Baggage Claim

“This One Phrase Has Saved Our Marriage More Than Once” Part 2 of emotional intelligence

• Greg and Jess • Season 1 • Episode 36

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What if one short phrase could make honesty safer and conflict more productive? We share a simple tool we use at home and at work—the “umbrella of protection”—to flag vulnerable moments, lower defenses, and protect each other from knee-jerk judgment while we speak in drafts, not decrees. It’s a small shift with big payoff: fewer landmines, more clarity, and a deeper sense that we’re on the same team.

We dig into emotional intelligence beyond buzzwords, showing how two different styles—processing out loud versus thinking silently—can coexist when trust sets the terms. You’ll hear how we use prompts like “Help me understand why this matters to you” and boundaries like “I may disagree later, but I need to say this now.” We revisit raw memories of financial strain, the shame that came with it, and the laughter that saved us from turning on each other. Those moments taught us that joy is a discipline and that vulnerability isn’t weakness; it’s courage with the door open.

We also bring this into the workplace with sudden curriculum changes that rattled a teaching team mid-year. The same umbrella applies: clear language, protective leadership, and space to process feelings before decisions. You’ll leave with practical ways to turn feelings into needs and next steps, plus a new script to keep hard talks from spiraling. If you’re ready to turn conflict into connection, this conversation offers tools you can try tonight—at the kitchen table or in your next meeting.

If this resonates, tap follow, share it with someone who needs a gentler way to be honest, and leave a quick review to help more people find the show.

SPEAKER_05:

Hey guys, what's up? I'm Greg. I hope you guys are ready to unpack and get into some good conversations today.

SPEAKER_00:

And I'm Jess, and this is our podcast, Baggage Claim. Thank you for joining us.

SPEAKER_05:

What's up, Baggage Claim? How are you guys doing today? Uh, thank you so much for listening to us and joining in. If you're new here, grab your favorite drink, pull up to the table with us, and get ready for some good conversations and hopefully you get to experience some community along with us. Baggage Claim is a place where we just welcome everybody to the table. Let's just have a conversation. Let's talk about marriage. Let's talk about relationships and blended families and not blended traditional families, or even if you're just single out there and you're trying to figure out how to make your relationships better.

SPEAKER_06:

Or just being a person in the world.

SPEAKER_05:

Let's just uh enjoy time around the table and we're just gonna do this. So, whatever your favorite drink is, grab it, take a deep breath.

SPEAKER_01:

Pull up a chair.

SPEAKER_05:

Yeah, pull up the chair proverbially, maybe.

SPEAKER_01:

I'm just you can physically pull up your chair if you're near it.

SPEAKER_05:

If you're riding in the car, and just think about sitting on the table with us and uh let's jump into some fun conversations tonight. My uh good old friend Wes and uh Brother Jack.

SPEAKER_01:

Brother Jack.

SPEAKER_05:

So anyway, let's jump into really quick because I'm I am I'm really excited about this topic, but I want to do question time.

SPEAKER_01:

Question time.

SPEAKER_05:

That's a professional singer. We hired him to be in here studio.

SPEAKER_01:

I run, I'm sorry.

SPEAKER_05:

You you nailed it. So I phenomenal. And uh, if you didn't catch, we're continuing the conversation on emotional intelligence, and I posed a question.

SPEAKER_00:

So episode number two.

SPEAKER_05:

Yes, if you didn't catch episode one, hit pause, go back and hit lesson to one, jump back into the actually that was 36, so this would be 37.

SPEAKER_01:

OMG, we're almost in the 40s. So what are we doing? Question time. So let's jump in the question.

SPEAKER_05:

All right, so sorry, I got distracted there.

SPEAKER_01:

I did too, I got excited.

SPEAKER_05:

So um I proposed the question. Where's the most interesting place you put the first question?

SPEAKER_01:

No, no, no.

SPEAKER_05:

When you go to the bathroom, this was when you start to go to the bathroom, do you make a nest?

SPEAKER_01:

Absolutely, yes.

SPEAKER_05:

100%.

SPEAKER_01:

Every time.

SPEAKER_05:

All the time. You've never judged. Did we define how you make the nest? No, we're not getting into that. You're going to the second question.

SPEAKER_01:

Okay, wait.

