We Win Every Day When We Choose To See It. (50th live recording)

What if the real scoreboard in marriage and blended family life isn’t the promotion, the perfect trip, or the bigger house—but the quiet wins hiding in plain sight? For our 50th episode, we go live with friends, trace a personal history that came full circle, and share how redefining “winning” turned stress into momentum and gratitude.

We start by naming how culture sells constant achievement and how that pace can drain connection. Then we pivot to a practical framework that keeps us aligned in busy seasons: tracking daily wins across three lanes—personal, professional, and relational. A calm reply instead of a snap. Kids home safe and fed. A class with zero time-outs. Two glasses of water and a short workout. When you count these without a “yeah, but,” your brain learns to spot progress, and your home starts to feel lighter and more hopeful.

We also tackle a big friction point: money. One of us leans long-term and frugal, the other loves present-tense experiences. We walk through removing emotion from the math, agreeing on baselines, and setting visible milestones that trigger real celebrations. Joy doesn’t have to wait for “someday”—you can design low-cost fun now and still build toward bigger goals. Most of all, we share the pact that changed our mood swings: our bank balance doesn’t decide our happiness. That choice protects our relationship, keeps our goals shared, and makes wins easier to see.

If you’ve felt stuck on an endless ladder, this conversation offers a calmer way forward. Define your own win, train your attention to notice it, and let small steps compound into a life that feels aligned. If this resonates, subscribe, share with a friend who needs a lighter load, and leave a review telling us one win you’re claiming today.

Transcript

Live 50th And Warm-Up

SPEAKER_09 0:00

Hey guys, what's up? I'm Greg. I hope you guys are ready to unpack and get into some good conversations today.

SPEAKER_05 0:07

And I'm Jess, and this is our podcast, Baggage Claim. Thank you for joining us.

SPEAKER_09 0:16

What's up, Baggage Claim? How's everybody doing out there today? So, this is a different experience for us, but if you're new to Baggage Claim, I want to say welcome. Thank you for listening to us, downloading, uh, giving us a shot. Baggage Claim is a place where we want to help create conversations and community around marriage and blended families, relationships, all the good stuff in between. If you call Baggage Claim your home, you you know what the deal is. Just take a deep breath. Especially Jessica's extremely nervous right now. Yeah. Uh, because this is our 50th episode.

SPEAKER_07 0:51

Yes.

SPEAKER_09 0:51

Uh, and we are live, so we have about 25 of our awesome friends. You guys can clap. Yeah. Hanging out with us. So uh it's kind of really cool, and it is kind of weird and kind of fun too at the same time.

SPEAKER_01 1:05

I just feel like I'm gonna die. Like rather crawl under the table than be in front of people.

SPEAKER_09 1:10

So um, we always do this thing called question time, and sometimes it's kind of silly, sometimes it's kind of ridiculous. And this is our 50th episode, so we're just again, we're brand new at this. We've never done a live event. No, uh, we've never recorded in front of anybody other than Michael and Miranda.

SPEAKER_06 1:28

So sometimes Thomas is there, but yeah.

SPEAKER_09 1:30

Yeah, sometimes Thomas shows up because Miranda's there. Um but anyway, does uh do we have a fun question?

unknown 1:38

I didn't.

SPEAKER_09 1:40

Are we skipping question time when we're public? Okay, Michael says no.

SPEAKER_02 1:43

Okay, so well, first off, we have to do the obligatory question time.

SPEAKER_09 1:50

I can't do that in front of people.

SPEAKER_07 1:52

I can't do that. I can't do that.

SPEAKER_01 1:54

So Tatum, he would have been great at helping us put that.

SPEAKER_02 1:58

Well, does anybody have a really stupid like question? Stupid?

SPEAKER_09 2:03

Like, would you rather or do you have something you want to just talk about? Just something you want to rant on.

unknown 2:09

Well, I was asking Papa this earlier. Papa and grandma, uh, one gorilla versus ten men, who wins?

SPEAKER_06 2:15

Oh.

SPEAKER_09 2:15

Oh, I've I've seen that debate. Yep. Hang on, what was the question? Can you get the question?

Audience Icebreaker And Nerves

SPEAKER_06 2:19

One gorilla versus ten men, who wins? One gorilla versus ten men, who wins?

SPEAKER_09 2:25

Yeah, that's the girl. Which man?

SPEAKER_06 2:28

Wow.

SPEAKER_09 2:30

Able-bodied man. Interesting.

SPEAKER_04 2:33

Oh.

SPEAKER_09 2:34

Speaking of this is a side note, and I don't know if you guys are tuned into social media, but just tell me about this little monkey that didn't have a parent. And she told me this last night. Cried when we're hanging out at dinner. I've not seen it all. And because they're spying on it.

