Baggage Claim

Let’s Talk In-Laws—The Good, the Hard, and the Hilarious

• Greg and Jess • Season 1 • Episode 39

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Ever felt the emotional whiplash of loving your partner and wrangling their family traditions at the same time? We open the door on what “yes” really means—because when you choose a person, you inherit a clan, their rhythms, and the unspoken rules that come with them. From the hilariously uncomfortable “would you rather” of pop-in in-laws vs. a month-long takeover to the real-world realities of holiday scheduling, we get practical about building peace without losing yourself.

We share two origin stories that changed how we see in-laws altogether. When Charles asked to propose, we didn’t offer a lecture; we offered weekly time and an open table. When Miranda unexpectedly moved into our orbit during a COVID quarantine, she brought questions, curiosity, and courage—sparking conversations on faith, identity, and belonging that reshaped our home. These scenes are more than anecdotes; they’re a roadmap for how intentional time, gentle structure, and flexible traditions turn strangers into family.

Along the way, we tackle the biggest friction points: unmet expectations, rigid holiday plans, and clashing personality styles. You’ll hear how to set boundaries that protect your marriage, advocate for a more reserved partner without starting a war, and reframe traditions as living agreements rather than fixed laws. We talk scripts for tense moments, how to create a “bubble of peace” around your relationship, and why learning how others receive feedback is a secret weapon. And we look ahead: you’re likely to become an in-law someday—so start practicing the empathy you’ll want your future kids and their partners to feel.

If you’re navigating marriage, blended families, or serious dating, this conversation offers tools, stories, and a mindset that keeps love bigger than logistics. Listen, share it with someone who needs a calmer holiday, and tell us your best boundary or in-law win. Subscribe, leave a quick review, and message us on Instagram at baggageclaim.podcast or email info@unpacktogether.com with topics you want us to unpack next.

SPEAKER_02:

Hey guys, what's up? I'm Greg. I hope you guys are ready to unpack and get into some good conversations today.

SPEAKER_00:

And I'm Jess, and this is our podcast, Baggage Claim. Thank you for joining us.

SPEAKER_02:

What's up, Baggage Claim? How are you guys doing? Thank you so much for taking the time to uh check us out. Uh, if you're new to Baggage Claim, it is a place where we're trying to create some community and conversation around relationships, marriages, blended families, all that fun stuff. Uh so if you've been here before, you know the drill.

SPEAKER_01:

Welcome back.

SPEAKER_02:

Yeah. Grab your favorite drink, pull up to the table. It is Christmas time here at Baggage Claim. We have all the stuff. Thank you, Michael. That's so sweet. I mean, it's like Christmas threw up on our table and behind us. So, but we're gonna have a good time. Yeah. Uh, that's our um marketing manager, Miranda, or Marketing Director? Yeah, she falls under Michael Johnson, the producer. Michael, go ahead, Michael. No, I still I still vote for the name Producer Michael Jr.

SPEAKER_03:

Producer Michael Jr. If someone called me a t-shirt, I'm gonna do it.

SPEAKER_04:

I think it's I think it's gonna stick. I was like, I know a girl who can make one. Her name's Miranda.

SPEAKER_03:

I'm now making my own.

SPEAKER_02:

Producer Michael Jr., I like it. So we've got to get another Michael. Welcome to Baggage Claim, a place where we're just gonna hang out, we're gonna talk, we're gonna have fun. Uh, we're probably gonna be stupid, but we are gonna be real.

SPEAKER_01:

Or most of the time we're gonna be a little bit stupid.

SPEAKER_02:

Yeah, because that's just who we are.

SPEAKER_01:

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02:

But we promise to be real. We try, uh, we're gonna be as honest as we can, be respectful um of people, and the same time try to share some real life situations doing around marriage. Yeah.

SPEAKER_01:

So a real life situation right now is that if our sound is a little different, we're doing the best we can, but we have some new mic stands that Greg made.

SPEAKER_02:

We got rid of the big old arms, the big extension.

SPEAKER_01:

So if you watch us on YouTube, there's been these like mechanical arms in front of us and around us. But but when we have guests, it's really awkward.

SPEAKER_02:

And so we're trying to have more guests on the show. Uh, we're trying to have more people, more couples uh to share their experience, their life, um, just work through things and they just don't work with those things.

SPEAKER_01:

No. And it's funny because whenever we were talking about this wonderful idea, I was like, yeah, it's so good. It's great. Get rid of the mechanical situation in front of us. But then I realized when we were testing it out before we were recording, I like to sit back in my chair, and so the mechanical arm would come with me and I could sit back the whole time. And this is different. I have to sit up and I'm gonna get used to it. It's gonna be so great.

SPEAKER_02:

It's amazing. It's nice craftsmanship, too, by the way. For you guys listening. Handmade. Handmade, forged in the peg shop. Yes, with blood, sweat, adjacent to the podcast studio here. Yeah, it is adjacent to the podcast. On the peg plantation. There's lots of fire, lots of uh bourbon consumptions. Um but yeah, we made it. We we made some mic stands. So anyway. Oh, here we are.

SPEAKER_01:

It's always an adventure.

SPEAKER_02:

So we're we're talking about a subject that's that can be very um but wait.

SPEAKER_01:

Hard questions.

SPEAKER_02:

Okay, all right. That was a weak.

SPEAKER_01:

Okay, my first question. Let me get my glasses.

