Baggage Claim

The Stories We Tell Ourselves (And How In-Laws Fill in the Blanks) Part 2 of in law talk.

• Greg and Jess • Season 1 • Episode 40

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Family doesn’t come with instructions, and neither do in-laws. We open up about the moments that almost derailed our trust—a sleep training text that landed like a judgment, a missed message that morphed into rejection—and how we pulled those threads back to the real issue: assumptions dressed up as facts. From the funny detours (holiday gift debates and the legend of drunk Uncle Roger) to the tender stuff (protecting your spouse when a parent crosses a line), we walk through the messy middle where most families actually live.

You’ll hear how we use “anchor points” to name the stories we attach to small hurts, then decide whether to build a wall or a floor. We lean on a simple toolkit—love that is patient and curious, forgiveness that releases without forgetting, and boundaries that protect the home you’re building. We also get practical about what to do when effort isn’t returned: how to show up with grace, set time limits, deflect baited topics, and keep your marriage first without making a scene at Thanksgiving.

We also explore the difference between chosen love in marriage and given love in parent-child bonds. That tension is real, and it’s why the spouse should lead any hard talk with their own parent. If you’re raising kids, you’re already shaping your future as in-laws; modeling apology, clarity, and firm kindness now lays a stable floor for later. If your in-law landscape is rocky, start small: clear one misunderstanding, set one boundary you’ll actually keep, and offer one honest olive branch. The payoff is a family culture that can handle truth without tearing.

If this helped, tap follow, share it with someone navigating in-law drama, and leave a review with the one boundary that changed your family dynamic. Your story might be the floor someone else needs to stand on.

SPEAKER_04:

Hey guys, what's up? I'm Greg. I hope you guys are ready to unpack and get into some good conversations today.

SPEAKER_02:

And I'm Jess, and this is our podcast, Baggage Claim. Thank you for joining us.

SPEAKER_04:

What's up, Baggage Claim? How's everybody doing today? Thank you so much for joining us. If you're new here, welcome. I hope you get something out of today's message or thoughts or podcast or whatever the hell it is we're doing here. We're trying our best. Yeah, this is a place where we're trying to do trying to create some community and conversations around marriages, blended families, relationships, all the fun stuff in between. And sometimes it's a train wreck, sometimes it's beautiful. As is life. It's always beautiful.

SPEAKER_03:

We'll let you decide.

SPEAKER_04:

Yeah, you you decide by a like, subscribe. Please, uh please like us. If you subscribe, whatever podcast you're listening to, you get updates as we update those. We try to do them on Tuesdays, um, but sometimes I screw up because I have other jobs, like lots of other jobs. And um, but I'm trying to be I'm trying to be good at it. But if you're new, if you if if you've been here before, you know the drills. Sorry. Grab your favorite drink, whatever it may be, pull up to the table with us, uh proverbially, what if you're driving or whatever you're doing.

SPEAKER_02:

I mean, if you want to come to here literally, yeah, if you want to come be a literalist, you can come hang out with us.

SPEAKER_04:

Pull up to the table. I mean, it's our house, so it's not like phenomenal. Um, we love it because we're my gosh, our house is phenomenal.

SPEAKER_03:

It's pretty phenomenal. Oh, well.

SPEAKER_04:

And if you want to watch a uh Georgia Bulldog game, uh come by on a Saturday.

SPEAKER_02:

If you've ever wondered why at the end of some or most of every single episode we've watched. Every episode, if you listen all the whole way to the end when we sign off, we usually say go dogs. That's why.

SPEAKER_03:

For all of our out-of-the-country people.

SPEAKER_04:

College football, Georgia Bulldogs is in Athens, Georgia.

SPEAKER_02:

The state we live in is Georgia. Yes, we live in the northeastern part of it.

SPEAKER_04:

About 40 minutes from Athens, where the classic city where is God's country. The most amazing football team ever to exist.

SPEAKER_02:

The University of Georgia Bulldogs.

SPEAKER_04:

And so we love watching them play on Saturdays, and we have a blast.

SPEAKER_02:

That's why we sign off, stay and go dogs.

SPEAKER_04:

Yes. So we're huge, we're huge dog fans.

SPEAKER_02:

There's a story about why I think Greg married me.

SPEAKER_04:

Yeah, we'll get into that later. Okay. So, anyway, got your favorite drink, whatever it may be. If it's early in the morning, it's coffee, if it's water, whatever. Sweet tea. Uh weird.

SPEAKER_02:

Maybe in the south, you don't drink.

SPEAKER_04:

Or maybe if you're in if you're in the south, you get a sweet tea. I'll take some sweet tea.

SPEAKER_02:

I'll make some good sweet tea.

SPEAKER_04:

If it's been a hard day, grab the bourbon and pull on up and let's have a talk.

SPEAKER_02:

So that was the country I've ever heard. You say I've done it.

SPEAKER_04:

It's very country, I'm sorry.

SPEAKER_02:

So we're uh No, it's not the country's.

SPEAKER_04:

So we're uh we're jumping back into this is part two of our episode of In-Law's. Because in-laws deserve more than one part. Um We are difficult.

SPEAKER_02:

In-laws are difficult.

SPEAKER_04:

So we're and we are in-laws, so we can talk about in-laws. And so um we're going to talk about those situations of in-laws. And producer Michael. Producer Michael, what do you want to know? Yeah, what are you asking, bro? Is it is it question time? Oh. I was like, bro, that does not make sense.

SPEAKER_03:

That means exactly question time.

SPEAKER_04:

Question mark, and it says time with another question mark. Is it question for two marks?

SPEAKER_02:

You were asking, how long do you want to be? That's what I was like. I will know the tapture.

SPEAKER_03:

I will admit that maybe my shorthand writing was not the most clear.

SPEAKER_02:

I understand what you're saying now that you said time.

SPEAKER_03:

Okay, it's Christmas.

