Baggage Claim
Baggage Claim is a space for blended families, marriage, and friendship.
Here, we dive into real-life conversations about the ups and downs of relationships, from navigating second marriages to unpacking the baggage we all bring. Hosted by Greg and Jessica, who both have rich experiences with love, loss, and family, this community is about sharing stories, learning together, and growing stronger as couples and individuals. Grab a drink and join us as we unpack, laugh, and claim our baggage—one conversation at a time
Baggage Claim
The Untalked-About Leadership Role
Leadership is everywhere in the corporate world – books, seminars, workshops – but why don't we talk about it at home? That's the question Greg and Jess tackle in this revealing conversation about what leadership actually looks like within a marriage and family.
The truth? Someone is leading in your household right now, whether you've acknowledged it or not. But contrary to what many believe, leadership isn't about being bossy or controlling – it's about trust, direction, and creating an environment where everyone can thrive. As Jess puts it, true leadership makes you think, "I can't help but trust you."
Drawing from their own marriage, Greg and Jess share how they've discovered "lane leadership" – dividing responsibilities according to their natural strengths. Greg handles finances while Jess manages the family calendar and connections with extended family. This division isn't about power but about recognizing who excels where. When Greg sets the emotional tone during difficult conversations and Jess maintains the family's relational connections, they complement rather than compete with each other.
Perhaps most thought-provoking is their discussion of how family attitude reflects leadership quality – echoing the famous line from Remember the Titans: "Attitude reflects leadership, captain." When couples struggle with conflicting leadership approaches, they recommend finding common ground through intentional questions like "What's your biggest concern with my approach?" and remembering you're "all on the same team."
This conversation offers practical wisdom for any relationship struggling with leadership dynamics. As John Maxwell says, "Everything worthwhile is uphill" – and family leadership, while challenging, creates the foundation for your most meaningful relationships. Whether you're part of a blended family, nuclear family, or single-parent household, this episode will transform how you think about leadership at home.
Hey guys, what's up? I'm Greg. I hope you guys are ready to unpack and get into some good conversations today.
Speaker 2:And I'm Jess, and this is our podcast Baggage Claim. Thank you for joining us.
Speaker 1:Welcome to Baggage Claim everybody. If this is your first time here, thank you so much for joining. If you're a regular, uh, you know the drill grab your favorite drink that was thunder, lightning and thundering year.
Speaker 3:That just shook the room that's crazy.
Speaker 2:There's a crazy storm right here where we are, if you hear sounds, yeah, it's literally rain if you hear a light screaming and a lightning, we've been hit. And if I panic it's because I'm terrified of storms. Anyway, continue with your welcome.
Speaker 1:So welcome to Baggage Claim, a place where we are hoping to create some conversations and community around marriage and a blended family and relationships, all those fun things that are there. So we always say, grab your favorite drink, whatever that is tea, coffee, maybe something stronger. I don't know what kind of week you've had or what kind of day you're having or where you're at in your day, but thanks for sitting down to listen to us?
Speaker 2:Yeah, thanks for. Or standing while you're cleaning or riding.
Speaker 1:Riding. Whatever, thanks for listening. I just want to say this off the get-go we had someone in Israel, in Tel Aviv, listen to our podcast, so this next episode is going to be sponsored by Jesus. This is an official sponsor of our podcast. Now, just kidding, I'm kidding. There's a lot of people out there probably get offended by that, but honestly, whoever is, all over the world, that's listening to us that just blows my mind.
Speaker 1:Yeah, if you're in Israel and you listen to us, shoot me a DM. I'd love to just— Please, yeah, just—and if you hated it, you can just— you can say that too. Say a DM and go. That was trash.
Speaker 3:And I'm like okay.
Speaker 1:But anyway, thanks everybody for listening. I mean we're in in like over 140 different cities now and 10 different countries.
Speaker 2:It's just nuts to me that that many people and that many downloads and that many places that want to hear what we have to say.
Speaker 1:Maybe they do, maybe they listen to five seconds and they're like, eh, okay, maybe, regardless, thanks for listening and we're having a blast. Um, thanks for listening and we're having a blast. And today we're jumping into a topic that I never hear really talked about in the home and has to do with marriage or with the family, which is really interesting. Um, but we're going to talk about this L word that just I don't even want to say saturates the market when it comes to corporate leadership. It's insane.
Speaker 2:Oh, it 100% does. It's the most talked about word in the corporate world.
Speaker 1:So tonight we're digging into the idea of leadership and what does leadership look like in your household Right now? If you want to buy a book on leadership, you have 57,000 options yes Of books about leadership right now which is insane to think about.
Speaker 2:I'll go even further. There's 57,000 books in the world with leadership the word leadership in the title.
