Baggage Claim
Baggage Claim is a space for blended families, marriage, and friendship.
Here, we dive into real-life conversations about the ups and downs of relationships, from navigating second marriages to unpacking the baggage we all bring. Hosted by Greg and Jessica, who both have rich experiences with love, loss, and family, this community is about sharing stories, learning together, and growing stronger as couples and individuals. Grab a drink and join us as we unpack, laugh, and claim our baggage—one conversation at a time
Baggage Claim
Why Your Yes Still Matters
Choosing who to marry might be the single most consequential decision of your life—more significant than your career path, education, or where you live. In this vulnerable and honest conversation, we explore why this choice matters so deeply and how it shapes everything that follows.
The person you commit to can either propel you forward like a rocket ship or devastate your potential like a nuclear bomb. They bring their own baggage, values, communication styles, and conflict patterns that will inevitably intertwine with yours. We share from our own experiences how crucial it is to find someone who shares your fundamental values, even if you're not always on the same page.
Marriage isn't just about romance and butterflies—though those matter! It's about finding someone who reads your emotional "page" even when they disagree, who handles conflict in ways you can navigate together, and who's willing to grow alongside you as priorities shift. We candidly discuss how our own values have remained consistent through 13 years together, while our focus has evolved dramatically as we've moved through different life stages.
For those already married and struggling to connect, we offer two simple but powerful exercises: remember why you said "yes" initially, and identify why you're choosing to stay now. These questions can reorient you toward each other and the foundations of your relationship. We believe that when you commit that "divorce is not an option," you create the safety needed to work through even the toughest challenges together.
Whether you're considering marriage, newly wed, or decades in, join us at the table as we unpack our baggage about what makes relationships last when the initial excitement fades. Share your thoughts with us—we'd genuinely love to hear from you as we continue this journey together.
Hey guys, what's up? I'm Greg. I hope you guys are ready to unpack and get into some good conversations today.
Speaker 2:And I'm Jess, and this is our podcast Baggage Claim. Thank you for joining us.
Speaker 1:What's up everybody. Welcome to Baggage Claim. Sorry if you're a regular and you missed us last week. Jess was sick, I was very sick Wasn't able to record.
Speaker 1:But Baggage Claim is just a place where we come together for a conversation and some community around marriage, blended families, relationships. Sorry, I just put like four things, crammed them all into a welcome. But welcome, thank you for being here. If this is your first time here, man, just kind of take a deep breath, relax, kind of. We always say grab your favorite beverage, whatever that is, wherever you're at, and just proverbially pull up to the table with us and we're just going to unpack some baggage. And look into some of our baggage and see what's there and unpack it together and have some fun, yeah, so if I sound different this week, oh, you sound different.
Speaker 1:A hundred percent.
Speaker 2:Yeah, I'm still struggling. Last week that's why we skipped a week recording between episode 25 and today's episode 26. We're a little bit behind.
Speaker 1:So sorry guys.
Speaker 2:Yeah, so if I sound different, the back to school cooties have gotten me and I'm doing the best I can. I've got my cough drop here. I've got my drink, trying to help it be normal. But yeah, if my voice delays trying to come out, so it's still me Thank you yes.
Speaker 1:Before we jump into our topic for tonight, I always say today, tonight, today, tonight.
Speaker 2:It's usually nighttime when we're recording.
Speaker 1:So this is probably. This is almost like Christmas time for me, Like this time of year is the best time of year If you're not listening when this is actually recorded, it's the end of August. Hopefully this goes out this week, though, right.
Speaker 2:But if our friends are not listening, it's the end of August, going into the first weekend of September, when we're recording this now, which is the kickoff of UGA football, college football, georgia Bulldogs yes. There are no other teams as far as we are concerned, except for the ones that we beat. So we are completely, 100%, a Georgia Bulldog family.
Speaker 1:Yes, 1000%. So we're ramping all kinds of Georgia gear this week, excited.
Speaker 2:Well, you got your Georgia shirt on. I have on my dress. I wore to work today, yeah.
Speaker 1:Okay, so maybe that, and I got my Georgia cup you do yes, but we're excited because it is so fun. Saturdays at the Peck household consist of a lot of barbecuing, cooking out, hanging out with friends and watching football and having a good time. So it's two of those great things get to come together Some friends, family, yes and some good old barbecue and football.