SPEAKER_02:

If you're watching us on YouTube, no, time out, time out. Oh my gosh. Thank you.

SPEAKER_04:

This is a segment where we I'm trying to produce here. Well, we always ask a sometimes dumb, sometimes.

SPEAKER_02:

Producers are gonna produce. Okay?

SPEAKER_04:

Sometimes dumb questions, sometimes good questions, but mostly dumb times.

SPEAKER_02:

If you're watching us on YouTube, we've we've got some Christmas.

SPEAKER_04:

By the way, for those of you who can't see, I don't know. She's very sassy right now.

SPEAKER_02:

Social media sassy, marketing director, Miranda. Great question. Producer Michael Jr.

SPEAKER_03:

Producer Michael Jr.

SPEAKER_02:

Producer Michael Jr. Okay, this is a good question. This is a Christmas question. Are y'all ready? Would you rather get one big gift or get many small gifts? Would you rather give one?

SPEAKER_04:

Who's that for? Is that just from Randy or you said her name?

SPEAKER_02:

All of us.

SPEAKER_04:

All of us. I say Miranda doesn't.

SPEAKER_02:

I was giving Miranda for our beautiful decor, too. So what does that have to do with decor? Christmas. Okay. I was confused.

SPEAKER_03:

You have to go first, though.

SPEAKER_02:

Would you rather get one big gift or several small gifts for Christmas?

SPEAKER_01:

Would it all fall within the same budget though?

SPEAKER_02:

I didn't say anything about budget. You are Mrs. Budget.

SPEAKER_04:

Budget does matter.

SPEAKER_02:

Budget? Erase that word from your from your I know you can't. But in general, would you rather get one big gift or many small gifts?

SPEAKER_04:

Okay, so you have a thousand dollar budget. You can get a thousand dollars worth of big.

SPEAKER_02:

If you want everybody in your life that loves you to go in together to get you one big gift, or would you rather get lots of little gifts? One big gift. Kitchen aid mixer. That is the top of your wish list.

SPEAKER_04:

That's a straight up mom answer right there.

SPEAKER_01:

No, it's a trad wife answer. Trad wife. The wooden bowl with the green. I know, right?

SPEAKER_03:

I saw that this week.

SPEAKER_01:

I want that one.

SPEAKER_04:

I want that one. That's ridiculous. What are y'all talking about?

SPEAKER_01:

If someone wants to buy me one, I will make you all the sweet treats. The mixer? Yeah. That's been the top of your wish list.

SPEAKER_03:

But no, they have a limited edition now. I saw it this week. It is like an army hunter green with a dark wood mixing box.

SPEAKER_02:

Also, way back to way back to when y'all got married on your wedding wish list. There was a Kitchen A mixer on there. Nobody bought it for you.

SPEAKER_03:

They're so expensive. I would like to get it. They are even few. They're like 200 bucks. I would like one big gift.

SPEAKER_02:

Greg, you would like one big gift?

SPEAKER_03:

One big gift, yes, please.

SPEAKER_02:

Do you okay? Do we need to specify what you want the one big gift to be? Okay, one big gift. That's okay. Because we know you and that. Would you rather one big gift or small gifts producer?

SPEAKER_03:

I would totally do one big gift. Oh my gosh. Do you want a bunch of little gifts? I want a bunch of little gifts.

SPEAKER_02:

What the one big gift is? No, that was not specified.

SPEAKER_03:

But I can put it on my list though, right?

SPEAKER_02:

You can make a list if it happens to get.

SPEAKER_03:

I will make a list of one thing. And that's what will be on that list. The one big thing.

SPEAKER_02:

I'm gonna go the opposite of all of you people. I want a lot of little gifts.

SPEAKER_04:

See, I feel that though. I get that. Jess is a gift. She's a gift person.

SPEAKER_01:

I'm a gift, gift giving and receiving.

SPEAKER_04:

You know, more than she likes getting more.

SPEAKER_01:

Does the small gift mean like cheap or expensive and Miranda.

SPEAKER_04:

Or like smaller. Miranda. Miranda. Okay, it's usability. It's the thought behind the gift, not the price tag.

SPEAKER_02:

See? He knows why that's my answer.

SPEAKER_03:

However, according to Michael Scott.

SPEAKER_02:

Give me hell, because you were like, oh my god.

SPEAKER_03:

But according to Michael Scott, a gift is a great way to say, hey, I love you this mini-dollar. This mini-dollar point. So take it or leave it.

SPEAKER_02:

Okay.

SPEAKER_03:

Thank you for the great words.

SPEAKER_02:

Let's pass the mic to Thomas. He's in the studio today. Do you want one big gift or lots of little gifts?

SPEAKER_00:

One big gift.

SPEAKER_02:

Why am I the only one?

SPEAKER_00:

Because you just like lots of stuff. It's only care. It's something that I want right now. So that's what I'm saying. Can we just transmission? Can we just have a lot of transmission? No.

SPEAKER_02:

That would be nice.

SPEAKER_00:

That would be nice. That would be nice.

SPEAKER_04:

Yeah. Jess likes things. Let me just understand this for you. Like our closet has so many things in it the other day. She had on a sweater. Or what was it the other day? We went out to eat and I was like, what is that? I haven't seen that. And she goes, Yeah, I forgot I had it. And look, there's creases in it. I had it. Because it was stuck over near the jeans and it was folded up. What was that? Do you remember?

SPEAKER_02:

Yeah.

SPEAKER_04:

And you like, I even forgot I had this outfit.

SPEAKER_02:

It was a sweatsuit. I forgot. Yes. I got it for Christmas lunches.

SPEAKER_04:

It actually had the creases like from when it was folded in the store. It was still a year ago. Yeah, it'd been sitting there for so long. She had no idea.

SPEAKER_02:

No, it's one naughty in the air and got me.

unknown:

Oh.

SPEAKER_04:

So anyway.

SPEAKER_02:

Yeah.

SPEAKER_03:

Regardless.

