Baggage Claim
Baggage Claim is a space for blended families, marriage, and friendship.
Here, we dive into real-life conversations about the ups and downs of relationships, from navigating second marriages to unpacking the baggage we all bring. Hosted by Greg and Jessica, who both have rich experiences with love, loss, and family, this community is about sharing stories, learning together, and growing stronger as couples and individuals. Grab a drink and join us as we unpack, laugh, and claim our baggage—one conversation at a time
Baggage Claim
Blended Families And In-Law Baggage
Use Left/Right to seek, Home/End to jump to start or end. Hold shift to jump forward or backward.
One awkward moment at a kid’s birthday party can expose years of unspoken tension. We’ve lived it: a family member warmly reconnects with the ex while the current spouse gets ignored in the same breath. If you’re building a blended family, you already know these moments don’t stay small. They shape how kids feel, how spouses feel, and whether the new marriage feels protected or constantly tested.
We talk honestly about the part people rarely name: in-laws and grandparents have emotions about your divorce and remarriage too. They may be grieving the loss of the old family rhythm, holding loyalty binds, or reacting from their own past pain and trauma. Michael shares how his parents took his divorce hard, and how easy it is to slip into “main character syndrome” when you’re just trying to survive. We also get real about timelines, because closeness in stepfamily and extended family relationships often takes years, not weeks.
From there, we dig into practical blended family communication: proactive conversations before the holidays hit, reactive conversations after the awkward moment, and the difference between a heart that hasn’t changed yet and behavior that still must be respectful. We cover how to present a united front, why each spouse should address their own family, and what boundaries can look like when you’ve tried everything and nothing improves.
If you’re navigating stepfamily dynamics, co-parenting stress, or in-law conflict, hit play and pull up a chair. Subscribe, share this with someone who needs it, and leave a review or comment with the hardest in-law moment you’re trying to figure out.
Welcome To Baggage Claim
gregHey guys, what's up? I'm Greg. I hope you guys are ready to unpack and get into some good conversations today.
SPEAKER_01And I'm Jess, and this is our podcast, Baggage Claim. Thank you for joining us.
gregWhat's up, Baggage Claim? How's everybody doing out there today? So thank you so much for joining us, taking the time to um just a minute out or two minutes, or maybe even 30 minutes out of your day to listen to. Hopefully, more than two minutes. You may get through the intro. Baggage Claim is a place where we have some conversations and hopefully create some community around blended family relationships and all the good stuff in between. Man, Jess and I are just a normal couple living a somewhat normal life, going through real crap.
MichaelYeah.
gregAnd so we decided let's why not let's turn the microphones on, talk into them, and maybe you could get something out of it, or you could just laugh at us and go, thank God we're not like them. So if you go baggage claim your home, you know the deal. Grab your favorite drink, whatever it is, no matter how the day's been, take a deep breath. Pull up to the table and let's get into some good conversations today. So you are staring at me like a deer in the headlight while I'm talking. Like, is my shirt? Do I have my my shirts on? So I don't have to.
jessI'm just watching you.
gregOh, okay.
jessJust like watching you be a person, honey.
gregNo, it's so gross. So in Georgia, teachers actually had to go back and start earning their paycheck and get out of the pool. And they are dragging this week. So give it up for those teachers. Poor pour one out for the teachers this week. You know, they're back to they're back in the classroom earning their paychecks. My dog. So uh Jess is gonna be a little, you know, dragging tonight. So we just gotta, you know, lift her up, keep her excited. So let's go. I'm in. You just can't stare at me the whole night. All right. It's not gonna work. Like you gotta interact here. Say words.
Thought Of The Day Roundtable
jessOkay, so it's at a question time. Today we're gonna share a thought for the day. Sweet. It could be any any thought.
gregThat's dangerous. Was it Saturday Night Live where they used to have Jack Handy thoughts of the day or thoughts thought of the night? That's probably what that just dated myself really back. I don't think that was on Saturday night live when they're not.
jessIt was it was hilarious.
gregWay, way back. That's back when like JV Chase was on it or something. That was a long time ago. Way back in the day, yes.
jessYeah, I'm old. Okay.
gregThought of the day.
jessThought of the day.
gregSo everybody has to participate. So hey, get off your phone, Miranda. Are you looking up? Are you looking up on the phone?
SPEAKER_05Are you you just did you you better not chat GPZ, you better not be AI that oh my gosh.
jessOkay, Michael.
