Baggage Claim
Baggage Claim is a space for blended families, marriage, and friendship.
Here, we dive into real-life conversations about the ups and downs of relationships, from navigating second marriages to unpacking the baggage we all bring. Hosted by Greg and Jessica, who both have rich experiences with love, loss, and family, this community is about sharing stories, learning together, and growing stronger as couples and individuals. Grab a drink and join us as we unpack, laugh, and claim our baggage—one conversation at a time
Baggage Claim
From Sparks to Stability
What draws us to our partners initially, and what makes a relationship last through decades of change? In this intimate conversation, Greg and Jess explore the profound question of how to truly love someone for who they are—not who we wish they might become.
The journey begins with attraction, where we discover what initially draws us to our significant others is often qualities completely different from our own. Greg shares how Jess's independence and deep connections with others captivated him, while Jess was drawn to Greg's drive, risk-taking nature, and adventurous spirit. These complementary differences create a beautiful balance in relationships, yet can become sources of frustration if we start wishing our partners were more like ourselves.
Marriage requires intentionality that many overlook. Just as we dedicate time to physical fitness and personal growth, our relationships need regular maintenance and care. Small unaddressed issues compound over time, creating invisible barriers between partners who once felt completely connected. Greg and Jess offer practical wisdom for couples at every stage—from those newly dating to those who've been married for decades and feel they've grown apart.
The most powerful insight emerges when they discuss what it truly means to love someone authentically: "I love you for not who you can become or who you can be, but for who you are at that moment." This profound perspective challenges us to examine whether we're truly accepting our partners or secretly keeping a list of desired "improvements."
Whether you're single, newly married, or celebrating decades together, this conversation offers fresh perspective on building relationships that thrive through life's inevitable changes. Listen, reflect, and consider reaching out for their free family culture guide mentioned in the episode by DMing them on social media.
Hey guys, what's up? I'm Greg. I hope you guys are ready to unpack and get into some good conversations today.
Speaker 2:And I'm Jess, and this is our podcast Baggage Claim. Thank you for joining us.
Speaker 1:What's up everybody? Welcome to Baggage Claim. If you're new here, thank you for joining us. If you're an original or one of the old fogies, or what do you call it?
Speaker 2:A fan. Yeah, okay, I like old fogies.
Speaker 1:Old fogies. If you're an old fogie, welcome back to the table. I thought it was a fogie. Fogie Could be a fogie. Producer Michael doesn't know what he's talking about. Oh okay, so hey, grab your favorite drink.
Speaker 2:Thanks, for joining us. Yeah, absolutely, whoever you are.
Speaker 1:This is episode 24. Yes, of Baggage Claim. We've been going for about six months. We've been at this, we've been trying to. We've missed a couple weeks in six months, but it's every week. We've been putting out content. Um, I hope you guys are enjoying it. I hope everybody's listening and getting something out of it. Just something interesting. Right now we are, um, are you about to say something? No, I just took a deep breath. Oh, okay, we're in. Uh, we've had downloads which are people listening, which download the episode in nine different countries and 138 different cities across, which is kind of cool Across the world, yeah, across the world.
Speaker 1:You didn't finish your sentence. Oh sorry, and so it's one of those nights. It's Tuesday night, school is back in, so Jess is about to go to bed in five minutes, so if she, gets up and stops talking in the middle of the episode.
Speaker 2:She just went to bed. If I disappear, I'm just done. Yeah, she's just like well, jess is out it takes me a few weeks at the beginning of school year to get back in the school rhythm and I am absolutely exhausted.
Speaker 1:Yeah, she almost falls asleep eating dinner, so we're recording this after our dinner, so she may not last but 15, 20 minutes.
Speaker 1:So for some of you guys that may be like thank God, it's only 15 minutes, so, but anyway, all that said, thanks for joining us, if you're new here. Back to, if you're new here. Baggage Claim is a place where we talk about marriage relationships in blended families outside of blended families, blended families outside of blended families. We're just here to create some conversations in this community around that topic and just have some fun with it and just create kind of a place where you can ask questions and get some information and have some fun and we share our stories and all the craziness that goes on. So, before we jump into what we're talking about tonight, before we jump into what we're talking about tonight, we've been attending a local church here that we absolutely have just— we love it, yeah, love it. I have a huge history there, yeah, so for me it's where I came to faith at. It's been huge and this is also a huge center point for a lot of pain in my life. But also, too, we've decided we're going to give it a shot and we absolutely love it. Love the pastor, love the worship, love the people there doing some cool, but they're doing thing.