Speaker 2:Yeah, our producer Michael is sick tonight, and so our son, thomas, is stepping in again, pinch hitting for Michael. Firefighter Thomas. Firefighter Thomas. Way to go, producer Thomas, thank you for being here. You've got a microphone, if you choose to use it. I can't get it to work, he can't get it to work. He can't get it to work. Okay, cool, so, anywho, here we go. So what are we talking tonight? So tonight, we're— what are we talking tonight? We are— what are we talking about?
Speaker 1:Okay, we're jumping into a topic that— If you've been married for 10, 12 years and I throw out this topic, you'd be like okay, be like okay, I'm going to encourage you. Don't hit stop, don't hit pause. Just hang with me and listen. Okay, before we get into it, though, I thought of this this is my ADD brain. Oh gosh, everyone who you are in Singapore, who is listening to us, please shoot me a DM Please. And I just want to say thank you Because y'all welcome to the South.
Speaker 1:y'all, that's a Southern term for everyone.
Speaker 2:Y'all have like really for real, like hardcore, like I'm a fan, I'm downloading lots of episodes and I am just shocked beyond belief.
Speaker 1:Yeah, I would love to connect. Shoot us a DM on any of our socials.
Speaker 2:I'll just tell you the truth. Everybody is listening. Anybody that's outside of the realm of where we live that listens to us baffles me. And now we are in like what? Six countries, seven, 10.
Speaker 1:Okay, excuse me 10 countries, 147 cities, everywhere from I mean from California to Washington, everywhere.
Speaker 2:I cannot comprehend that.
Speaker 1:Lots of people in Texas. You know a lot of downloads in Texas.
Speaker 2:Please, I really would like to hear from some of y'all that are listening to us, because we literally tonight.
Speaker 1:If I'm honest, before we get into this, we had a heart-to-heart like serious like— it was not fun. No, it was not a fun conversation. We were almost to the point where we're like I'm just done, we're not going to do this anymore.
Speaker 2:Thorns in the tail. We're not going to do this anymore.
Speaker 1:Throwing a towel Not you and I Baggage claim yeah, yeah, because it is tough.
Speaker 2:I'm sorry if I cough y'all. I will do the best I can to get away from the microphone.
Speaker 1:And we're like is it actually hitting? Is it working? Are we just talking into microphones? Are we just is anyone getting anything out of it? And we did. We sit down to do content creation and we spent an hour trying to figure out if we want to keep going or not. Yeah, like where are you at? That's us being 100% honest. That's real. We're here recording, so we're moving forward. We're trying to do the best we can.
Speaker 2:We came to a good conclusion. Yeah, we're just trying to figure out what's next for us For real, though, like hearing from some of the folks that are listening to us would be really encouraging for both of us, because we do. We pour our heart and soul into this and this is real life for us, like even our son sitting in the room producer Thomas, can attest to this. This is real life that we're sharing with you guys, and so, if it just shoot us a message or a thumbs up, keep going, yeah.
Speaker 1:And that's a very selfish thing for us.
Speaker 2:It is selfish, we need to pat on the back. Pat me on the back. I'm okay with that.
Speaker 1:So when I was starting to say, if you hear this topic, I'm going to encourage you to stick with me, because if you've been married for 10 years, there's content for you here we're going to get there. If you're thinking about, if you're listening to this and you're not married, thank you for listening, and listening for relationship advice and some of those things or some tricks or hints, but tonight we're talking about the single biggest decision you will make in your life. I believe this is the biggest decision you can make and we've debated that back and forth and I think we've come to that conclusion of who you marry is the biggest, single biggest decision you'll make in your life, more than where you go to school, what you do for a living, oh gosh, yes, all those things like this is it, and it's a big decision that we so many times rush into and then so many times has been commercialized and just made into this something overly romantic and I'm not saying it shouldn't be, but it's all about the presentation.
Speaker 2:I mean there's a space for that, but that like the Hallmark cards and movies, and will you buy me flowers and all those? It sensationalizes it.
Speaker 1:Yeah. So we're going to dig into the actual idea of when you said yes. Why did you say yes? How do you pick the right person? Why did you pick that person? And then we're going to talk into if you're two, five, six, ten years in and you're like I picked this person but I don't even know who this person is.
Speaker 2:But here I am.
Speaker 1:We're going to address that also.
Speaker 2:So you and I have the I don't know that advantage is the right word for our experience, but you and I have the experience of having done this twice.
Speaker 1:So you had a trial run. Trial run, son. Okay, sorry.
Speaker 2:I don't feel like that's the right word.
Speaker 1:It's not the right word at all, sorry.