SPEAKER_02:

Uh make it the one we're talking about. Stay in the mic.

unknown:

Okay.

SPEAKER_02:

Stay in the mic.

SPEAKER_01:

I can lean back, but I just you can't hear me if I lean back. Okay, here's the question. Would you rather have your in-laws pop in unannounced every weekend or only visit once a year for an entire month? Can you guess what our subject is this evening?

SPEAKER_02:

Hold on, what read that read that question?

SPEAKER_01:

Would you rather have your in-laws pop in unannounced every weekend or only visit once a year for an entire month?

SPEAKER_04:

It's kind of deceiving by saying once a year.

SPEAKER_01:

I know. Also, the uh pop in unannounced every weekend, because you know it's gonna happen every weekend, but it also you don't know when.

SPEAKER_02:

I got no nod. But the reality is is if you if you actually do the time and put them together, the probably one month that you're gonna spend there is going to be more time with them than if they popped in every weekend. Mm-hmm. I don't know about for an entire month. Yeah. Do the math. So they stay for 30 minutes. That's only two hours. Uh that's a two hours a month. Two times twelve.

SPEAKER_01:

No, it just says pop in. Pop in doesn't mean you stay for a long time.

SPEAKER_02:

Yeah.

SPEAKER_04:

Quit overthinking it.

SPEAKER_02:

Well, shoot, if they're gonna pop in for the weekend, I'll just be gone for the weekend. I feel like that's I would think that I would do to pop in for the weekend if it's me.

SPEAKER_01:

I would say pop in because pop in unannounced every weekend can be like Sunday morning. Yeah, then they go home or Saturday evening and then they go home.

SPEAKER_02:

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01:

I think I would choose to pop in unannounced.

SPEAKER_02:

Yeah. I think so too. Yeah. How about you? Producer Michael. I would also do pop-in for the weekend. There you go. So nobody took the spend a month with your in-laws.

SPEAKER_01:

Co-producer Michael Jr., Miranda.

SPEAKER_02:

Yeah, co-producer Michael Jr. We are your in-laws.

SPEAKER_01:

What would you choose?

SPEAKER_02:

Would you rather us pop in here all the time?

SPEAKER_01:

You you you have to hold the microphone up. I don't. There you go.

SPEAKER_02:

You gotta get closer.

SPEAKER_01:

Why you are the pop-in in-law here, though. Is that bad? No.

SPEAKER_02:

No, I don't mind.

SPEAKER_01:

Would you rather just us pop in at your house every weekend unannounced or spend a whole month with us only just a month? Both? Yeah, she's Miranda is the poster child for the best daughter-in-law of ever all.

SPEAKER_02:

But like I had no idea you were coming over yesterday. Like that was a pop, like I got home and I was thinking, oh, just Jess is coming home. And then you and Lucy showed up and I was like, oh, cool, they're here. And so it wasn't a bad, it wasn't a bad thing at all. Yes, but we're horrible communicators because we talk about all the time on the show.

SPEAKER_01:

We've talked about that today. You and I talked about we are not.

SPEAKER_02:

She didn't share that with me.

SPEAKER_01:

Can I pass the mic?

unknown:

Oh my god.

SPEAKER_02:

You can get the mic back. Thank you. So so today we're digging into the idea, the subject of in-laws, and we may not get to all the good stuff in this episode. I promise you, we will try to unpack everything that's involved with this. And this is not an easy 35-minute conversation that we can have. This is one that's gonna take some time uh to get into. And we're gonna share the good, the bad, the ugly with all of that. We'll share some of our personal experiences that we've had, some of the um, some of the good ones, some of the hard ones. Um, and I know we had some friends who are are working through some other issues with in-laws too. Um, so we want to try to give helpful advice, but it's some encouragement, and just try to figure out how we can all walk through this together.

SPEAKER_01:

If you're listening and you're not married, but you're in a relationship, you might be thinking like, I don't have in-laws yet. Yeah, you do.

SPEAKER_02:

Yeah, wait a minute. Like, don't don't hit don't hit pause, don't skip, don't jump out of it. Hang in here for a few minutes. We're gonna get into the good stuff.

SPEAKER_01:

Any kind of a long-term relationship, whether you're married or not, you have in-laws.

SPEAKER_03:

Yes.

SPEAKER_01:

You you do. So there's there's a lot of people that that are in this category that may not realize that they are.

SPEAKER_02:

Oh, really? Okay, tell me, uh tell me what you mean by that.

SPEAKER_01:

If you're my boyfriend, and we've just been dating for, you know, five, six months.

SPEAKER_02:

Yep.

SPEAKER_01:

I have in-laws, and you do too.

SPEAKER_02:

Ooh.

unknown:

Okay.

SPEAKER_02:

Because if we're in a long-term relationship at all, it's kind of like your dad when we first started dating, your dad called me over and five. And we were in his garage.

SPEAKER_01:

Mind you, I was 34, you were 39.

SPEAKER_02:

Yeah, I was a 39-year-old adult.

SPEAKER_01:

We we both had children. We both had we both owned our own home. Like, we it was a whole thing. But yeah, my daddy called you over.

SPEAKER_02:

Yeah, and he's like, So what do you do for a living? I was like, that's a great question, Mike. I don't know, bro. I was like, I'm figuring that out. And he's like, Oh, okay.

SPEAKER_01:

Yeah, yeah. He wanted to know how you go and support Jesse and the kids.