SPEAKER_06 2:56

And when he was itty bitty, and then they tried to introduce him to other this other little troop or whatever they're called, and all those other mamas just said no, thank you. Literally, there was a video of another mama literally hitting him. And then I'm gonna cry.

SPEAKER_09 3:13

Okay, so they gave this little baby monkey. Bless your heart, you're emotional red. They gave this monkey a stuffed animal, a little stuffed animal monkey, and it starts holding on to it. And now he drags it around with him still to this very day. It's really cool. It showed him all over my social media last night after you told me. I said it out loud. Yeah, and I was like, this is ridiculous. I can't, I couldn't watch it. It was ridiculous.

SPEAKER_01 3:35

I know.

SPEAKER_09 3:36

Yeah, I was like, I'm not watching a baby monkey be by himself with a stuffed animal. Not gonna be. I say it's gorilla, it's an easy, easy question. Yeah.

Gorilla Debate To Story Power

SPEAKER_02 3:44

Alright, so I got a question that I think is quite fitting for this moment. Okay. Um, for both of y'all, we are at 50 episodes. So, what has been the most meaningful, life-changing, impactful thing you've learned in doing this podcast?

SPEAKER_09 3:59

Whoa. I think honestly, I because we just recorded an episode with Drew and Amber Mulanax. If you haven't listened to that one, it came out Tuesday. Really good. Second part comes out this Tuesday. Phenomenal story. It just reminds me that every every one of us have a story. Um, and our story is incredibly impactful, whether you think it is or not. Um, because we look at our story and we're like, our story is just we're just normal people, just trying to do life, we're trying to figure it out. And so hearing their story and other couples that we've had on, um, even Rebecca, where she just started a nonprofit from nothing, um, an idea, and now it's taken off. Everybody has a cool story.

SPEAKER_10 4:40

Yeah.

SPEAKER_09 4:40

Uh, and we should share our stories more. That's that's probably the thing I've got most impactful out of it. And it's it's it's been more for Jess and I. Like, honestly, like for us to like the stuff we talk about, we're working through and we're fighting through and trying to figure out. When I say fighting, I don't mean like fight, I was discussing.

SPEAKER_06 5:00

We work really hard.

SPEAKER_09 5:01

Yes. Fighting's probably a wrong word. We don't we don't. We do have no get a cage match. Go ahead.

SPEAKER_06 5:10

That literally the same thing. Like everybody has a story.

SPEAKER_09 5:16

Such a cop out. I did all the work and you just said yes.

SPEAKER_06 5:19

That typically, yeah, you're you're the one that pulls the most weight. But um, everybody's story really does matter. Even if it's like, oh, we met in high school and we're happily ever after, and you don't experience like hardships. Okay, that's still a story. Or you're single and here's where you're at. Or you uh it it doesn't really matter where you are or what walk of life you're in or what you've experienced, like your story, who you are, matters.

SPEAKER_09 5:45

Right. And nobody's perfect.

SPEAKER_06 5:46

No.

SPEAKER_09 5:47

I think that's the thing in marriage when we talk about trying to be better at relationships or marriage, we we have this idea of being perfect, and that's just it's it's ridiculous. We put these crazy standards on ourselves when it's just like, hey, just show up and give it a good shot.

SPEAKER_06 6:01

Just try your best.

SPEAKER_09 6:02

Yeah, just give it a good old college try and see what happens. Um if we just do that, it it actually could could change a lot. So thank you, Michael. Good question.

SPEAKER_06 6:11

Yeah, so speaking of s story, but part of your story is this building that we're in.

SPEAKER_09 6:17

Uh yeah. I'm not even gonna talk about that.

SPEAKER_06 6:20

I think it's important though.

Personal History With The Venue

SPEAKER_09 6:22

So I I was packing everything up in the um in our studio, I think it was yesterday was yesterday. Yeah. And it just hit me. It's crazy. Um this place has so much history for me. If you turn around and look at that, that old, old chapel, uh, 32 years ago, that's where my faith journey started. Uh, was in that building. Uh and that this none of this was here at that time. It was just that little building. Um, and from that point, life changed for me um very dramatically. Uh I was actually on staff here for a while for about well, uh, eight years. Um, did everything from student ministry to college ministry. Um, this is also the place where my marriage tanked. Um not me. No, not you. Um but there's also too like it's it's crazy when I told Jessica's like I literally uh bear with me because when I started it sounds really bad. I was run off from the cops in the parking lot. Um because I didn't want to go home and banned.

SPEAKER_03 7:23

That's okay.

SPEAKER_09 7:25

I didn't know where to go, so I came here and I was sitting in this parking lot and I was mad at God, I was mad at life, I was just mad. Um, and I was like, I don't I don't know what to do, I don't know how to move forward, I don't know what's next. Um cop pulls up, is like, hey, you can't be here, and I was like, I got nowhere to go. And he's like, sorry, you just can't be here. So I'm and now look at now, um just not far from where I got run off. Um, how it all came back together and we're here.

