that default for friends.
Speaker 4:So I mean it's definitely interesting because we're in definitely different fields, but we've managed that over time still as well. Not a lot of common interest in some parts, but more in others, and I think that is what has helped us grow together. Interesting, interesting, that's cool.
Speaker 1:So finding those common denominators, even through all of that it's pretty, pretty interesting. You know there's statistically it talks about like in business. I love to read business books and it always talks about this is one of the core principles of all of that. If you want to see a successful person, look at the people who they surround themselves with, and so who we allow into our lives to be our friends has a huge impact on who we are as people Like. Some people push us, some people encourage us to be just better versions of who we are, and that's always a cool thing, I think, to see. Do you? Would you guys agree with that? Oh, have you, have you guys seen any example of that in your relationship?
Speaker 3:Yeah, I mean definitely because, like for me, I have a wife and a kid and so my, I guess, work ethic towards what I wanted was different than what AJ wanted. Ethic towards what I wanted was different than what AJ wanted, because AJ wanted to be successful before he started his wife and kid relationship, and so watching him grow to be successful has driven me to make sure that I'm always trying to be better for myself okay yeah, and then I don't want to speak for you, but like I feel like you watching me wants you to drive, to have a happy relationship like I have, because I mean, you helped me find my wife.
Speaker 4:Definitely on the flip side, just watching Thomas and Miranda and their love grow. I mean, your daughter, she's my goddaughter, I love her. Probably not as much as you guys do, I mean that'd be hard to compare it to a parent. It's definitely a lot more. Probably not as much as you guys do, I mean that'd be hard to compare it to a parent. It's definitely a lot more. But just being able to be in your life and watch her grow up and, you know, be successful for her as well, because I'm in that position where you know, unfortunately, I think whatever happened, that's my daughter, yeah, so just that's how much I love I have for you guys.
Speaker 1:And that's also another factor. This is interesting too, because you think of that as adults, like as you start adulting and you you get into careers, you get into those things of of life and you're like man who's in my life that speaks truth to me, who's in my life that can speak love into me, and sometimes, like we all are in those valleys, it's like I need some encouragement. And then when we screw up or we do something bad, somebody that you can call and say I got you. Like valleys, it's like I need some encouragement. And then when we screw up or we do something bad, somebody that you can call and say I got you like it's all good.
Speaker 1:Yeah, like those, those relationships are so important. We we talk about those outside the marriage, but we rarely talk about it in the sense of a marriage like, um, you probably know, you know the best parts and the worst parts about me, and so you, you see that, and that's because there's a lot of time even for you guys. Like, outside relationships, friendships and inside friendships are built on the whole idea of trust. Like you guys can trust each other that what you're saying is true, then you can trust each other that what you're saying is true, then you can trust each other that what you're saying is true, and so it's a huge part that we so just maybe breeze over it. We just kind of like, oh, it's not that big of a deal, but it's like no, no, no, I need you as my friend to be able to look at me and go, oh, I got you. And when they speak truth, that you know that's truth. There's no jealousy, there's no backside to that at all.
Speaker 3:And so earmuffs young ears, but I trust this asshole in my life and whenever we first met, I never thought that I'd be able to say that you know yeah. And so the yeah just over the years, the trust that we built from just getting to know each other better and better and then making sure that we're able to call each other on our stuff has definitely been helpful.
Speaker 3:And it's happened a lot of times, like me and him have gotten each other's faces a lot of times, but it's because we're getting called on stuff that we don't want to hear.
Speaker 2:Yeah.
Speaker 3:Yeah.
Speaker 4:Or like when I know I've made a mistake honestly. First person I call, or text is Thomas and Miranda.
Speaker 2:Like.
Speaker 4:Hey guys, I messed, I messed up. What should I do next? Yeah, and just be able to trust a group of people like that is.
Speaker 2:And I was just thinking too. It's really helpful that Miranda loves you too, just like we love you.
Speaker 4:Oh yeah, we have a group chat, just the three of us yeah. That's pretty much the only way we all communicate with each other is that group chat.
Speaker 2:Throughout the week and Miranda is Thomas's wife. I don't know if we actually said that out loud, but Miranda is your wife.
Speaker 3:Yeah, yeah, my very hot wife.