Speaker 2:You and I have the experience of having done this twice, of choosing who you're going to marry.
Speaker 1:Yes.
Speaker 2:So let's talk about why that is important. Why is it important to really think about the person that you're going to choose to marry? Because you do get a choice.
Speaker 1:We tried to have this topic last time, and then we got sidetracked into something completely different.
Speaker 2:Most of the time we get sidetracked.
Speaker 1:Yeah, so I'm going to try to stay focused here on the real reasons I'm so excited You're going to be a focus fox, that's what I use with my first graders.
Speaker 2:I have not taught these new first graders this yet. You'll be a focus fox.
Speaker 1:So why? Because this is not a, this is not just a.
Speaker 2:I love them is not a, this is not just uh, I love them, they look really pretty.
Speaker 1:Uh, oh my gosh, I have butterflies yeah, they're so cute.
Speaker 1:I mean there's those times there's that and I mean of course you have to have that. If you don't, if you're looking at this person going, I mean they're okay. Uh, that's probably not a great start to the relationship, yeah, um, but in the same sense, like if that's what it's based on, um, it's just kind of like there's got to be more. You know, it's like a lot of people look at relationships and go there's got to be more to this, right, um. So you're asking are you asking me why we started, or why am I asking you?
Speaker 2:we're just talking about why it's important, of who you choose to be married. Like what, if you think about it in the bigger picture of who you choose to marry, it has an impact on what can happen in your future. Oh 100% what kind of future you might have.
Speaker 1:I would say it has the capacity to cripple you or empower you. I think one could be a rocket ship and one could be a nuclear bomb.
Speaker 1:Okay, fancy pants analogy I mean just like, for instance, like someone who you marry could be someone who encourages you toward your dreams and your ambitions and trusts you and just says, hey, go for it yeah. Or they can be someone who says, no, that's a dumb idea, just go make it, yeah. Or they can be someone who says, no, that's a dumb idea, just go make money, yeah, just earn a paycheck. I mean there's more to it, but ultimately they can be that.
Speaker 2:I feel like one of the most important things is, though, when you're thinking about marrying somebody because it's not just like, oh, we're going to get married and we're going to live happy ever after, like all the ladies usually want to believe, that will happen that there's a lot more to it, according to like what do they value? Does that person that you're thinking about getting married to and spending, hopefully, the rest of your life with? Do they value what you value?
Speaker 1:Well, the thing is, too, you got to know what you value, true, like. The question for me would be like, if I'm doing premarital, I'd be like, okay, tell me a list of the things that you, from most important to least important, tell me what you value, like, what's your top four, top five? Right, and be very, very honest with yourself. That's the problem. We're not honest with ourselves. But it's like, figure out what those top four are that you value and that kind of helps set a standard for what it is that you're looking for for someone else when they value those things too, because it takes more than one to two to three to four dates. I mean, anybody can, you know, put on a good sales pitch for a little while and just say the right things and do the right things, and then you're going to be like, oh, okay, they always just say, hey, when the rubber meets the road, when things get real, what really comes out?
Speaker 2:Like, what do they feel about? Like, what are their family values, Not just your own? Like what do you hope and dream for your own future? But like, like what do you hope and dream for your own future? But like, how is like when you join together? How is that going to look for their established family that they came from? You know what? Um, what kind of faith do they have place value in?
Speaker 1:yeah that can look different for lots of people I think one of the things is like how do they handle conflict, like when? Things get tough yeah and you get like, and because life gets tough and it's stress yeah, when they get tough and you get like, and because life gets tough and it's stress. Yeah, when they get stressed, when you get stressed, how do you handle stress? How do they handle stress? Do you shut down and not talk?
Speaker 2:Do you get frustrated.
Speaker 1:Yes, I do, I do.
Speaker 2:Do you?
Speaker 1:get mad. What do you like?
Speaker 2:How do you handle?
Speaker 1:those things.
Speaker 2:I mean, here's an illustration Like, even if we're not on the same page, can you read my page and can you understand it? We don't have to agree every time, but if that person that you are trying to join your life with can't even like quote, unquote read your page and understand it, like that's a big deal.
Speaker 1:Yeah, well it takes a little while to get there.
Speaker 2:It does.
Speaker 1:Guys are a little slower at that than women are. It takes us a little bit to get there Sometimes.
Speaker 2:but, like I mean, when I learned how to communicate, it didn't take much for me to be like no, literally this is just how I feel. If I could just be real honest with you and say to you how I feel, then you could be on the same page as me most of the time.