SPEAKER_07 7:56

Yeah.

SPEAKER_09 7:57

Um I never, never saw that coming. So and I think that's the beautiful part of life. Like, if we just keep moving forward and giving it our best shot, things are gonna happen.

SPEAKER_04 8:07

Yeah, you never know.

Framing Today’s Topic: Wins

SPEAKER_09 8:08

Yeah, you never know. So yeah, I have a deep, deep history with this place. Uh, ran from it from a while, and now we're back here. And luckily they were they gave us the opportunity just to use their foyer to just hang out and chat. So, but yeah, that's that's most we're here.

SPEAKER_06 8:25

It is.

SPEAKER_09 8:26

So let's uh let's you want to jump into today's topic.

SPEAKER_06 8:29

Yeah, this was gonna say today's topic that we're talking about has a it could be a meaning with where you were talking from, where where I can talk about where my stories came from, or just in general, but life is hard. Yes, we all know that. Yeah, um, but when you when you try to make sure you have the right perspective, um there was a quote, it's a show. I don't know who's clean it as landman. Um, but he at the end of an episode, um, he said it was a tough day for that family, that and that business that day, but at the end of the episode, he was with his wife, and he looked to her and he said, We win every day. We just have to look for it.

SPEAKER_09 9:12

Yeah. And yeah, Jess, Jess, when she hit, she paused. We do this all the time on watching.

SPEAKER_06 9:19

Of course.

SPEAKER_09 9:20

So she paused and she's like, Did you like, did you hear that? Like, did you hear the statement?

SPEAKER_06 9:25

And I was like, You were playing candy crush, probably.

SPEAKER_09 9:27

I thought I was playing a game probably on my phone. Truth. All right, I'm not hiding from it. Um I'm trying to stop. I am trying to stop. Um, but I was like, yeah, uh, and I was like, no, I didn't, so rewind it and listen to it again. And she's like, that's so true, but we so miss it every time because we're not, I guess, programmed or not wired that way. Yeah, we're not told to look at wins all the time unless it's the big wins, like the new house, the new job, the new promotion, uh, all those things that we think are big things in life. We we never stop to look at the little wins. We kind of miss those. Um, so today's discussion, and it is today, which is also another weird thing. We've never recorded when the sun's out.

SPEAKER_07 10:10

No, we haven't.

Redefining Winning And Perspective

SPEAKER_09 10:11

Um, we want to ask you just to kind of change your perspective a little bit, just to think about it, just turn it around a little different, whatever it may be that life you're thinking about, and just look at it and say, I'm gonna look at it from a different angle. Yeah. If I can. So take my my week that I walked through, things that I had, things that went on, and um, how did that pan out for me? What were my wins?

SPEAKER_06 10:32

Because winning, the winning, quote unquote, can mean different things to different people.

SPEAKER_09 10:37

Yeah, yeah. And I think that's the first key is decide what does win look like. Like, what is and why do we want to win? Isn't it interesting? Like, for me, I'm uh huge at competition. It doesn't matter what, it could be the dumbest thing. Um, even as far as like we're we're drinking, I was like, I can finish my drink before you. Um, and it's turned into a competition. It doesn't matter what we're doing, yeah. You can turn it into a competition, and we want to win. Like, even if something is silly as like there's no value in winning for that, other than just bragging rights for me to say I've won that. Um, but there's so many things in our life that we just look at and go, why do I want to win?

SPEAKER_06 11:12

Well, like the world right now really kind of emphasizes that you have to have the fastest car, the biggest house, the most money, the the job that wins the most. It's just like the world around us really gets you there.

SPEAKER_09 11:27

Yeah. I would ask how many of you guys listen to podcasts, but you're all here listening to us record a podcast. So that's a really stupid statement I was about to say. Um because I I I love listening to and just watching some what sometimes I'll just turn them on in the house or if I'm doing something or just listen. Um, most podcasts, a lot of them are how to be better at this or how to be better at that or how to win at this and how to win at that. And sometimes it's just exhausting. You're just like, I can't, I can't do, I don't need five more things I need to do. I don't need something else. Um but then it's like, okay, but what is winning for you? Like what is winning for you?

SPEAKER_06 12:02

If you're listening to podcasts or looking at social media, it's like whose definition is it that you're looking for of what winning means? So you've got the world view and social media view, but when you figure out you have to figure out what your personal definition of That's a great question, Jess.

SPEAKER_09 12:18

Why don't you tell us your personal idea of what a win looks like?

SPEAKER_06 12:22

That's just mean. Do you not? No, I mean, I if you've listened to the podcast or if you know me personally, my definition of winning. I mean, I knew I was gonna be emotional today.