SPEAKER_02:

I was like, I don't know, I was hoping she'd support me. So yeah, it was uh it's an interesting, even in the beginning. Here's the thing we don't realize about in-laws. Like when you date someone or you're you're thinking about getting married to them, when you say yes to that person, um, you're saying yes to their family. You're saying yes to the the mom, the dad, every if it's a blended family, there's more than one. So yeah. Um when you're saying yes to that, you're saying yes to both sides of that family, and what does that look like? Um, because we believe the Bible tells us when you become married, those two become one. And so then you're one person. So I'm just Jess is me. We see that as as one person. So as I'm saying yes to you, I want to marry you, I'm saying yes to your mom, your dad, uh, that means all of me. All those people that are involved. I'm saying yes to you.

SPEAKER_01:

I come from a blended family too. So our blended family goes with a blended family. Like it's it's a whole telling you there's like a thousand branches on our family tree.

SPEAKER_02:

This is crazy. It starts four days early, ends four days late. But you just embrace it and love it and just move on with it. Yeah. Um, so we're gonna dig into the idea of in-laws. So there's this there's this thing of expectations. So you see these uh rom coms where it's the you know, the in-laws, and everything is just like, oh, we love them. They're the best there is.

SPEAKER_01:

You love a rom-com.

SPEAKER_02:

Yes, I do. Go ahead. You you you put us on the worst. Oh no. Is it a rom com or is it a Christmas movie? The family stone?

SPEAKER_01:

It's both.

SPEAKER_02:

It is the oh my gosh, it's just the family stone.

SPEAKER_01:

It is an old movie. Miranda and I were talking about it earlier today. She's never seen it. It is so good. It is so good.

SPEAKER_02:

I just see this. And you can call me what you want. You can comment online. I don't care. I cried at the end. Yeah, you can not. And if you don't cry at the end, you go see a counselor or a therapist because you're Oh, so good. Um, but at the same time, I'm just like, what is like they have this, they paint this picture in this movie of this incredible in-law relationship, but there's also tension in that relationship.

SPEAKER_01:

Well, they're not quite in-laws yet. What it really is.

SPEAKER_02:

According to you, because you said if you're dating, you have in-laws.

SPEAKER_01:

That's where I was going with that. They're not technically in-laws yet because as one of the brothers is bringing home a girl for Christmas that he wants to, he thinks he wants, I don't want to give it away if you haven't seen it, but he thinks he wants to propose to her. And so it's a whole dynamic of how she fits in with her potential in-laws.

SPEAKER_02:

Okay.

SPEAKER_01:

And it is a mess.

SPEAKER_02:

Great, great movie, but that doesn't have anything to do with us.

SPEAKER_01:

Not you and I, but it's kind of like a the the brother bless his heart.

SPEAKER_02:

Don't get too much in the story. You can give away the problem.

SPEAKER_01:

I'm just saying he had he had all of these expectations built up.

SPEAKER_02:

Yeah. Which we all do. I mean, no matter where we're at in a relationship, we all have expectations.

SPEAKER_01:

I wasn't trying to ruin the movie. I was just saying Everett is a character's name. He has all these expectations built up of how she's gonna work in and how everybody's gonna work in together and the dynamic and how it's just gonna be. And whether or not that works out, I'm not gonna say. But in real life, like we have expectations whenever we're going into a relationship or we introduce, like, okay, like you're my boyfriend. I'm gonna introduce you to everybody, and I want everybody to love you, and I want you to love everybody. And that's what my expectation is because I'm just blinded by love or whatever. And whether or not that works out, I mean, the reality is that most, not most, is it's probably like a 50-50 shot, whether or not, like, okay, is this gonna click or is this not gonna click with everybody?

SPEAKER_02:

Yeah, it's a 50-50 shot.

SPEAKER_01:

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02:

I mean, the thing is we've had two opportunities where we've invited people into our our family circle, yes, our inner circle. Into the six peck, and into the six pack, which is expanding. Uh, one, the first one was with Charles.

SPEAKER_01:

Yes.

SPEAKER_02:

I remember when we were at Corkett and he invited us to Corkett is a local, like um wine wine place. Do you go have wine?

SPEAKER_01:

Yeah, it's not just wine, but yeah.

SPEAKER_02:

Yeah, it's it's mainly wine. Yeah, so it's just a wine, a little wine place on the square here in downtown Gainesville. So we go to Corkett and he asked.

SPEAKER_01:

He invited us there. Yeah.

SPEAKER_02:

And I just had no idea.

SPEAKER_01:

Clueless. I told you I was like, cool, we're going to get drinking. He and Callie at this point have been dating for like two years. And I, when he invited us, he sent you and I group text together and invited us to meet him at Corkett at so and so o'clock on this day. It was during Christmas break because he knew I was gonna be home. And he's like, Will you meet me? And we're I you, yes, of course we will. I was like, he's about to ask us the question. And you're like, no, he's not.

SPEAKER_02:

Yeah, when Jess brought that up to me, I remember I was in the bathroom. Yeah, I was like, What? Um, I got sick to my stomach.

SPEAKER_01:

Yeah, I said, he's about to ask permission to propose to Callie, and you're like, No, he's not. He's home because he was home from college at that point. And you're like, He, we're just because we had all been working really hard on our relationship. And I was like, No, he's gonna ask us the question. And you still didn't believe me until No, until it happened.