SPEAKER_05:

I don't want to I don't want details. Yes or no?

SPEAKER_01:

Okay.

SPEAKER_03:

Yes or no?

SPEAKER_01:

Both.

SPEAKER_03:

Both what? What? How is that a both?

SPEAKER_01:

You either make a nest or you don't If you're in a civilized place where there's toilet paper and it's a sit-down potty, you make a nest. If it's like a Portageon gross public world situation and there's not enough toilet paper, or you just don't even want to get your bottom near anything, a lot of the time now they have a handle in the door for us so that we can hold on and you can hover, but you can hold on. So no, I will not.

SPEAKER_05:

First off, have you ever used a Portajohn?

SPEAKER_01:

Yes.

SPEAKER_05:

What a like a concert?

SPEAKER_01:

Yes.

SPEAKER_04:

Oh, okay. That'd be about the only circumstance in which I would use a Portageon.

SPEAKER_01:

Yeah. Okay. Or maybe like a uh the you know, North Georgia, we have lots of fall festivals situation. There's porta parties there.

SPEAKER_05:

All right. Moving past that. All right, it makes sense. Most interesting place you've ever used. Moving on, moving on. Because we we only have five minutes and we can't get caught in the details of your nest. All right. You described us how many nests lanes you put down.

SPEAKER_01:

I didn't.

SPEAKER_05:

I know, that's because I cut you off. Most interesting place. Give it to me.

SPEAKER_01:

I don't have uh literally not an interesting no.

SPEAKER_04:

Mine just I mean outside.

SPEAKER_01:

I mean, yeah, like anything.

SPEAKER_04:

Just outside camping.

SPEAKER_01:

Yeah.

SPEAKER_03:

Out with no no no no like running water. So I need the microphone. I think uh our unnameding Miranda. Miranda is gonna go.

SPEAKER_01:

I don't know. I don't have a good title for you yet.

SPEAKER_02:

So it's weird. I'm new to this. It was monsooning outside. I was with one of my best friends in high school. And we were sorry, weren't you in college?

SPEAKER_01:

Oh my close. Miranda, weren't you in college?

SPEAKER_02:

Yeah.

SPEAKER_05:

Okay.

SPEAKER_02:

Yeah. And we had a little too much drink. And it was monsooning outside. Okay, you said that. Yeah.

SPEAKER_05:

It's rainy gadget.

SPEAKER_02:

And I had to pee. There's no bathrooms in a barn. Because you know.

SPEAKER_05:

It's a barn.

SPEAKER_02:

There's a window. But there was a window. So I opened it and I peed out a window. Okay. Okay.

SPEAKER_05:

Thank you.

SPEAKER_02:

Mother of our granddaughter.

SPEAKER_05:

I used to back in the day, way, way back in the day, when I was a student pastor or next gen pastor, they call them now. Um, I used to travel and speak a lot at like disciple now's or weekend retreats or different things.

SPEAKER_01:

Oh my gosh, I know what you're about to say.

SPEAKER_05:

So I had this thing I used to really like to do, and I haven't done it in a while, which is you know, it's kind of sad. You walk away from things you used to really love. Wow. Um, but I had this thing, I called it the get naked. So I would get I'd completely disrobe and use the restroom.

SPEAKER_01:

But where was that restroom?

SPEAKER_05:

But I would try to use the restroom in every uh most of these pastors have private bathrooms. Yeah. Um, because they don't like using the, I guess the pastors above using the public bathroom. And so I made it my goal was to try to every time I would go speak, I would hit all the pastors' private bathrooms and I would take the get naked in everything.

SPEAKER_01:

The people that were closest to you that would go with you were called Take a Peck.

SPEAKER_05:

Yeah, they called, they named, I called it Get Naked and they called it Taking a Peck, is what they made it as. Uh and we it became a thing with my forgotten. I'm so sad. It's my leadership team with their they would call it taking a peck, and they'd be like, What'd you take with that? What'd you so that's just something I looked quite epic? Because it was it was to get into the bathroom. Oh no, for sure. Those are like coveted places, yeah. Like you barely could get into the pastor's office to get into the pastor's bathroom. I still don't know why so many pastors have their own private pastor. It doesn't make sense.

SPEAKER_04:

The first church I ever served that I had my own private bathroom connected to my office, and I had to guard that thing because people would always try to get it.