SPEAKER_03 12:39

I'm sorry. Did we all make it through the day together? Did everybody make it home safely? Is everybody healthy? I mean, my definition of winning is really simple. It was like, did we all make it through the day together?

SPEAKER_10 12:57

Yeah.

SPEAKER_06 12:58

Um, but that's just from that's my personal view. That's my personal experience, feeds into that. Not everybody has my personal experience.

SPEAKER_09 13:05

But well, I think it's the idea of those small wins we talked about. Like right now, I mean, if we not to be the the the downer of the group, but right now there's probably people that we know, lots of people that we know who are struggling with health issues. Yeah. Some people struggling with cancer, some people who couldn't even get out of bed today, um, who weren't able to make it, who who would love to be sitting here listening to us cutting up and playing, but we all show up and we're like, oh yeah, we're here, it's no big deal. But it's like, yeah, that's a win. Um, we just miss them so many times because again, we're not programmed to see those.

SPEAKER_10 13:37

Yeah.

SPEAKER_09 13:37

So I am horrible at this. This is Jess is way better at this than me, and she has to pull me back in because I see a win as a stepping stone to something else.

SPEAKER_06 13:46

Yeah. Um, how you don't pause to celebrate a victory.

SPEAKER_09 13:51

I don't.

SPEAKER_06 13:52

But also you set really unreasonable expectations for yourself.

Contentment Versus Constant Pushing

SPEAKER_09 13:55

Thank you. But you know that about yourself. But you know that. I do know that. Um, like having this, doing this is was a big deal for me because I'm like, oh, it's 50. Okay, cool. I'm like, no, no, no, we're gonna make a big deal about it. Like, we're gonna, we're gonna celebrate it, we're gonna have fun, we're gonna enjoy it. Uh, for me, I'm like, okay, that's cool. Because I had this just ridiculous idea in my head of like, okay, we just need to be to like, can we get to like I remember when I was so frustrated, when it popped up on my thing, I had this thing on my phone that says, hey, someone internationally downloaded your uh podcast. And I was like, who in the world? And I think it was in like the Netherlands or something, something really uh weird or crazy. And I was like, what? And now it's like, okay, now I gotta get to 20. Yeah, okay, now I gotta get to 25. And I'm like, bro, I can't, I can't be, I can't you can't live life that way all the time. And so Jess helps grab me by the collar and pull me back down.

SPEAKER_06 14:48

Because meanwhile, I'm still like flabbergasted that anybody listens to us, much less people in the parts of the world that don't even know who we are. Or cities in America that don't know who we even are. And you're like, we need another country. I'm you know, here's another goal I've set for myself. And I'm like, dude, no, people listen to us.

SPEAKER_09 15:07

But what's crazy is our fourth most listened to city is uh Singapore. So um, yeah, it's right there. You have Gainesville, you have Atlanta, Fiery Branch, Singapore. And it's like, what? Yeah. It's like, I don't okay. Oh no. Yeah, uh, so but the the thing is, is like figuring out what your win looks like for me. And I'm in the process of trying to figure out for me on a daily basis what does a win look like for me that's that's normal, that's not always pushing. Because my myself in my life is to push, push, push more and more and more. And you're like, no, what more's not the answer all the time. And so, and I'm I'm getting that. So for me, the fact we're here doing this, celebrating it, saying we made it to 50 is a win. Um, and it's been a fun, fun one. Yeah.

SPEAKER_06 15:57

So but I think winning, like, what does it look like to you is truly about perspective, but then also what does contentment feel like too? Like content to some people might feel like you're being complacent. Like, I'm I'm good where I'm at, I have to strive for more, more or less, I don't care. But also content can really truly mean like I'm truly happy with what I have right now. That's a win for me.

SPEAKER_10 16:22

Yeah.

SPEAKER_09 16:23

Yeah. I mean, your wins, I mean, as crazy as it sounds, your win could have been, hey, we had enough money to buy groceries this week. Uh that was a time in our life where that was a huge win. Like we sat in the car and celebrated that we just bought groceries.

unknown 16:36

Woo!

Celebrating 50 And Expectations

SPEAKER_09 16:37

You know, it's as crazy as it is, that's that's a that's a win. Yeah. Um and then sometimes it's like, man, our kids are when we just talk about our kids sometimes, and we're like, those are wins. Um, you know, they they still don't have a poster up throwing darts at us. They may, we don't know about it. We just don't know. Um, but we feel like that's a win because they still actually talk to us. Um, so it's trying to figure out. So as a as a couple, I would say one of those things um is figure out what a win looks like for you guys and for you personally, and then as you as a couple, yeah. Uh, because our wins look different for us together than they do um kind of separate sometimes. But yeah, I'm a I'm a driver, um, and I want to push, push, push. Um, and we got to a point too where I was frustrated just because I'm like, you don't even want to do this baggage claim thing. And I'm sick of doing it all by myself, so we're not doing it anymore. Um and that was a thing to do.