Speaker 1:There you go and I mean, like there's so many different variations, there's so many different things. When's so many different things? Uh, when it comes to leadership in so many areas we could dive into. I mean, people make livings off of just talking about leadership, yeah, and we're going to try to take leadership and pack it into one little tiny segment of a podcast, which means we'll probably dig into a different area of that later on, but we're going to give the overall kind of the I like to say the 30,000 foot view of leadership in the home. Tell me more about what you mean by that. Like, when you're in your plane, you're 30,000 feet up and you look down and you see everything. You don't see all the details of how of all those things, but you see the overall picture Just like an overview.
Speaker 1:Yeah, that's a very corporate-ish I know.
Speaker 2:That's why I wanted you to say that because not all of us me, we don't live in the corporate world. I don't either. Not all of us do. We used to.
Speaker 1:I spent a day on a massive Ferguson, bush hogging my old family farm, which actually was pretty awesome.
Speaker 2:Right, yeah, I loved it.
Speaker 1:It's so different than it used to be. Now it has AC.
Speaker 2:You spent a lot of years in the corporate world, so that 30,000 feet view would register for you. I spent some years in the corporate world before I became a teacher, but I mean that feels like literally a lifetime ago. But that's why I was like, okay, tell me what you mean by that.
Speaker 1:So when we talk about leadership in the household, just know this is the 30,000-foot view. We're probably not going to get into the weeds, aka the details of a lot of things that we're going to talk about, so we're going to try to keep it. Just give you some broad strokes. You are so corporate right now I'm sorry, I think I just said leadership and my brain clicked and it was like oh, we're doing this.
Speaker 2:Earsuit, yep Broad strokes and 30,000 feet view.
Speaker 1:So, when I say the word leadership, jess, what do you think about? Like, what's the first thing that comes to mind? Trust, that's it, okay, trust.
Speaker 2:First Okay, guidance.
Speaker 1:Okay, tell me I know this is in your notes note, so this is probably gonna freak you out a little bit tell me um of one really really good leader you had. It just stands out to you.
Speaker 2:You're like, when I say leadership, you're like, oh, I know that person well it just kind of jumps out at you I don't think he's listened to this podcast, but dave moody okay, okay. He's a local man.
Speaker 1:I love Dave.
Speaker 2:I know he's a local guy in our board of education now, but when I first started good gracious 2008 is when I went from banking as my career to education that's a whole story in and of itself. We're not going to go into there, but I joined a school that was brand new and there was this whole vision that was cast by this man, dave, that we're talking about, of a Spanish Immersion Academy in our county where we live in Northeast Georgia. It was the first one of its kind and I mean literally. God landed me there when we go back to this story at some point, but nobody had done this where we live and this whole idea was just like crazy. But this man, he had this vision and he had a plan and he had goals and it was all laid out in detail so much that it was just like I can't help but to trust you.
Speaker 1:And also, too, he has this overwhelming personality. When he walks in the room, you're like he grabs your attention.
Speaker 2:He's like I got to talk to that guy. Yeah, yeah.
Speaker 1:And I hadn't seen Dave in years. I ran into him on the screen and he hugged my neck and he was just as kind as he was the first time I met him Well, I just got to see him last week and it made my whole day and I texted you, he did text me.
Speaker 2:That yeah, but he just encapsulates leadership with his personality and his I mean even word choice. Yeah, the way he develops and then presents a plan. You just want to, you just want to join him. And then I did, and then here we are.
Speaker 1:Nice. So what I find interesting, though for me, because reading corporate books, being in that world, being in the church world, being in just family life.
Speaker 1:Yeah, just doing a lot of like self-starter and it's like leadership. I've been in it, around it, teaching it. I've been taught. I mean I can't tell you how many seminars of leadership I've sat through. It's interesting to me that we never really talk about it in the household. We never really talk about those things that Dave Moody would like ooze, be like. What about those things in your family, like, do you as a leader in your home, are those the characteristics that you, you know people would say about you? Your kids would say about you, your, your, maybe your outer circle, your inner circle, those people that around you that see you lead in your household? Um, because we always have these.
Speaker 1:I mean there's so many different forms of leadership yeah um, and I always, I always remember I can't remember if it was Maxwell or someone else always, as one of his books always said, if you have to tell people that you're the leader, then you're not the leader. And it's like, if you think leadership is just bossing people around and telling people what to do, that is actually the lowest form of leadership you could get to, yeah, like that's basement level, and it's not even really a great form of leadership, it's kind of a dictatorship.
Speaker 1:And so it's different in a sense too. So when you dive into this, there's so many aspects, so many places, and I'm going to try to stay focused tonight, so this isn't like an hour and a half episode.
Speaker 2:Yeah.
Speaker 1:But I would almost encourage, encourage, like look at yourself If you're if you're a single, if you're a single mom, if you're a single dad, if you're a blended family, if you're not a blended family and you're just a nuclear family, that's been together from the word go. Someone's the leader and someone has a leadership style. In that home there is leadership. Somebody's leading in your home. Whether you actually say it or not, someone is the leader.