MichaelHey hi, what were my thoughts for the day? So my thoughts for today, uh, first off, today has been a crazy long day. Um but because of a couple circumstances, my thought for the day is never do twice or three times what you could only do once. Uh so don't never do twice.
jessThat's a puzzle in my mind right now.
MichaelSo if you can do a job once and then be done with it and then move on, do that because it gets frustrating when you do the same job.
jessBasically, just do it right twice.
MichaelTwo or three different times.
gregDo it right, do it twice. Is that it?
jessJust do it right the first time. Yes, agreed.
gregAgreed with that. That's good solid advice. Good sound. Just do it once. Yeah, just do it once. Yeah, yeah.
unknownRight.
MichaelGolly, yeah.
gregReally good self-control. Because I was about to say something really inappropriate.
jessOh god, I'm proud of you. Okay, you're good.
gregGreat job, Greg.
SPEAKER_05No, I'm not. I gotta get this thought out of my head. So where else is it gotta go? Yeah, don't ask Greg what his thought is. No, don't.
jessSo I'll share. No, you just talked about it, but teachers are tired for the first like four weeks of school, including pre-planning, which is what I'm in right now. So just be patient and be kind to the teachers in your life because we're trying. We really are. It's hard. Be kind to teachers.
gregMiranda, do you have a did you did AI give you a thought for the day?
The August Is Fall Debate
SPEAKER_00Oh my god. My thought of the day. August is fall. August is fall?
jessContra for that.
gregI don't know. August is fall, but it's just a little too high. We used to.
jessWe don't anymore. We go in the state.
gregAugust is like pre-fall. Like it's it's leading up. It's still in between summer and fall.
jessSeptember.
gregNo. So September is fall.
jessNo. It's still under 50 degrees in September. No, it's not. In August is because of where we live. I know.
gregYeah. Well, it's because we have season.
jessAugust is still summer and September is pre-fall, and October is fall.
unknownNo.
gregNo.
jessWhere we live.
MichaelNo. September is fall.
jessNo.
MichaelSeptember and October are fall. I feel like there's still a turning point in August, though.
unknownAutumn.
gregIf it is, it's way, way at the end. I mean, if you're waiting for all the leaves to be orange and red.
jessIs it the part of the joy of fall is that there are the colors of the trees?
gregNo, but because that all depends on drought, water.
MichaelI mean up in Florida, you don't even see color in the trees other than green.
jessSo technical, Greg.
gregMy thought for the day is if I have a net and I tear a hole in it, I have less holes in my net. That is accurate. So there we go. That's my thought. That's very intriguing to me. It is. I take a net, I tear a hole in it, and then I have less holes in the net. There you go. Just think on that.
jessJust think on that.
gregWhile you're riding in your car. So blended families, just to jump right in.
jessThey're weird.
gregThey're all weird. And they come in all different shapes, sizes, forms. I mean, you name it. And sometimes it is very, very serious. And so, and it's very deep and it's very emotional and it's very hard. So sometimes we like to laugh, sometimes we like to joke on here because sometimes that's all you can do is just laugh and just kind of because it's it's hurts and sometimes it just doesn't pan out the way you want it to. And I'm not gonna say sometimes anymore because I said it just sometimes, like 30 times right there. But we want to talk about something that we we haven't we've addressed, but we haven't addressed it in this
Why In-Laws Carry Feelings
gregway.
SPEAKER_00Yeah.
gregDo you want to do you want to try to nor have we gone into depth? Yeah, that's true. Because we've wanted to go more in depth on the we talk on topics sometimes, but we're like just scratching surface levels. Yeah, just a little bit. Like, and so we want to try to dig into those things. If if you're out there and you're listening, you can send a text from uh from your podcast. If you're on Spotify, Apple Podcasts, I know you can send a text, uh, just text one thing you would want us to talk about that we haven't addressed or go deeper into. We would love to address those and we will um as we move forward. But what are we talking about that we are doing?
jessToday we're gonna talk about something that, like you said, we really haven't touched on much. Um, because I think it's something that people don't think about very often. Um the fact that the in-laws have emotions about your your situation as well.