Speaker 1:Now catch me. I don't know about you. You may have a different opinion of this, because we haven't talked about it. You're not looking for an ideal clone of yourself to marry, because that would be boring. But I'm talking about. You're looking for somebody who's in the same ballpark.
Speaker 2:Like you don't want to be at Truist Field and they're in Wrigley Field, like well, talking about pages totally different place talking about pages, like if you're on the same page as me, if you can just be in the same book as me, you don't have to be on the same chapter, you don't have to be on the same page if you can just be in the same book.
Speaker 1:I'm okay with that, so doesn't have to be. You got to believe exactly like me. You got to say now, when it comes to faith, that's a huge thing. That is a huge thing Because there's a huge difference in those things. And I would tell you, man, if you're looking at someone and they're Buddhist and you're Christian or you're whatever, it may be Catholic whatever that may be, or agnostic in general.
Speaker 2:Yeah, just looking at those, like you need to have some really hard, serious conversations. That's going to be hard to get in the same book as one another yeah To be able to create common values, yeah.
Speaker 1:And I'm not saying that's a reason to, but so many times in life we give up portions of who we are just to be with somebody else because we think they can give us something that we want. And I think that's the. That's probably the biggest red flag, I would say, when you're in dating or around someone, If you can't be who you really are, then that ought to be a red flag to be like maybe this is not the right relationship?
Speaker 2:Yeah, Because that that changes the value. I keep using that word, but that's a really big word.
Speaker 1:Yeah, Because even conflict like we handle conflict different.
Speaker 2:We do. I want to avoid it and I want to tuck it under a rug. And you want to shut down and not talk about it.
Speaker 1:I do I do, and then I go through these times and I would do this early on. We'd have a conflict. I'm like I'm not going to say anything until she brings it up.
Speaker 2:She has to bring it up. That's literally eight times out of ten will never happen.
Speaker 1:We would still be stuck on the very first thing you got frustrated about yeah, and we wouldn't have talked about it.
Speaker 2:Yeah.
Speaker 1:Now I can be frustrated and be like, well, that's not fair, I had to bring it up about it. Yeah, now I can be frustrated and be like, well, that's not fair, I had to bring it up.
Speaker 2:Yeah, call it.
Speaker 1:Whatever you want to call it, it's like I want to move past it, but at the same time, there has to be that give and take in the same sense of figuring that, and that's what we're saying about being in the same book, right, being the same idea.
Speaker 2:Now, like, if you're having conflict, if I'm with you and we're having conflict, and you start screaming and yelling and name calling and throwing stuff, that's an easy like yeah, matt, I don't want to do that. I'm sure you'd rather the shutdown rather than the screaming and yelling. Oh, or what do you? Oh, that's a whole different conversation. Yeah, that's a.
Speaker 1:I mean, here's what. When people scream and yell and lash out like that, it's easier to see and predict who they are and what they're about. When people people don't and they shut down, that's more mysterious. It's like they don't want you to know, so they go into protect mode, so it's just a protection thing. It's like I go back to my safe space where no one can say anything or hurt me or do anything.
Speaker 2:But over time I have learned with communication that's something that you value, which is why we go back to like why is that important? The person that you choose to marry because I mean the my communication mindset has changed over time and we've changed over time together and so, like your mindset as you move through your relationship is going to change. Right, even like what you see is like valuable or important in your relationship is going to change.
Speaker 1:Oh, those values.
Speaker 2:Well, I'm not saying your values will shift completely Like your basic values but, like your focus, it will change over time, like our values have remained the same Right. But, like the focus has changed over our 13 years together.
Speaker 1:Yeah, when you're 23, things are different than when you're 33. Things matter different when you're 33 versus 23. Right, and then when you're 43 versus 33, you're like I was such an idiot.
Speaker 2:In our world. I was 34. I think I was 34 when we got married and I'm 47 now, although our focus has remained the same but, like, the mindset of what that looks like has changed. So like, if you're listening, and you've been married for a while. Or, if you like, producer Thomas, our son and his wife have been married for almost two years.
Speaker 1:They're brand new into this.
Speaker 2:They are still brand new with our precious baby granddaughter who just turned one year old, lucy. But, like, the values are still there, but your mindset changes, right.