Speaker 2:Yeah.
Speaker 1:And usually it's pretty easy to pick out the leader in the home. And it's not always not hear me it's not always the man.
Speaker 2:No, every home or family has a leader.
Speaker 1:Yeah.
Speaker 2:Whether you know it or not, right, I just said it didn't I. Not that part. Oh okay, you may not realize that you're a leader in your home. Okay, but there is one Right. But what is the importance of having a leader in the home? Why is that important?
Speaker 1:Well, think about it this way we used to do a and I know I've talked about it one time. We did this backpacking trip where we would get up every day and we'd talk to these kids how to read a topo map and how to build fires and how to do everything.
Speaker 2:I don't know what a topo map is.
Speaker 1:It's a topographical map, so it's just. It tells elevations and lots of okay, Okay.
Speaker 2:No, our friends listening may not know what that means.
Speaker 1:Oh that's true, okay, I'm sorry. And so we teach them how to read that, and so we would get up each morning and we'd be like okay, we're here and we need to get to. We're at point A and you need to get us to point B. Here's your map, here's your compass Yikes.
Speaker 2:Have a good day. How many years ago was this?
Speaker 1:It was a long time ago.
Speaker 2:I would still be wandering.
Speaker 1:Now we did. There were times where we would let them and we would wander and I'm like we are not going the way we need to go, but they would have the map and we would let them wander off, but they would have the map and we would let them wander off. Our job as leaders then was the quiet leadership to stand in the back and make sure no one got hurt and safe, everybody was safe. We wandered around and sometimes we never made it to the destination, but sometimes we did the idea behind that when I say what is a leader a leader helps so many different things. As far as the leader sets the tone for your household, it does. It sets the direction of your household, the vision, the plan. They help implement the plan. They help. And you may be like dude, are you kidding me? We don't even have a vision or plan for our house.
Speaker 2:You do, you just may not realize it.
Speaker 1:Yeah, somebody does and somebody's doing it.
Speaker 2:You're conveying a message.
Speaker 1:Yeah, so all those things happen in leadership. A lot of times they're just unspoken.
Speaker 2:Yeah.
Speaker 1:They're just happening Like you're like, right now, I feel like my vision is the ball field, because we're there 24-7 and I'm a taxi and they'll be like yeah, that's your path right now. What's the plan? Like, so I would challenge in saying that it'd be like okay so how do you use that time?
Speaker 2:or what build your family right? What kind of leader do you want to be right?
Speaker 1:yeah, you get to decide that. I mean, that's the crazy part about it is like no, you get to choose you. You as the, the husband or the wife or the couple or the single mom or single dad. You get to choose that path. So many times we think we don't, but we 100% do.
Speaker 2:Well, yeah. So, Let me just side note. I knew that you would get fired up about this subject of leadership and that you would take over the majority of the conversation. I'm sorry Because of your personality. That's not a bad thing, because the smirk you have on your face.
Speaker 2:I'm literally trying not to say a word, I know For our friends that are not watching, but you have a smirk on your face. But when you and I got together we've talked about this previously like you had your own thing, it was working, I had my own thing, it was working. So my not attitude, maybe it is attitude, I don't know, Although you are the leader in our home and we'll get more into that in a minute but my whole attitude has been like you're not the boss of me and we'll get more into that in a minute but my whole attitude has been like you're not the boss of me.
Speaker 1:Yeah, you love saying that.
Speaker 2:That's my favorite and I'm always like you're right.
Speaker 1:I'm not the boss of you. But sometimes you do, sometimes you're like yes, I am, but then yeah, because, like, for instance, you would say you're not the boss of me, I'm like what flight are we getting on?
Speaker 2:I don't know, this is what I'm saying what country are we going to?
Speaker 1:I'm not sure I have no idea, yeah.
Speaker 2:So it's like okay, well, somebody's got to lead this, we're not going anywhere what terminal do you get off when we're on the plane train I, I don't know so. So that's why I'm like I mean you're not the boss of me, but kind of you are, because well, that's kind of a funny saying, but people look at it.
Speaker 1:They look at leadership that way as like oh, you're just the bossy one, Be like no, that's a good leader will lead and they'll never feel like they're bossy.
Speaker 2:Yeah Well, I mean you're good at it.
Speaker 1:You don't have to be bossy.
Speaker 2:I've learned early on in our relationship and still now. I learned early on in our relationship and still now.
Speaker 1:But I mean, I kind of do want you to be the boss of me because you are better at a lot of things than I am. That's not true. That's not true. I think good leaders are going to bring you along with them in the journey. As far as saying I want your input, I want to hear what you have to say, but I also want to encourage you to the moment to where sometimes you may think it's called influence. It's not manipulation. There's a difference in manipulating it versus. I want to encourage you to use the gifts you have and the abilities you have and the influence you have, because in a household, parents have different influences over different kids. Yeah, they just do.