MichaelYes. Well, they're people too.
gregYeah, other people we talked about navigating in-laws and how to how to navigate those situations, but we haven't really dug into that to think about them as their own beings, their own I mean, here's the reality we all have baggage. I don't care who you are, I don't care how old you are, you're in life, you have baggage. Some baggage is bigger, some is heavier. Um, a lot of times that baggage is never unpacked or dealt with. And so it just kind of sits. And so grandparents or in-laws or those people bring that into that with them.
jessSo it's a lot of and into your new relationship.
gregRight.
jessYeah.
gregAnd so sometimes we forget to look at in-laws that sense of like they're processing grief the same way uh we're like we've processed grief and divorce, they're processing the grief of a loss. Of a loss of what it may be. And I think this is this is where it gets hard because some people like I was I was in the family for 14 years. So I had great relationships with uh those people in those in her family.
MichaelYes.
gregAnd so when I left, I don't know, I don't know that they processed grief for me not being there. Um, but for me, it's like when something happened in their family to um someone there, like when her mom passed away or her dad passed away, I was like, I went to the funeral because You had a relationship with them. Yes, I loved them. I had a relationship with them for 14 years and I cared about them and I wanted to honor them. But it's also too, if you don't have a good relationship, sometimes it makes it really weird for everybody else involved in that. And so we want to talk about that a little bit, kind of pull the veil back. Uh how do we address those things? Can we address those things? Are they are the things that we can do in that?
jessI mean, I would I think I would venture to say this very uncomfortable to talk about because it's hard to think about well, why would you not just want to support me in my new my new life? Yeah, but my new choice.
gregEverybody gets their feelings hurt, go right oh, you talk, I saw I saw you talk to him or her when they were there, and you know, how do you think that makes me feel? Blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. And we immediately go to ourselves. We gotta do that.
jessWhat about me rather than well, let me think about it in a different different way. Like, well, there was a a relationship before me.
gregYeah. Because what do we always do? What does every family, every friend, what does everybody do in a divorce? Big sides. They pick a side. And they they feel like they have to bicker side, and then they burn the bridges and burn the boats. And it's like, oh, I always hated him, you know, or I always hated her. And it's like, whoa, slow down. Like, you guys are best friends at Thanksgiving last year. I know it wasn't that long ago that y'all were hanging out and talking. What happened? And so the we just that's a natural thing that happens. I want to challenge you not to do that. Like, even as comfortable, as easy as it is to do, and that's I think that's the reason we do it because we want to show support for that other person. Allegiance or be like, oh, I, you know, I care about you, so I have to hate them.
jessYeah.
gregWe don't have to. Yeah, it doesn't work that way. This is what unprocessed baggage looks like when it comes out. Like, we don't know how to handle that, we don't know how to talk about it. And then we're not okay with our emotions. So that's why we get our feelings hurt when it's like, hey, maybe he or she, maybe they weren't that bad. Maybe you guys just weren't great together.
MichaelYeah.
gregUm, and so having that conversation is is really, really hard. And it and it it it's hard to even start because when I say that out loud, people are like, bro, I'm not having that conversation. You know, it's like but it's one that has to be had.
jessIt's important to remember too that your in-laws or their in-laws, they're just people too. You like we look at our parents like you're on my team and your parents are on your team, and why would my parents not sometimes. Sometimes like it's hard to remember that they're people too, and they have their own experiences as well.
gregYeah. Yeah, because they they're bringing hurt, pain, trauma, and we don't know what happened in we don't maybe in their past it makes them react to the situation um that that just happened to you. You know, and so uh we we'd make assumptions, we say things probably shouldn't, and then just yeah, it's just tough. It is tough. So and then I mean you're you're because when you you meet this, I mean when you go through that, there's grief everywhere. Like it's just you're dropping bombs in in everybody's lives, and then you're just like, okay, everybody's
The Damage From Picking Sides
gregall right, and then let's all be a team now, yeah. Yeah, yeah. So you're just like, what? Yeah, and so give them time, give them space, have the conversations, even though you don't want to have the conversations. You know, it's like Michael, we were talking about uh when you're going through your divorce. I don't know if you want to share this or not.
MichaelYeah, no, I was actually just about to, I was waiting for a guy to say something. No, well, and it also you never know what your in-laws or your own parents have walked through themselves. Right. You walking through hurt may have triggered something that happened to them 25 years ago. Yeah. Yep. And one in your own brain, you don't even think of that because you weren't even in their lives 25 years ago, you know. But the the things we walk through affects everyone differently. And I feel like so many of us have, because I I say this, I know I have myself many times. We have a um like main character syndrome where we are the main character of our stories and nobody else really gets a second a second thought.
gregYeah, yeah.