SPEAKER_01 17:26

It's a very mature fit you threw that day, too.

SPEAKER_09 17:29

Thank you. Thank you for just throwing me in front of our friends under the bus that came out.

SPEAKER_06 17:32

No, and but we have to figure out, we had to figure out too how each other thinks and processes and what what you're win for I'm touching my book, like everybody knows. Like this is this is my little baggage claim book where I've written every episode down. And in the beginning I needed like a lot of notes, and now it's it's getting a little bit better, but like the notes to me or like what I thought my part was. I was like, no, I am. I I feel like we are winning, we're moving toward the same goal of doing this, but then you and still you do a lot more behind the scenes stuff, and it just feels like we're not working toward the same goal, so we weren't winning at the same time, basically.

SPEAKER_07 18:13

Yes.

SPEAKER_06 18:14

So, but like professional goals too, too. Like what my professional goal, like if I get home uh after teaching first grade all day, I'm like, nobody had time out at recess today. So I'm like, woo, it's a great day. But you're chasing like really large goals in your your professional career that it just it just feels really different. Yeah, but we have to make sure we keep the perspective of there's still a win.

SPEAKER_09 18:39

And the problem is too, as a couple, if you are in that place, it's it's easy to find yourself chasing different things and not chasing them together. Yeah. And so sometimes you can find yourself what starts as a small, like, okay, we can't find that common place. Next thing you know, you're on two completely different pages and you're doing completely different things, and I have no idea what she does, and she has no idea what I do, and that's just not a that's not a great place for anybody. So um here's the thing I know though. Like why why do we I okay? Sorry, let me retract that. This is something I don't know. Um why is it we desire to win? Anybody wanna in a crowd? Anybody want to know why why do you want to win?

SPEAKER_10 19:23

Boost of confidence.

SPEAKER_09 19:25

Yeah, absolutely. Yeah.

SPEAKER_06 19:29

Human instinct. Yeah, don't want to lose. Yeah.

Small Wins In Daily Family Life

SPEAKER_09 19:32

Yeah. It's kind of crazy though, if you go back to the um, if you go back to the Bible in the beginning in Genesis, um I mean you only had four people on the earth, and one person killed another person. When you have Cain killed Abel, he killed off a third of the population. Um which is kind of crazy to think about. But you see, like even in that there was competition in I want to win, I want to be the best, I want to be that. So it's that thing that's ingrained in us sometimes. Sometimes we'll we'll do whatever we have to do to win, to get that win. So it is interesting that it's in us. So how do we suggest with that being who we are, that's in us. We want to win. You your win is we made it through life. We made it through a day. Um, which is I feel like it's a pretty low bar.

SPEAKER_06 20:18

Um but I win as I win every day, meet the bar. Like I win every day. I get to do another one.

SPEAKER_09 20:24

You have to have something more. Like, what's what's what's one more about that?

SPEAKER_06 20:28

I mean, I'm not trying to be like, oh, here's my halo, but like literally just that all of us made it through a day intact and we're fed, we're healthy, and everybody's okay. That literally is is a daily win for me. I don't I I maybe I need to set my goals higher. I don't know. But like I'm I'm just happy with that. Like Denise has her hand up.

SPEAKER_00 20:56

Yeah, you are that everybody I think all of them reveal that everybody, that we all make it in the day, so like we want to go conquer things, like we want to take things over.

SPEAKER_09 21:18

We wanna like just that's who we are. It's just it's ridiculous, but we love adventure and we want to conquer things. Yeah, I think Jess is like, let's just hug, and I'm like, no. After we get done doing this.

SPEAKER_06 21:29

No, but like, literally, like the biggest win uh probably of a whole year is because our kids don't all live at home or in this area of to have everybody and their spouses and their grandbaby all in one place at one time, sitting around a table having a meal, like that is like the biggest win of my life. And I don't think of that year. Yeah.

SPEAKER_09 21:51

I was trying to say, come on, you married me.

SPEAKER_06 21:54

Okay, yeah. You're so great. No, but like that. That for some folks that might be a little win. Like, yeah, I got everybody together. But I'm like, no, for me, just because the way our family's put together and then the the you know, we've got some really brave kids that do lots of things and are not home all the time, or is that huge to me.

SPEAKER_09 22:17

Yeah, they tend to scatter and do their own thing, which is a good thing. It's what we want them to do. But it just makes the getting everybody back under one roof kind of like wrangling cats.

SPEAKER_06 22:26

But like Denise was just saying, like for me as the mama hen, I have everybody back in my nest and everybody's healthy, everybody's here, that's that's huge, that's a win for me.