Speaker 1:Talking about the home and the family, yeah, the family, the huge part of family. So we have written I don't know if you remember but episode eight way, way, way back when in the files If you want to go check out episode eight, we talked about creating a family culture, how we did that and it's called something roots, developing culture or something. It's episode eight. So if you go, if you go look up episode eight, we can actually get the title of that. But we have, in that process we wrote a four week study oh, I don't remember what the actual title is.
Speaker 1:I'm sorry oh, we had to look on our platform, but, um, on any of the podcasts. If you go there, it's episode eight of that, so but we wrote a four-week study talking about helping create culture in your home. It's very simple. Yeah, it's not complex. We want to make it something simple. Well, what we're doing for the next three weeks, since our church is talking about family and home and the importance of that, we decided we're going to develop this thing and then we're actually going to give it away to you if you want it, if you want it, if you want that study, all you need to do and I say study, it's not really, it's not kind of like an exercise, it's not really a study. You're not studying culture. It's kind of like a.
Speaker 2:It's short, it's simple.
Speaker 1:Yeah, because we know we all live busy lives. Yeah, but also, too, we wanted to create something for you to help you give some direction and some purpose to the culture in your home, and so we're going to just be handing that out. So, if you want it, you can DM us on any of the socials and just let us know, and we'll send that out to you in a PDF form Something fun. The name of that episode is From Sticky Notes to Strong Roots.
Speaker 2:Ah there we go Define your Family Culture. Thank you, producer.
Speaker 1:Michael, thank you. So there we have it. So that's something we're doing. We're going to finish that up by the time this airs this week. It'll be there. So if you can just shoot us a DM if you want that, we're working on getting a webpage up there. We'll have it where you can download it. We may even put it on our socials.
Speaker 1:You can just go to our socials and find it if you want. I don't know how that works, but anyway, we'll figure it out, okay, so, anyway. So what are we talking about this afternoon?
Speaker 2:We're talking about marriage.
Speaker 1:Well, that's kind of another topic. It's something we haven't talked about we're talking about.
Speaker 2:when we first started talking about this topic, we were thinking about it in one direction, but then it went into another direction of how do you know that you love your spouse for? Who they truly are is where it went.
Speaker 1:Yeah, that's where it ended, but, man, you just jumped to the end. I know that's the end of that episode, if you guys. Thanks for joining us tonight. So the whole idea is so you put me on the spot and I was not ready to do the introduction.
Speaker 1:Okay, so we started this discussion. We're riding in the car and are with our kids or someone I can't remember, but we were like we feel like the biggest decision you will make in your life or so, from where you go to school, all of those other things is who you are going to marry. Like that's probably the biggest decision you're going to make in your life because it determines so many things in your life, like that's your partner, your ride or die. That's the person you're saying, hey, I'm in this no matter what happens. So that's a huge decision. And so many times we make that decision based off of oh my gosh, they're so cute and I love them and they're so sweet and I'm like, ok, wait, there's got to be more depth to this.
Speaker 2:OK, that's great.
Speaker 1:Yeah, those aren't bad things at all. Hopefully they are sweet and hopefully they are pretty attractive to you, but at the same time, it's like there's so much more to that, and so that's what led us into the discussion that you just ended.
Speaker 2:I did not just end it, you put me on the spot.
Speaker 1:So you were the trusty notes, you were to kick us out.
Speaker 2:Well, the beginning of my notes is apparently not helping me very much right now. So one thing that we have talked about a lot is that how a lot of people will say in their marriage well, I'm just not happy, I'm just not happy anymore. But when you start to think about that, it's like okay, well, what expectation has not been met or what have you not identified yet, like what is the cause or what is it in you that is reflecting that unmet expectation as well, just to make you feel quote unquote not happy.
Speaker 1:Yeah, because it's interesting. Happy, I mean, if you look at that, happy is a decision. You get to decide whether you're happy or not. That's an emotion. So you get to decide whether you're happy or not. That's an emotion. So you get to decide that it's not something that's decided for you. I mean you can look at any situation and find goodness or happiness in it if you want, or you can find frustration and anger in it. So for me it goes back to the core. And man, I beat this drum so much on this podcast. It's ridiculous. I know you guys are like, oh my God, Is he going?
Speaker 1:to say it again A core value no, no, okay, thank you you said core though.
Speaker 1:Yeah, but it's one of the things that it is one of the core values probably with this show To be like if you want to have a really really healthy marriage, healthy relationship, you want to have a really really healthy marriage, healthy relationship, you need to be the healthiest version of yourself. Like. Before you start thinking about who am I going to marry, maybe you should start asking your questions about who am I Like? What are my values? What do I what like? Who am I Like? How do I think, how do I work, how do I process, how do I communicate, how do I like? Not just some of the the likes and hobbies.