Speaker 1:She's a beauty, yes, she is. So it's crazy, though, that we don't give that more attention than what we should in relationships, especially in friendships, of saying I trust and I am there no matter what.
Speaker 2:I was just thinking. I don't mean to interrupt you, but a long-term friendship like y'all's is kind of rare and that you're still friends eight or nine years later.
Speaker 4:There's been moments where I moved out of state for over a year and was pursuing a job elsewhere, but we were able to maintain that. I mean we look at New Year's last year.
Speaker 3:They actually surprised me.
Speaker 4:I got off of work right before New Year's night and walked into my apartment. I'm like who's this strange man in my apartment?
Speaker 3:Hold up.
Speaker 4:And then I realized it was my best friend.
Speaker 1:Thomas, I just started freaking out. I'm like where's?
Speaker 4:beer.
Speaker 2:Let's get it going. But, like at our age, having friends that are like long term solid friends is kind of rare.
Speaker 1:Yeah, it's interesting too, because when you say that, the first word that comes to my mind is intentional yeah, like it would have been so easy. Just because you guys started as a friendship out of convenience, because you're close to each other, but then over time, like he's in Kentucky, you're here, it's very easy for you to go. Eh, we'll just let it go and not give any attention or seek out and be like I'm going to pursue that friendship. So I mean you get to make that choice, we all make that choice. The same is true for in our marriages.
Speaker 2:Yeah.
Speaker 1:Like a thousand times over. Like I can either choose to make her my friend and invest in that, or I can choose not to. It's a simple thing. Like and there's going to be differences. You're not going to always agree with each other. You're not going to like you guys said, hey, we've been in each other's faces, it's been intense, but we got through it. The same is true for marriage. Like you're going to have times where you butt heads and it's frustrating, but at the same time, you can be like okay, we're going to get through it. Yeah, I, I, I love you and I trust you and I want to move forward in this.
Speaker 3:And so, in order to do that, to take those those steps, yeah, but I feel like that's hard to differentiate the being a friend of the person you're married with and then being married yeah, romantically involved yeah because you want to talk to them like they're just your friend.
Speaker 3:But you also got to understand that like for me, like hey, that's my wife yeah wife, Like I can't tell her to screw off or anything like I would one of my friends, because if I tell her to do that then she's going to take it to heart because she's thinking I'm saying that I don't want anything to do with her.
Speaker 2:Right.
Speaker 3:So trying to figure out how to communicate as marital partners versus friends is, I feel like, a really hard line to try and figure out.
Speaker 2:It is because, like I mean, I'm the only girl in this situation today but, like, I have friends that are close to me and I would not use ugly words at my friends. That's just not how I navigate a friendship, but that's a reflection of how I'm with you, like you're my best friend and I can imagine being ugly to you, and so the way I speak to you is I mean, obviously you're my husband, so I speak to you differently, but it's a reflection of how I would speak to my close friends too, because I don't want to say ugly things that will hurt you or damage our relationship. So that kind of navigates how I communicate with you, if that makes sense.
Speaker 1:Yeah, it does so, thomas. I want to go back to your question because I thought it was a good one. Maybe not a question, but how do you navigate from in that marriage like okay, we're friends but we're also husband and wife? What's your biggest, what's the biggest hurdle for you in that? Do you think? I know that's kind of a deep question, to just throw off the cuff.
Speaker 3:Yeah, I know, I don't know. I I think probably dating would be like, not like going out and getting McDonald's or Taco Bell sorry, I said Taco Bell weird. I remember talking that earlier but.
Speaker 3:I feel like there's a difference in between going and getting McDonald's or Taco Bell versus actually going out, making the time and the effort to go sit down and eat somewhere. It's like me and AJ we'll just go get Taco Bell or McDonald's, Like just go get fast food, but making sure to have the time of it's just y'all in a place where you can talk. And for some couples that might I don't think it should be, but it might only be to where you can have those conversations in public and so maybe you're saying it's the intention behind it.
Speaker 3:So maybe you're saying it's the intention behind it. Yeah, the intention that you put behind your marital friendship versus your friendship with the person that you started dating in the beginning is important. Like I'm friends with Miranda, but I am also friends with my wife.