MichaelThat's true. But the reality is they have just as much going on in their lives and their mind and their emotions and their feelings and their friendships as I do. And so trying to navigate all that together can very easily become a heck of a show. Yeah. You know what I mean? Yeah. But uh one thing that happened when I was walking through divorce was uh my parents took it really hard that I was going through divorce. Uh and I'm gonna be honest, and and I was going through so many emotions, and and I even in my own uh uh I don't know what you want to call it, looking back shame, I guess. Like I was calloused to what they were going through as I was going through it as well. Yeah. Uh, because I remember like there were times that I I specifically couldn't go spend time with my parents because I was like, I when I hang out with them, it puts me 10 steps behind overcoming this, like trying to move on with my life, trying to pick up and and get things going again. Um, but that was hard to navigate. That was in reality, they're just concerned about you, yeah.
gregAnd they want to make sure you're okay. But then they're also like they're processing it with yeah, like they're trying to process that with you, like but in their own way for people. Yeah, well, because you and I, yeah, when you were going through your divorce, you and I talked almost daily. Yeah, yes, like every day we were talking probably more than once daily, right? Yeah. Well, you look at them and it's like, well, we haven't talked about this at all in a week. So we need to, you know, it's almost like we don't think of those things when we go through them. We're just like, no, I'm dealing with it. Just leave me alone. I don't want to talk about it.
MichaelBut it just goes to show again how we can, in my own experience and what I've done, like it's so easy to be the main character and that's all you're thinking about. You know, now we can do that in good ways and bad ways, good ways and like the not good ways and it's good to do, but like, you know, life is great, you're doing all you want to do, you just go out, you're the main character, you're just doing your thing without any regard for other anyone else, close or not, family or not. But then, like in my case, I was I was burdened. I was hurt because I didn't want divorce. That's not what I was working through. And it took me long enough just to acknowledge the fact that it was over and I was okay, now what the hell do I do? Right. Right. And so that's yeah, that's what I was working through at the same time that my parents were. And uh at the time, I will say it was very hard for me to see that in my parents' perspective. Yeah.
jessWell, I think it's important to remember while you're walking through it too, that they didn't choose this path that you're on now.
gregWho's that?
jessThe parent your parents, the in-laws didn't choose your new path with you.
gregYeah. Right. Well, the reason we're talking about this too is because I mean there's complexities and we're gonna get to this. But the reason we're talking about this is because this has so many layers. Like blended families have layers. And I mean, lots and lots and lots of layers. Like that blooming onion you go get it outbag. Like there's layers to that thing.
MichaelCakes have layers. Thank you.
gregSheet cakes don't.
MichaelDepends on how many you bake.
gregStop it. Stop with my analogy, just heart of construction. Everybody likes puff. I'm about to punch you in the mouth.
jessI think your blooming onion is a better analogy, Greg. You know what? Forget the food. Forget the food.
gregBut like we we think about marriage sometimes when we're and we go through this divorce, we're just like, oh God, I'm gonna get remarried. It's gonna be beautiful. They're going to, the in-laws are gonna accept everybody. It's everybody's just gonna jump right in. They're gonna when you have kids involved too. This is another layer of complexity added to that whole process of like, hey, you have your kids, you got married, they have kids, or you have kids together. Hey, there's a new, there's a new person floating around here, or a few more new people floating around here. And am I calling them grandkids? Are they kidding? Like, who are these kids? Are they like, and so there's there's layers to this, and it's complex and to act like there's not and just think that oh man, this is gonna be perfect. They're gonna fall in love and love them just like I love them, and everything's gonna be great without having any thoughts or processes or talking about all of this baggage, it's just kind of asinine. It's kind of crazy to think, but it happens every single day. Like it's just crazy to think. And so we want to talk about this process and how this works because loyalty binds a lot of things together, and it's really and there's I mean, when I say
A Birthday Party Loyalty Collision
gregloyalty, it's it's deep, it's emotional, and it's hard. Um do you want to share the birthday experience? You can okay, I'll share it for you. Okay, because I will, I will share it. Okay. So this was um but then you have to talk about the case.