Speaker 1:So many times when we are with someone, we're like, oh, they're pretty and they like the same things I like, and so, therefore, we should be compatible. Let's try this out without even really knowing who we are and how we function. And so we started with asking the question. I was like, okay, just what made you want to after that intense, beautiful cup of coffee at Waffle House after our first date? What made you say yes, please, I want to know more. And so that was the question. That kind of led us into her list of things. And then I had a list of things too. Do you want to share?
Speaker 2:yours, sure. Yeah, that's why we're here, right. I think so. Your beautiful blue eyes, you're so cute, you're so. No, yes, all those are true. Yes, but and the real ones, though, after I got to know you, the real?
Speaker 1:ones. Those are the fake ones. I mean I know what you mean.
Speaker 2:They're not. My brain is gone.
Speaker 1:Anyway.
Speaker 2:Superficial Superficial, yes.
Speaker 2:Thank you for your vocabulary. You're welcome, because I don't have it. After I got to know you, I admired your drive. Although at that moment you had sold your companies and you didn't have like a quote, unquote job, like a nine to five, you still were chasing ideas. You still were setting goals and figuring out how to get there. I appreciated how, when you had ideas most of your ideas are good ideas and you acted on them you figured out a plan how to get there, because that's the opposite of me it really is that you have a structure. Whenever you do have a plan, it may not be fleshed out with all the details, like I would prefer, but there's definitely a structure to your thoughts.
Speaker 1:Yeah, I'm an outline, Like give me an outline with some bullet points and I'm good to go. I can figure it out.
Speaker 2:Right.
Speaker 1:You are a.
Speaker 2:Oh man, I need all the bullet points, I need all the details, I need graphs and charts and labels and I need everything yeah you would like even to have a, you know, like a reference page from the outline that gives more details on what the details should be?
Speaker 2:Yes, I also appreciated that you're a risk taker, even though that scares me. But I appreciate that about you and then how adventurous you were then and still are, because I'm not I'm a scaredy cat. So most of these qualities that were attractive to me with you are things that are not like me.
Speaker 1:It's interesting because when you were asking that question, you're kind of mapping those out and I'm like not to be mean, but none of those are totally you.
Speaker 2:No.
Speaker 1:Like at all, and so and it's usually what happens in relationships the opposite attract and you're just like okay, this person is nothing like me, you're intrigued by them.
Speaker 2:Yeah, that whole list of. I mean, I have drive, but when it comes to being a risk taker and just like I have an idea I'm going to go get it. Like I don't, I'm not that way.
Speaker 1:Well, it's like we had the idea to do this podcast for a long, long time, yeah, and it wasn't finally until I sat down and was like okay. I sat down with Michael and was like how do we do this? What do I need? He sends me a list of equipment to buy and I just started buying it and putting it together, Bought our table on Facebook and we're just like, okay, we're going to do this.
Speaker 2:And I'm sitting there thinking what are we going to talk about? Oh my gosh, how do we do this? I need step one, two, three. I needed it, but you were already taking that risk.
Speaker 1:You were already being proactive and and do all those other things, and you're just like, oh my gosh, so I get that. What about you? Well, I mean, of course, you were extremely attractive, and I was like, oh okay, cool, probably one of the most appealing things to me. And it sounds weird when I say it, though, but when I met you after coffee, didn't? You didn't need me, I guess, to say like I could feel the, like it wasn't, like it wasn't a hard sell, like what's it gonna take to get you in this relationship tonight? You know it wasn't, and there was no sales pitch to that at all. It was just kind of like hey, this is who I am. If am.
Speaker 1:If you're okay with that, cool. If not, hey, it's a good cup of coffee. Well, it's average cup of coffee. Great company, I hope. And so you, you know, I think that was one of the things I was like okay, she's not, she doesn't, she's not. You didn't chase me. No, I didn't.
Speaker 2:I didn't need a man.
Speaker 1:Yeah. Yeah, it's kind of like, but it wasn't like.
Speaker 2:Not in an ugly way, I was just like, no, I'm okay.
Speaker 1:Yeah, it wasn't that like I don't need, I can do it all on my own, I don't need a man, like because it's not you. No, but at the same time you were very independent and very driven on your own to be like I got this figured out and I'm doing it. You were very connected emotionally too into—I'm not saying I wasn't.
Speaker 2:Like my friendships.
Speaker 1:Yeah, people—here's the things. Every time I would bring your name up, everybody just raved about you Like everybody loves Jessica, and if you're ever out with us, if we're ever out somewhere at a restaurant, we never, ever, go somewhere where you don't run into someone, you know, and everybody's just like, oh my God, it's Jessica and I'm just standing there like, hey, I'm Greg, you know. It's just like everybody loves you and you connected with people so easily and everybody loves you. That was a. That was a really cool thing for me, and so that was something that really attracted me into that to say, ok, I want to know more, like, who is this person behind that? So it's just for me, those were cool things your independence, your sense of hey, you had life figured out, you're doing life like you were a mom with kids.