Speaker 2:Wow, that's a good way to put it. If that makes sense, it does friends with my wife.
Speaker 3:Well, that's a good way, if that makes sense. It does, cause I, I love, love my wife, but I also love Miranda but the friendships that I have between those two people are different.
Speaker 2:Yeah, I mean it's kind of, if you think back to when you were dating, I mean you became friends first.
Speaker 3:Yeah, no, we absolutely did.
Speaker 1:Yeah, so I mean you and I like we hit it off right off the bat with our silly humor or whatever it was, but to remember how that feels to be like actually friends, and that's important, yeah, it is, and I think I'm not saying that you should have the exact same level of friendship in your marriage that you have outside your marriage, Right, Like your brother Corey, he and I are friends, but we could literally sit and just like we could sit on a couch together and probably never say a word and just be as happy together as we could be. I could be in the car and never really say a whole lot, but like if I'm in the car with you and we ride more than 35 minutes and I don't say something, you're going to be like why are you mad at me?
Speaker 2:What's wrong? Yeah, what did I do?
Speaker 1:And so it's going to like I'm not saying those are the same right, but I'm also saying that they're both very, very needed parts of you. Look at those relationships the same way, like you're my friend, so I'm not going to.
Speaker 2:I want to trust you, I want to support you, I want to help you in everything that we do my friends outside of marriage. I want to do the same, for I feel like it's important too how you choose your friends outside your marriage, because, I mean, that may be a negative influence that doesn't support you in your marriage.
Speaker 1:There are some people that I and then there's some people I don't pursue because I don't want that negativity in my life. Yeah, like they're just always upset, they're always mad, they're always frustrated, something's always wrong. I'm like I mean, we can look at it that way, but I'm a glass kind of half full guy, like let's see the good, let's look at the good in in the world, and then people friends should be a support system.
Speaker 2:They really should. Yeah, 100%. I mean you know you have your shared interests or how you met or whatever. But that support system is important Because if I've got a friend that I confide in or you know I share things with, that totally doesn't support you and says bad things about you, that's going to kind of change how I look at you too. It could, if I let it. I mean, if you've got negative influences that are, well, he doesn't do this for you, why doesn't he do this? Or why didn't she say this?
Speaker 1:or whatever. Yeah, you allow friends in your life, like as women. The women may nag about like, oh my gosh, my husband does this or he doesn't do this or he does this, and blah, blah blah. Those things affect who you are Like.
Speaker 4:You become the environment you hang out in and those friendships are those environments, yeah, so that kind of poses an interesting question to me, like does that leave a space for those kind of friends outside your marriage, or should you stay friends with those people and let it influence your marriage from the outside and not have to involve? Or should you only surround yourself with those friends that are helping you, you know, build that marriage and build good relationships inside your marriage?
Speaker 2:well, I think, for me personally, I'm I'm drawn to people who are positive. So if there's somebody who's just consistently negative influence to me, I going to just naturally kind of stray away from that anyway. Just because I'm like Greg, I'm a glass half full. Look for the best, look positive, like that's just kind of the filter or lens I use to look at life. So if I've got somebody that's consistently just just negative and all the things that I I'm not a fan of, I'm not going to pursue that friendship. I'm just not.
Speaker 1:I'm not either. I just don't need that, don't want that. It is interesting, I mean, what are your thoughts?
Speaker 4:I feel like there has to be a line in your marriage like how involved should the friend be in the marriage? I'm not coming over to Thomas' house every night and sometimes I might be gone a little too long, and then they'll shoot me a text like hey, do you hate us?
Speaker 2:That's Miranda, honestly.
Speaker 4:There's other times where I'm like, no, I do need to be involved, but sometimes I think people can maybe be too involved. Am. I making decisions in Thomas's marriage.
Speaker 2:Right? No, I'm not and I don't need to. I agree people can be too involved.
Speaker 4:Yeah, I do agree, it's a line and you don't want to cross it or let people start to cross it. That can hurt your marriage.
Speaker 3:Yeah but you have to be really self-aware about that too, like of where you're at, because it can. But then you also have people who only want their friends to decide what goes on in their marriage, because they don't want to deal with their own problems and they would rather somebody outside deal with the issues and tell them what to do. That's dangerous it is and instead of confronting the issues, because then you end up just not happy and then you hate each other.