Speaker 2:And different parents in different areas with different kids Like it's a whole mixture.
Speaker 1:Oh, yeah, yeah, like I mean as far as even the leadership goes, it's talking about, okay, money-wise, like where are we at? Like, who's handling the money, who's handling the schedule, who's handling this, who's handling that, who's going to make? I mean even the simple things of, hey, plan out our meals for this week, or what are we going to do, like, what do we have going?
Speaker 2:on. I mean as silly as that phrase is what I said like you're not the boss of me. When it boils down to it, because of our life experience together, I 100% trust your leadership in our home. When it comes to your lane, like stay in your lane, bro, you know that whole thing. Like we have lanes yes, we do, we definitely have lanes. Yes, but leaders in the home make you have. There's a heavy. There's a heavy weight to that when it's who's the leader of what in the home? Like you've got spiritual decisions, you've got just emotional decisions, financial decisions. There's a lot of weight to being the leader in your home.
Speaker 1:Yeah, even the things of the leader usually depicts on. How do we handle conflict? Yeah, how do we handle emotional situations? How do we get who's going to, during the tough times, still stand up and keep going? Who's going to be the one to encourage or who's going to be the one to pick people up? I mean, there's so many different things to that.
Speaker 2:Well, with you and I, a personal example. There are some times where, if times are tough, or if there's a personal decision or even a personal hurt of who's going to pick who up, we're, you know, we definitely shift the weight when it comes to those kinds of things of just like the moving through life. You know, sometimes I've got like I mean right now, with school starting, I'm exhausted. There's a lot going on at school. There's just it feels like literally like layers piled up on top of me and I mean even like when we were trying to plan out our meals for this week, I was like I can't even think, I literally don't know. And then you said, what about this, what about this, what about this? And then we can have leftovers on this night. Yes, let's just do that. And although that seems like a simple task for me, that took a really big weight off of me, Like I didn't have to think forward four or five days. I didn't have to do that. You did that for me.
Speaker 1:One thing we do, though, that I feel like a lot of couples don't is like as, as the husband, we feel like, okay, my role in the home and not even talking about roles and responsibilities, cause I mean leadership is that is part of that role but so many times it's like the husband's like well, my job's to go make the money and bring home the money and my wife's job is to run the household. That's not 100% true, like I get the results, but it's like putting all of that weight on her is not fair to her.
Speaker 2:Well, a good leader, and sometimes it may feel like I'm a leader, sometimes it may feel like you're the leader, but a good leader will delegate and I feel like you and I do a pretty good job of that.
Speaker 1:We have an absurd amount of conversations about things we do and I think some people would look at it and go, oh my gosh, Like you, look at this and you go dude, you have a plan for where you want to go. You have ideas.
Speaker 2:Yeah, 100%, we do. We literally I say you, but in your office here at home there's literally a whiteboard with where we're going.
Speaker 1:Yeah, and we have discussions around that we do Like it's not like I just come up with these ideas and implement them.
Speaker 2:And like you are better at. Like we share leadership in our home. Yes, like, for instance, me, I lead on calendar and scheduling.
Speaker 3:Thank God.
Speaker 1:Whether it be, like you know, literally our great niece's birthday party or I literally this is no lie today I was on the tractor today and I was bush hogging and listening to country music.
Speaker 2:I knew you were going to bring this one up.
Speaker 1:No, there was two things.
Speaker 2:Yeah.
Speaker 1:One. It popped up and it was a notification. It says except, and it said August birthdays, august birthday celebrations. And I was like I have no idea, except sure I'll be there. I don't know what that is, but I'm going to be at that and then I was like when is Lucy's birthday party? Now, this is our grandchild having her first birthday for one year old and I was like when is her party?
Speaker 2:So I had to pull out my phone.
Speaker 1:Yeah, and luckily you added it on my phone. I had already put it on your calendar, yeah, which? And I looked and I was like, oh cool.
Speaker 2:Her birthday party is not on her actual birthday, correct, because Lucy's mommy was working with her daddy's fire station calendar, and so that's just what it was. But the August birthday celebration was because, behind the scenes, me and our daughter-in-law and my sister-in-law were putting together that Because in August it is Lucy, my brother and my mom are all having a birthday in August, and they're all within literally two days of one another, and so we were trying to all of us, put our heads together to figure out when we can have a meaningful dinner celebration moment, and so that's when I was like August birthday celebration, send it to Greg.
Speaker 1:But you had no idea even all that was happening no, and not to be mean, but I don't really want to be a part of that conversation either.
Speaker 2:Like I'm not gonna add any value to that no, and so for me I was like, except, okay, I'll be there because in that conversation was working around our nieces, cheer and and Thomas' our son's fire station calendar and you know your real estate and you know all of these things and my mama and like all these, like you didn't have to be a part of all that, I took care of that, but I put on your calendar for you, thank you.