Speaker 1:But Well, because now, even for them, it's the crazy thing, like for them, when they were first there, they were both working, they both had incomes when they had a baby. Now they decided for her to stay home because child care was so expensive. Yes, and so then money shifts, which adds pressure, uh, now uh, miranda's at home with lucy and all her times with lucy. Thomas is working on and off, so he's gone 24. He's doing the shifts, so he's at the fire department, he's gone. So there's a doing the shift, so he's at the fire department, he's gone. So there's a lot more responsibility. Shift, all things shift. And it's like, okay, this wasn't what it was like when we first said yes to each other.
Speaker 2:But that's when you have to decide that you're sticking with your person, even though the mindset has changed. Right, it's like you know, you still have your common values, why you chose to be together. But things change. But you have to choose to change together.
Speaker 1:Yes, and that's the thing too about relationships, like you talk about relationships who are going through hard times or rough times.
Speaker 1:And my first question is or hey, are you both on the same page of? Are you both into the fighting for Right Like if you both are in this relationship and you both on the same page of? Are you both into the fighting for it Right, like if you both are in this relationship and you're saying, like for us, we made this decision early on. We said we're never going to use the divorce word. No, we're just not going to. We're not going to say that. So, no matter how mad you get at me, no matter how frustrated you get at, I'm not going to use that word. And so that's never an option.
Speaker 2:It's not an option.
Speaker 1:So my option is to figure out how to work through this with you, right? And so at that point, it doesn't matter what life does, if we're broke, if we're rich, it doesn't matter what happens. No, I'm going to choose to fight with you.
Speaker 2:You got to choose to fight with me, but it takes two people to do that. Yes, and that goes back to being on the same page With the divorce is not an option. We're in the same book. We might not be in the same chapter of.
Speaker 1:This is how I feel versus this is— we're rarely in the same chapter.
Speaker 2:True, and we're even more rarely on the same page, but we know we're in the same—I keep saying book. I'm a teacher. I'm sorry, that's my analogy that makes sense. We're in the same book of here. This is what we are doing and we don't. Divorce is our option, and so I'm going to choose to continue to work towards being with you.
Speaker 1:Because here's what's over time like you marry because of your values, you say yes to them.
Speaker 2:And the butterflies. I mean, you can't.
Speaker 1:Yeah, but the thing is, though, is that I think, if you want to have a lasting, great relationship, work on becoming best friends with that person.
Speaker 1:you said yes to oh gosh yes, like make that your best friend. Like there's certain people in my life like if I want to hang out and I've had a day, I'm going to tell Jess and be like hey, let's hang out and have a date and let's just chill, like let's sit outside and there's only maybe three or four other people in my life maybe three or four that I will call and say hey, let's just man, let's just do a how about a bourbon and a cigar?
Speaker 1:and let's just chill, decompress, yeah, and let's just hang. There's only a few people in my life that I will call to do that, because those are my close friends that I do life with, and so if you don't have that with your spouse, if your spouse is not your close friend, you're going to find so many excuses not to do other things.
Speaker 2:And that kind of circles back to the and that kind of circles back to the. Why is it important to who you chose to marry Right and spend your life with?
Speaker 1:If you're dating. I'm just going to say this, I'm going to throw it out there and say it and I may catch flack, I may catch. If you are constantly fighting in a relationship that you're in and you're not married, you just need to walk away from that relationship. Like why are you both fighting and you're not even you're dating? This is the best it's going to get.
Speaker 2:Yeah, I was just about to say. You always say no, I don't say this is the best it's going to get.
Speaker 1:This is the least responsibility you're ever going to have in this relationship.
Speaker 2:It's the easiest it will ever be.
Speaker 1:Yeah. And then you're going to have to work hard and if you're fighting now, wait till you start having all the really stresses of life in there. It gets really really tough, really really fast.
Speaker 2:It does.
Speaker 1:And so we know okay, so change happens, Every change happens. What we like, what we think, how we feel, all those things change yeah.
Speaker 2:And as things are changing I'm sorry, my voice is going You're going to have to choose what you're going to compromise over as time moves along. Because things are going to change. You have to choose.
Speaker 1:Because here's what you need to keep in mind the person you're saying yes to, that you're married to, or you're married to maybe for 10 years or whatever. That person is bringing their baggage into this relationship from, say, family. So let's take family, for instance. Say you marry someone who comes from a very broken family, who never really valued time together as a family who didn't really value those other things.
Speaker 1:together. You come from a place where you really valued family, and family's a huge thing. When you merge those two together, there's going to be conflict. Yeah, like who's giving, who's taking? Yeah, what are we going to do, Like that? One person may be like I don't want to be around my family during the holidays because it creates stress for me. You may be like I love being around my family during the holidays because we have all these traditions.