Aligning Individual And Couple Wins

SPEAKER_09 22:37

Yeah. I think the the overall idea, and it's it's a simple idea. Because if we just said, like if I told you, hey, look for the wins today, and you're just like, okay, yeah, that's catch cheesy. Um, but I guarantee you, if you start to do this in your in your personal life and in your marriage, it gains momentum. Uh and it's something that builds on something else. I I promise you this, you will find what you're looking for. Um, whatever you're looking for, you're gonna find it. If it's if it's anger, if it's frustration, if it's happiness, uh, if it's joy, whatever you're looking for, whatever you're searching for, uh, you're gonna find it. You gotta work to find it. I guarantee you, it's not going to fall on your front doorstep. Um, you're not just gonna wake up one day in your relationship and your marriage be like, oh my gosh, this is perfect now. This is what I've been after. Um, it gets there from a lot of work and a lot of just seeking after and finding the small wins and just taking those wins and letting them compound and the small things, like just chasing them down. And I that for me, I I love, and you're you know, so that's where we we differ sometimes, but it's a good thing.

SPEAKER_06 23:47

So have we uh arrived at the unpacking already?

SPEAKER_09 23:51

What we have, Michael on time, producer Michael. Sweet, whoa, plenty of time for questions, and we do have questions. Oh my god. Um, I hope some of them are for you. I really do.

SPEAKER_04 24:01

Oh my god.

SPEAKER_09 24:02

Anyway, um, so uh unpack session, you want to unpack us?

SPEAKER_04 24:06

Yeah. So um is that a spider? That is a spider.

SPEAKER_09 24:10

It's a jumping, whoa, it's a jumping spider.

SPEAKER_06 24:12

Um, so if you haven't listened to us before, um after we talk about our subject for this podcast and we arrive at the unpack portion because baggage claim you unpack your baggage.

SPEAKER_09 24:24

So well, unpack is kind of like sorry, I did not mean to interrupt you because I told you to do this part. Go ahead.

SPEAKER_06 24:30

No, have at it.

SPEAKER_09 24:32

Okay, so um I have a tool bag that, and and I know you guys who do handyman work, you have a bag that has a lot of your tools that you use all the time. Like I have a bag that I throw in my truck that you know there's a look such a tools that you use a lot to fix things, you're like, okay, I'm pretty much sure what I'm gonna need is in this bag. And then I have a shop that's full of sometimes tools you may use once, twice, three times. This is a tool that you're going to use every day. Like this is an everyday this is your hammer, your screwdriver, and your tool bag. Um, the the cool thing about a tool though is it doesn't work unless you use it. Um, you can have all the tools you want to make your relationship better, and if you're not using them, uh don't expect them to work. Uh so this is one of those tools that you have to actually use, and that's what Unpack is to give you some tools and on toolbox.

SPEAKER_06 25:22

And I say this a lot, we both say this a lot. Just because we say, hey, here's some things you can do, doesn't mean we're perfect at them. As I mean, we we use a lot of our own tools that we talk about in these things. And a lot of it is through trial and error or experience of what has worked. And then sometimes it's also the like we wish we would have thought about this a different way. Yes. Um, so here we go.

SPEAKER_09 25:47

So for I will not interrupt.

SPEAKER_06 25:50

I don't believe you. Um so um one thing that we do try to do is talk about, especially if it's a tough time um or a tough season, we we try to talk about a daily win because small wins, when you add them up, it it usually leads to a big win. So a small win is like, okay, what worked today? What what was a good thing today? And that could be personally, what worked personally for me today? How did I make it through the day with a positive attitude? Or what how did I how did I make it? Or it could be a professional, what was a win today, like I said a minute ago. I teach first grade. So if nobody had time out today at recess, like that's a wonderful day, you know, professionally for me.

Why We Crave Winning

SPEAKER_09 26:36

Um I think one too, like um, one of the ones we use is a relational. Like what was a what was a relational win you had? Um, maybe you talked to somebody you hadn't talked to in a while, maybe you uh something happened, maybe I don't know, someone that you work with, something went on, there was um it was a good win. There was just even if it's just small, like, hey, so-and-so actually spoke to me today. Like they actually said hello to me. So um, I mean, that could be just those small wins.

SPEAKER_06 27:03

Yeah, and a lot of times when you start talking about wins, whichever category they fall in, you're gonna probably stumble across an unnoticed win that you didn't really think about at that moment. It was like, oh yeah, and this happened. This was a good another good thing that happened today.

SPEAKER_09 27:17

Yeah, yeah. So it's something uh and as crazy as it sounds, have these three little simple things, whether you do it uh once a day, once a week, because I know some of if you have kids, sometimes it's like, bro, if I'm getting five minutes, it's like we're brushing our teeth in the bathroom or we're about to lay down and go to sleep. Um so sometimes it's like I got I got one. Here's my win. There's no time to talk about it. Here's my win for today. Yeah. Uh then there's gonna be other times where you have more. So I would say just figure out what that rhythm looks like for you. Um, because there's different seasons. Uh you're gonna be in a season of craziness and then you're gonna be a season of lull. Uh uh, and then it'll go back to crazy. It just's the way life works.