SPEAKER_02:

Sitting at the table. I still remember the table we were sitting at, too.

SPEAKER_01:

And I grabbed your arm and I was boo-hooing, and he just looked at and he was like, Miss Jess, are you okay? Charles said, and I was like, I told Greg that you were gonna say this, and you didn't believe me until right that second.

SPEAKER_02:

So then my response to Charles was and I was like, So cool. If this is what you want, of course we we we love you, and Callie loves you. So, but you and I are gonna meet once a week.

SPEAKER_03:

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02:

Um, until you guys get married. Yeah. And I think it was like six, seven, eight months. I can't remember.

SPEAKER_01:

It was about eight months because I was about I remember it's comparative.

SPEAKER_02:

And he was like, Okay, cool. And so I would drive up to Delonica because he was in school at Delonica.

SPEAKER_01:

I was gonna say it was a little bit more of an effort and planning part because he was an ROTC at that point, 45 minutes away at school. And so we had to you had to plan about it.

SPEAKER_02:

And so he and I would meet somewhere up there, we would meet somewhere here, we were back and forth. Uh, just for me, because I'm like, this guy's coming into our family. I want to know him, I want to know who he is, I want to know uh all about him because his family, his background, all the things. Yeah, and I was like, I I want to love this guy the way that Kelly loves him in a way because if he's he's gonna be a part of our family.

SPEAKER_01:

Yeah. And so um I was fortunate to be to be included in some of those too.

SPEAKER_02:

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01:

Which was really sweet because he didn't have to include me because I'm, you know, in that relationship, I'm quote unquote just a stepmom.

SPEAKER_02:

But and most of the time we weren't, I mean, we weren't doing a book, we weren't doing anything. We were literally just getting into like, bro, how's your how's life? Like, how's school? What's going on? How you feeling, what's happening, what's going on with your family. It was nothing just just other than let's just spend some time together.

SPEAKER_03:

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02:

Um, and so that was a key for us uh in that. And I still, every now and then, I try to sit I try to send Charles texts every time I think about him. I'll send him a text and just say, thinking about you. You know, all the just try to because our contact with him is very limited because he's out of the state.

SPEAKER_01:

And so they they both are.

SPEAKER_02:

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01:

And they they're so cute because they both share an adventurous spirit. And so it's like right now they live in Florida, but it then it's like he he brought that out in Cali. He well, she gets it from you too, though.

SPEAKER_02:

Yeah, she definitely does, but she learned it from you. He he stoked that fire within her.

SPEAKER_01:

I mean, she went to El Salvador with you when she was 10.

SPEAKER_02:

So Yeah, she was in fifth grade.

SPEAKER_01:

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02:

It's really crazy that I drug her to El Salvador. When I look back at that, I was like, it's probably a horrible thing.

SPEAKER_01:

But when we were just visiting her two weeks ago in Florida, we were visiting them, she brought that trip up. It's like that's so when we say they have an adventure, she definitely has an adventurous spirit because of you. But the intention with Charles from the get-go was to establish a relationship.

SPEAKER_02:

Yeah, because I knew as an in-law, I want to know him and I want him to be able to know me and be I want him to have the relationship. If he needs something, he can pick up the phone and call me. Right. If he wants to chat or if he needs whatever it may be, yeah, that I'm there.

SPEAKER_01:

Um and then not too long after that, the newest in-law came along.

SPEAKER_02:

Yep. And she literally just moved into the house.

SPEAKER_01:

Yeah. Miranda. Miranda is not Miranda's not from Georgia, she's from out of state. And so when she graduated from school and she had just like within how many months? It wasn't a year yet. Two months? That was all? Oh my god.

unknown:

What?

SPEAKER_01:

Wait. It was new. It was I was gonna say six.

SPEAKER_02:

I'll just tell you how all of our relationships started. We all like through 2020, yeah, none of us had had COVID at all. Period. And then on my birthday, December 28th.

SPEAKER_01:

2020.

SPEAKER_02:

Yes, it was 2020. And I was like, bro, we we missed the whole COVID thing. Like we've got to be.

SPEAKER_01:

That's what you're thinking about, Thomas.

SPEAKER_02:

The entire house caught COVID.

SPEAKER_01:

All of us.

SPEAKER_02:

All of us at one time. And Miranda's parents were like, just stay there. I'd never met Miranda.

SPEAKER_01:

Well, because she has very much younger siblings.

SPEAKER_02:

I'd met you one time.

SPEAKER_01:

No, two. Two.

SPEAKER_02:

The first time I don't remember, so I'm just gonna say one.

SPEAKER_01:

Two.

SPEAKER_02:

I was still calling you weird names like Melissa.

SPEAKER_01:

We didn't all the way know your name because when I didn't know your name completely. Thomas did it the first time he started talking about you. Didn't that's why all the M your last name nicknames came about.

SPEAKER_02:

Thomas didn't realize, yeah, you know now. That's all that matters.

SPEAKER_01:

Well, Miranda has siblings that are quite a bit younger than her. So gosh, at that point, your little brother would have been five, and then your sister would have been almost 10. And so, yeah, her parents were like, no, don't bring that because nobody knew what COVID was at that point. Everything was new.

SPEAKER_02:

So if you got COVID, it was two-week quarantine in the house, nobody sees you, nobody. So it's like the two weeks, we're all locked in the house.

SPEAKER_01:

She was down here visiting, and then we just babied in all of us.