Speaker 2:But that, like also for myself, I feel like not, I feel like it is like the connectivity with our immediate family and extended family and your side of the family too, like making sure that it all works and we're all being at all the things that we can be at. I mean, there's stuff that happens out of our control, but like that's me, I'm making sure we're doing all the things and that's a lot, because there's a lot of members of all both sides of our family and even our own family with four grown kids two are married a grandbaby and all the in-laws and all the things. There's a lot.
Speaker 1:Yeah, anyway, to say the least.
Speaker 2:Yeah, so the calendar and the connectiveness with everyone, that's my job. But when we talk a lot you have said that part of my leadership of our family is I kind of set the emotional tone, oh, yes, for our family. Is that I kind of set the emotional tone? Oh, yes, for our family?
Speaker 1:Yeah, you do set the emotional tone, but you, because I've tried this Again. If we say this once, we talk things to death around our house and if there's ever a weird conversation or conflict I don't want to say conflict, but misunderstanding- miscommunication A possible misunderstanding. Sometimes there's been some issues and we had to have hard conversations. I always have to lead those conversations.
Speaker 2:You do.
Speaker 1:Like you, I know going into it. It doesn't matter how much I say, you're going to lead this, you're going to lead this.
Speaker 3:You're like, yeah, yeah, yeah, I won't.
Speaker 1:And you get to the table and you freeze up 100% and you just go like it's the one I'm looking at and you're not going to say a word.
Speaker 2:Yeah, no, it's not a bad thing, it's just knowing what you're good at, but I do know what I'm good at and and when something happens that I'm like there's a miscommunication or a misunderstanding, I go to you because I know that you're going to lead me through that conversation of help me decipher what's feelings versus fact.
Speaker 2:And then when we get to, when we— Because there's too much together for you a lot they do, and that's what I was about to say Like when you and I talk through it and we get down to like, okay, here's the actual issue. So when we get together with whomever it's involving, or we have a phone call or like meet with whomever usually of a family member, I still mush those together.
Speaker 1:Yeah Well, you add your feelings, I do, you add your feelings, I do you add your feelings with the facts, and those always go together.
Speaker 2:But that's when I trust your leadership, because I have come to you first of here's what has been said and this is what it makes me feel. But you always say don't read into it, let's talk about the facts.
Speaker 3:Yeah.
Speaker 2:So again, the leadership part, because that's your strong point you're able to decipher the feelings from the facts, but my heart can't.
Speaker 3:Yeah, I understand.
Speaker 1:You know, yeah, you're more the emotional, and that's okay.
Speaker 2:Yeah, Again with those setting the emotional tone.
Speaker 1:Like money. Money's simple. You've done money for a while and stressed you out, so it's like, okay, I'll do it. I don't love doing it. It's one of those things I'm just like, ah, okay, but it doesn't stress me out because I don't really care, it's just money.
Speaker 2:So when it comes to like big decisions like that with, like I say, big decisions, but when it comes to big financial decisions, of course we make those together. But it feels like a big decision for me to financially quote unquote lead our family day to day and week to week or whatever, and we have those conversations about saying, hey, this week we're really going to try to tighten down, we just need to go out one time.
Speaker 1:If we're going out this weekend, we're going out once, let's figure out when that is. We need to eat home one time. If we're going out this weekend, we're going out once. Yes, figure out when that is. Uh, we need to eat home, like for sunday after church. Let's don't go out and eat, let's come home. Uh, we just got some things, we're trying to get rid of this, we're trying to get rid of that, and so there's communication that happens. It's not like, uh, oh, can I please, can we please go out and get something to eat can we please?
Speaker 2:it's not that kind of scenario.
Speaker 1:It's not I'm sitting around dictating what we do and don't do. It's very much a conversation.
Speaker 2:And as much as I like to play around with the, you're not the boss of me, even when those conversations come up.
Speaker 1:Yeah, most people that are listening don't understand that, though they're probably like.
Speaker 2:That was a very childish sentence. To say You're not the boss of me, you can't tell me what to say. You're not the boss of me, you can't tell me what to do. But also, I'm okay with the weight of the financial just living day-to-day expenses falls on you and Okay, well, in that area you kind of are the boss of me because you know what's going on more than I do.
Speaker 1:I'm not the boss of you. Please just stop saying that it's not helpful.
Speaker 2:But it's also funny.
Speaker 1:It's funny, because it is for us, because I know.
Speaker 2:That I don't mean it, and you know, yeah, but there's a lot of people out there who would mean that and be like don't tell me what to do.
Speaker 1:If that's your attitude, like, and that's what? If you have a problem with someone leading and you don't like to be told what to do, that's a that's a whole different conversation it truly is so let's get to this. Maybe let's get to unpack. I'm not sure how far we are into this, or if we're just rambling yet, or if we're in that point.