SPEAKER_06 27:54

And the thing about winds is that like I said a minute ago, they could be big or small. Um, but also don't minimize little winds because little winds are still big.

SPEAKER_08 28:05

Yes.

SPEAKER_06 28:05

I mean, it could even be like I drank two glasses of water today, and that is actually a huge win for me. For you it is in general.

SPEAKER_09 28:13

Yeah, it's like one I ate today, and I drink water. Yeah. So I feel like I have one at life. Yeah. Um we started this thing where we're going back to the gym, and I've I've realized I'm much better at it when Jess is around. Because if she's just like, I can't go to the gym today, sometimes I'm like, I'm not it. I ain't gonna go either. Uh and so for me, it's just like just show up, man. Just go do it.

SPEAKER_06 28:35

And and too, when when you're talking about a win, it can't be, well, this worked, but we still need to this, or but this wasn't all the way perfect because a win is a win.

Practicing Gratitude For Little Wins

SPEAKER_09 28:47

Yeah, don't this is one of those where when you the other person is telling you the win, don't don't give a and then statement. Uh yeah, but statement, uh, just leave those alone. Just let them say something. It doesn't have to be judged, it doesn't have to be done, anything. Just yeah, say what you want to say and just move on. No judgment.

SPEAKER_06 29:05

Yeah, and I I personally have worked on this a lot through personal experience, but when you concentrate on the good things or you concentrate on the wins, it trains your brain to see them more often. And while you see those things more often, it trains your brain to see progress that you're making in different areas in those unnoticed categories. When they become noticeable, it trains your brain to look at things a different way.

SPEAKER_09 29:28

It's that it's that simple thing, the thing I said, you'll find what you're looking for. It's like a car. Like when you go to buy a new car and you're like, oh man, I really like this car. I haven't seen a whole lot of these. And as soon as you see that and you start looking at cars, they're everywhere. Uh, you see them all the time. You're just like, oh my gosh, I never knew there were this many. The same thing is true in life. Uh, the same thing for this is when when you start looking for that and you find those, you're gonna see them everywhere, all over the place.

SPEAKER_06 29:55

And training your brain to feel this way, it builds gratitude for things that that you wouldn't have had gratitude before, but that gratitude becomes genuine and is it you don't pretend life is perfect while you're looking for that gratitude.

SPEAKER_09 30:13

That's don't chase perfection. No, just that's it's one of those goals that's just crazy. Just don't don't don't be there.

SPEAKER_07 30:20

Yeah.

SPEAKER_09 30:21

So anything else to add?

SPEAKER_07 30:23

I don't think so.

SPEAKER_09 30:24

Anything we didn't talk about? We needed Michael wants to Michael's got his hand up. Go ahead, producer Michael.

SPEAKER_02 30:28

Yeah, so no, one question I have when listening to this and talking about wins and loving this concept, but if you and your spouse are sitting down trying to develop what a mutual win for your family is, and those opinions are drastically different, how do you work that together to be able to find a mutual win? Because you mentioned earlier, yes, we have individual, obviously, Jess is different from Greg, but how do you develop that commonality win?

Unpack: Daily Win Tool

SPEAKER_09 30:54

Okay. I I have a question to your question. So it's um because it's a great question, actually. Um, I would I would want to know more of the scenario, like how different are they uh in the sense of and are they in the same idea? Because most of them are either um wins, they they're emotional wins or they're like relation, like rational wins. So there's actually like when I say that, like, hey, a win for us is we didn't, I didn't scream at you today. Uh or I didn't, yeah, I didn't throw anything at you today.

SPEAKER_06 31:26

Like that's not real, that's not real life. You're just no no no we're not having no, it's not whoa.

SPEAKER_09 31:31

Sorry, we're not. I don't know, I'm just using examples. Okay. So it's like trying to figure out what those look like. Are they in the same, are they in the same ball field and why they're not? Because when you take those, you just keep going back, asking questions to get bound to the root, the root cause. Because everything has a root, like anger, frustration leads from something else. It probably doesn't lead from this conversation, it's led from something else that's been built on and built on and built on. So the question would be like, give me an example of two that are completely opposite. Anyone got one they want to share? Did you think are two completely opposite wins?

SPEAKER_06 32:39

Short term versus long term kind of.

SPEAKER_09 32:53

Okay.

SPEAKER_02 32:54

Actually, great, great analogy. Take that, Jess. Can you all repeat that question just to make sure it's picked up? Yeah, repeat it and I'll answer it.

SPEAKER_04 33:03

Oh my god.

SPEAKER_02 33:05

Do you want to do both?