SPEAKER_01:

People would try to take a peck at it.

SPEAKER_05:

People like you would try to take a peck in it. I'm just guarding don't knock it till you try to keep your socks on, but that's it. Socks and a smile, and you have a good time. It's it's so freeing. But anyway, well, that being said, and jumping right into um That's your father law. Welcome to Baggage Claim, I guess. Welcome, y'all. Welcome to we just want to be real uh because we are real people. We are um in our we'd love to meet you in real life in our podcast studio just talking about marriage and relationships, podcast studio, aka our home. It's it's it's it's slightly detected. This is enough to call it a studio. Yeah. Come on, these vault works in it. We don't have these in our in our house.

SPEAKER_01:

We don't.

SPEAKER_03:

In the regular part of our house. And it's only a studio once you put up acoustic treatment. You put up acoustic treatment? It's legit. Bona five.

SPEAKER_01:

Ooh, that sound. I can't make that sound. Why can boys make sounds girls cannot?

SPEAKER_05:

Because we're doing the answer that on the Can you make gun sounds?

SPEAKER_01:

Go. Do it. Make gun sounds.

SPEAKER_05:

Like pew pew.

SPEAKER_01:

That's what we do. Y'all can do like actual.

SPEAKER_05:

It depends on what you want. Like you would like a machine. Yeah, no, are we talking about 30 on the trifle, 9mm 200? I know. Tell me what's up. Yeah, what are we talking? Stig here? Well, like what kind of brand name do you need? Yeah.

SPEAKER_01:

See, we can't do that. You can't do that. No. If I do, I'll look an idiot. See, I'll do that.

SPEAKER_03:

I think the 50 cal over there. And she's talking about looking like an idiot. Yeah. Oh my gosh. Can you quit? All right. Anyway. Let me uh I need a drink. So talking about emotional intelligence.

SPEAKER_04:

Perfect.

SPEAKER_05:

That is a great transition into emotional intelligence. So this is part two uh of emotional intelligence. And we talked about umbrella protection. We're gonna talk about what does that mean, what does that look like. Um I mean, let's even define what that is.

SPEAKER_01:

Can you sing a song about it? Umbrella.

SPEAKER_05:

Yeah, we have just so you guys know we have professionals.

SPEAKER_01:

We do.

SPEAKER_05:

Are you gonna keep going?

SPEAKER_01:

He's literally professional. My career expired a long time ago.

SPEAKER_05:

Wow.

SPEAKER_01:

So we were talking about emotional intelligence, and then You said I'm about to transition. I'm working on it, and you're like, yeah, yeah, yeah. So stop talking, is what Greg said. I'm gonna keep going. And so you said sometimes in conversations, when we're talking about where we are emotionally and we're not sure how to label what we're feeling, you have said in the past, like, I'm gonna I need an umbrella of protection because I'm just I need to share where I'm at. And then we can move forward after that.

SPEAKER_05:

Yeah, usually, usually umbrella protection in in my sense, the way that I've used it or use it, and you can use it any way you want, is basically the idea of saying, hey, I'm about to share something that's very vulnerable. I'm not 100% sure I agree or believe the way I feel or think.

SPEAKER_01:

I just gotta get it out.

SPEAKER_05:

But this is what I want to say right now. And so I'm I'm saying that in the sense of I need some protection in the in the idea of like this is not my stamp. I 100% agree with this, believe this. This is my I'm gonna be vulnerable and say some things that may be hard for us to to hear, process, or work through. Did you what did you say?

SPEAKER_01:

Sorry, I dropped my fidget toy. I have to have a fidget in my hand the whole time we record every single episode, and I dropped it. So it's okay. I will say though, when you started engaging your umbrella of protection, that was actually very helpful for me because it helped me understand that what you were trying to share was not filtered or you weren't trying to say it in a protecting my feelings kind of way. It was very much a I this is how I feel right now, and I haven't fully processed it yet, but I gotta talk about it.

SPEAKER_05:

Yeah, I I I process my emotions and feelings out loud. Like that's I I I like to talk through them.

SPEAKER_06:

Yeah.

SPEAKER_05:

Like I want to do that out loud, and sometimes it's I need to do it by myself.

SPEAKER_06:

Yeah.