Speaker 2:I don't feel like we're really producing michael. Where are we at?
Speaker 1:okay, so michael's's telling us we don't have to shut up yet. Okay, but there's one thing I want to say, and this is probably one of those quotes from probably the best.
Speaker 2:Not probably Okay In some opinions.
Speaker 1:Well, some opinions they differ. The very best football movie ever made. That's out there. It's so inspiring, it's so fun. Remember the.
Speaker 2:Titans yeah, there, that's out there. It's so inspiring, it's so fun.
Speaker 1:Remember the Titans? Yeah, there's a conversation, they're having the linebacker and the full and they're just going on and on and on and they're talking about one was the captain, yeah, and they're talking about leadership and it's back and forth and he goes well, your attitude stinks. And to one guy and he goes.
Speaker 2:You don't block my line worth of this and you don't do this.
Speaker 1:Basically the line goes he's like well, your attitude's horrible. And he said well, attitude reflects leadership, captain.
Speaker 2:So I tell you this if you're looking at God, there's so many quotes from that movie that's floating through my head Because also football season is around the corner. You know you married the right girl.
Speaker 3:Are you good? Attitude reflects leadership.
Speaker 2:Attitude reflects leadership. Captain. So, if you're in your home, though and you— I liked football before I met you, so go ahead. I'm sorry.
Speaker 1:If you're not happy with the attitude or what's happening in your home, just know and understand. I was trying to have a serious moment here and you killed it like three times.
Speaker 2:It's just football Three times Like whoo Okay.
Speaker 1:Okay, we're talking about attitude, though I'm sorry, so it's. The whole idea is like You're welcome, sorry. What happens in your home is a reflection of the leadership of who you are.
Speaker 2:Whether that be good, bad or whatever it may be, so speaking, of that.
Speaker 1:so why don't you lead us into?
Speaker 2:No, I'm just going to talk about that statement again. Attitude reflects leadership.
Speaker 1:See what I'm doing. I'm not interrupting. See what I'm doing. I'm so proud of you. I am so proud of you, yeah.
Speaker 2:But if you're the leader of our home, because you think this is going to be so bad, you think you're the boss of me. Are you going to use that phrase how many times in this podcast? In a bad way? I'm going to have an attitude about it because I don't agree or I don't trust your leadership. That's bad. If you're the leader and you're looking at me and you're thinking, well, you don't do what I say, well, then that's a trust issue. On your part too, it's trust.
Speaker 1:Yeah, it's a trust and a character issue. If I don't trust you and you're my spouse, we're in the house, we're doing stuff together. That's a man. We need to go back and have a whole different conversation.
Speaker 2:See, you were giving me a hard time because I was talking about football.
Speaker 3:I'll let you finish your thought.
Speaker 2:I appreciate that so much. You're welcome.
Speaker 1:Appreciate it. It's leadership. Oh my gosh, okay, you are so funny. So unpacked oh my gosh. Okay, we need to unpack before we have a fight here about leadership.
Speaker 2:We're not going to have a fight. I'm just going to want to keep talking about football and you're going to roll your eyes at me.
Speaker 1:I mean, I'm all about talking about football, but that's not where we're at tonight.
Speaker 2:No, Okay, so here we are. Ooh, here's a good question for our friends, because we're in unpack right now. Yeah, are there areas that you wish your significant other would lead more in?
Speaker 1:Hmm, that is a great question.
Speaker 2:actually it was a long pause.
Speaker 1:Okay, that's a very deep question. Like just in the, this is a little facilitation hack for you guys who are out there having conversations.
Speaker 2:You're reverting to your old career.
Speaker 1:Yes, I can't read that you just scribbled.
Speaker 2:Michael scribbled something on the board for me. Producer Michael wants to share a thought and we don't know what he said on there.
Speaker 1:Turn your mic on For facilitation questions. There's a sequence to it. You don't go to a really deep, open-ended question off the get-go. Maybe you want to lead into that with us. This is not a lead-off question. I'll say all that to say. But this is a great question to ask each other because it's one to go. Where do you want me to step up? More and not? So yes, michael, you may ask a question.
Speaker 3:Go for, go for it, big guy so you're talking about leadership yes, right and trust among spouses.
Speaker 2:We're trying to talk about it we're doing our best.
Speaker 3:no, so one, one question I have for you is when you work through those issues and say it's not necessarily that you don't trust your, your spouse, but say there's a leadership decision that you both may feel strongly in different directions, you talk about shared leadership, whether it be a specific goal you're going after as a family, or whether it be a big financial decision, things like that. How do you work through that leadership structure, that leadership style, how you work amongst each other to resolve those kinds of differences? I have some thoughts. That's a good question.
Speaker 2:Thank you for asking it.
Speaker 1:I. You may want to hold the mic because I'm gonna have more questions for you.
Speaker 2:So the question, the question.