Speaker 3:Yeah, and nobody wants to hate each other in their marriage or a friendship because, you're losing at that point. You're losing a friend and a partner.
Speaker 2:Yeah.
Speaker 3:So equally hurt, just as bad, yeah, yeah.
Speaker 1:It is an interesting way to look at it. I don't, I guess I've never allowed anybody to speak into mom, but I'm sure a lot of people do or have.
Speaker 3:I'm sure a lot of people look at them getting marital advice as help instead of somebody speaking into it. You know like they use their other married friends as therapy instead of using them to help figure out what the problem is.
Speaker 4:Yeah, you know. Yeah, there's definitely a place to like ask your friends for advice. There's also a place where you know some things should remain private. Yeah.
Speaker 2:Oh yeah.
Speaker 3:Like there have been a lot of times where I text you and I'm like, hey, miranda's doing this right now and it's not like something like serious, but I'm like, and I don't know what to do, like I'm, I'm just frustrated and I'm not gonna yell or hit my wife because I'm not a piece of sorry again, but on the flip side, though, what's funny is yeah, welcome sorry, michael.
Speaker 2:Welcome to thomas who's saying sorry to me um, but on the flip side, because, like the four of us sitting here at this table, we are all friends. I mean, you're our kid best friend, those kinds of things I've gone golfing with Greg without. Thomas.
Speaker 1:Actually, yeah, we have.
Speaker 4:We have golfed.
Speaker 2:Yeah, we spend a lot of time together and you and Miranda are, you know, pretty much our closest friends too, and so sometimes that that line gets a little bit blurred because, like you were saying, sometimes you might text AJ, oh, miranda's this or that. Well, miranda will text me and say your son is blah blah blah, blah, blah yeah.
Speaker 2:What do? What do I do by asking me for advice? So, like, even in this situation, this friendship situation, like I might could say, well, why do you think he's doing this? And like, see that in a negative way, like my son's perfect, he's never going to whatever. But I'm like, oh no, yes, I know, I know, but here's what I would suggest you do Blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. And she was like she'll text me back a couple of days later. Okay, that works, thank you. You know, like she seeks out advice from me. But like and she and I have talked about a lot of times, like we got to make sure that we're not mindful, because it's weird, but just mindful is like we are the parents and you are the kids, but you're also our friends. So that's been interesting.
Speaker 3:We've actually talked about that quite a bit. Well, it's just the having to figure out that line is really hard because, like you're saying, we're friends and all that stuff and we're also newer in our marriage with a 10-month-old and so us communicating is still really hard.
Speaker 2:Yeah.
Speaker 3:Because it feels like every single time we sit down to do anything just for ourselves, lucy starts crying, and then we have to not deal with it, but like help her figure out why she's crying, mm-hmm. So.
Speaker 2:It makes conversations hard. It does.
Speaker 3:It makes conversations hard. It does, and it really makes it to the point where sometimes you feel like you're just friends again, until you sit down and be like hey, what's?
Speaker 2:going on. Yeah, hey, remember I love you yeah.
Speaker 3:Yeah, yeah, and obviously kids will do that to you.
Speaker 2:Yeah, I know yeah.
Speaker 1:We had a few of those we had a few of those.
Speaker 2:But there's a season and this, what lulu's going? You know she's just a baby and that's her. Her crying is trying to communicate something. She'll figure it out. But right now is a pretty good time for you to remember to be best friends with miranda, because maybe the you know the romantic side of marriage or the lovey-dovey or that's not always easy. But like, hey, you and I were on the same team, like I'm in this with you because you're my best friend. I think that's helpful.
Speaker 3:Yeah, yeah. Sometimes you got to remind them I married you because I liked you first. Yeah.
Speaker 2:I liked you.
Speaker 1:Yeah, I always and I've said it a hundred times I always reminded Jess that, hey, I love these kids, but these kids are leaving by the ideas that they leave one day. So it's been you and it's just a reminder of, like, the long game here. Like let's think about the long game, so, but so let's let's talk about how do we on, how do we unpack this and how do we give people something to walk away from with the idea of friendship? Inside the marriage outside the marriage.