Speaker 2:I had my routine.
Speaker 1:Yeah, you did and you're okay if I didn't fit into that and some guys would be frustrated by that and be like no, no, no, but I was like no, I like the fact that you got your thing and hey, here's what we're doing. You can be a part of it if you want.
Speaker 2:I remember my counselor saying I mentioned this before too, but still thinking about it it's funny because he said that he asked if people had started trying to set me up yet. And I was like, well, one day it wasn't great, not you, it was one before you and I was like there's a man that some friends are trying to set me up with, but I don't know. And he said what are you worried about? And I was like I don't want him to mess it up. And he was like, yeah, that's how you know you're ready. And he was like, yeah, that's how you know you're ready. He was like you've got yourself together, you know who you are, you're standing on your own feet and you don't want him to come mess it up, because you worked hard on who you are.
Speaker 1:Well, because, too, it wasn't a, you weren't rushing into this, and I wasn't rushing into this in the sense of okay, and under the circumstances of what we did, people would be like, oh bro, you rushed into this, yeah, and of course that debate's out there.
Speaker 2:Explain what you mean by that, in case somebody doesn't know.
Speaker 1:From the time we met and were engaged. We were married in eight months, yeah. So, yeah, you could call that rushing in, you know, because I hear people who are like, if you've been in, that you shouldn't at least date for a certain amount of time, you shouldn't do this for a certain amount of time, and I agree with some of those things, yeah. But I also know that people process information, they process feelings, they process things in different ways. So I'm never going to be the one that tells you oh, you got to at least wait two years before you do this but if you're dragging I wasn't dragging people and be like oh, meet my kids, here's my kids, here's, meet this.
Speaker 2:No, we didn't do that no.
Speaker 1:so it was like, okay, we're very intentional about that.
Speaker 2:So all that to say those are the things that attracted us to each other, because we're asking this, yeah, but I love the fact, though, that the things that attracted us to each other was what we were confident about in our own selves, which is interesting, yeah it is interesting. Yeah.
Speaker 1:Well, because you supplemented the things that I was not good at, and you've done the same for me. Yeah, but it wasn't like I had to have you to feel that, or it was going to be just weird.
Speaker 2:Yeah, does that make sense? Yeah, totally.
Speaker 1:So the problem with this comes though. Like when you meet someone and you're dating you're like I want to marry this person. You're usually in that really frilly feel good, Everything in the world is great, I don't. There's nothing that they do that I despise kind of stage.
Speaker 2:It's always going to be this way the lovey-dovey, Right yeah.
Speaker 1:And then that just over time just wears, it changes, it doesn't wear off. I think we just change.
Speaker 2:We do. I was listening to the radio this morning. It's a local show in Atlanta and the host was saying that he thinks it's silly sometimes that people get married in their 20s and 30s because you don't know who you are at that age. You don't know who you are until you're in your 40s.
Speaker 1:I mean, I would agree, you don't? Know who you are in your 20s.
Speaker 2:Well, I would agree with another statement that he made, that when you're 22, you're not the same person that you are when you're 45.
Speaker 1:No, absolutely not. Yeah, you're not going to be.
Speaker 2:And I also agree with what he said. That's why a lot of marriages fail in the long run, because if you don't grow and adapt together and still get to know each other, like I mean, I know I've changed since we've gotten married and you have too in some ways, but we grown together.
Speaker 1:but if you don't do that, then yeah, of course you're, you're, it's not going to be fun, yeah, if you get to a point and you're set in the, in that, and be like, no, this is who I am, this is right, and you're not growing, you're not adapting, you're not changing with that person, then, yes, you're going to grow apart. Like I am vigilant about. It could be something so minute, like we have a disagreement about something silly. I'm trying to think of something we had a disagreement about here lately.
Speaker 2:Laundry.
Speaker 1:Oh yeah, laundry doesn't bother me though I don't really. Oh yeah, maybe, okay, maybe it does. I was like, hey, can we fold the laundry? Because every time I go to get dressed I got to go dig through the laundry baskets in our room and so I was like Sunday we just dumped it all on our bed and we're like we're going to fold this stuff and take care of it. The problem is is like you could be frustrated by those things, like if there's one little thing that I feel like has come between us that we haven't talked about or we haven't addressed.
Speaker 2:You will make sure we talk about it.
Speaker 1:Yeah, it just drives me nuts because I know it could be something so simple and so like a mis-. It could be something little.