MichaelI will share my reaction to it.
gregSo um I worked really hard to to try to have a relationship with my ex because my kids were small, so we do parties together if we can. As they're small, we do all those things. So it's like, hey, get all of our families still together. Yeah, let them hang out. They've been together for 14 years. Let's continue to get them together.
jessUh and it made the kids incredibly happy too.
gregYeah, to do birthdays instead of saying, hey, you do a birthday, I do a birthday. Um, we're gonna figure, you know, was it uncomfortable sometimes? Yes, a thousand percent. But I was like, I'm I'm bigger than this, I can get over my uncomfortable crap and have birthday parties together. Um, and so we did. One time, uh, one of my people on my side of the family, I'm not gonna use names, went up and uh Jess and my ex were standing beside each other, and the other person in the family proceeded to tell my ex how much they missed them, how much they loved seeing them there, blah, blah, blah, going on and on, and then never said a word to you.
jessExcept for made direct eye contact with me and then walked away.
gregYeah.
jessSo that was incredibly hurtful.
gregActions speak louder than words. That's that's one phrase. Um, and so you can say one thing, but then when you do something, what you really do, that's usually what really matters. So navigating that for me, because I'm like, okay, that was my family member that just basically gave you the middle finger while staring you in the face to the other person, I get they have loyalty to her, which is okay. Yes. But at the same time, it's okay to acknowledge that and then acknowledge the the my my current wife that's sitting in front of you also. Uh, but then tonight, now could it have been, oh, I didn't mean to, I didn't know that. I mean, we could all say those and we could all make excuses in hindsight's 2020.
MichaelRight.
gregBut the emotional baggage that created, the emotional was was crazy.
MichaelYeah.
gregYou know, and it's like kid kids are smarter though too, because they can read into that. They see that, they see why. Hey, why didn't nobody talk to her? Why does nobody talk to me? And like, how does that, you know, how does how does that look? Because it's you have this picture that you want everybody just to be like one big happy family.
jessWe're all together, everybody loves each other.
gregYeah, we've always been together.
jessYeah.
gregUm, sometimes that happens, and then sometimes it just doesn't. Um, because your kids didn't choose us either, and they're just showing up going, Hey, I just want to be loved, and I want to be a part of this family. Apparently, I'm a part of this family now because I'm here. Uh, people, yeah, I'm gonna treat you like family because kids usually have less barriers, less stipulations or less things that they put on it. Adults don't. No, and so we treat them differently sometimes, and that just makes it really f freaking difficult.
MichaelYeah.
gregSo to navigate that. And so trying to unpack that and tell Jess, we're like, well, you know.
jessMaybe this, maybe that.
gregYeah, but then I'm like, in my heart, I'm just like that was rude. Yeah, it's just that's horrible. Like, why would you do that? But um, at the same time, I'm trying to support her, um, but trying to stay united with us as we had that conversation together. So um the idea is to remember you you're you're in the relationship, we're in that one, you're not, you're now in the new one with the blended family. You two made that choice, right? Nobody else really did. Like, I hope you involved your kids in the choice and let them be a part of the decision of bringing your families together. I hope that's something you've done. If not, do that. Yes. Allow your kids to be like in the help of the decision making or bringing your two families into one. I think that's very, very important. Um because it that united front kind of filters out to everything else that you do. That's kind of the foundation of where that goes from. Would you agree, disagree?
jessI would definitely agree.
MichaelWell, there's a sorry. No, you're fine.
jessGo ahead.
MichaelNo, I was I was looking at something while y'all were talking about this. Um, it is our natural default to distance in circumstances like that. Um, because whenever you have blended families coming together, there's a a study done um that talks about thriving in step step family relationships. And so many times there is this unwritten, expected closeness that people feel like they should have, especially when talking about extended families and things like that. When you realize, like me and my extended family, like we've had years, decades. Well, I'm old enough to say decades. You are um decades of time building inside jokes, memories, all these things. Well, and then when someone from outside comes in, we almost feel this societal necessary closeness that we have to have with this person immediately. And that can easily backfire because it's it says here so many times it takes organically building two to five years to be able to work through actually building a closeness. So, in this concept of talking and just simply realizing everybody has their own struggles, everyone has their own baggage, whether it's a either just doesn't fit as a relationship in a sense of extended family, because there's extended family I have that sometimes it just doesn't fit as a relationship. You know, it's great for Thanksgiving, but outside of that, that's kind of where it sticks. But also just realize not everything's gonna be a perfect happily ever after it's a perfect right away. I mean, we talked about they didn't choose this. Yeah, it's something sometimes people do kind of get found in versus they
Proactive Talks Before It Hurts
Michaeldidn't choose your spouse.
jessRight.
gregYeah. So keep that in mind. Kind of that idea they'll work through together. Anything else to add to that?
jessI don't think so.
gregYeah, let's jump into proactive versus reactive conversations.
jessYeah, we're kind of unpacking as we go.