SPEAKER_05:

Um, but I do like to do that. Not everybody does that. And so sometimes it can be very, very dangerous. Another word for saying umbrella of protection would be vulnerable.

SPEAKER_06:

Yeah.

SPEAKER_05:

Like you're choosing to be vulnerable. And I'm gonna choose to be vulnerable right now. Yeah. And I'm just asking you, please don't throw stones, please don't throw sticks at me right now. Like on parlay. Yes, as they would say in the parish.

SPEAKER_01:

I want to watch those movies now. So bad.

SPEAKER_05:

You call it a parlay, call it an umbrella, call it vulnerable, whatever you want to call it.

SPEAKER_01:

I will This is a hard step. It is a hard step. And I was just about to say, I will say that I appreciate this part of the step of emotional intelligence because I want to process a lot of emotions in my own head. And that's not healthy all of the time.

SPEAKER_05:

Okay.

SPEAKER_01:

Well, because I will believe myself.

SPEAKER_05:

Yeah, it's true.

SPEAKER_01:

Yeah. I'm gonna say to myself what I believe, and then I'm gonna tell myself that I'm right. And then I'm also gonna tell myself all of the reasons why I'm right.

SPEAKER_05:

Isn't it interesting the way the brain will support whatever crazy notion you have? And sometimes they're ridiculous. Yes, and well like a self-validation.

SPEAKER_01:

Yes, and that's what the world wants us to believe we are right, and these this is all the reasons why I'm right, and I want to feel this, and you have to agree with me because this is what I feel. Rather than here's what I'm feeling, and I want to express that to you with my umbrella of protection, but also I want to hear your point of view, Greg, as to why maybe I might not be right. I don't have to like it that I'm not right, but I want to know why you feel like I'm here's the places where I might not, like there's like a a void of understanding, I guess. Of okay, I and it's the acknowledgement part too, because in that umbrella part, there's the acknowledgement, like, okay, I I understand what you're I well, okay. Understanding is a different part. I hear what you're saying, right? Let me use your phrase. Help me understand why you feel that way so that I can I can kind of meet you in the middle.

SPEAKER_05:

Right.

SPEAKER_01:

Meeting in the middle does not always mean conceding.

unknown:

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01:

It means like, okay, I get it now where my fault is and where I feel like you might have this or that. It's it's the the meeting in the middle part.

SPEAKER_05:

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01:

Is what we're after.

SPEAKER_05:

Yeah. Cause we're talking about like we're talking about feelings, we're talking about emotions, talking about a lot of those, and the it's a roller coaster ride. Like we all know that. If you've been alive more than five minutes, you know that that's a roller coaster ride. Like there's ups, there's downs, there's crazy parts, uh, they're all over the place. And we're not saying that feelings are bad. And I'm not saying that the way you're feeling is like when you may be upset, I'm not I'm not trying to say, well, that's stupid. You shouldn't feel that way.

SPEAKER_01:

Well, feelings are good regardless, because it's not even like a bad necessarily. It could even be literally just as simple as, why are you so excited about what's fixing to happen? Or why are you so excited about this plan? Like, I don't understand that. Like, help me understand why you're so excited about ABC. I I want to be there with you. But you should also, on the flip side, want to be like, help me understand why that hurt you. Because I wanna I want to understand that with you. Yeah, it's it's both.

SPEAKER_05:

Yeah, and sometimes you're vulnerable together.

SPEAKER_01:

Yeah.

SPEAKER_05:

And that's I mean, I I uh myself, I think being vulnerable is a huge, huge plus if you can be that way.

SPEAKER_06:

Yeah.

SPEAKER_05:

The world tells us not really to be vulnerable because there's this thing with vulnerability that comes hand in hand with that, and that's trust. Like if I'm being vulnerable to you, I'm trusting you with some pretty fragile things.

SPEAKER_01:

What part of what part of being vulnerable though do you think weakness plays in that?

SPEAKER_05:

What do you mean?

SPEAKER_01:

Do you is there some kind of correlation of being vulnerable means you're being weak?

SPEAKER_05:

Uh I think I think a lot of people think that.

SPEAKER_01:

Yeah.

SPEAKER_05:

For me, I'm okay probably being more vulnerable because two things.