SPEAKER_02:

I was so happy when I remembered I had it, though.

SPEAKER_03:

That's like when you find money in your pockets, you're like, oh my gosh, I didn't know I had this. I can't remember the last time I found it. Oh bro, last time I did it was like 50 bucks, and I got up my winter bucket with all my like jackets in it, and it had a$50 bill in it, and it was literally like Christmas.

SPEAKER_04:

I don't even First off, I never have cash. And if I found cash stuffed in clothes somewhere, I feel like it's a scam. Cash is a scam. Yeah. So I so my people. Because we never have it. I don't know what happened.

SPEAKER_02:

I feel like because I said I want lots of little stuff, that's negative because you just switched it to just like stuff.

SPEAKER_04:

All right, can we move on from the tag show episode of what we're talking about? Because people are probably riding in their car going, would they please stop talking about it?

SPEAKER_03:

Answer it for yourself. If you're in your car, would you rather have one big gift or many small gifts? Ponder.

SPEAKER_02:

Not you, Greg.

SPEAKER_03:

Ponder.

SPEAKER_02:

You just read that thin.

SPEAKER_04:

So let's jump into our uh what we're talking about today because and the reason I say this is because we we listen to podcasts all the time when we travel. Uh we travel so much. Uh but when we're when we're driving to Florida to see our beloved kid and son-in-law, uh, we have a good five and a half hours. So we listen podcasts. And there's been so many times you've been like, Did you shut up and get to the point?

SPEAKER_02:

The last time.

SPEAKER_04:

So we shut up and get to the point.

SPEAKER_02:

Well, the couple weeks ago, we paused it because I said, Can you shut up and get to the point? I paused and it was 22 minutes and some odd seconds in. And I'm like, we're not gonna be those people.

SPEAKER_03:

So we got like another 10 minutes to go.

SPEAKER_04:

No, we're done. No, we're not doing that. Okay, we're gonna move on. I'm gonna help you and say, No, we're not doing that.

SPEAKER_02:

So like we said, the podcast before this one we're recording today, right now. Yeah.

SPEAKER_04:

If you haven't, if you didn't catch uh in-laws uh part one, it's on episode 39. Uh go check it out. This is episode 40. We're continuing.

SPEAKER_02:

Um So the first part we were setting up talking about in-laws, you're, you know, if you're in a relationship, whether you be married or you're in a long-term dating partner, this or that, whatever you want to label it, you have an in-law. It just means it's the family of the person that you're dating or married to. You have those people, and they have you have to work those hopes into your life.

SPEAKER_04:

The good side in the hopes of in-laws. Now we're gonna talk about stuff that's real. Like what really happens when you realize that your mother-in-law doesn't like you and hasn't liked you for a long time? Uh what happens when your uh you know, father-in-law or mother-in-law has been avoiding you or talking trash about you behind your back to other family members? That's the stuff we're getting into uh today in state.

SPEAKER_02:

Like what happens when it all goes wrong?

SPEAKER_04:

Yeah, what happens when drunk Uncle Roger shows up in the coffee?

SPEAKER_02:

The game of drunk Uncle Roger.

SPEAKER_04:

I'm just kidding. If y'all don't have a drunk Uncle Roger.

SPEAKER_02:

There's literally nobody in either of our family's name Roger.

SPEAKER_04:

Not now. There used to be.

unknown:

No.

SPEAKER_04:

So I grew up in a different life outside of this. I'm just kidding. Uh it's not, you know, you've you've got to be.

SPEAKER_02:

That's your fictitious character.

SPEAKER_04:

It is. It is. It's okay. I always uh, you know, har you know, harness my drunk uncle Roger when things go sideways, when somebody throws a grenade in the room and things just you know blow up. So in-laws can be amazing and it can be life-giving, but it can also be life-sucking. Um and so we're gonna talk into some of those of what that happens when things go sideways, how do you deal with it as a couple forward?

SPEAKER_02:

In our personal experience, because this is our second marriage with each other.

SPEAKER_04:

It is with each other, not our first marriage with each other, but our first but our second marriage.

SPEAKER_02:

You and I both have had experience with in-laws two times. We're we're two times in here.

SPEAKER_04:

Correct.

SPEAKER_02:

Would you say that you're batting a thousand ones?

SPEAKER_04:

I'm easily a thousand.

SPEAKER_02:

In both experiences.

SPEAKER_04:

Now, I mean, they may they may have to be.

SPEAKER_02:

You've had two mothers-in-law names named Jackie. You didn't have to learn a new mom-in-law name.

SPEAKER_04:

That's true. Okay, maybe I'm not a thousand. Um but I mean, if you ask me in my head, I'm a thousand percent. Because sometimes perception is what you make it. Oh, okay. And so I just think everybody likes me. Uh up until you cuss me out and tell me what you really think about me. I think you like me.

SPEAKER_02:

Oh god. I will say with both of your in-laws situations, there's not a whole lot of people on your ex-wife's side of the family or my side of the family that are going to cuss you out.

SPEAKER_04:

I love them. I love all of them. Like I love my uh my in-laws from my ex. I do too.

SPEAKER_02:

I've I have a relationship with them. Yeah.

SPEAKER_04:

Yeah, they're amazing folks. I love them to death. And I I literally if I see them I'm not sure.

SPEAKER_02:

It's a lot of sweet people in both scenarios that are not gonna just approach you and cuss you out.

SPEAKER_04:

Right. So that's what I'm saying. I think everybody loves me until they tell me otherwise.

SPEAKER_02:

Why you're battening a thousand. Yeah. Okay. Okay.

SPEAKER_04:

Everybody loves Greg. Everybody wants old Greg. Everybody wants to go.

SPEAKER_02:

It's an old, old YouTube skit if you don't know what old Greg is.

SPEAKER_04:

Yeah, don't look it up.

SPEAKER_02:

Don't do it. Um I feel like I've had I feel like I've had good experiences.

SPEAKER_04:

I think so.