gregYeah, so like, yeah, there will be some at the end of unpack, there's not really like usual. Yeah, yeah. It's a little different.
jessYeah. So one thing I think a lot of people forget um when you're entering a new relationship or you're introducing someone new to your own family is to actually have conversations in the beginning, a proactive conversation of here's this person. I'm going to bring them into the family, and I would like for you to treat them this way.
gregYeah. Things like, and I know not all families do this, but we did. We're we said, hey, we're not gonna choose to use the word step. Like we're not gonna use choose, we're not gonna do stepfamily, stepkids, stepdads. Uh you don't have to call me dad. You can call me Greg, or you can call uh Jess, Jesse, Jess, whatever, Jessica. Uh she doesn't like that because she feels like she's in trouble. But it's my first thing. You can use their name, but we're not going to we're not gonna you don't have to say brother or sister, but we'll use names if not, use what you're comfortable with. But we're not gonna use step because we're not step means separation. Away, yeah. Yeah, I know separation. There's there's no separation here. We've decided to, we the the Bible says we we are united in one. Well, we're one family, we're all in this together. And so no matter what, you guys we're one. Yeah. So that's how we're gonna treat it. And so having those conversations with the people around you in your life makes that easier because they they probably don't know that you've had those conversations.
jessThey don't know what to think, and they were like you just start bringing this person around and you expect your family to treat them as if they've always been there. Well, did you have a conversation about it?
gregYeah. Well, it's crazy because we would be out somewhere, um, and I I I forget what it was. And one of the it was me and Thomas, and uh they were like, Hey, is this your stepdad? And he's like, No, this is my dad. And I was like, Oh, yeah, this is my this is my boy, this is Thomas. And so I was like, We're not, and the guy's like, Oh, okay. And he's looking at me really weird, kind of odd, and I was like, What do you like? Yeah, he's Jess is like Jess gave birth to him, but we're married, so now he's mine. And he's like, Oh, I was like, we just don't use step, seems kind of ridiculous. And he's like, Okay, cool, I get that. And so, you know, just having that with him, and he's just like, Yeah, it makes more sense. Like when I started having the conversation with him, yeah. And um, because we were we were all friends, but just because some people don't know what to say. Like, I don't know what to call, and not everybody does that though.
jessYeah, and that's not us pretending there's not a past. Oh, no, it's just addressing who we became as a family, who we chose to be.
gregYes. And that's that's we had to be careful because people feel like, no, if I call you this or that, I'm ignoring the other years of the life that you have before.
jessEbracing, yeah.
gregI'm like, no, it's not, it's not the same as choosing sites. That's this is not it at all. This is just embracing where we're at, and and we've had conversations about that.
MichaelYeah.
gregSo you can there's podcasts you can listen to on that. So um have the conversations before because what happens is when your feelings get hurt, things go wrong, someone says something like, Hey, this is for biological kids only, not our biological grandchildren. Yeah, not just all the grandchildren.
jessRight. Um stuff gets weird.
gregYeah, everybody notices and it gets weird really quick. Yeah. Um, so just have the conversations before.
MichaelYeah.
gregSo and that goes kind of into we we say name it before it happens. Uh uh, you want to unpack that a little bit, that idea? Do you have an idea behind name it before it happens?
jessI think we just talked about it, didn't we? Oh, did we?
gregYou don't have anything else? Okay. I mean, talk about it before it happens.
jessYeah, to have a proactive conversation.
gregYou know what? I'm gonna have my drink.
jessI feel like that's what we just did.
gregYep. Moving on. Moving on. Can you kick off the next one? I'm just gonna sit here and have my drink. You tell me what you want.
SPEAKER_01Michael, you wanna kick this one off?
MichaelYeah, I'll kick it. So uh it is impraith.
Reactive Conversations After Awkward Moments
MichaelWe are a disaster today. No, reactive conversations are now different, obviously, in a sense of proactive versus reactive, not reacting in a sense of emotions taking over or anything like that. But being able to have conversations post-awkward moments is crucial. Many times we don't do it because they can be awkward.
gregThey're extremely awkward.
MichaelThey always they are, they are very awkward. Yeah. Um, because it might not be a fun conversation, because it's not easy. Um, but many, like many times we've said here before, like anything worth having is gonna be hard to work for. Yep. Um so taking this uh emotion versus acceptance, you know, if you come across the circumstances where someone isn't accepting of your family, whether it be your your children or your new spouse in a second marriage or something like that, uh, the biggest concept here is your behavior can change. Chances are your heart is gonna take longer to change. But just because your heart hasn't changed doesn't mean your behavior can't.
jessRight.