SPEAKER_01:

Yeah. One, I'm Well, let me say I like how you went straight to vulnerable means I'm trusting you. When society might would tell us, or the world might tell us that being vulnerable means weak.

SPEAKER_05:

But we're vulnerable on this podcast.

SPEAKER_01:

We should be able to do that.

SPEAKER_05:

For anybody to listen to.

SPEAKER_01:

Yeah. Like we've shared things on this podcast that I mean some of our friends and I mean, even some of our distant family members have not heard.

SPEAKER_05:

No. And I I've I've shared things on here that are very, very deeply personable, but and it's like, yeah, I'm being very vulnerable because I think there's value in that. And I'm on I not saying I'm the leader, follow me, but I think we can't expect other people to be vulnerable if we're not going to be vulnerable ourselves.

SPEAKER_06:

No.

SPEAKER_05:

And so for me, it's like, I'm I'm gonna show you, like, I'm okay to say this.

SPEAKER_06:

Yeah.

SPEAKER_05:

I'm okay to to to tell you where I'm at. I'm okay to be here. I'm okay to tell you when things suck and they're they're sucky. I'm I'm okay with that.

SPEAKER_01:

And I think just because things suck doesn't mean I don't like you anymore.

SPEAKER_05:

No. But I think it's also too uh I think when you've when you're vulnerable, when you can be vulnerable, you're kind of comfortable in your own skin. And it goes back to that.

SPEAKER_01:

That's so hard to do.

SPEAKER_05:

Yes, it goes back to that being in that silence where we talked about just a couple episodes ago. Ten minutes of silence can change your your marriage and your relationships. Like be okay with yourself and who you are and how you think and how you operate. And I am. Uh it's messy, it's crappy, it's not. I say things I shouldn't say sometimes. My mouth moves way before my mind does sometimes. And it, I mean, it puts me in some weird spots.

SPEAKER_01:

But then on the other side, like you're what you just said, but like my mouth moves a lot slower than my brain does. And so there's that that whole connection in the middle that's that's hard because and you and I are a lot alike in a lot of ways, but we are very, very different in some really blaring ways.

SPEAKER_05:

Well, I say things when I'm around other people and I'm just get lost in the moment of relationship. I'm a people guy, and I get caught up, I get excited, and I'll say stupid things, uh, not inappropriate things.

SPEAKER_01:

No. Um you just you just want to do that.

SPEAKER_05:

But when it comes to us in a relationship, I try to be very, very intentional about what I say and what I do, especially when I'm being vulnerable. Yeah, yeah, that's true. It's just it's it's one of those things. I think if you want, if you really want to take your relationship, like this is one of those things. I'm like, if you want to learn how to take your relationship to the next level, yeah. Like truly go, I want to elevate this and make it next level, know your emotions and be extremely vulnerable with your with your with your significant other.

SPEAKER_06:

Yeah.

SPEAKER_05:

Like vulnerable. Like it will open up windows for you um with that person. I I it's hard for me to describe.

SPEAKER_01:

It is. It really is. It is hard. So um well in the previous um episode, right before this, on the part one, I talked about how it was really hard for me to get to the point to be able to name the emotion I was feeling, much less what to do with it next. Yeah, and that's part of I feel like the umbrella of protection too. I've never I don't use that phrase, that's your phrase in our relationship. But it's still the same thing, even if I don't use that specific phrase, because for me it's hard, like I just said, to get to the place where I want to, I can name it, because then even another a whole another level of being vulnerable is like, okay, now that I've named it, what do I do with this? Because it's like, and then what?

SPEAKER_06:

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01:

You know, it's like I'm feeling this, and whether it be with you and I or in in another situation with another person, this is what I'm feeling, and I don't know what to do about it.

SPEAKER_05:

Right. And sometimes that's probably one of the best things to say.

SPEAKER_01:

Oh man, yeah.

SPEAKER_05:

Like it's okay to be that's the being vulnerable part that's hard.

SPEAKER_01:

Yeah.

SPEAKER_05:

Like, we're in the situation, and this is not pretty for either of us, and I I don't know how to fix it, and I don't know how to make it better.