SPEAKER_02:

Would you rather?

unknown:

Right?

SPEAKER_02:

I kind of felt bad for her. I was like, bless her heart, she's crapped here with us.

SPEAKER_01:

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02:

And doesn't know us, doesn't know anything. I was like, I felt kind of bad for her. Because I'm like, this is our but I'm like, welcome to the city.

SPEAKER_01:

We did well navigating that. Just I mean, you're you're sweet anyway, Miranda.

SPEAKER_02:

Well, regardless, when all that passed, yes, we got through COVID, they became serious, they got engaged, Thomas got in his apartment.

SPEAKER_01:

Well, yeah, December. And then when you graduated from college, it was like I had a short little rental. Yeah, there was like a rental situation. It was like, okay, this is expiring, or I got to find a place here so fast, or I have to move back to South Carolina. And Thomas was like, hey, guess what? I'm moving in with my fire school friend. And so it was like, okay, Miranda, you come here. Like it was this whole thing, but it was such a it was a fun way to get to know you.

SPEAKER_02:

Yeah, because we speak. Literally at that point, we spent more time. More time with you than we spent with Thomas.

SPEAKER_01:

Because fire school took up your whole life.

SPEAKER_02:

Yeah, he was in school all the time. Miranda was here, and Miranda was on this spiritual journey.

SPEAKER_03:

Oh my gosh.

SPEAKER_02:

Where church we're going to. So it's like we would go to church on Sunday. She grew up Catholic. We were at a pretty traditional conservative church, or it was like a I guess it would be a Baptist church. So it's anyway. Miranda would be like, I got questions. Like, what is this about? And so she would pull out her notebook.

SPEAKER_01:

It was the cutest thing ever. We'd get home from like church, lunch, we'd come here to relax and do whatever. And she would pull out her little notebook that she had, and she was like, literally say, I have some questions. So we'd sit down together with no distractions. We'd probably turn music on or whatever. And just we would have the whole afternoon of question time.

SPEAKER_02:

Which is really, really cool and really fun.

SPEAKER_01:

It was a refreshing way for us to revisit our faith and why we believe what we believe, but it was also a great time for you to like, you know, like filter through your uh Catholic upbringing versus like you were defining your own faith. It was such a precious time. We that was a precious time in our life.

SPEAKER_02:

So for us, so we got to spend a lot of really good time. So Miranda is more and this may not be, she's more of a friend than an in-law. I see Miranda's a friend and an in-law. So it's like like Miranda and I would do all kinds of dumb projects. Like when Jess would be off or at school and I would be home, Miranda and I would just do just all kind of weird projects.

SPEAKER_01:

And they'll work together for a short span in time and you both had the same day off. So it was a really fun time for y'all to work on projects together.

SPEAKER_02:

It was we had fun. But the reality is you may be in the situation and be like, that sounds so sweet.

SPEAKER_01:

So storybook and lullaby is so cute.

SPEAKER_02:

But that's not, we didn't plan it that way. It just happened. Uh but you may be in the situation going, bro, that's not the situation.

SPEAKER_01:

That's me and you. That's our experience with our in-laws. But like on the reverse side, like my experience with in-laws and your experience with in-laws, whether it be this time or the first time, both of us, isn't it was not that sweet and precious. No lullabies, and it was, you know, normal life.

SPEAKER_02:

Yeah. It was probably the more traditional. Yeah. Like, yeah, hey, I really like this person. We're dating. They're like, okay.

SPEAKER_00:

Here they are.

SPEAKER_02:

You know, yeah, here they are. They're not, you know, are they a serial killer? Are they okay? Yeah. Like, and so it was the the traditional kind of thing. So I didn't have I had great relationships uh with them, with my in-laws, and and really liked them. Um, I really did. And so it was, and I think just because I'm pretty easy to get along with. You are uh but at the same time, there's so many issues that come up when you deal with in-laws because we talk about expectations and unmet expectations, and we we say this hundreds of times on Baggage Claim. Unmet expectations will kill a relationship faster than anything.

SPEAKER_01:

Any kind of relationship.

SPEAKER_02:

Yes. I mean, we had some unmet expectations this weekend, and I got all in my feelings, and it was a weird, it was a weird moment, and just yeah, I was I admitted it, you know. I wasn't, I was I was being a little pouty, I was being mean. I was just being me. Um, so that's something we still will deal with.

SPEAKER_01:

You were pouty, you weren't mean.

SPEAKER_02:

I was pouty. But on the other hand, like we have those when it comes to our in-laws, but we don't communicate that with them.

SPEAKER_01:

No, we don't, but I will say sharing those personal stories about our own in-laws, I feel like because of the relationship that we have with our children, it was easy to approach our in-laws with an open mind to to welcome them in. And I think that's the whole, that's the whole like it's a mindset thing. I mean, well, really anything we talk about on this whole podcast is a mindset thing.

SPEAKER_03:

Right.

SPEAKER_01:

Um, but this is a really big one. Um, because you get to, you get to decide what that relationship is gonna look like, especially if you're on the the receiving end of like Miranda or Charles, like they are coming into our family and we get to set that expectation and that what that feels like.

SPEAKER_02:

Right. And and they're not gonna see out of like when you go to another family, they're gonna have their own traditions.

SPEAKER_01:

Oh, yeah.