Speaker 1:Yeah, just even a miscommunication of like you thought I was angry, I wasn't angry, you thought I was upset, but I wasn't. Or I thought you were upset but you weren't. But if we don't ever talk about it, then that one little thing becomes yeah, it just, it's just okay, that's a marking point. Then from that marking point the next time some little thing happens, and then that little thing sticks to that other marking point and then that little thing becomes something a little bigger and then I'm just like oh gosh, she just gets frustrated at this or this happens when she does this and this and this.
Speaker 2:Every time I ask him to do this, he has an attitude.
Speaker 1:And so, yeah, then those things keep compounding and compounding and compounding to where it's like I don't ask him to do anything, because every time I ask him he gets attitude, and this goes on. And there's this small little thing. It's like if you had a discussion. So I'm very, very vigilant about, because what happens is I. So I'm very, very vigilant about, because what happens is I know that you may be like Greg, you're over-exaggerating. I'm telling you the truth. I have seen so many marriages five, ten years later look at each other and be like why do you not like each other?
Speaker 2:And they can't even tell you why they can't tell you yeah, I don't know why.
Speaker 1:And then you always go to that easy, just back pocket thing like we're just different people now.
Speaker 2:We've just grown apart.
Speaker 1:Yeah, we're growing apart and we're not in love. Well, that's just BS. But of course you've grown, you've changed. Of course you have. Your kids are grown, your kids are different, you're different, your body's different, like there's so many different things in your life.
Speaker 1:But if that's the case, then, what are you getting married and divorced every 10 years? Like, every time you change, you go through a season. You're like oh, I'm different now, so I gotta get rid of them, yeah, and so it's like that. That idea doesn't make sense. So it's like why can't you change and adapt with those people as you go? Like that's the idea. Because what happens, though, is like all the things that we got married that we found interesting about you, I, I could, over time, be like well, why aren't you more like me? Well, if I stop and look at them, I'm like because the things that attracted me to you were the things that were not like me, right, so why would I want to make you a clone of me? That's just boring, that's not fun. I know that's just boring, that's not fun.
Speaker 2:I know, I think the only thing that pops up every now and again about our difference is it kind of drives you nuts. It's just another big difference that you appreciate when you think about it is that I think slower than you do, which could be very frustrating at times when you've got 500 ideas in your head and I'm still processing the first three, but you're on 501, and you're probably thinking why can you not be where I'm at? Come over here with me. I'm like well, I'm still working on the first few ideas. But that's another thing that if you don't work on still appreciating that about your spouse, or specifically us, that could drive you nuts to the point where, like God, I can't even have a conversation with her anymore.
Speaker 1:It's true, it could, yeah, it really could. I don't, and it could be the same way about like you came home today and I've been at the kitchen table. I was doing real estate, so I was working on some offers and some real estate stuff.
Speaker 1:But I also had these big sticky notes and on the windows and so I'm mapping out, for baggage claim, how to kind of lay out our website and the three different areas. We're going to do Like, hey, at one point we're going to do retreats, we want to do some one-on-one coaching, we want to do some mastermind or cohort kind of things with couples together so we can walk through some of the things that we're talking about. And so I'm laying all this out on a piece of paper and you're just like okay, what are we talking about tonight? And I'm like, what? Like, okay, what are we talking about tonight? And I'm like what Like? Are you serious? Like I have like 15 other things in my mind. And you're like okay, so what are we talking about tonight?
Speaker 2:Well, then again, I'm not frustrated, but I'm used to it. But I brought up that I shared an idea with one of my administrators that I was pretty brave about and I said I can't wait to tell you about it, but your brain kept going about baggage claim and I didn't get to share that idea with you yet that's true, but that's just an example.
Speaker 2:I'm not mad about that because I know I will get to, but if I weren't careful and just mindful, it's like he didn't mean it at me. It's just. That's how his mind works. Yeah you could hear it as I don't care. Yeah, I don't care about what you have to say, but I don't read it that way, just because I know that's not your intent.
Speaker 1:No.
Speaker 2:I've adapted and grown.
Speaker 1:Yeah, that makes me feel horrible as a communicator, though, no. I remember you saying that, like because you said you were so proud of yourself you go because I had an idea and then I acted on it and I went to the principal's office today and told them about it and I was like, oh, that's awesome. I thought that was the point that you acted on the idea.
Speaker 2:I wanted to tell you the rest of the details because that came up whenever I was talking about the list of things that I was making that were attractive to me when I first met you is that when you had an idea, you acted on it. So I was like this is a good time to share. But it was not a good time to share.
Speaker 1:So okay, so we say these things and we're talking about this, and you may be out there If you're listening to this and you're not married. God bless you. Thank you so much for listening to us. I hope you find some value in some of this. But also, too, as you're listening and you're thinking about who am I, what do I want to do? But then at the other and you may be like we've been married 15 years. I'm like we're kids deep in this, we're out mortgage payment and car payments and sports and everything else like I don't feel that. What do you say to that person?