SPEAKER_02:

Um I'm still friends with TJ's mom. I mean, I say friends.

SPEAKER_04:

I mean you're better friends with your your with TJ's mom than you. I talk well, I don't say I'm better friends with her.

SPEAKER_02:

Not better, but you have a you have a very weirdly healthy relationship with my first mother-in-law. I like her.

SPEAKER_04:

I do. I really do like her. She's awesome.

SPEAKER_02:

Yeah, she she's quirky. So I mean she's a lot of people.

SPEAKER_04:

I don't know how we get along so well, but we do.

SPEAKER_02:

I don't either, because y'all butt heads a lot, but you do it with a smile on your face. That's the cutest thing ever.

SPEAKER_04:

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02:

I mean, there's been phases of the last 13 and a half years where you talk to her name is Cindy, where you talk to Cindy more than I talk to Cindy. And I'm like, okay, I haven't heard from Cindy this week. And you're like, oh, I just talked to her today. She's this, that, and the other. It's just the cutest thing ever. Um I still have a good relationship with that in-law. It's not always been easy, and we haven't always seen eye to eye, but I've always had a good relationship with that in the law.

SPEAKER_04:

You're never Let me just throw this on the table and just really you're never going to see eye to eye on everything with your in-laws.

SPEAKER_05:

No.

SPEAKER_04:

If you think you are, pull your head out of the sand and welcome to real life. Like you're just not going to do that because they're different people.

SPEAKER_05:

Yeah.

SPEAKER_04:

You're a different person, you have different perspectives, you have different life experiences. You're not gonna see eye to eye on everything. But that's not the goal. The goal with your in-laws is not to uh agree on everything.

SPEAKER_02:

Well, like we talked about in the episode before this one. Like when you approach an in-law situation, you've got different traditions and different backgrounds and different ways of life. And so the there's literally no way for you to see eye to eye on everything. Right. Because you don't you're not coming from the same family.

SPEAKER_04:

Let's not waste any time. Let's just jump into the deep water. Because I think that's where you learn to swim and it's fun. Like I learned to swim because my dad threw me in the water and that's not fun.

SPEAKER_02:

That's why I'm not sure.

SPEAKER_04:

So my mom saw me up for swimming lessons. The great swimmer, actually. Thank you, Bob. But anyway, it's uh um we had a we had a we're we're brand new to this grandparent thing. Never grandparented before. It's my first round.

SPEAKER_02:

It's my first round.

SPEAKER_04:

I just feel like I'm killing it and I'm doing really, really good at it.

SPEAKER_02:

Lucy Grace, she's 15 months old.

SPEAKER_04:

That's my opinion, by the way. Um but anyway.

SPEAKER_02:

We are champion grandparents.

SPEAKER_04:

So we were keeping uh Lucy one weekend and Thomas and Moran were off doing God knows what. We don't even really know what. Anyway, we were just babysitting uh for the weekend because we want them to have time to go be themselves and have fun. So we're like, let's do it.

SPEAKER_02:

We want them to have a happy marriage. Yes.

SPEAKER_04:

And so we're like, and first off, we want to hang out with our grandkids. Yeah, we want her and so anyway, we're doing uh that's where that's where we're we're at. And so it's the whole bedtime routine is kind of a an interesting routine thing that that happens, and we've given specific instructions like a gremlin, don't feed them this time, feed them this time.

SPEAKER_02:

We are very, very good direction followers.

SPEAKER_04:

You are, I'm not. I am just kind of like eh, let's wing it in your roots.

SPEAKER_02:

I'm I am like, mommy says this is blah, blah, blah, this is routine, this is what we do, this is how we do it.

SPEAKER_04:

My interpretation of that is if mommy does know, mommy does know. So we don't have to tell mommy.

SPEAKER_02:

Which is why JJ's in charge when Lucy is here.

SPEAKER_04:

Who does Lucy reach for every time she comes to the city? Gonna thank you very much. So in the case.

SPEAKER_02:

She knows G's a fun parent. She's a fun grandparent. JJ's like, nope, she's revolving.

SPEAKER_04:

Anyway, we put Lucy This was back in the summer. Yeah, so we're putting Lucy down. It wasn't summerish. Yeah, summerish. In the summer.

unknown:

August.

SPEAKER_04:

Yeah, yeah.

SPEAKER_02:

Yeah, it was August.

SPEAKER_04:

So it wasn't our first time with her. Like she had hung out with us. Like, we'd spent time with her.

SPEAKER_02:

Oh, yeah.

SPEAKER_04:

But so she was spending the night, and they're like, hey, put her down. We're trying to let this if she cries, let her cry. And we're like, okay, cool.

SPEAKER_02:

It was a sleep training era. Yeah.

SPEAKER_04:

And so we put her down, she cries, and she goes, She'll usually cry for like a certain amount of time. So I was like, okay. And then you console. This is how much of a rule follower Jess is. She sets a timer on her phone.

SPEAKER_02:

And then, because mommy said, You can you can she'll cry for this amount of time. And mommy said, I usually set a timer, and then if she's still crying when this happens, then we'll console rock, do, and you know, help her feel better. Then we'll lay her back down and then start it all over again. I was like, we're doing it. I had timers. I was doing what mommy said.

SPEAKER_04:

We did all the things. She was still screaming her guts out. Uh just not having a great time.

SPEAKER_01:

She she still does have her guts. Yeah, so everything everything was kind of like just crazy.

SPEAKER_04:

It wound up. We went in a couple of finally she went to sleep.

SPEAKER_02:

No, well, here's what happened.

SPEAKER_04:

You oh, you rocked her to sleep. I you you rocked. I did. She fell asleep. So basically, the kid was exhausted.