SPEAKER_09 33:05

You want me to do all of them?

SPEAKER_06 33:06

Yes. Yeah. What happens if the if your opinions are differing? Um and Marlar was using the example of like a financial goal. What if somebody is more long-term focused about saving money for a long-term goal, but then the other one is more short, short-term like um instant gratification, like trips and stuff and things. What what happens? How do you how do you win at that?

unknown 33:33

Thank you.

SPEAKER_09 33:34

This is a great question. Thank you for asking, because we have this discussion.

SPEAKER_01 33:37

We do, yes. Um long term, long term, short term.

SPEAKER_09 33:42

Yes, creates incredible friction.

SPEAKER_01 33:45

Yeah.

Personal, Professional, Relational Wins

SPEAKER_09 33:45

Um money, money is one of those things you can allow. If you attach emotion to money, it can destroy uh relationships. If you attach uh that number to an actual item and just say, okay, um, let's take the emotion, let's take all those things out of that, um, and let's focus on just the numbers and the basics of what they are. Um, this is all we have to do. If we want to get here, uh we have to save. Like there's no way we can just spend, we can't spend our way into where we want to be for safety. So if you start looking at the here's our bills, here's what comes in, here's what we have left over. This is all we have. So what we like to do is say, okay, well, let's get creative and say, okay, let's set that aside. And how do we do something that's um really budget-minded, but actually we get to create time together that's just fun. And it may not be the perfect trip. We may not be flying somewhere or taking a cruise somewhere, but maybe we take a road trip and we go in overnight or we go camping or we go to something that's completely different. Because again, when you save, that's a season. Uh, there's gonna come a time to where that's not a frustration anymore, and you have the access and you're like, our bills are paid, we have some extra. Now let's go. The problem is, like me, I don't ever want to stop to celebrate the win. So you have to set those mile markers and saying, if we save, when we reach this point, we're gonna celebrate and take a trip. Or we're gonna celebrate and go do something really fun. If you don't, you'd be like me, and I'm constantly pushing the wagon. I was like, how many times are you gonna stop at Loretta's on the way to work? Like, because it pops up on my phone every time, 695. 695. And we have so many Loretta ducks in our Jeep right now, uh, because they give her a duck every time. It's like evidence. I only have I only have three. But it's one of those, so you have to navigate that almost in a sense of just communicate, communicate, and talk it through. Uh, because money is one of those things that will destroy if you don't if you let it. Um, but uh we we decided one time a while back, we said we're not gonna let money depict whether we're happy or not. Uh if there's a hundred dollars in our bank account, we're gonna be happy. If there's ten thousand dollars in there, we're gonna be happy. We're not gonna allow our bank account to dictate whether we're gonna be happy or not, because if so, we're gonna be doing this our entire our entire marriage, and that's just completely unhealthy.

SPEAKER_06 36:06

Yeah, life's too short to do that.

SPEAKER_09 36:08

Yeah.

SPEAKER_06 36:08

So uh producer Michael just held up our our minute.

SPEAKER_09 36:12

Short 35.

SPEAKER_06 36:13

We are.

Train Your Brain To See Progress

SPEAKER_09 36:14

So we're gonna uh what we're gonna do for all of you who aren't here um and you had things to do. I'm sorry, but this is where the podcast ends. So thank you for downloading it and listening to it. Um for all of those here, we're gonna do some question-answer time uh so we get to answer questions and have some have some fun together and celebrate. Um, but as we wrap up and as we're finishing, there's a couple of things. Um again, we're we're we're figuring this out as we go. Um we just talked about budget. This is one of those budget things for us. Baggage claim has been so fun because we've tried to figure out how to do it with absolutely no money. None. Um, and we're just like, let's just figure out the best way we can. And we've begged, borrowed, and still we've borrowed mics uh just so we could report a podcast. And then somehow we got mics, and then we sold those and we got better mics, and then it's just like, but we're still trying to scrap all that to say. Uh, if you enjoy what you hear, you got something out of it. Uh, like, subscribe, share, please put it out there. Um, we have a Patreon account that we just started, so you can join up on Patreon. If you don't know what that is, go to our website, unpacktogether.com. You can see all what a Patreon account is. You get some of the behind-the-scenes other stuff extra. Just we'll do live events online. You can see those. Um, and then we have merch. If you want to buy stuff, baggage claim stuff, that helps us keep buying microphones and lights and cameras and all the fun stuff that we want to keep doing and producing and have more. So, those are some ways to support us. Um, don't feel like you have to. Uh, you can just keep listening to the podcast and keep sharing it. But thank you guys for listening uh on our 50th live episode. Uh, anything else to share? Sweet. Everybody wants to say bye.

SPEAKER_08 38:05

Go dogs.

SPEAKER_01 38:06

Yeah, go dogs.