Speaker 1:Yes, 100%. I would start with trying to understand and look at the differences of where they want to go versus what you want to go. If that makes sense, Like if it's a big idea over a shared vision or thought or idea, I would ask questions leading into that to figure out what, because what's really happening in a lot of cases, not always, but Can I?
Speaker 2:can I pause you for a second?
Speaker 1:No, in most cases in just a second, you can Not right now, no, but in most cases you're going to be able to find some really common ground and you're going to find that those two probably align closer than you thought they did.
Speaker 2:That goes back to the help me understand episode. I don't know what number it is.
Speaker 3:No, find common ground. That's a great response. Help me understand. I think that's tremendous, because we can get so focused on our ideals of what we want to go after that we forget the common ground.
Speaker 1:Yeah, and because most cases, even if I have a thought or idea, Jess may add something. I'm like man, I didn't even think of that and that's actually a better idea.
Speaker 2:But also, when you're faced with those kinds of things where you think you're not on the same page. If you really actually talk to each other, like you said, like help me figure out what you're after, you're ultimately going to, most of the time, be after the same thing.
Speaker 1:Yeah, because if it's heading the same direction, I am, but it's different than what I want Say, I had a different goal than what you had, but they're heading in the same direction. I'm okay to go. Well, let's just do yours. First let's do yours and then let's attack, or what do we say?
Speaker 2:Or vice versa, like let's try it your way, and if that doesn't work, okay, great, then let's try it your way, and if that doesn't work, okay, great, then we'll try it my way.
Speaker 1:Yeah, let's attack one for a bit and see how that works. Yeah, let's rotate or pivot. Let's pivot and try the other one, and so it's. I think there has to be in leadership. If you're walking in the room, going this is my way, the only way, and if you're doing that with your steamy head, you're not going to get very far 100%. That's not a very. Those leaders are not very influential.
Speaker 2:No, they're not.
Speaker 1:So if you're asking those questions, that question for that shared leadership, and you're struggling you have something to say?
Speaker 2:you got your finger up, I have my finger, you got your finger pistols. Finger pistols are right. Shoot, you get your finger pistols, my finger pistols are red Shoot. If, like what you just brought up, producer Michael, if we're not seeing it the same way or the same pathway, if a conversation of I mean how you're getting to whatever goal or whatever the leadership looks like at that moment, what if that causes an argument? What if you just really cannot see eye to eye on that?
Speaker 1:I would, for me, I would really want to. For instance, like I would want details on what do you mean? We can't see eye to eye. Let's pretend.
Speaker 2:If.
Speaker 1:I was with a couple and I was coaching him through this. I would want them to tell me exactly what it was.
Speaker 2:Okay, let's pretend we're meeting with a couple.
Speaker 1:Okay, and they have the wife, we're pretend coaching, one-on-one coaching. Now Pretend here we are. Yeah.
Speaker 2:Our imaginary friends are sitting at the table with us. That are sitting at the table with us and they have a financial goal and the wife has one route to get there and the husband has another route to get there.
Speaker 1:Oh, Dave Ramsey would love this.
Speaker 2:I know he would. And they're completely different and they cannot do what we just said. Let's try your way, and if that doesn't work, we'll try your way. What if they can't get to that part?
Speaker 1:I would if I'm the one, that's if I'm in that.
Speaker 2:Let's pretend like that's us.
Speaker 1:Okay, I would be asking you okay, I see where you're going, right, if I understand, like if you've helped me understand the picture of where you want to go, I get that picture of where you want to go. I get that. I see where you're going to go. Um, do you see what I'm after? And so I would make sure that you know what I'm after, right at the same time knowing what you're after. So we got to make sure that we see what you're after and what I'm after.
Speaker 1:But the thing of it is that's just step one, but but then I would actually try to begin to say what's your biggest holdup with the way that I'm proposing?
Speaker 2:You would do that, yes, yeah, and then it should go vice versa.
Speaker 1:So I'm going to answer the question for you, though Be like I see what you're after. Here's the things that feel like are problematic for your issue. Here's some things that I think could be problematic for mine. Do you agree or disagree and try to find like you have to talk to, but go ahead.
Speaker 2:Do you see the communication tools you're using right now, though? Yes, in our imaginary situation.
Speaker 1:Yeah well, you, I mean you got to teach. You. Do you got to teach people how to communicate? Like yeah well, I mean, you got to teach, you. Do you got to teach people how to communicate? If you don't know how to do those things, you're going to argue about stupid crap all the time.
Speaker 2:Let's pretend like I cannot and will not want to understand where you're coming from, because I want control. Let's pretend like that I want the power and I want you to just do what I want to do, because that's my thoughts okay.
Speaker 1:Is this a single parent home or?
Speaker 2:I know, I know.
Speaker 1:I'd love to hear your response. I have a response, but I'd love to hear yours.