Speaker 2:You don't feel.
Speaker 1:Like I feel the separation. I don't feel that, like I don't feel like we're on the same page. We fight and argue more than we don't. We don't see things the same way, like how do you what's?
Speaker 2:your thoughts on that. What do you do with that? Well, I mean, I've not been in that position, but I have been in a place where to know that it's okay to start over, and I don't mean with a fresh new marriage, I mean with a fresh clean slate.
Speaker 1:Well, honey, I'm done, we're out, I gotta go.
Speaker 2:No, I mean with a clean slate. It's okay to start over and I would encourage you because, like what your example is, if you've been together for that many years and you have, you know all the kids and all the things and now all that's over, you know, or you're the raising littles is coming to an end and you know some of that's starting to die down. You should get to know each other again.
Speaker 1:I agree you got to see it almost as an adventure, like a fun kind of adventure to be like. Oh, I get to rediscover who this person is that I fell in love with, that I've built this life with, Like there's a lot of life together. Just because you see a few things differently doesn't mean you walk away from that it doesn't mean you.
Speaker 1:It's just like it's a hard. I think, first off, when you're in that position, you got to find some common ground to be like, okay, let's find some things that we have some common ground and let's start with that. Like, let's build on that. What's the foundation of those things? Because you both, I mean the idea is, if you're in a relationship with someone, both people have to want it.
Speaker 2:Yeah.
Speaker 1:You got to want that relationship and you're going to have to work at it. It's interesting to me like we push the gym working out, be healthy, be healthy, blah, blah, blah, workout, workout, do these things, watch what you eat. But then it's like if you took that same intentionality toward your marriage to work on your marriage to make it good and make it healthy, you're not going to have that issue. Like if you just think you're just going to show up and wake up in bed with this person every morning and just go through life and you think if we don't have those intentional conversations of being healthy together, you're not going to have a healthy relationship. It's asinine to think it's just going to happen on its own because it's not.
Speaker 2:I think people forget in the fast pace of life that a relationship is work. I mean there are parts of it that are easy. Yeah.
Speaker 1:And it should be easy and it should be fun. But it's also like you enjoy going to the gym, you love going to the gym, you enjoy it, I do, but it's also work.
Speaker 2:It is work.
Speaker 1:Yeah, the relationship's the same way, a marriage is the same way. It's a work, and not to steal the joy from you and be like it's not all flowers and fun, it's like sometimes it's work yeah.
Speaker 2:Well, I mean, 13 years ago I fell in love with you for who you were then, but now I still love you just as much for who you are now. But that's because we've worked and we've grown together. I mean there's a lot of things that have changed for you and I.
Speaker 1:I've had so many different jobs. I've had so many different and I kind of have an entrepreneurial spirit. I'm a risk taker. So, like ladies, if you're marrying an entrepreneur or even a risk taker kind of guy, we love to push all our chips into the middle of the table and just roll the dice and see what happens. Often Sometimes too often because I just think it's fun and Jess is like it's not as fun as you think it is no, it's not, no, it's not.
Speaker 1:But on the other hand, you know who I am and so you can talk to me before we get to the push, everything in the middle and be like are you sure this is what we need to do?
Speaker 2:But then on the other side of that is I trust you with that.
Speaker 1:Because I also know, too, that growth is going to come out of that, but also, too, there's a lot of tension points that can be frustrations and arguments. So that's why I'm saying, when you're thinking about your relationship and who you're going to marry and who you're in this relationship with, those are all very, very important parts of that. Yeah, so make sure that those are included in those things. And yeah, we all have seasons.
Speaker 1:You're going to change, yeah, and that's okay. It's adapting. And finally, that's why I'm saying, knowing who you are at your core and the person you marry is okay with who you are and you're okay Like. I'm not trying to change you. No, I don't want you to be like me, because I don't. I mean, sometimes I'm not, I'm just like I don't want to be like me. I want to be more like you.
Speaker 2:But we've never asked each other to change.
Speaker 1:No, I never have.
Speaker 2:We've used the help me understand phrase.
Speaker 1:Yeah, understand phrase. Yeah, you've done that a lot, a few times. Yeah.
Speaker 2:But I've never asked you to change from all those qualities that I love.
Speaker 1:Well, because there's a level of trust that I trust that you have my best interest and you trust that I have your best interest and I'm not doing it to hurt you, harm you or anything else, just to make us better.
Speaker 2:Yeah.
Speaker 1:In the end.
Speaker 2:So you ready to unpack a little bit? Yeah, let's unpack this. So I know I keep saying I fell in love with you for who you are, before we get that thought, okay, hold it, we're going back to that.