SPEAKER_02:

They're gonna have their own religious beliefs, they're gonna have their own uh almost way of life. Yeah, they they have all those things and you're stepping into that. And in most cases, 99% of the time, you're expected to be a part of what they have going on and be okay with that. Not most people are not like, hey, are you okay with this? Do you want to change this? Do you want to do something different?

SPEAKER_01:

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02:

Um, most of the time it's like, oh, this is the way we do things around here. Yeah. This is the way this happens.

SPEAKER_01:

And when you run into that and it's not what you're used to or what you were hoping for, it is so easy to, because we're humans, it is so easy to build up a resentment with that. And then that's just gonna cause cause like some friction with anything that the in-laws are wanting to do. It's like, no, that's not how I want to do it. That's not how I've always done it. That's not, you know, what I was hoping for.

SPEAKER_03:

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01:

And if you're not approaching things with an open mind, then that resentment is gonna build up pretty big.

SPEAKER_02:

Yeah. I mean, and there's nothing more than when this this crap hits your front door, is on Thanksgiving and Christmas. I mean, bro, if you want to talk about traditions and all the things that come out, it comes out now. And people are like, no, we always get together on Christmas Eve, or no, we always get together on Christmas Day. And it's like, but that doesn't work for our family.

SPEAKER_01:

It doesn't. And I mean, and you know, if I don't, I just had this conversation with my own mother yesterday because I I she used to mention last last few times that we've been together how much she wishes Thomas could be a part of some things. Thomas works all the time. And so I was like, I texted Miranda. I was like, let's let's go ahead and plan Christmas so I can communicate with my mom, my brother, and his family. When will this work? She gave me a date. It's not Christmas Eve, it's not Christmas Day, it's ahead of time, it's on the 20th. And so I texted my mom and I was gotta start four days early.

SPEAKER_02:

You know, I mean Jesus Jesus started his walk into Nazareth pretty early.

SPEAKER_01:

I'm I was trying to get ahead of it.

SPEAKER_02:

Yeah, sorry, that's Easter. Sorry, you're gonna be confused.

SPEAKER_01:

I was trying to get ahead of it because it's not what we usually do.

SPEAKER_02:

God, we should not talk about the Bible on here.

SPEAKER_01:

My my mom, because of my grandmother, is very traditional and it has to be on the day, and that's just how she was raised, and she can't help it. And so I was telling her, like, if you want all of us, like literally all of the Peck Patillo family, this is the day it's gonna have to happen. And I know it's not what you want, but this is what it is. And so my sister-in-law was on board, like everybody else is on board. And so I had to help my mom have an open mind and not have like a whole resentment or bad attitude. It was like, I know it's not what we've always done. I know it's not our way of life or whatever, but it's more important to all be together, not whatever the date is, because we're together, we're making memories.

SPEAKER_02:

Well, it's because we talked about this.

SPEAKER_01:

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02:

Like it's it's not that it's it's the time you get together. It's not necessarily the date of which that falls.

SPEAKER_01:

Yes. And so that's we talked about that a few episodes ago.

SPEAKER_02:

Yeah. So it's important for for you guys to just say even just one to have an open mind to be like, Yeah, we're together, we're celebrating. It doesn't like we did our family, just our kids uh get together celebration thing on Wednesday for Thanksgiving. Uh-huh. And it wasn't on Thanksgiving, so it didn't make it any less Thanksgiving-y, I guess.

SPEAKER_01:

That's a word.

SPEAKER_02:

Um, but we had a blast. We had so much fun. We spent, we literally spent more of the day together than I thought we were going to. So I was totally surprised and totally happy.

SPEAKER_01:

That was the most amount of hours that well, now we have nine. Well, it was the most amount of time the nine of us have spent together, and I cannot tell you when.

SPEAKER_02:

I mean, the dudes went to the gym. I mean, we tried to keep each other.

SPEAKER_01:

We did. You did try to kill each other.

SPEAKER_02:

For some reason. Uh the ladies hung out at home.

SPEAKER_01:

We were cooking when Lucy took her nap. It was a whole thing. So yeah, we just it was so good.

SPEAKER_02:

But it wasn't on Thanksgiving, but it was okay.

SPEAKER_01:

But that was my Thanksgiving in my heart.

SPEAKER_02:

Yeah. And so it's we get so set on these things, but it's being able to say, okay, what works? How do we make this work? Instead of just always being so dead set on it has to be this time, it has to be this, it has because we have those expectations of what they can be. Yeah. And so sometimes it's you had to just let them go. There's producer Michael brought up uh a point um that I thought was really, really good. Do you remember about um when you said be careful of in-laws? Was it you'll be one? What was that?

SPEAKER_04:

Yeah, no, well, yeah, be aware of how your relationship with your in-laws are. Um be aware of things that either one, like frustrate you, and also things that you love about your in-laws. Because if you're uh married and you got kids, you're gonna be most likely an in-law someday. And so you get to be in some moment in your life the one who uh helps be a deciding factor how you interact with an in-law, even if it's a daughter or a son-in-law. So just be aware, you know, just uh store it away in your brain because who knows, and you know, five to eighteen years, you you bet you might be an in-law someday.

SPEAKER_01:

That's true. And you, Greg, you look you were talking, we were talking earlier about something that you had read at one point about approaching things with your spouse and your family with a in a bubble of peace. You remember that? Because it's to help deflect negativity and to maintain your own peace of mind while you're trying to work through this.

SPEAKER_02:

Yeah, you can't.