SPEAKER_02:

She was exhausted. It was pitiful. And so I was like, I'm trying so hard, so, so, so hard to follow instructions. But also, my grandparent instincts, my OG mom instincts are kicking in. So I'm like, I'm gonna hold this baby. I'm just gonna hold her. And I've tried. And so I rocked her with her pasty, but I was like, okay, she's facing front. I'm not snuggling her. It's not a whole thing. Like I was like, I'm semi following instructions. She went to sleep. It was, we thought it was okay.

SPEAKER_04:

We thought in our grandparent mind we don't use we yet.

SPEAKER_02:

We thought we succeeded because then she went night night and she slept the whole night that night.

SPEAKER_04:

Yeah. And so then and then the next day Yes Mommy and Daddy come back into town. And I don't know, stressed. I don't know what they've been under. I think they were tired.

SPEAKER_02:

Yeah.

SPEAKER_04:

Lord. Just tired and something was going on. They were tired. They were and so Lucy wouldn't nap again.

SPEAKER_02:

She did not sleep well the next night.

SPEAKER_04:

And so Miranza sends a text in our group, because we have a group text called Wonder Boobs.

SPEAKER_01:

That's a whole story. And that's a whole different story. Well, actually, Thomas sent the text.

SPEAKER_04:

No, it was from Miranda.

SPEAKER_02:

I would have never sent that. Thomas said she didn't sleep well. And I was like, oh gosh, I'm so sorry what happened. She said her sleep training. Miranda said her sleep training was reset. So basically regressed or reset.

SPEAKER_04:

It was reset because I remember that because it was eight period. Jess, you would have thought you sent Jess a text saying you are the worst grandmother I've ever had. I hate you, and you're never gonna see Lucy again. Jess went into this spiral. Oh, bad. Bad spiral. And I was like, what is wrong with you? Days. She was just going on and on. They hated the city. I went on and on to Greg.

SPEAKER_02:

I never went on out loud to them.

SPEAKER_00:

No. No. I heard it for days.

SPEAKER_02:

Okay, Thomas has a microphone.

SPEAKER_00:

You gotta understand where we were coming from as brand new parents because we felt like we did a great job. She was just sleeping through the night. At that point, we had no idea that sleep regressions were a thing.

SPEAKER_02:

Or RSV.

SPEAKER_00:

Or RSV. And so it happened right at the same time for both of them. Right. And so at that point, it was like it was all y'all's fault.

SPEAKER_02:

Literally. Yeah.

SPEAKER_04:

Lucy wounds up in the hospital.

SPEAKER_01:

Three days later, she was in the hospital for four days. But we weren't really angry with you guys. It was more like a she didn't sleep good last night. Her sleeping rest.

SPEAKER_04:

Well, see, that that's the problem. Here's the problem. We're having this conversation for you guys.

SPEAKER_01:

Not as you're the most horrible, terrible. Never seeing Lucy again. Never mind. That was like her sleep training was Richard because you suck.

SPEAKER_04:

And basically, yeah, that's what Jess heard. You are not a good person. You're not a good grandparent.

SPEAKER_02:

And I was like, I did not hear that as a grandfather.

SPEAKER_04:

I was like, they're just I was like, they're just tired of it. I was like, who cares? We meant it. Yeah, I was like, and you for days, and I was like, you have to call Miranda and talk to her about this. I was like, you have to talk to her about it.

SPEAKER_01:

It took a while for that conversation to happen. Okay, she went to the hospital.

SPEAKER_02:

But but you had the same similar situation literally a month previous that you didn't talk about. So go ahead.

SPEAKER_01:

Yes, when we finally talked about the sleep regression thing, I finally had the courage to talk about my issue that it had. Fourth of July.

SPEAKER_02:

Yeah. You were so super strong and you were gonna run a race. Yeah.

SPEAKER_01:

5K, not run a race. It was still a race. Yeah, but like mental race, not okay.

SPEAKER_04:

A 5K is still a race.

SPEAKER_02:

So leading up to it, there was like a a discussion because Thomas was gonna be on shift at the fire station and you were like, Maybe I might want you to keep Lucy, so blah, blah, blah. And I was still in the maybe I might want you to.

SPEAKER_01:

And I thought it was a confirmed you're gonna watch Lucy for me so she doesn't have to wake up early.

SPEAKER_02:

Yes.

SPEAKER_01:

It was a whole miscommunication.

SPEAKER_02:

Yeah, you thought you said one thing, but I thought I said another thing. And it was so it's this this whole same thing with the whole Yeah.

SPEAKER_01:

And then the day came the night before. The day before. I tried texting. Y'all are busy. Didn't see it. I took that as you saw it, you said I don't like her. Threw it away.

SPEAKER_02:

Yeah. Meanwhile, my phone was in my bag and I didn't see any of the things. So what it boils down what it boils down to was communication.

SPEAKER_04:

Yeah, just really, really bad communication. Yeah, but that's like an anchor point of cooking. Yeah. And that's what happens so many times is that you have that experience or that situation. And then so from that point on, you anchor everything Jess does or I do through that scenario of saying, well, they don't really want to be a part of that. They don't care. They blah, blah, blah, blah, blah.

SPEAKER_01:

I won't lie, it did go through that filter until I was able to talk about it and realized the real situation, not my one-sided because every story has two sides.

SPEAKER_04:

We all had a conversation, correct?

SPEAKER_02:

Yeah. And then when you think about too, the time that the four of us have invested in our actual relationship and getting to know each other as people, not just, oh, you're my mother-in-law and I need you to help out with the baby every now and again. It was like, no, that's not who they are as actual people. Just like, which I know that's why it bothered me when I read into the statement about the sleep regression, just like when you read into my not answering a text. It was like, no, that's really truly not who who we are as people. Which is when you would go back to like, what are your expectations? Well, our relationship has a pretty big foundation. And so then that develops like expectations as not only in-laws, but then now as grandparents. It's like there's a relationship there.

SPEAKER_04:

Well, for us, I was like, you have to call Miranda because one, we're not gonna have this crap hanging over our relationship. Like, you gotta go solve this. Like, I know that's not their heart, but you gotta go have this conversation. So uh that was my push for Jess, because I was like, I don't mean to be, I don't mean to be the guy and be like, I don't know, it doesn't really matter, but I was like, I wouldn't mean into that. Like I didn't. I think I was like, okay.