Speaker 1:Okay, if you're new here, uh, it's your first time listening. Unpack is where we kind of try to take what we've talked about and put some feet to it and put some action steps to it, some practical spots to. Hey, we've talked about these things, okay, now go do this this week.
Speaker 1:We're simple people, so we like simple steps. The world loves to complicate things and take something simple and make it complex. We like to try to do the opposite. Let's take something complex and make it simple so we can apply it in life. So our unpack. When we say let's unpack, that's what we're meaning. Let's jump into this.
Speaker 2:Turn the page Now. What do you do?
Speaker 1:Turn the page Right.
Speaker 2:Yes, so, like I was saying, I have repeated multiple times, I know that I fell in love with you for who you are. What if you? Okay, let me rephrase that what does it mean to truly love somebody for who they are?
Speaker 1:That's a deep question.
Speaker 2:I know.
Speaker 1:I think I love you. Oh God, this sounds so cliche, so I'm trying not to make it sound cliche, but I love you for not who you can become or who you can be, but for who you are at that moment. Yeah, Like I'm not aspiring to be like, oh my gosh, she's so messy and I just want her to be neat.
Speaker 2:Like.
Speaker 1:I love your mess. I love your— I'm not messy. First of all, You're not messy. Your purgatory stool in the closet is messy.
Speaker 2:That does drive you nuts, but—.
Speaker 1:No, I just think it's interesting.
Speaker 2:Are you going to explain that?
Speaker 1:Because not everybody knows what— so, okay, you know we have a walk-in closet and I have a small portion.
Speaker 2:You do Like a fourth of our yes.
Speaker 1:The rest is Jess. And then there's this step stool, because she has like five shelves over there that she has blue jeans from 15 years ago. No, I don't. Anyway, there's this shelf that has a stack of clothes on it. I was like what are those?
Speaker 2:It's on the little stool. Yeah, the stool.
Speaker 1:yeah, the clothes are, and she goes well, they're not dirty, but they're not clean.
Speaker 2:So I might could wear them one more time.
Speaker 1:But they sit on this stool and I'm like, well, what is the stool? And she goes it's the in-between of dirty and clean and I'm like it's like purgatory for your clothes.
Speaker 2:They're not, they're neither they're nowhere, they're just in the middle.
Speaker 1:They're just hanging out and so we're just kind of at this place to be like anyway.
Speaker 2:Most women probably have a pile, although your husband hasn't named it like mine did, so when we get rid of that, it's always a happy day.
Speaker 1:But that doesn't bother me. No, I'm not trying to change that in you, though. So I think loving someone for who they are is not who they can be, but who they are at that moment.
Speaker 2:Right, because if you want to change them, or if you think you've got this little list in your head of things that you want them to quote unquote improve on, do you really love them for who they are? I mean, I would say no.
Speaker 1:Yeah, well, that's, yeah, it's valid, because it'd be like if they didn't do this, if they didn't do that, if there's those things that are in your, then that's a big red flag for you. To be like I would love that. This just drives me nuts. When they do this, I mean like, okay, maybe that's a red flag for you.
Speaker 2:We're not perfect. There are things that each other does that drives each other nuts.
Speaker 1:Like I love, love and I don't know why, to see how far I can go on the empty tank before. Oh my gosh, like right now, like right now. I got in my truck this morning and I've been at the house most of the day. I drove and went to the bank. When I got in the truck it said low level, like it doesn't even say miles. I drove to the bank and drove back home.
Speaker 2:You didn't go, get gas.
Speaker 1:Didn't go get gas because I'm like I leave tomorrow. I'm going to see if I can make it to the gas station.
Speaker 2:I don't understand that and I kept telling him for years and years and years and years. You're going to run out of gas, and he did before we married each other. But I was like you're going to run out of gas and you were driving my other car I had before my Jeep and I said you've got to get some gas when you're going to run an errand in my car. No, I don't, no, I don't, no, I don't. Who ran out of gas before they could get?
Speaker 1:back here. It's because I didn't know your car. I know my truck.
Speaker 2:Oh my gosh.
Speaker 1:I know my truck. I know exactly what she's got in her.
Speaker 2:Would I like to change that about you? Probably, yeah, I'm sure you would.
Speaker 1:I actually would probably like to change that about myself too, but I kind of—.
Speaker 2:It drives me nuts there's a part Anyway so here's some things to think of about your own self, because this, you know, the Bible verse is easy to pick out a plank out of somebody else's eye instead of the splinter of your own eye.
Speaker 1:It's true.
Speaker 2:Well, how about you think about your own self, think about who you are, think about things that you value, what's important to you, and are you reflecting that to your significant other? Because if you're not showing those things that you value and are important to you, then are you really showing them who you are?