SPEAKER_01:

And not pretty can even mean like for me and you, if it's not pretty, it was like, okay, I I'm feeling like I messed up. And I didn't mean to mess up, and so now what? Or on the flip side, it can be like in this outside of our marriage, in this specific like professional relationship, I feel like I'm right. And that can be very vulnerable saying, I feel like I'm right, but then now what do I do with it? I'm not gonna be a jerk about it or whatever the case may be. It's kind of like, okay, what's the feeling I'm feeling? Why is it important? What does it mean to me in this whole thing? And then what?

SPEAKER_05:

There are two I don't know if I should share this because we're talking about vulnerability, but these are very vulnerable moments for me in our in our marriage. And I think I've shared these here. I'm not sure if I have or not, but they're highly emotional for me because they're very vulnerable moments. There's two times that are just man, they're just marked, they marked me. Um one time was we were going through a a really we had a we had a rough patch financially. Like it was tough for a while. There's been two times, two times where it's just really, really tough. Um, one time you were really sick, um, and you need to go to the doctor, and we had no money. And I remember sitting in our closet, and man, I was wrecked. Like, I was just emotionally shot. And I that was my vulnerability, just me. Like sitting there, just I was I was sobbing, just crying, because I'm like, what kind of husband am I, what kind of a leader am I in our house that I can't even provide for my wife when she's sick? I can't even take her to the doctor. Um, and that was horrible. The second time was when that vulnerability was with you, and our bank account was done. And we had a bunch of little kids at home, and we it's back. This is tells you how dated it was. We wrote a bad check. Yeah, we knew this check was bad, and this is before they could check it and tell you if there was money in there. But we wrote a check that was bad so we could buy groceries for our kids, uh, so we could eat that week. And I remember I remember that moment sitting in the car with you. It's it's one of those moments that marks you.

SPEAKER_06:

Yeah.

SPEAKER_05:

But you're also like I'm not saying go write bad checks. No, we're not saying that. But at the same moment, I remember sitting in that car and something happened between us that day that changed us.

SPEAKER_01:

Well, because now when we talk about the the bad check memory, if we tell that story typically, not today, it's not always a an emotional point because in the car.

SPEAKER_05:

Well, we at a point where we just do it and we're just like, what do we just do?

SPEAKER_01:

We have four little people to feed. They have no idea that there's not enough money in the bank to cover this check. But what they do know is when we come home and they get to help us unload groceries because Cali Girl was old enough for the rest of them to stay at home with her. When we get home with this car full of groceries, they're like, we're having our favorite things to eat this week. And they got us so-and-so for lunch and blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. They had no idea. So it was such a it was such a a paradigm. I don't know if that's the word. It was like a, for us, it was like like rip our heart out. This is where we're at. But on the flip side, they had no idea.

SPEAKER_05:

But that could have took when I talk about being an umbrella protection and vulnerability.

SPEAKER_01:

100%.

SPEAKER_05:

It's literally one of those things, like you could have looked at me and been like, How dare you? You're not the man you should be. You should be providing for our family, you should be doing this, this, this, and this. I could have said the same thing to you. Why aren't we buying this? Why are we buying that? We don't need that. But we just sat in the car and we just kind of had a moment where we we kind of cried and we were kind of upset, and then we just looked at each other and we just started laughing. We're just like, you know what? Here we are. If we can't be happy when we have nothing in the bank, we're never gonna be happy with money in the bank. And so we made that decision changed the way we looked at a lot of things. I'm not saying be broke. I mean, hear me, look past those things.

SPEAKER_01:

It's not about money, and that's what we learned really, really early on in our marriage is if we, like you just said, if we can't be happy with little, we're not gonna be happy with more. But the times where we've had little, we can look back on those times because and with joy because it wasn't about the little versus more. It was like, nope, we're looking at the things that are important.

SPEAKER_05:

But that was the uh the idea of knowing those emotions, man, trying to sort through all those, work through all those. And we did. Mm-hmm.

unknown:

We did.

SPEAKER_05:

And we made the money that week and we covered the check, and we I went out and hustled and found some side gigs.

SPEAKER_01:

You always do.

SPEAKER_05:

And we we made the money and we covered it. At the time we didn't, yeah. Um, it's just like opportunities happened. Yeah, it's just like everything's fine. But the idea is that in those things, we started learning really, really early.

SPEAKER_01:

What matters.