SPEAKER_02:

You're way better at that than I am, though. Thomas, what are you gonna say? You have the microphone on your hand?

SPEAKER_00:

That's where it our relationship differentiates from other relationships with in-laws, is that we've worked towards that communication with Miranda, trying to bring that out of her.

SPEAKER_02:

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00:

Because she wasn't raised in that environment.

SPEAKER_02:

You were.

SPEAKER_00:

I was.

SPEAKER_02:

You were raised forced to be able to talk about things.

SPEAKER_00:

That's that's why it was easy for me, but to get her to actually talk about things, especially in front of other people when it's not just in private, has been really hard. So having that floor that we can build off of was really important with our relationship. That's a good way to put it where other people, their relationship with their in-laws might not be that.

SPEAKER_02:

Right.

SPEAKER_00:

Like it's gonna be like Miranda was saying, it's gonna be an anchor that you throw over and you're just gonna sit there and eventually take on water and sink.

SPEAKER_02:

And just be stuck. Yeah.

SPEAKER_00:

Yeah. Yeah.

SPEAKER_02:

That's a good way to put it.

SPEAKER_04:

So what happened? So we resolved that. Everything worked out great. We're stalled.

SPEAKER_02:

Oh, obviously, here we are.

SPEAKER_04:

Yeah. So I mean And we can talk about it.

SPEAKER_02:

And we I I would say the four of us learned a big lesson then.

SPEAKER_04:

Yeah. Just because honestly, it's like a huge, it's a huge thing just to be honest and go, dude, I'm tired. Like I need I need some rest. This is strong. Be like, dude, drop Lucy off and just like let her hang out with us. You know, go, go chill, go take a nap, do whatever you need to do. Like being honest with each other. But what happens when you're in an in-law situation, and that's not the case. You don't have that floor, you don't have that foundation, you don't have that thing to build on. How do you, and there's tension between you.

SPEAKER_05:

Yeah.

SPEAKER_04:

How do you resolve that? And so producer Michael said he had something. I asked him his opinion on this, and I asked him his thoughts on that. He said, I'm not gonna, I'm not gonna tell you. I want to wait till the show is live, so I'm gonna give your honest opinions.

SPEAKER_03:

So I think that two things, two-sided.

SPEAKER_04:

One of course there's always two. I love how you do that.

SPEAKER_03:

It's just the way my mind works. I love it.

SPEAKER_04:

I love it.

SPEAKER_03:

Love and forgiveness change everything in your own personal perspective, how you look at things. Okay, what do you so and I'll unpack that very I'll try to make it quick here. Right. So one, on the love side, and I honestly just in my own personal beliefs I I can't help but look to scripture when I look at love, when I think of how that applies to life, especially when you're looking at someone you want to build a life with. Um, one, that goes to a spouse, but two, that also includes their parents, their family, everything involved in that. Love is patient, love is kind, doesn't envy, doesn't boast. Um, all these things, and you can dig dig more into the Bible uh as far as what that looks like. But um every single moment that you come across, especially when it comes to friction or issues, frustrations, basically you're handed a brick. And that brick can either one be laid down right in front of you, which that brick starts building a wall between you and that person. Or two, you can let love beat the crap out of that brick, turn it to dust, and throw it to the wind.

SPEAKER_02:

Or can you put it under your feet, let it be the floor?

SPEAKER_03:

That too. But but that's a concept of one, you could it could be like built building blocks to future communication.

SPEAKER_02:

Yes, Thomas is saying building blocks to future communication, which is what we did apparently as parents for Thomas. How I would be. Yeah.

SPEAKER_03:

But so on one side, on the on the love side, there there are certain elements that you you must understand if you are going to be around this person for the rest of your life, God willing, that's what we're going for in a marriage relationship. You have to be aware of you are only responsible for your decisions and how you choose to interact. You cannot force anyone else to. So love is literally the only thing that can overcome that. Secondly, forgiveness and and you can get very easily caught up in this mindset, is that forgiveness is for you. That's not true because that's a selfish way to look at forgiveness. However, if you are truly able to forgive, that lifts a burden of weight and stress off of you. Now realize if you go out forgiveness in a selfish way, you're not gonna be able to truly forgive, which means it doesn't remove that weight, that burden, that frustration. So those two things for me are significant when it comes to keeping yourself from allowing a wall to be built between you and that person because it's gonna separate you and it's gonna distance you emotionally. It's gonna distance you when you're hanging out in the living room at a game night or on Thanksgiving or for Christmas Eve, whatever that looks like. And and that's just not fun. That's gonna wear you down and tear you down over time. And years it's gonna show. And what's gonna end up happening is it's gonna bottle up and then it's gonna explode one day.

SPEAKER_05:

Yeah.

SPEAKER_03:

And that's not healthy for anyone involved because emotions are so involved. So for me, when it comes to something when someone is unable to compromise, unwill unwilling to work with you, unwilling to communicate, those two things are the only things that I have found that help keep you moving forward in a healthy manner. That it doesn't tear you apart as you're going through that. Wow.

SPEAKER_04:

Okay. So what happens when I give love, I give forgiveness, and the other side or the other party says, no, thank you.

SPEAKER_03:

Well, you can't control what they do.

SPEAKER_04:

Right, but they're your in-laws. So do you choose not to participate in the family functions they're a part of? Or do you choose to be a part of that and not like how do you how do you nav how would you say you navigate that in that situation?

SPEAKER_03:

Well, I think excuse me. I think it uh it depends on what you're talking about, right? Just because you love someone doesn't mean you don't have boundaries, right? And it doesn't mean you don't have healthy things in place for you and your spouse to be able to be who you need to be to raise your family, to live your family and do all that. But no, you can still hang out with someone and not like them. You can still hang out with someone and not like how they treat you. Right. And I'm not saying it's easy by any means. No, right. I'm not I'm not saying, oh, well, just love and it's all good and all rainbows and butterflies, you know.