Speaker 1:Right. That's what happens when you start dating. You always put your best self out forward and then, when you get to know each other, you're comfortable, like I know you. As soon as we get home, literally we walk in the door and it's five minutes later you have already changed into comfy lay-around-the-house clothes, like literally, I haven't even got to the island yet and you're gone, and you come back around the corner with comfy.
Speaker 2:I was like you got pajamas on already. It's like sure do. It's like we just got home. We are home from running errands. Here come the pajamas.
Speaker 1:It's like immediately yes, and then you. It drives you nuts that I wear my shoes in the house.
Speaker 2:All freaking day.
Speaker 1:Why do you have your shoes on?
Speaker 2:Why do you have blue jeans on for four hours? I?
Speaker 1:was like because they're pants and I'm wearing pants at the house.
Speaker 2:You need to go put some pajama pants on. So, yeah, anyway, if you don't know, like I said, if you don't know who you are, how are you going to know what you're looking for in someone else?
Speaker 1:100%. And it goes back to that Know yourself, yes, and Know who you are Like, really dig into that Like. Who do you want to be Like? Do you guys see? Do you think about money the same way? Do you think about communication the same way? Do you think spiritually about church or faith? Do you feel the same way? Because if you're, I mean if your faith is a huge part of your life and you're with somebody who's not, that's a big thing. I'm not saying that could be one of those things to be like you walk away from, but also, too, on the other side, I would be like that should be a flag for you, a red flag for you to go, hold this, tap the brakes and see what's like, yeah, we need to figure this out.
Speaker 1:Yeah, it's a big discussion point and so those are the things like I'm marrying a serial entrepreneur who's always pushing and he's wide open, because those guys usually have some kind of tension deficit daughter and they run it a thousand miles an hour all over the place. So just know that's who you're marrying. It's like a squirrel, yes, and so you're okay with that.
Speaker 2:So a little bit ago you brought up what if you've been married to the same person for 15 plus years and all of a sudden you realize, oh, I don't know who you are anymore. What do you do?
Speaker 1:You start the conversation, you find the common ground. Start the conversation.
Speaker 1:Think of it in your perspective, like I'm looking at it this way, they're looking at it this way the whole thinking of like we're looking at the same thing just in different ways. Change the way you look at it this way. The whole um thinking of like we're looking at the same thing just in different ways. Um, change the way you look at it. Look at it as an adventure, to to explore some new, fun things together, and so that's where I would say it's gonna take work, both commit to do the work and then just look at it as an adventure and doing something fun well, it's definitely an adventure being married to you yeah, well, I mean, I mean we're trying to figure out a fun new stage of our lives, like our kids are gone and now we have a grandbaby, which is amazing and love her to death.
Speaker 2:She's the best thing in the whole wide world.
Speaker 1:And so when she comes over, it's like everything in the world stops Nothing, um, but it is new for us. But then we also, too, like to go like we had a blast Friday night going out with Thomas, our son, and AJ and just having a good time Like we had so much fun.
Speaker 1:Um, and so it's like we're trying to figure out. This is a different stage for us in life and that's okay. But you look at it as adventure, not as a stressful place. Yeah, so, um, anything else to add? I don't think. So back, ask who? Would I be here? Would I be saying wow?
Speaker 2:and and you want to go to first grade with me tomorrow in your uh, in your com, in your relationships.
Speaker 1:Don't be afraid to ask the hard questions. Yeah, like don't be afraid to to get in there and say what, how are we doing? Like, do a checkup, almost like when the gas light comes on and the engine light comes on, oh, and you should go get gas. Oh yeah, there's something going on. Don't wait till it's catastrophic to be like okay, our marriage is falling apart, we need to fix it.
Speaker 2:Yeah.
Speaker 1:Like there's have some warning signs, some things in place to go like how we doing, we okay.
Speaker 2:We good, we had a real conversation in a couple of days, yeah.
Speaker 1:You like how's things going? Just get a coffee, just sit down Like a coffee, a tea, I don't care Whatever you want and just have a conversation, whether it be. It doesn't have to be a hard one, but it can just be a conversation to be like you're okay, you're good, I love you, I'm thinking about you, and then just start and build from there. If you're new in this relationship and you're looking into dating and going deeper, be okay with just being who you are, be who you are, and if they don't love you for who you are, then that's okay. Somebody will. Yes, and don't run from that. So, with that being said, we're going to wrap it up, yeah.
Speaker 2:Thank you for joining us today, yeah.
Speaker 1:Thank you guys. And again, if you want that study on our study I don't even know what to call it, exercise, I don't know Four-week exercise on family culture DM us and I week exercise on family culture uh, dm us, and I'll be sure to get that to you in a pdf form. But uh, thank you guys for joining and listening to us. Keep sharing, liking, subscribing, distributing, what all this is anyway, come back again, please, bye.