MichaelSo if someone is treating your wife poorly, then defend her. Take up for her. Right. You know, and and we'll talk more about this a little bit later. But be able to have that conversation and say, look, you may not like her, that's okay, but she's still my wife.
jessRight. And you you may not support this new marriage I'm in, but you're you you're gonna act like it when we're all together. You can be cordial, you can be respectful, you can be kind, and and to the children that are involved.
MichaelWell, you don't even have to act like you like it. You just like you said, just be cordial, just be kind.
gregWell, the Bible tells us what the the two become one. Yeah. Like when you're married, the the covenant you take, the two become one. So it's like, hey, if you have a problem with her, your problem's with me. Like, and if it's behavioral, like, well, I don't like the way they do this or they do that, and I'll be like, okay, well, that's me too. Like, cause we're in this together. Like, it's just kind of a package deal. Like, if you have something you want to address with her, then you go address it with her.
MichaelYeah.
gregAnd and have that conversation, like in a good, healthy way. We don't have it's something we have not, and we're we say we're gonna have this, we're gonna do a series on crucial conversations and help people learn how to have hard, crucial conversations. Because we just don't. We just avoid them, and so therefore, yeah, we allow the stuff to go on. We think if you have an issue with the way someone's acting, then address it with them. Don't talk about them behind their back and say, I don't like the way because you I get I get the idea. Say you've been married for 10 years to someone else. They had a relationship with them, they they knew the rhythms, they knew how things worked. That's gone, that went away. They're you're now remarried to someone else, and that's completely different. So their rhythms, everything else is how they communicate, how they interact with you. All those things are different. You may think you're reaching out, they may think they're reaching out, no one's really connecting, no one's happening. And it's like there's so many things that can happen here that sometimes just and don't expect to be best friends because it could take a while for you just to connect.
jessAnd that's a hard conversation to have too. Like, what is it that I can do to contribute more? Or, you know, how can I participate more in such and such? And I mean, honestly, they the one you're having the conversation with still may not be very receptive to you, but it you you at least you can say you tried.
MichaelYeah, well, and you want to have peace in having a con having a relationship that doesn't work out, do what you do what you can do, which is extend your arm, extend welcome, extend uh peace amongst you. Yeah, and if they choose to not match that, then you can walk away with your head up high saying, Yeah, at least I did what I knew I could do. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's true.
jessAnd in those hard conversations you mentioned earlier, like the Bible says that two become one, um, I think it's important to remember to present a united front.
SPEAKER_05Yep.
jessUm, what if my conversation I was just talking about didn't work, then what happens?
gregYeah, I'm like I'm going to, if something in my if it's my family or my family related, I'm gonna have the conversation with them. Like I'm gonna go to them and say, hey, this happened and this was really weird. This didn't make sense to me. We help help me understand this. Like, help me understand how we got here, like got to this point. Now do we move past it? Because most of the time it's assumptions uh and they're really bad ones. And but people make those and they come draw their conclusions. It's like that could be further from the truth. Let's just talk about it. So it's all say have the conversations with your family.
jessWith your own family.
gregYeah, don't don't have someone else make that's just a that's a recipe for discussion.
jessBecause if things are already rocky and you try to go address it with an in-law that it's already rocky with, I mean, most times it's not gonna work out very well.
gregDon't yeah, don't don't show up for a fight, though. Show up with understanding to go, yes, let's try to find some common ground here. Let's try to find a place we can work through this. I'm not coming to put my stake in the ground and say I'm right and you're wrong. You you need to apologize, but hey, let's figure out what if we can and to move forward. And sometimes that just takes a while. So it's just not that quick.
MichaelSo, what do you do if you do all the right things? You have those conversations, the hard conversations,
When Nothing Changes And It Stings
Michaelyou have the united front, and it's just not not happening.
gregYou there's a hard part, and this is a reality of blended family. And I would tell if I'm doing premarital with a blended family, I'm like, tell me what you think this is gonna be. Tell me your dream scenario for the and when they do, I'm gonna be like, all right, take that and throw it away because that's trash, and it's not gonna happen that way. Um, there's a fantasy of in the blended family that it's all just gonna come together, everybody loves each other.
jessAnd live happily about ever after.
gregStart with getting rid of that and move, move from that point. Man, when when kids get older, they start to notice differences more, they start to understand like hidden, I won't say hidden agendas, but hidden hidden words. They read actions.