SPEAKER_02:

What happens if when you've given your full effort and been your true self and then you figure out they haven't liked me all along.

SPEAKER_03:

And I'm sure there's a lot of hurt that comes with that.

SPEAKER_02:

Yeah.

SPEAKER_04:

I think it that it tells me though that they haven't put in the effort to know who you really are. Like that's a I mean, and relationships are this crazy weird thing that we try to complicate and they're not complicated. They're very simple. It's it's two-sided.

SPEAKER_05:

Yeah.

SPEAKER_04:

Like it's not a we just talked about like a few episodes ago, marriage is not 50-50.

SPEAKER_05:

Right.

SPEAKER_04:

Um I'm giving I'm giving you all I got. Oh. Relationships are that way in the same sense of if I want a relationship with you, I'm gonna show interest in you. I'm going to reach out to you. I'm gonna be a part of your life. Um, if one party is not doing that, um, then there's no relationship. And they here's what drives me nut freaking nuts. Like, I can't I can't stand like I walked in the other day and you're watching The Secret Life of Mormons. The Mormons. The Mormons.

SPEAKER_02:

So I everybody's watching the Mormons.

SPEAKER_04:

They are, everybody's watching it. So I walk in and I'm there for like five minutes, and this girl is sitting around five other women who's saying, He's done me wrong, he's done this, and all of them agreeing with her. And I was like, This woman is freaking nuts. I was like, why does she have six people around her who are just telling her what she needs to hear? I was like, why not be honest with her?

SPEAKER_03:

What she needs to hear or wants to hear.

SPEAKER_04:

It's just like it's it's what she wants to hear, it's not what she needs to hear. What she needs to hear.

SPEAKER_02:

In that situation, it was both.

SPEAKER_04:

She's not going to allow anybody in her life to say that. Well, that's that's so true for what we do in our lives, though. We find we surround ourselves with people who tell us who just tickle our ear and tell us what we want to hear, and not the reality of like, hey, you're not all of that. Like you have flaws, you have things that are messed up with you, but if you want to have a real relationship with somebody, be real and honest with them. Like just be straight up honest. Whether it's an in-law, whether it's a mother-in-law, father-in-law, like you get to choose that, and I you can extend that as much as you, and I try to. I try to extend that as much as I want.

SPEAKER_02:

I'm not I do too.

SPEAKER_04:

But if you choose to accept it, you can, if not.

SPEAKER_02:

I think that that's one of the most hurtful parts of being an in-law of any sort of father, sister, mother, brother, or whatever in-law. It's like I know I'm giving you all of who I am. That's just that I that's the kind of person I am. I've always been that kind of person. Um but when the receiving side has not given that same effort, it still hurts me.

SPEAKER_04:

Well, it's like it's just just to say it's like you don't know who I truly am. Because it's vulnerable when you say, I'm gonna put myself out there.

SPEAKER_02:

Yeah.

SPEAKER_04:

And when you put yourself out there and someone says, no, thank you, that's a very vulnerable moment. Yeah.

SPEAKER_02:

To go, okay. And the the opposite side will say, I have this, this, this, and this reason.

SPEAKER_04:

And those are their anchor points, which are probably nestled into the anchor point, yeah, stupid assumptions. We could have.

SPEAKER_02:

Miranda and I could have used that mother-in-law, daughter-in-law, as an anchor point of a bad communication for all of us at that point. We chose not to. We chose to move forward, but excuse me. There's other points where I've been involved in where it's like I've got a an opposing quote unquote opposing party of an in-law where it's like they have these things, they could list three or four things of of anchor points. Whereas if if there was some kind of communication there, that those would not be anchor points.

SPEAKER_04:

Also, too, there's a point too, as an in-law, Thomas chose to love Miranda and say yes to her.

SPEAKER_02:

Yeah.

SPEAKER_04:

So I'm choosing to do the same thing that Thomas did.

SPEAKER_02:

And Callie.

SPEAKER_04:

So I'm choosing to do the same thing. I love Charles. I love Miranda. Uh do anything in the world for them.

SPEAKER_02:

Um But then on the receiving end, Miranda and Charles have both chosen as for us to be the in-laws, they've chosen to do the same thing, though.

SPEAKER_04:

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02:

Like it was.

SPEAKER_04:

But when someone doesn't, that's where you have to set those healthy boundaries.

SPEAKER_02:

Yes.

SPEAKER_03:

Well, and I think another another piece of this is and I forget who was speaking this earlier, you know. When you look at relationships like a parent and a child.

SPEAKER_04:

Yeah.

SPEAKER_03:

Like as a child, yes, you choose to love your parents because like they're your parents, you love them. They've got their quirks, they've got their things that you don't like, you don't appreciate, but they also raised you. And you have a deep love for them in that regard. Parents to a child, same way. You brought them into this world. You you have a love for them. They could go off and be the worst person in the world, and you're still gonna love that person. They're your child. But when you talk about a marriage relationship, that is a gay thing. I'm I'm choosing you. Yeah.

SPEAKER_02:

My best friend Kate is the one who brought this to our attention. This is a good thing to talk about. And we we talked to her on the phone before we we did this. That's where you're talking about.

SPEAKER_03:

You're you're choosing to be with that person because of who that person is. Yeah. Right. But the hard dynamic of that is you are now having a parent-in-law.

SPEAKER_02:

Yep. Who views their child that you married the same way.

SPEAKER_03:

Yes. But now you're and and I don't mean this in a bad way, but you're you're stuck with them, right? So you almost have to kind of take on that perspective of they're a parent.

unknown:

Yeah.

SPEAKER_03:

They've got their quirks, they've got things that they do, they're they're in some time set in their ways, they're they've they've been through a lot, different things like that, but you still choose to love them anyways.