Speaker 2:Yeah, I can't not be around my family.
Speaker 1:And so you have to figure out how those two mesh together and how they work.
Speaker 2:And also I mean maybe I'm speaking from experience, but from the beginning of our marriage some family situations look one way and as time has progressed, even my family and time has progressed and looks different, and so we have to figure out how to work together on all those things, because what's important to me, as I'm sorry, as the mom of our family, as we're still working with what's changing with our grown children's family there's a lot of moving parts.
Speaker 1:Yes.
Speaker 2:It's a lot.
Speaker 1:Well, you have to, and things change, like in the same sense of when we were talking about family, like, for instance, a vacation. We used to go on a family vacation where every single one of my siblings and all their kids and everyone would go on vacation together. You're talking like 26, 27 people.
Speaker 2:Now we're up to 30 of our immediate family. I love my family.
Speaker 1:I love them to death. But at the same time I was like I have my kids and if I can get them into one place, Because now just our family.
Speaker 2:We're up to nine.
Speaker 1:Yeah, and so if I can get them in one place, it's kind of selfishly. I'm like I want to spend time with them, like I want time, I want one-on-one time with them, and so we have to start being more focused on those nine people in our lives.
Speaker 2:If we get seven days away with our little family, away from everything else, I will choose that every day, no matter what. Yeah, and that might look like a jerk to some members of an extended family on either side.
Speaker 1:But it's never meant to be that way.
Speaker 2:Never, because that's what we value. Yeah, that's where we go back to. I mean, that's one of the things that drew me to you. When I was you know, I had the choice to marry you whether or not. I said yes and so, but I knew what kind of values you placed on family, because I had learned that about you, and so I knew that that's something that you would carry forward, and I feel like you probably learned that about you, and so I knew that that's something that you would carry forward, and I feel like you probably learned that about me on my side.
Speaker 1:Yes, yeah, I spent time with your dad today, just hanging out with your dad. Outside of I was doing some work for him. But even then, my sweet little daddy yeah just riding to Home Depot because I broke his toilet and we had to buy another one, and that's another story.
Speaker 1:I didn't install the new one. But it was just like just conversation with him riding to and from Home Depot. Like for me that's priceless, like that's really cool. Those are opportunities I'm realizing more and more, and I know this is an older thing and when you're younger you just freaking, can't understand it. True, you only have a certain amount of time and the clock is running and you enjoy each of those moments because you never know when that clock stops.
Speaker 2:It's been a really big thing. That's running kind of through your mind a lot in the last several months.
Speaker 1:And it's, I will say, if I'm honest, it's undue pressure. It's a lot of pressure on myself that I don't love. I pressure myself because I feel like my clock is running out and I need to get as much in as fast as I can and I just need to.
Speaker 2:But the trade off for that is can you enjoy? I'm trying. With a relaxed spirit.
Speaker 1:I literally had the conversation with dad today. I was like, bro, I am trying to take in right now, this moment, right here. I was like I'm trying to figure out how to stop and take in that moment.
Speaker 2:Because there is a trade-off to what you value, like you might, and it was time with my dad, and so that's family time and so that's something we value. But what if it wasn't my dad? And what if it was something that you had spent hours and hours and hours at a job that took time away from our family, and then you traded that value for money or time away, and so, like, there's always a trade off.
Speaker 1:Yeah, we always trade. We always and always say that we're always trading time for money.
Speaker 2:You do, but at the same time, not you, we do.
Speaker 1:But it's one of those. We trade time and money for all kinds of things. Like you show me somebody who's filthy rich and I'll be like bro. That's awesome.
Speaker 2:What did you trade for that?
Speaker 1:Yeah, what did it cost you?
Speaker 2:How many games did you miss? How many cheerleading competitions you?
Speaker 1:did. I guarantee you, I've sat at the table with those guys. I'm not saying it's wrong. If that's what you value and that's what you're chasing, then go chase that. But you know, and I know that it costs you something. And I'm not saying you're right and I'm wrong and you're wrong and I'm right. I'm not either one of those. I'm just saying you have to decide what you value and what you're chasing.
Speaker 2:Yeah, and when you do that as a couple together, Because as a family, we have lived both sides of that. Yeah, for me, when our kids were little, after we got married and I was going to school and I had to trade my time getting my degree, my advanced degree, versus like taking people to practice when you're going to 47 different places, versus like when you had to work out of town and I was doing the 47 different places.