MichaelWell, they understand a lot more about life.
gregYes. And so it then you're managing emotional baggage that is being created.
jessWhile managing your own, and then you most of us will try to pick up and help the children manage their I mean new baggage whenever they pick up on these things as they grow up and see that, oh wait a minute, that that's different.
gregMy real answer, because we're just a real couple walking through it life, I don't know.
jessYeah, I don't know.
gregThat's a that's a really, really hard one. You can have the conversations, and we've had those conversations, and then things don't change, and then they keep happening, and it's really hard. You want to draw you almost want to draw boundaries of separation just to protect your kids and protect yourselves. But then that becomes even harder too, because then you're just it's just there's no easy answer for that.
jessLike you said in the beginning, we're a real couple with real issues and talking about real things that we go through. These are things that we actually have gone through.
gregYeah, baggage claim is not like every you can start with episode one of baggage claim and listen all the way up to 70, something we've done. Those are all real life scenario things we've walked through in a blended family that no one told us anything about, that no one helped us walk through. We well, I mean, we were we tried to read some books, we tried to do some what we thought was best. Uh but these are all real life scenarios for us. So it's not anything made up. This is this is our our baby that we're just trying to put out there to help someone else. So being very vulnerable and open to try to say, hey, if you got an idea or solution, bro, send away.
jessLike give us a golden ticket. Yeah.
gregInfo at unpack together.com.
jessYeah.
gregLike, yeah, like bring it, bring it on. We'd love to have it. Um, so but that's a man, what a heavy topic. It is.
MichaelUm, well, to address that is as you were talking, because that's something that I I'd I mean, just simply going through divorce and conversations were with my ex-wife. First off, it's incredibly hard to find peace in circumstances like that. Very much so. Um but one, and I told you this, Greg, walking, walking through divorce. Because I was like, one, I was like, uh there's pain, I'm gonna grow from it. But two, I'm gonna do everything I can to fight for my marriage because I never
Fight For Health And Closing CTA
Michaelwant to look back on this and regret not having done that. Um, but I think that that same thing goes for any other relationships. You know, set your pride aside, because that's very hard to do if you need accountability. But if you can truly do everything in your power to fight for health, to fight for peace, to fight for a good relationship, that's the only thing I found peace in.
gregWell, I had a conversation with a good friend of mine going through some issues, struggling. Breaks my heart, because marriage is marriage is hard. I don't care where you're at, I don't care how old you are, it's just tough. Um and I my advice was is if you don't address these issues now that you're dealing with, you're fighting through, and you don't resolve them and get on wrestle them to the ground, the next relationship you're in, this exact same thing's gonna happen. Like this this is you can't run from this. Um, and that's that's the sad part about blended families, though, is like we don't address this issue, we don't address all these other the baggage that we're bringing in. And therefore that's why 70% of second marriages fail. It's because it's it's just hard. There's a lot to it, and there's a lot more layers to it, there's a lot more complexity, and so there's a lot more to fight through and figure out, and so and we're still trying to figure it out, yeah, and we're still fighting through it, you know. Um, so woohoo! Yay, yeah. I don't know how to say all I can say is that uh it's worth the fight, it's worth the fight. So keep fighting, keep digging, keep pushing, um, trying to make it happen. And that's that's probably my best thought of the day. It's better than my net thought. Um, but just keep fighting for your marriage because it's worth it. So anything to add?
jessI don't think so.
gregGo to inf go to go to our what's our website? I'll just forgot. Unpacktogether.com. Kyle, I just forgot. UnpackTogether.com. Go to the webpage. There's a free inventory you can take there. Click that, take it. It doesn't cost you a thing. Figure out where you're at. If you're needing some help or you need some guidance, reach out to us. We're about to launch some new products, some new things we're working on. Uh, we're about to really jump into doing some video or really go into our video archive um and try to make it better. So, but anyway, thank you for our follow. Bless you. Thank you for listening to us. Uh, please like, subscribe, and if you get really, really crazy or have too much to drink, leave a comment. Uh, you know, if you just feel crazy enough and just see what happens. But thank you guys so much. This is a uh it truly is a dream for us that you guys are listening and and hopefully you're getting something out of it. So anything else? Just staring at me, everybody shaking their head. Well, I guess that's all that we can say is uh go dogs.
MichaelGo ahead and weeks.