SPEAKER_01:

It's kind of like your phrase, your umbrella of protection that you've used.

SPEAKER_02:

It kind of is, yeah. Like, I I get it. Family is crazy. It's chaos. It is, it's really chaos. And uh you, you know, you love your family, you can get to choose your family a lot of times. They choose you.

SPEAKER_03:

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02:

Um, so you're just kind of into it. So you're like, all right, this is the crazy, this is crazy circus I'm a part of. So, you know, let's let's let the monkey dance and see what happens. Oh, that's weird. Um, and so you don't have a dancing monkey in y'all's family.

SPEAKER_01:

That's weird.

SPEAKER_02:

So anyway, it's a it's it's just kind of sometimes people are not gonna like you. Uh people are not gonna agree with you. People are not going to, not everyone's gonna like you, even in your family. Not everyone's gonna like your spouse. Yeah. Um, and so you have a decision to make also too um with your spouse of like, okay, so how do we deal with that? How do we move forward with that? What does that look like? How do we deal with that? And so there's there's a few things that you just you just gotta kind of understand to say, hey, look, I'm married to Jess. You're the one I said yes to. You're the one, so when we go to family, if there's issues um and they're attacking you or they don't like you, I'm like, hey, that's me. If you're attacking her, you're attacking me. Um something to think about if you're an in-law and you're like, I can't stand my my daughter-in-law. Well, just understand when you say that, yeah, you're you're ultimately saying, I can't stand my son also, if I can't stand my daughter-in-law, because they're they're two in one. Like they've chosen to be married, they've chosen to say yes to each other. So all that being said, let's uh you're you're motioning to me to get it to unpack because we need to unpack. We're at an unpack session.

SPEAKER_01:

And I will say, all of what we've shared so far is a lot to to take in because I think a lot of people don't really think about the big picture. It's more like, I'm in love, we're getting married, and oh yeah, he has a family. That's the fun part.

SPEAKER_02:

That's the that's the rom gum version. You know, it's like, oh my god, it's just so beautiful. And it's like, no, she has the real version where they talk about you in the kitchen about how much they don't like you and how repulsive you are. Like, or they don't want to be around you because ugly we don't like we don't like her because he doesn't come around as much anymore. We don't like her because this doesn't happen anymore. How do you feel about it? Felt like I just all right, go ahead.

SPEAKER_01:

Let's let's conclude part one of navigating our in-laws, and let's pick up in part two because there's a lot to unpack about this. Okay, and the unpacked part's not gonna be all the way pretty because it's a lot of things.

SPEAKER_02:

I have a couple unpacked for this section, though.

SPEAKER_01:

Okay.

SPEAKER_02:

Do you have any?

SPEAKER_01:

Right now?

SPEAKER_02:

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01:

No, because I feel like I'm gonna say what I want to say on the part.

SPEAKER_02:

Okay, don't, don't, and you've got you.

SPEAKER_01:

One, two, three. Sit back boo. You just have sit back boo.

SPEAKER_02:

I know I don't ever call you that.

SPEAKER_01:

No, you don't.

SPEAKER_02:

Um one, um, manage your expectations of your in-laws. Be realistic. Like sit down with your spouse. The two of you be really truthfully honest, and be honest about who your your parents are. If you're if your dad is a butthole or your mom's a butthole, just be like, hey, they're a butthole. Like they're they're good, they're hard to get along with. My mom is my way or the highway, and that's it.

SPEAKER_01:

Why is butthole a funny word?

SPEAKER_02:

I don't know if it is funny. I wasn't gonna say the other word because we I appreciate that.

SPEAKER_01:

Thank you.

SPEAKER_02:

Check that explicit box.

SPEAKER_01:

We're not gonna be able to do it.

SPEAKER_02:

You want to make it family friendly. I don't know if butthole's family friendly, but anyway. Um but anyway, you have to manage your expectations and be real with each other and just be honest uh in that. And so it's like, and then also too, keep in mind your perspective of saying, okay, I if I want to be if you're an in-law and you're listening to this and you're like, this is kind of silly. I'm putting real unrealistic expectations on that daughter-in-law or that son-in-law, or everything.

SPEAKER_01:

Especially if you put expectations on your spouse or significant other that are not even your own expectations with your family.

SPEAKER_02:

Right. Yeah, they're just crazy. It is crazy, but it happens every single day. It does. Uh producer Michael, are you about to say something?

SPEAKER_04:

Yeah, I'll let you finish this because I have another thought. Uh no, go ahead. No, I was gonna say I think it it's very important to be aware of personality styles as well. 100%. Especially between you and your spouse. Um, because my immediate thought went to say it's okay to not always get your way. Right. It should be yeah, if you're getting your way all the time.

SPEAKER_01:

You have to be okay with not always getting your way.

SPEAKER_04:

No, I say, I say that with a grain of salt. Okay. Because let's say your spouse is very um maybe reserved or not more so like non-confrontational. They'll just let it go the way it goes because it's more peaceful that way. That wears on a person. Yes. That wears on a person big time. So know how your spouse is in those kind of situations. Maybe that means you need to take up the gauntlet and fight for them more within your own family. Or even for them within their own family.

SPEAKER_01:

Yeah, and that's what we're gonna talk about in part two is what happens when it goes wrong.

SPEAKER_04:

Yeah, okay. Or when it goes sideways. But then also at the same time, uh, it's okay to not get your weight. Sorry about that. If you cage fight, no, if you are a more something to spill. I don't know what that was.