Speaker 1:But we also set a time limit for how long those things were going to happen?
Speaker 2:We sure did.
Speaker 1:And so for couples who are in those situations and we're way sidetracked, we're chasing a rabbit, I know. I'm sorry, but I would say, if that's where you're at and you're there, if you're not sitting, like you can, that cool, cool opportunity can become a ditch that you can't get out of it. Sure can, and you need somebody to snatch you up out of that.
Speaker 2:That's true. So, to circle back to the whole idea and I know that we are both like we're hoarse and we're clearing our throats, Sorry.
Speaker 1:We're coughing. There's a lot of dishonest things going on in our house right now.
Speaker 2:I'm sorry, I brought first grade cooties home to Greg and I'm sorry.
Speaker 1:Thank you.
Speaker 2:I'm sorry. And so to circle back to like thinking about the importance of who you married, what if you are already married? And you're thinking about oh gosh. Okay, if I take an inventory of my life right now, we've been married for 10, 12 years, wherever you are.
Speaker 1:Five, six years. You can be there. In five years it's true, it's true.
Speaker 2:So what do we do? What now? What now? What now?
Speaker 1:Yeah.
Speaker 2:So kind of leading into our unpack part and so like what I like to, not like to what I do and have always done, especially when our kids are little, and it was difficult and what we were just saying, like if you were out of town you were doing stuff, or if your schedule was hectic, or if I was in school and I would come home from full-time job and you were literally juggling all the kids and dinner and schedules. And there's been times where there's been a balance, like how did we keep it back to the basics of like why are we even doing this?
Speaker 1:Yeah, well, I think that was something we talked. Here's the this doesn't. I don't know if this doesn't answer your question.
Speaker 2:It may not, it's okay.
Speaker 1:Because you asked the question and then you went to that.
Speaker 2:My whole sidetrack thing. It's okay, I'm not sure what that was.
Speaker 1:But, like you asked a question, and why? I think it's because we had the common goal of what we were chasing together.
Speaker 2:Right.
Speaker 1:And we had the decision you were going back to school.
Speaker 2:You said I was going on a montage, but that's where I was going, yeah.
Speaker 1:So like there was an idea that, because we sat down and had a discussion, are you going to go back to school. Yes, okay, both were on the same page.
Speaker 2:Right.
Speaker 1:We're going to chase that together. So let's chase that. But I'm thinking like if you're seven years in because that's the seven year itch when most really marriages start getting really rocky and rough and you're like, ok, we don't, we don't like the same things anymore, we don't, we're not, we're not even in the same place anymore. So what next? I'm going to say I always like to keep things as simple as possible because I'm a simple person I'm like give me one.
Speaker 2:You are not. You are not a simple person.
Speaker 1:Give me one to two, thank you. Give me one to two things I can work on, then. Okay, so I want one to two things I can work on. If I'm seven years in or I'm 10 years in, I'm like this is, this is hard.
Speaker 2:Number one what made you say yes in the first place?
Speaker 1:Back to the root, yeah, root, root, root, root of it all.
Speaker 2:Why did you say yes?
Speaker 1:Go back to the foundation. Okay, so that's like for me. If you say that to me, I'm like okay, cool, that's a. Let's go have coffee or let's go have if I don't want to commit to. Let's go have dinner, let's go have if.
Speaker 2:I don't want to commit to it. Let's go have dinner, let's go have coffee. I would hope you would not use proverbially the person listening.
Speaker 1:If you can't go to dinner with your wife, then that's an issue. I agree with that.
Speaker 2:My voice is going If you can't say like, yeah, we'll go. Well, let's go to dinner.
Speaker 1:Let's get back to the basics. Some are deep, deep coffee conversations. Like when I'm having coffee, I can get some deep conversation. When we're doing dinner, I'm thinking about food, like I'm so sidetracked in what I'm eating.
Speaker 2:You mentioned earlier, like we had a tough conversation, we had wine outside in our garage, so it's like, whichever the case may be, so it almost roots down to like for we, like for us.
Speaker 1:when we were talking about baggage claim, we looked at it and I said why did you want to do this? Like what do you see this going? Why do you even want to do this? Why are we even recording? And I'm not saying it in a mean way, but I wanted to be like Greg was pressuring me to continue.