SPEAKER_02:

Yeah.

SPEAKER_03:

You know what I mean? And vice versa. If you are a uh uh if you are the mother or father-in-law and you're listening to this and you've got children-in-law, is that even a word children-in-law? Go ahead. Do it, go with it.

SPEAKER_05:

Go with it.

SPEAKER_03:

But it's also kind of the same thing, like, hey, this is who my daughter or son has chosen. Yeah. I'm gonna choose to choose them as well. You know? And so it it by no means makes it easy, makes it perfect, because it takes two people to be able to communicate. It does.

SPEAKER_02:

But good gracious, you know what is just like we're this is a 40th episode in. I'm I'm looking at my book of all the things that we've talked about. Just about every single thing that we have ever Talked about comes down to communication and expectations.

SPEAKER_04:

Right.

SPEAKER_02:

No matter who it is.

SPEAKER_04:

We're one day gonna do some stuff, some actual seminars or classes on be a good communicator. I don't know what that is.

SPEAKER_03:

Communicate people. Communicate.

SPEAKER_02:

Communicate with each other.

SPEAKER_04:

It's late.

SPEAKER_02:

It is late for us. It's like 10 o'clock right now. It's super late.

SPEAKER_04:

Be a decent communicator with those around you.

SPEAKER_02:

And have reasonable expectations.

SPEAKER_03:

And I would encourage be vulnerable sometimes. Yeah.

SPEAKER_02:

That many times. With both of those things, being vulnerable makes you better at both of those things. Trevor Burrus, Jr.

SPEAKER_03:

Well, and also so many times we close ourselves off because we don't want hurt feelings.

SPEAKER_02:

Or we don't want to sound stupid. I mean, just to be honest with you.

SPEAKER_04:

I will tell you this though. Like if you're in a situation where your in-laws say you're the husband or you're the wife, and the in-laws are attacking your uh your significant other.

SPEAKER_02:

You better stand up for this.

SPEAKER_04:

It's time for you. Like you're one. So stand up for that person. Fight for that. It's your kind of your responsibility to stand up and go, hey, we need to talk about this. We need to work through this. You're kind of the one that needs to lead that conversation.

SPEAKER_02:

Because that's your parent.

SPEAKER_04:

Yeah, to say, hey mom or hey dad, like this. We need to sit down and talk about this because this is an issue. Like we're gonna move forward, like they're not going anywhere. Yeah. You're not going anywhere. So let's let's let's resolve this.

SPEAKER_02:

And I know we're far into this, but I I would encourage you to approach your relationship with your own parent and in-law with a mindset of like one day if you have kids and they grow up, you're gonna be that in-law. You're gonna be one.

SPEAKER_05:

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02:

You would you would hope whether or not your kids get married or if they have a long-term partner, you're gonna be one.

SPEAKER_05:

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02:

So I would hope you would approach your relationship with your own in-laws and your own.

SPEAKER_04:

So let go of your crap and just be open-minded and love love them.

SPEAKER_02:

As Thomas brought up a good point when he had the microphone earlier. If you're gonna if you're gonna teach it in your own home, where he he said about building a floor when you brought when Michael, you brought up the brick, you're gonna build that floor for you to build off of. If you're gonna teach compromise, you're gonna teach how to work with other people, you need to be willing to do the same thing.

SPEAKER_03:

Because the reality is you're starting those relationships now as they are kids. Yep. Yeah, 100%. In the same way, like you look at, and I know we made a joke of it earlier, but like y'all talked about the communication piece with Thomas. Like that's something he's been raised with.

SPEAKER_02:

He has.

SPEAKER_03:

So look at how that has helped how many years down the road.

SPEAKER_02:

Yeah.

SPEAKER_03:

So if you've got kids now, why not?

SPEAKER_02:

How old are you? Just kidding. I know, I'm just kidding. No.

SPEAKER_03:

So if if you have kids now, why not start developing what that relationship is gonna look like?

SPEAKER_02:

Teach what that's supposed to look like.

SPEAKER_03:

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02:

Yeah.

unknown:

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02:

There's so much to talk about with this.

SPEAKER_04:

Well, yeah. We're gonna wrap it up.

SPEAKER_02:

We will.

SPEAKER_04:

Because, you know, in-laws, we can only take so much of in-laws and then we gotta go home. So this is the part where we go home. This is the part where we go home.

SPEAKER_02:

We are home. This is our home. Thank you for listening to us.

SPEAKER_04:

Yes. And if you have suggestions or you have some thoughts and you have some ideas on in-laws, shoot us up on the socials. Uh baggageclaim.podcast on Instagram. I think it's just baggage claim on Facebook. Uh, you can send us a text on either uh if you're listening to Apple Podcasts or Spotify, you can just click that button, send a text. Send us a text. And just I know you just show up and talk on Tuesdays. I do. And so it's like send us a text, let us know. Just so you guys know, we cover uh things that you guys have let us know that you want us to talk about. We do try to cover so we don't we don't want to be discreet and throw your name out and go, oh, so-and-so said this. Um and if you want to send us an email. If you'd rather send us an email, it's info at unpacttogether.com. Again, info at unpacktogether.com. Send us an email that just says hey, here's what we're after. Uh here's what we're doing. I'm trying to get our website up, which is unpacktogether.com. I I'm trying. Uh but anyway, we'll get there.

SPEAKER_02:

So good.

SPEAKER_04:

So I know. I'm so proud of you. No, just a pretty face. So thank y'all for joining us. Uh please like. Uh if you like us, uh if you follow our channel, you'll get updates as stuff hits. And we're trying to get better. Um, you know, we're getting producer Michael to do his thing and producer Michael Jr. to do her thing. And so uh we're just trying to random. We're trying to get out there, we're trying to grow, we just want to help, and so we want to be involved. So whatever you need help with, let us know. Uh, love you guys, and thanks for joining us today. And uh, as always, go to the

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Greg & Jess

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