SPEAKER_03:

I don't know either.

SPEAKER_04:

But if you are more of a bulldog and you're used to kind of able to being able to push and and usually work through to get what you want, right?

unknown:

Right.

SPEAKER_04:

So it's a both and so yes, I say it's okay to not get your way, but also do be intentional that you don't just allow yourself to get run over nonstop.

SPEAKER_02:

Well, it's the whole idea to balance respect and communication, yes, experience. And those balance, like, know how you communicate, know how other people communicate. We talk about personality profiles all the time and knowing yourself, and people get so caught up because inherently, I was having this conversation with Miranda the other day. We were driving somewhere, and I told Miranda, I was like, Brandon, I I love you, but just I want you to know people are inherently selfish and they don't really care what you think. Because people, most people don't. And I didn't mean that to her in a bad way. I was just saying inherently we're just selfish to be.

SPEAKER_01:

She said, Maybe you need to be a therapist, but like a really blunt one.

SPEAKER_02:

Yes, you did, which I felt bad about when she said. I was like, okay, maybe we need to reword that. But it was like the idea was is like most people are so involved in themselves that they don't really look outside of that. And that comes with everything, even with in-laws, even how we communicate, our personality types. So when we say know your personality, it's not know how you like to give and receive feedback. Know how other people like to get feedback, how they want to receive feedback, how they communicate. Because when you learn those traits of how other people do that, you can communicate in a way that they understand. Dude, it changes everything. It's a that's a game changer across the board, all your relationships. You will you will reach new places, not just with your in-laws, but in work and your marriage and all those things. So it's a I'm very I'm a huge component of that, and I'm always gonna push that up the hill. And everybody ignores it and just be like, Yeah, yeah, yeah. I know I'm this and I'm that. And I'm like, it's not about you, it's knowing about the people that are around you. What are they? Like, know what they are, and so that's the key. So those are my expectations, managing those, and uh, um those those are the biggest things, and talk about it with your spouse, be open in communication, yeah, and knowing how they give and receive those kind of things. And you are stepping into a family structure, keep that in mind. You're stepping into that. Don't go in there going, I'm getting my way.

SPEAKER_01:

Because no, you're not.

SPEAKER_02:

That's like stepping into a corporation, a business, and going, I'm about to change this business up. And be like, bro, you're about to go the boot back out the door. Like, just be careful. Go in and just say, I want to be a part. What does that look like?

SPEAKER_01:

Um, so join us in part two where we talk about and unpack even more.

SPEAKER_02:

Somebody throws a hand grenade in the living room.

SPEAKER_01:

Yeah, it was like on the flip side of what happens when it all goes wrong.

SPEAKER_02:

When drunk Uncle Roger shows up at Thanksgiving and things go sideways.

SPEAKER_01:

Who is even drunk Uncle Roger?

SPEAKER_02:

Sorry.

SPEAKER_01:

You just your imaginary character you always bring up.

SPEAKER_02:

If you know drunk Uncle Roger, you know him. He showed up.

SPEAKER_01:

What happens when it doesn't go the way you think it should go? Is what we're gonna talk about next.

SPEAKER_02:

Exactly. So thank you guys so much for joining in to Baggage Claim. Love you guys. Uh please keep sharing. We have a goal before our 50th episode. We want to hit at least uh 20 countries, and we want to hit over 200 cities, uh, different places of downloads. We're at 17 countries and 189 different cities. So we're trying to uh hit those numbers. We're gonna do a live um on our on our 50th. And so, but we're trying to figure out. We want you to tell us what you want us to talk about.

SPEAKER_03:

Yes.

SPEAKER_02:

So if you want to follow us on Instagram, it's baggageclaim.podcast. Uh you can follow us on Facebook. Uh you can follow us on Insta and TikTok. Yeah, uh on TikTok. We do have baggage claim. We have not posted much, but we're trying to. Uh, the idea is DM us, send us a message, info at unpacktogether.com.

SPEAKER_01:

Oh my gosh, you know that. I don't know that.

SPEAKER_02:

Is our is our email. Send an email, tell me something you want us to talk about, and we'll address that. If you have a situation you want us to talk about, we would love to talk about. We want you to be in a part of this community and create some conversations with us. So, do you have something you want to say, Michael? Say what was that email again? It is unpacktogether.com.

SPEAKER_01:

So the email, though.

SPEAKER_02:

That is info at unpack together. Info at yeah, sorry. Our our web address is unpacked.com. UnpackTogether.com and I'm trying to get that website up. I'm sorry. We're doing the best we can. I'm trying to work on it.

SPEAKER_04:

So maybe wait a few weeks before you try to look up the website. We also we have real jobs.

SPEAKER_01:

We're doing the best we can.

SPEAKER_02:

Yeah, I'm I've got a job and I'm trying to do this on the side. But the email works. Yes, thank you for it. We love you. Thank you so much. Email comes our inbox. Or also, too, if you're listening to it. If you're listening to it on Apple Podcasts or Spotify, you there's a it says send a text. You text us something you want us to talk about, and we'll dig into it. So uh it's very simple, very easy. But thank you guys so much for joining. Thank you for live. Yeah, check out part two of um this craziness of in-laws.

SPEAKER_01:

So love you guys.

SPEAKER_02:

Hey, go dogs. Good dogs.

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Greg & Jess

Host