Speaker 3:I mean. My thing, I think, is at that point if you want to be successful in a relationship, your response I have a response, but I love to hear yours. I mean my thing, I think, is at that point, if you want to be successful in a relationship and in your family, what you're building towards you have to both come back to the realization of this is a team effort. It's a both of us. It requires a collaboration.
Speaker 2:So you have to get past the. You're not the boss of me. You can't tell me what to do.
Speaker 3:I would say that on both sides yes.
Speaker 1:Yeah, I think that goes both ways though.
Speaker 3:Yeah, we need to use a different phrase.
Speaker 1:Besides, you're not the boss of me.
Speaker 3:That's my favorite phrase. I know it's what I tell my brother all the time, though it's hilarious.
Speaker 2:See, it's not just me, babe. So See, it's not just me, babe.
Speaker 1:So the idea and we used to always tell we used that phrase all the time with Callie and she got so annoyed with it Our oldest yeah, our oldest child because when there was an issue or there was something going on, if it was a situation, we would always say, hey, we always establish this right out of the gate. Hey, we're all on the same team, we're all after the same thing.
Speaker 2:Correct, yes, and so as long as we know that let's move forward in that direction. She hated that, Not hated it, just kind of like got to her. That phrase got so much to her that for one Christmas I had it printed on a t-shirt. It said we're all on the same team. And she laughed till she had tears. It was the funniest thing ever.
Speaker 1:Yeah, so let's wrap this up, because we've been going for a while here.
Speaker 2:I feel like, whichever side you're on, you need to have realistic expectations.
Speaker 1:Right and be honest. You've got to be honest and realistic.
Speaker 2:You have to, because if I were to have the expectation for you to guide our calendar or connecting with family members on both sides and our own family, that is not a realistic expectation.
Speaker 1:We probably would every now and then, but not much.
Speaker 2:Yeah, they probably wonder what happened to us, right, just like we've tried for me to be the lead on financial just, even daily life, and it was an anxiety attack every day and it works better for you to do that. So it's the leadership part is not like I'm in control, it's more of a steering or a navigating situation, because I trust your leadership in those areas and you trust my leadership in other areas.
Speaker 1:Leadership is a complex thing.
Speaker 2:I just punched the microphone. You just right hooked the microphone. I did. I'm sorry.
Speaker 1:Well, I say we, are you okay if I wrap this up?
Speaker 2:Yes.
Speaker 1:Okay, this is a complex topic. It is Especially for the household, so it's probably something we should dig into some more. If you want to hear more about the details, more into the weeds of how we actually do some of the things, we'd be more than glad. Just send us something and let us know. If not, we're going to talk about what we want to talk about.
Speaker 2:We've had trial and error on literally everything we ever talk about.
Speaker 1:But I was. So first off I would say find your leadership style and maybe ask is that the style of leadership you want to be? And it's okay if you change. It's okay if you hopefully you do develop and change over time. But I will say this Marriage is tough, like it's work.
Speaker 2:It's not easy, yeah.
Speaker 1:I heard a statement and I will say this I heard a statement by John Maxwell and it rocked my world. I was in a seminar and it just it's something that stuck with me. And he said everything worthwhile is uphill. Like everything worthwhile is uphill, he's like it's not easy. If it's easy, it's not going to mean a whole lot to you. So your marriage, this idea of leadership in your household, it's uphill. It is and it's not going to mean a whole lot to you. So your marriage, this idea of leadership in your household, it's uphill. It is, and it's not going to be the easiest thing you do, but I can tell you that it's worth it.
Speaker 2:It's the most rewarding work.
Speaker 1:Yeah, it really is, and so don't give up, Hang in there and keep pursuing and keep pushing forward and just remember like hey, this is your family, you get one shot at it.
Speaker 2:And if you're working towards the same goal together, it's fun.
Speaker 1:Yeah, it can be fun. I'm not saying it's all like, oh my gosh, this is going to be hard for the rest of your life.
Speaker 2:I feel like some of our podcasts come off of like oh my gosh, it's all work. No, we have a blast being married to each other has come off of like oh my gosh, it's all work, no, we have a blast being married to each other, but it's work.
Speaker 1:I mean, we have fun doing it, like there's a lot of jobs that are work, but if you love it, you're going to love work. Yeah, you're going to enjoy it.
Speaker 2:And so, with that being said, Thank you to whoever you are, wherever you are, for joining us, because it's still, like I said in the beginning, baffles me that there are so many people all over the place that actually listen to us, we're just normal. It's wild.
Speaker 1:Just a normal couple sitting in a room in our house.
Speaker 2:In our home.
Speaker 1:Yeah, just talking about our life and our experience, and so love you guys. Thank you so much for listening. I really, really mean that from the bottom of my heart.
Speaker 2:We really appreciate it.
Speaker 1:We keep growing every week and we love it and keep sharing and keep listening. So see you later, friends.