Speaker 2:In marriage. Like we were just saying, it's important to remember that even when things get hard. Like you were my friend first. I had to develop a friendship with you before I realized, no, I actually like this guy. I had to develop a friendship with you before I realized, no, I actually like this guy. So just to remember, like you, you were intentional about building a friendship at first, or you should have been, I would say, I mean, that's a different story. But like you were my friend before I fell in love with you. So just to make sure we can remember like we're actually friends. But sometimes the other stuff makes it more complicated.
Speaker 1:And just know, interest change. Yeah, like, the things you're interested in now are when you started, maybe different than they are now, and that's okay too. That's kind of fun that you get to find those with them. Kind of adventure, because as you grow, you mature, you change. Things change, yeah, and so it's good to seek those out.
Speaker 2:Yeah.
Speaker 1:I agree. How about outside friendship, fellas? What would you say? Give me a kind of good walk away synopsis of like hey well, here's a good characteristics of our two characteristics of what a good friend should be.
Speaker 4:Respectful of boundaries. Yeah, that's a good one you can have a friend that pushes you into the wrong places and pushes you into the right places and that can be hard to teeter.
Speaker 1:Yeah, I agree, we want to have fun.
Speaker 4:We've had some fun times.
Speaker 3:We've had a lot of fun times, but then we've had to come back from the fun times and realize that we probably shouldn't have done what we did right, but you know that comes with age and maturity.
Speaker 2:Yes, that comes with, like, what stage in life you're in right now, right, but you're able to maintain those boundaries as I mean, you're literally growing up together still, yeah, so that's a really that's a good one.
Speaker 1:Yeah, I agree.
Speaker 3:I feel like being able to trust whoever you're friends with, definitely because you don't want to tell them something that needs to stay in between the two of you, that they're going to go and tell somebody else yeah, you know and making sure that, like whenever you tell them thoughts that you've had or anything like that, like your friends need to be and especially best friends need to be accountability partners, that you can keep.
Speaker 3:Whenever you do your messed up things or have your messed up thoughts, you can tell them and then they'll help you through it instead of holy shit. Did you hear what so-and-so said?
Speaker 1:you know, like that.
Speaker 2:It doesn't need to be that way. Yeah, yeah yeah well, and two, I mean and I have it on my little pitiful notes, but fun in capital letters. Yes, that's what brings friends together, both outside the marriage friends and when you're married to your best friend. Yeah, just remember to have fun and why it's fun to be together.
Speaker 1:And if you hadn't laughed together and had fun together, then that ought to be your goal this week, when you're listening to this your goal ought to be able to like I'm going to go hang out with my significant other and we're going to have fun.
Speaker 2:Whatever?
Speaker 1:that fun looks like Like. What's crazy is all of us the five of us were sitting in here laughing at each other.
Speaker 2:I literally was hurting.
Speaker 1:I had tears streaming down my face, yeah, before we started the podcast, and it was just because we're together and being ridiculous yeah just being idiots together, just having fun and so like that's a huge part of relationships is to laugh together and have some fun, and if you don't know what that is or looks like, then go discover that, go figure it out, because that's a it's a beautiful gift that all our relationships should have like the fun right now for me, and miranda is sitting on the couch while we're putting Lucy to sleep and watching the Ryan Trahan doing his 50 states in 50 days.
Speaker 2:Oh yeah, shout out, shout out. Ryan Trahan, we got to watch a few of those with y'all on vacation. It was fun. Yeah, it's fun.
Speaker 3:That's what we find fun.
Speaker 2:But see, you found that in this stage of life and you know.
Speaker 3:This stage of life sucks for us.
Speaker 2:No it doesn't. This stage of life is difficult.
Speaker 1:Yeah.
Speaker 3:And finding something that we can sit down and enjoy together and talk about once the video is over with has been fun for us.
Speaker 4:I think on another topic of fun is you have to redefine what fun is. Oh gosh, yeah. There's been nights where I just really want to hang out with Thomas. We maybe want to crack, you know, open a bottle of bourbon, but what do we do while we open that bottle of bourbon? I'm sitting there full enclosed with him and his wife.
Speaker 2:You do, you do help with the baby Lulu's laundry.