SPEAKER_05:

Yeah, this is an emotional roller coaster. This is but we never threw rocks at each other. Like we were never gonna be mean each other. I never called you names, and you never called me names, which was man, because I'm telling you, as a husband, you don't talk about feeling like a failure. Right. That's it. When you can't feed your kids or you can't take your wife to the doctor when she's sick because you're broke, you're just like, what am I doing? Like, and bless your heart.

SPEAKER_01:

I get sick a lot because of my job. Well, you do it.

SPEAKER_05:

Working with little germy kids. So, but we're we're not there now. We're in a different place. But I'm just saying that's part of our journey, but that's the umbrella sometimes that we you you hold and you say, hey, this is a very hard moment for me to share. This is a very hard thing for me to to to open up and say, but I want I want you to hear it.

SPEAKER_06:

Yeah.

SPEAKER_05:

And I want you to know it because I know if I share that with you, it takes us to a different place. Um, and so there's a there's a lady, um, she did a TED talk, and it's about vulnerability. If you get a chance, go check it out.

SPEAKER_01:

She's a she's an author too. She has some really good books.

SPEAKER_05:

Yeah, and I'm not saying I a hundred percent agree with everything she says. This is a really cool talk, it's a really thought-provoking, it's about vulnerability. Her name's Brene Brown. I think I got that correct. You did. And so um, she did a tech talk that was on vulnerability that was just really phenomenal and it's worth a listen. Uh, it's had about 30 million downloads or listens. So, I mean, it's it's been around. Uh so check it out if you haven't. It's one of those really cool things to listen to. Um, but it's just value there's such value in that.

SPEAKER_01:

But what tell me tell me a little bit about what she talked about.

SPEAKER_05:

Well, I mean, it's uh there's a lot to it. I mean, I heard some of her talk too when she was on. I'm a huge fan of uh another podcast called The Diary of a CEO. Um God, I love this podcast. But he was she was just recently on there, super cool. Um, which led me to I didn't get all the way through her pod uh her TED talk uh because it's been busy the last few days. Um so go check it out, listen to it. She's on if you want to, I mean, here I am pushing another podcast off my podcast. But Diary of the CEO, she's on there.

SPEAKER_01:

What was it that you wanted to share about what Brene said?

SPEAKER_05:

I'm just saying vulnerability is a huge part of of of growing and and it's a healthy part of who we are.

SPEAKER_06:

Yeah.

SPEAKER_05:

That we don't talk about. Um if you want to be a a really healthy version of yourself in your relationships, be vulnerable. Um it's hard.

SPEAKER_01:

But it is hard.

SPEAKER_05:

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01:

I mean, I can and I know we I referenced this before, but I can say just because of your life experience before we got not just life, but professional experience before we got married. Um I've I've experienced a lot of growth with obviously emotions and processing and why I feel the way I do in certain situations, or even like processing like my past grief and things like that. Um helps me even now be able to uh I mean, I'm a team lead for my grade level currently, and we've experienced some change and some curriculum choices um with our leadership, and it's been quite a uh It was a surprise because we're a third of the way through the school year. And so it was like a whoa, we're changing years real fast. And so it's been like a uh it, I mean, it changes the first part of our whole um teaching part of our day. And so for a teacher, if you're not a teacher listening to us, when you change how we do things, it's hard because teachers, nine times out of ten, we want to be in control in uh the what we're actually teaching our children in our classroom. And so when you change that, it's like, oh wait, I thought I I I knew what I was doing. And then when you change it real fast, it's like you sweep our feet out from under us. And so then um with our current change that we're going through now. I have a point, I promise. So where are we going? I'm going.

SPEAKER_06:

Okay.

SPEAKER_01:

So as I've been talking about the change with my team, um I've tried to deliver that with um a confidence and an encouragement. And so it's almost like I've got I'm trying to protect them with an umbrella that is my own. And my my my teammates are like, well, because of the way you're talking to me about it, makes me feel more confident. And so it's kind of like a reverse umbrella protection, if that makes any sense. But it's almost like a as you're talking to your spouse or who you're in a relationship with, and you're identifying with how you're feeling and thinking about how they are feeling. Value how each other is feeling. Whether it be professional or personal, because feelings are real. Um that's where I'm at right now in my heart.

SPEAKER_04:

Can I can I interject with that? Yeah, I'm not sure. I'm hearing very much what you're saying. Thank you. And a lot of things in in my experience when you become vulnerable. First off, it's scary.