Speaker 1:No, I wanted to be like why did we start this Continue? No, I wanted to be like why did we start this and what are you after? Because I was like I have these expectations for it. You have expectations for it, yeah, and we need to make sure those are lined up. So, again, we're going back to the root of why we even started this Before we in your marriage, you may want to look back and go my expectations have changed in this marriage and I expected this, but this is what's happened. What did you expect and is what you expected happened? So it's almost get down to that and just be have an honest and we're going to have, we're going to have a podcast, but it's how to have really honest, hard conversations in a constructive way, because you have to have those in marriage. So we're going to talk about that and we're trying to stay under a time limit, so we maybe rush here at the end. So we're trying to. Our producer, michael, told us we're going to, that's Thomas.
Speaker 1:No, michael. The conversation we had two days ago with producer Michael Stay with me.
Speaker 2:I was like that's Thomas.
Speaker 1:I know who Thomas is, babe.
Speaker 2:I'm just saying, I know 100% who he is. I was writing when you were saying that I was writing a note. Number two Okay, Two. What makes you say yes to staying there, staying together? What makes you say yes?
Speaker 1:I don't know what does make you say yes.
Speaker 2:Well, well, all the things that you were just saying, Even in our whole conversation today, we're in the same book. I keep going back to my book and teaching reference. We are in the same book. We may not be on the same page, but we're in the same chapter of continuing with this particular situation of baggage claim, and so that could be anything from okay. Why are we continuing? Let's pretend like why are we continuing with our son staying in travel baseball? Okay, Are we in the same chapter? Are we in the same page? Are we in the same book? Do you value that?
Speaker 2:Or it could be even why are we serving in this specific ministry at church? Are we in the same chapter? Is this not where you want to serve? Okay, well, where do you want to serve? Are we in the same chapter or the same page? You can be the same book of what you value together as a couple of why it's important that you're who you chose. But like, if you, if you're not going in the same direction, like, okay, where are you going? Okay, and how can we get back to there?
Speaker 1:I agree, you know, it just hit me where I'm going on a golf trip this weekend. Yeah, the very first, and this is crazy.
Speaker 2:I love this.
Speaker 1:This is the very first time I've ever been on a golf trip. Yeah, the very first. Now, this is crazy. I love this. This is the very first time I've ever been on a golf trip. Yes, this is the, and it just hit me today. This is the very first time I've been on a guy's trip since we've been married. That is not around a bachelor party.
Speaker 2:Okay, I was about to say what about these bachelors?
Speaker 1:I've been on bachelor parties, but it's like I was invited to go on and some of them went.
Speaker 1:You know, thomas's was our son and the other it's like most of our trips since we've been married is me and you Like, if you give me the option, and I love, I love my like. I love the trip with Thomas. I love the trip to Austin and New Orleans and all those with the guys and it was fun. But if you ask me, you can do that or you can go with your wife somewhere. I'm going to choose you.
Speaker 2:I've never been on a trip without you since we've been married.
Speaker 1:And that's not a bad thing. I love my friends.
Speaker 2:The one time I had the option was when Brittany married Corey, my brother, and I still kick myself today, but I really truly did not have a choice, because it was when I was in school and I had a paper due or some something with school when I was still in school and I had made that choice to commit to that and I committed to that, regardless of what our kids activities were for. And then it happened to fall whenever my brother was getting married. It happened to fall whenever my brother was getting married. But anyway, I didn't go.
Speaker 1:I've not been on it Go where you didn't even say, where you had the chance to go, on the bachelorette trip with my current sister-in-law. What are you talking about?
Speaker 2:I've never been on a trip without you since we got married.
Speaker 1:So I'm just saying, like, wherever you're at in the spectrum, whatever's going on, and if you're struggling to find the connection with your, with your significant other, take a minute, sit down, maybe, do those two just small little exercises. Why did we say yes to each other and why are we on? Yeah, are we on the same page? And why are we staying? Why are we in this?
Speaker 2:are you my ride or die? So ride or die, so to unpack okay that was unpacking we never said the word unpack. Well, that was our unpack, though okay right I mean it kind of, is we never said unpack?
Speaker 1:so because we said it, it doesn't matter, okay. So we didn't say unpack, so it doesn't matter. So no, where are you at? What's going on? I'm so confused, I am too All right, so we're going to wrap up.
Speaker 2:We didn't say that was unpacked, that unpacked section. No, we didn't say the word unpack.
Speaker 1:Do those two things okay, and I hope you have a great week.
Speaker 2:And no matter where you're at.
Speaker 1:I just want to say go Dawgs, go Dawgs and unpack this together and it's going to be so good. Yeah, it is, it is, it is, it is.