Speaker 4:But it's mainly so him and I can go drink a little quicker.
Speaker 2:Right, I mean fun Right, just to be, that's true. The fun before the fun, yeah, so you got to redefine what fun is.
Speaker 4:You do yeah, it's different.
Speaker 1:It really is and it will change, and that's okay too. Like fun for us sometimes is I just want to crash on the couch and door dash food.
Speaker 2:Like I don we get off the couch.
Speaker 1:Don't want to do anything, I want them to bring the food to here, and we're going to powerhouse to a series.
Speaker 2:If they can bring it in the house and serve it to you, that'd be awesome.
Speaker 1:And we just veg out and watch an entire series of a show. Yeah, sometimes that's fun. Yeah, and sometimes it's like if I don't get out of this house, I'm going to tear some stuff up, Lose your mind.
Speaker 2:Yeah, Early on in our marriage we literally redid furniture for fun.
Speaker 1:Yeah, and then you bailed on me and your fun became my job.
Speaker 4:I did not yeah, because it was fun.
Speaker 1:Jess would post pictures and she'd be like oh, you have four tables you need to build this weekend Two side tables. Yeah, so you started and I was like wait a minute, this is my Saturday.
Speaker 2:I don't want to build furniture, the. This did continue after I went back to school to be a teacher, but but that was fun for before that part.
Speaker 1:Yeah, it was, it was fun before that. Yeah, that was just cool and that. So I I mean again, we talk about seasons, but those things I think redefining that and figuring out like from, for me, if I hear there's live music somewhere at a winery, I'm going to automatically know that's going to be fun for Jess Sold, like that's a good thing. Yeah, if there's live music and it's outside, we're just there. Both of us are there. We're just like okay, cool, that sounds fun.
Speaker 1:That's rubbed off on you, miranda, and so it's just a, but knowing that and your friends and knowing what that is is a huge part of that. Yeah, good word. Anything else to add before we wrap it up and get on out.
Speaker 2:High five to us and myself for not having a heart attack about having notes, not having notes. This was actually. This was what felt like a silly idea earlier or yesterday. It was like, actually no, this has been really great yeah, it's been fun having these guys on with us would you say we BS this episode no, I think you did a great job actually great questions great insight yes.
Speaker 1:I mean Thomas's language. Now we got to click the the button down there for the beep him out anyway. So thank you guys for listening.
Speaker 2:Now we got to click the button down there and then beep him out. Yeah, Anyway.
Speaker 1:so thank you guys for listening. The walk away is friendships are important. Make sure you chase those, Make sure you kind of be real with yourself. Figure those out. If it's redefining fun if it's just building those relationships and friendships. So thank you, guys, for joining, thank you for liking and sharing our podcast. As we continue to do these and continue to grow, follow us on all our socials Like, comment, share, talk, trash to us, whatever it may be.
Speaker 2:We'd love to hear it.
Speaker 1:I mean, I'd rather you not do that, but it's okay, you can DM us Do that in the DM section.
Speaker 2:Okay, not out there.
Speaker 1:So love you guys. Thank you.
Speaker 4:Uh, you guys want to say bye all right, no, it's just thanks for having us. Yeah, thanks so much, awesome all right, see you guys later.
Speaker 1:Why can't we be friends? No, no, that's not it, I forgot.
Speaker 4:I was going to go Welcome to the podcast. That's what I was going to do.
Speaker 1:When I started singing.
Speaker 4:I was like Should we?
Speaker 3:sing.
Speaker 2:What are we?
Speaker 4:doing first he was like on the mic. Some lessons for you.
Speaker 1:Wow, okay, I have to use that mic man? Yeah, exactly. Stop, does my hair look all right, you look great bro, Like a thousand dollars.
Speaker 2:A thousand dollars Just a thousand, not a million, bucks, but you 24.50.
Speaker 1:So low, it's better than 55 bucks, man, I mean, come on.
Speaker 2:You're like $1,000.
Speaker 4:Hey, there's a lot I need for 20 bucks I have to offer it to you what Think about 1,000.
Speaker 1:Oh God, I'm hurting.
Speaker 4:Maybe it helps the stakes. Oh yeah, Good.
Speaker 1:It's like 1,000 bucks.