SPEAKER_01:

It is scary.

SPEAKER_04:

It's it is scary because you're opening a part of yourself that most nobody, if not everyone, does not know about you. Right. Right. You don't want them to know something about it. You don't, yeah, exactly. Well, it reveals your own weaknesses. Yeah. Yep. And I mean, and and I know this is it it's a silly connection, but you think of parlay, right? You've got like these two enemy forces that are coming together. You're gonna have to show your weaknesses. You know, you gotta put down your guns, you gotta put down your ammunition so that you can come together and talk and and collaborate towards an end result.

SPEAKER_01:

Well, as I was speaking just then, and I know there was like awkward silences and pauses, like I was being very vulnerable just then, and my own self and my brain was like, stop talking, stop, stop, stop. And I knew I had a point I was trying to make. And I'm so grateful for you, Michael, and you, Greg, to pick up on that because we do that to our own selves in real life. And I'm not ashamed to say that. Like, that's where I was in my own brain hearing my own selves saying, stop. I'm no, stop.

SPEAKER_04:

Well, and it's it can be easy. And I think this is why the whole umbrella of protection is such an important thing. One, to be able to communicate universally amongst you and whoever you're talking with, whether it be a spouse or a working relationship.

SPEAKER_06:

Yeah.

SPEAKER_04:

Is to say, hey, maybe give me some grace in this moment.

SPEAKER_06:

Yeah.

SPEAKER_04:

Maybe not not throw the stones at me right now while I'm wrestling this hard thing. Yeah. And even what Greg, you were saying before, like, hey, I may finalize these thoughts and in two hours completely disagree with what I'm about to say right now. But I've got to work through this. So I think this whole concept of an umbrella of protection, I think it goes both ways. You know, if you have a spouse that comes to you and says, Hey, can you grant me an umbrella of protection for a moment? I think if that were said to me, I should be overly intentional to not judge, to not throw things back in their face, to not take these vulnerable moments and use it against them in their moments of weakness. Yes.

SPEAKER_06:

Yeah.

SPEAKER_04:

It's not something to take and log away and go, I'm gonna bring this up. Absolutely. It's not a weapon. The purpose of being vulnerable in these ways is to acknowledge where we are, to see it, and then grow in that. Yep. And if we use ammunition and we fire shots at them one in that vulnerable moment, I think that hurt goes so much deeper than so many other circumstances of pain and hurt that we can cause in relationships. But then also when you support that and you encourage that moment of protection and you encourage that moment of vulnerability, you can usually help speak life into moments. You can speak confidence into moments, you can speak freedom of thoughts, mental issues that people work through all the time in those moments. So, yeah, one, it's not just a hey, maybe I need to be extended umbrella of protection, but also it's a, hey, when someone requests that of me, the words that I say can either be fuel to a fire that can go in so many different ways, or it can also be water to a fire to help put out and give peace, to give life in those ways. So I see very much in a lot of what you're saying there.

SPEAKER_01:

Thank you.

SPEAKER_04:

There's a massive amount of trust going back to what Greg said, involved in this both ways.

SPEAKER_05:

And that's the huge thing. It's like if you pull all this down, it comes down to the idea of trust. Like and that's that's one of those things you just have to work and build. So, man, lots of stuff, lots of things we we got into, more stuff we would want to get into. I know this is one of those topics we could just dig and dig and dig and dig and talk about for hours and hours and hours, and maybe we will at some point. Um we'll we'll hit back on this and dig into some more things. Um, because there's some practical things I wanted us to talk about that we didn't get to. And um, we'll just strapped for time.

SPEAKER_04:

Maybe we'll throw a part three out there sometime.

SPEAKER_05:

Yeah, at some point, we'll throw a part three out there. So thank you guys so much for listening. If you're still here, thank you. Make sure to uh if you want to go up, uh, subscribe so that you get when we drop new podcasts. We try to do them every Tuesday morning. Uh, so you get those new ones every Tuesday morning. Uh follow us on all our socials, interact with us, let us know what you think. Um, we'd love to hear from you. Yeah, absolutely. Thank you guys for joining us and uh have a good day.

SPEAKER_01:

Thank go dogs.

SPEAKER_05:

Go dogs.

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Greg & Jess

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